Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye

by Marcos, J. A.

  Matt took me to the roller coaster. He said we were going to have one more experience together.

  - I can’t bring the blindfold, so I have swimming goggles, but with black display. - He told me as he put his glasses, now sitting in the cart. - Just like you, stay in the anxiety of not knowing when the curves come, or when it will go down suddenly.

  We sat in the second pair of chairs, and as soon as the cart started I realized that Mat was very scared. It was easy to see he was shaking with fear of heights. I was never really afraid of those things, but he was clearly nervous. Now I would have to calm him.

  He screamed at every turn, and when the cart was going up I could feel his breath even faster, unable to imagine when the cart would come down at once. He screamed so loud that I was afraid that he’d blow his vocal chords. I never noticed him so scared.

  I believe that the most tense moments happened when the curves were upside down, mainly sequential. When we thought we were over, the cart got even more speed and dropped us upside down.

  Finally the cart stopped and he asked if he could take off the glasses.

  - I didn’t know you were such a chicken. - I said, laughing at him shamelessly.

  - I’m terrified of heights. I came here to try to impress you, but I think the effect was the opposite. - He said embarrassed.

  - You already impress me every day, Matt.

  When we left the car Mat realized that his phone had vibrated while still in his pocket.

  - I need to go to the bathroom Ems. Do you wait for me?

  - Of course. Where would I go without you? - I replied laughing.

  Mat left me at a burger place that was inside the park and went to the bathroom. He asked for an acerola juice so I wouldn’t dehydrate. Actually that day was very hot, and he followed to my mother’s recommendation letter; making sure I was well fed.

  Not long after, he returned. He had a different air, like a kid who just made something wrong. It was not necessary for me to see his face to know, just by the way he talked, the way of breathing, and the emotion that he showed with every word, I felt that something was happening.

  - Did something happen? - I asked.

  - Yes, it happened. - He said, surprising me with the answer. I expected him to lie, after all, that's what boys do when they're hiding something. Or rather, that's what most boys do, but I would have to imagine that Matt was not like most boys, he is unique. He’s special.

  - So, are you going to tell me? - I asked excitedly.

  - No. Not now. - He laughed. I should have made a silly face with his answer.

  Mat and that ability of making me feel like an idiot. But not any idiot, an idiot in love. I liked his way of acting, surprisingly, being honest. He was not the type to lie. He was the type who would rather say that he won’t tell something. This is annoying, knowing that someone’s hiding something from you, but on the other hand, it is good to know that that person never deceived you, or had the need to lie. Also, I had no reason to annoy myself, if I analyze it closer, he said "Not now", meaning that at some moment he will end up telling me.

  As every woman who can’t control her curiosity I spent the rest of the afternoon insisting and hinting in a way or another for him to tell me what it was.

  - Be patient - he said pushing an ice cream in my mouth - at the right time you will know.

  That afternoon was quite different. Fun. We went to all possible attractions. Besides discovering the fear that Mat had of height, I also realized that he was the kind who has fear when is in the ghost train. In this park where we were the little train of terror, as it is called, had a long track. On the way I felt a few things falling over us, evil laughter, strong winds, and a smell of smoke very annoying.

  My hand was pretty sore because Matt squeezed so much. I could clearly see the gusts of air that he gave when got scared even trying that I didn’t realize that he was scared to death.

  - So grown-up and afraid of a little ghost train. - I said laughing, mocking him shamelessly. - If I were you I would be ashamed of it. - And I continued laughing.

  - If you could see what's in there too, you would be in the same situation as me.

  It was after 20h when we returned to the inn. We were really tired. I went to take a bath to relax and finally sleep. Those days with Mat were being very good. Unceremoniously I started to undress in the bedroom, sitting on the bed, as I headed for the bathroom.

  - Tomorrow we’ll leave very early. - Mat shouted, while I was in the shower, enjoying that warm water falling on my hair.

  - Ok - I said, almost choking on the water. - Where are we going?

  He didn’t answer. And if there's one thing I hate is when someone takes time to answer me something. This is one of my major flaws, if someone has the interest to know. I'm Impatient. I hate to wait. Whatever it is, wait for a request, for a response, for attention. I hate to be left waiting.

  - Didn’t you hear me? - I shouted again, this time with a more angry voice. - Where are we going?

  - If I tell you, it’ll be no longer a surprise. - He answered me, but this time he was not far away. He was not in the room, lying. He was next to me, talking in my ear.

  My eyes closed just to feel his breath in my ear talking. I turned toward him, putting my arms around his neck and giving a soft and tender kiss.

  - Can I take a shower with you? - He asked, as if I would give any negative response. It was impossible to resist his presence, extremely sexy.

  - You're already taking. - I said pulling him into the shower and kissing him with all possible passion.

  CHAPTER 20

  It was about 9 a.m. when Matt woke me up. I was still dreaming about the excitement last night. Every moment beside him made me be even surer that I had found my one true love, and many times, I saw myself in a way that at other times I would never say that would be possible.

  The breakfast was already in bed waiting for me. The same healthy things as always. He insisted on being healthy, what was most surprising because Mat is the kind of person you can imagine with a completely sedentary profile, stuffing himself with fatty foods and soft drinks. Although I have to surrender to his body that based on what the tips of my fingers have told me, is perfect. I hate to contradict myself in my own comments. This is one more effect he has on me.

  I ate the yogurt and tasted a piece of toast with cheese of a strange taste that I can’t identify what would be. I had never eaten this type of cheese, it should be something very regional. Meanwhile Mat humming a song in the bathroom, taking a shower while I devoured that appetizing breakfast.

  This is another interesting thing about Matt. Several times since we started to be more intimate, I heard him humming something or other, distracted, but he does not accept to sing in front of anyone, not even me. Every time I had seen him singing and he realized, he decided to change to some other subject, disguise it somehow. Worst of all is that his voice is really beautiful, and I wish I could hear him perfectly, singing any song, from start to finish.

  I noticed that he left the bathroom as the smell of his body approached. That smell was impossible not to recognize.

  - Have you eaten anything? - He asked shortly after giving me a kiss on the forehead.

  - Don’t tell me you're wrapped in a towel? - I asked with a very sexy voice. - Please don’t tell me.

  - Then I won’t. - He replied laughing. - Now finish eating because we have an appointment, we can’t be late.

  - Be late? Do we have a doctor appointment and I don’t know?

  - Do you know that you ask too much? - He was sitting next to me wiping his hair, his hair silky and wonderful.

  - All right, sir. I will not ask anything else.

  We also took a quick shower while he ate something in bed. I was quick not to slow him down, whatever he was up to. One of the cool things about Matt is that, one day is never like the next. He always has something different, a new surprise. The dose of adrenaline never leaves your body, because every day he com
es up with something different.

  Anyway, we left.

  He drove for about half an hour, I'm not with an unstable sense of time.

  - We’ve arrived. - He said stopping the car and taking a pull of air that made me realize that it was also important to him. It was a different breath, as one who had a mission ahead and is about to accomplish it.

  - Now may I know where we are?

  - Relax. - He talked getting out of the car and turning around to come to open my door.

  I could do it by myself as well. Open the car door and getting out is not one of my favorites limitations, but Matt insisted on a certain touch of chivalry in his actions, and it made him feel good I would not say otherwise, but, for me, I had no problem, if I'd had a problem with it I would say because I am one of those that believes that if you need to do something you don’t like to please your mate then this relationship must be something wrong in it.

  The sensations that I had of the place, the noises of the few cars passing by and the smell of green in the air, I could describe that street with no problem. It should be like mine, but with a difference, we took the distance out of the car and cross the street that should be an avenue.

  - We’ve arrived. - He said, opening a door for me to enter.

  - Arrived where?

  - Good morning! - Said a third person, which to me seemed a ghost that so suddenly appeared in front of me - I'm Isaac, Mathew’s friend.

  - Morning Isaac! - I said, offering my hand to greet him. - May I ask what is this place? Mathew is doing a lot of mystery.

  - You have not told her Mathew? - He asked with the voice of who had been caught by surprise. - What a bad boy you are. - And he laughed.

  - No Isaac, I didn’t. I wanted to surprise her.

  - I know. Surprise. I think you were afraid that she would not accept. - Isaac gave a long laugh and left me with absolutely nothing to understand.

  I was confused. I don’t lie. I was not only confused, I was starting to get irritated. One of the worst things about being blind is not the fact of not seeing, but the fact of these endless surprises, carrying you, carrying you and in many cases your other senses can’t help in figuring out what it is.

  - You're in a studio Emily. - Matt answered – It’s nothing extremely professional, but it is a studio that works with really good stuff.

  - Studio? I don’t understand. Studio of what?

  - A music studio, Emily. - Isaac answered. - Famous people look for record labels. Those who are not famous come to studios like this. It is a simple place, but it has the same intention that a major record label. We want to awaken the best within each one, and Mathew came to us saying he wanted to surprise that girl he loves. We found the story interesting and decided to help.

  - Help? How?

  - Come with me. - Isaac answered.

  Mat took my hand and we went down a long corridor. As I passed my hand on the wall was realizing that there were other doors in that corridor, until we arrived at one of these doors and walked in.

  - Well, Emily - Isaac said in my direction - I know you like to sing, and what Mathew told us is that you have a very beautiful voice. We want to discover your voice, with no greater intention, I swear. Just to see how you do.

  - No – I replied scared, wanting to rush out of there - I can’t sing. I don’t like to sing. I don’t want to sing.

  Whenever someone spoke to me about singing the only thing that came to my head was the childhood trauma. That dreadful presentation, with everyone laughing at me and I gave up at once my life of blind star.

  I didn’t want to sing and nothing would make me change my mind. Mat could not have done this to me, he knew very well how I felt about this matter, and would not be a kiss on the neck or that magnificent beard passing on my face that would melt me and I returned back.

  - Remember the song I gave you? That piece of paper? - He told me, with a calm voice, quiet.

  - I remember - I said - but...

  - Relax - he said, interrupting me in the middle of my sentence - I'll be here with you. I'll break one of my barriers with you. I will play my guitar and just want you to follow me. If you don’t want to sing, you don’t have to Ems, you are not obligated. But don’t leave me alone with this. Please.

  - I won’t sing, Matt. I can’t. I can’t.

  - Okay, so just listen to what I'm going to play for you. Safe. - He said putting a paper on my hands. The same paper he had given me last time. - If you feel like, you join me then.

  Isaac came to me and put a huge phone on my ears.

  - Don’t worry. You are here alone. There's nobody but you. Listen to what Mathew is playing, and if you feel comfortable you know what to do.

  Isaac went out and I really felt like in another world. Only the silence around me. No sounds, no noises, no voices, not even a breath. Nothing, simply nothing. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. My heart was racing at the thought of someone seeing me, although I trust in what Isaac had said. So far I had not heard the voice of anyone but him or Matt in there.

  Soon I began to hear the sound of his guitar. I wanted to know enough about musical notes to be able to explain what the tone was or note that he was using. I remembered nothing of the lessons he had given me, in fact, I cared more about feeling his hands on my hands and the smell of his body next to mine than paying much attention on the music, styles and stuff.

  The melody was beautiful, calm, peaceful and soothing. It had a touch of simplicity and love. I ran my fingers through the paper, trying to understand at what point I should create the courage and begin to sing the lyrics of that tune so soft.

  - Don’t worry - spoke a voice inside my head - there's no one here. It's just you and yourself.

  I closed my eyes and let myself go through that tune so perfect. It sounded like it was touched by an angel. Or rather, it was played by an angel. At that moment I should have the courage, it was my turn to participate, and running my fingers through the paper I followed the melody.

  For a long time I lived without finding

  Any real reason to live

  I took a path, without knowing where it led.

  I ventured myself without thinking, just took the risk.

  I know that these clouds have reason to pass

  That up in heaven a new star will shine

  And like me, you'll realize.

  I’m a star looking for you

  For you

  I had begun to sing, but something made me freeze. A scream caught in my throat and I didn’t know whether or not to continue singing. On the other hand there was a desire in me that wanted to go to the end. The lyrics were beautiful and had been done for me, by him. But then there was this psychological barrier that prevented me from going forward, which would not let me continue with the last parts of the song. I just cried, listening to the sound of the guitar that made it so magical. I slid my fingers through the paper, realizing each part that I hadn’t continued to sing, and the last words had a different meaning, causing my tears to roll even more. They had an emotion, a translation. It was like a subliminal message that left it clear that I would always have Mat in my life. He was saying in there that he would never abandon me, let me sad or alone.

  Mat would never leave me, and that was explicit in that lyric.

  - Mathew is a poet. This lyric is beautiful, and the end of it is my favorite part. - Isaac said, giving me a tissue.

  - Yes, Mat is very special.

  - At some moment you’ll be able to do it. I know you will. - He said after embracing me and show me the way out of the room.

  Outside, in the hallway, Mat was already waiting for me. He gave me a hug and a tender kiss on the forehead.

  - Your voice is more than beautiful, it's magnificent.

  I was a little ashamed of his comment. Not that I was the shy type, but that issue was something that made me a little embarrassed.

  He thanked Isaac. They talked something about a comeback next month. I couldn’t quite
understand what it was, but certainly would not have anything to do with me, because even though Isaac is a lovely person I was not prepared to go back and try to sing again.

  I was still with my face wet from tears, a mixture of excitement, shame and sadness, but at the same time, I had such a joy that I couldn’t keep inside of me. How could I be sad and happy at the same time? The sadness was for the weakness of not being able to overcome my limits, and the joy was to know how much Matt loved me, knowing that I could trust and know that he would always do the possible and the impossible for me.

  CHAPTER 21

  Since everything that is good last for a few time, I could say that my week not only was short, but it lasted long enough for me to never forget the importance of each one of those moments that I spent with Matt.

  When we're having fun, days go by fast, and after we left the studio of Isaac, days ago, we walked around the city a little, where Matt showed me a gastronomic variety, that was quite greasy.

  I felt myself a little tired, which is normal for me. I have such a sedentary lifestyle. My luck was always Adolfo, who took me for a walk. Actually it was pretty much what happened. He is the one who took me for a walk, and not the opposite.

  On the drive back home I just slept. I was a bit dizzy and tired. It was a long way, and besides, last night we hardly slept, just played on the beach, throwing water at each other, rolling in the sand, kissing and having fun as if it were the last day of our lives.

  My mother greeted me with a, super tight hug so tight I thought I wouldn’t breathe.

  - I was missing you so much, honey. - She said, giving me a thousand kisses on the cheek - this house without you is not the same thing.

  - She is deceiving you - said Jason, who also gave me a hug then - the one who really missed you was Adolfo, but that’s just because we don’t go out too often to walk with him.

  My father was not at home, but would be soon. My mother just had to call him telling that I was back, that he would leave whatever he was doing and would come back home, just to give me a hug. I was also missing them a lot, not just him, but everyone.