Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye

by Marcos, J. A.

  Adolfo ran from my room as he heard my voice. I realized by the noise of his paws pounding on the stairs hurriedly, he was coming at full speed. He threw himself at me with such euphoria that I fell sitting on the floor, after the impact of his jump.

  I was back at home. Back to my home. Everything would more perfectly normal, but there was one exception. I was a completely infatuated girl. My prejudices were behind me after this trip. Mat was the man of my life and I had decided to announce that to anyone who would like to know.

  I loved him. He loved me. What else did we need?

  ***

  Time was running. It had been over a month since we had returned from our vacation trip, or rather, a little vacation, and I was super happy. My relationship with Matt was getting stronger and stronger, and my guitar lessons, were already paying off a cool effect. More than I expected.

  - Emily. - Said he making me freeze. He never called me by my name, except in special cases. Something was happening.

  - Yes. Did something happen? – I asked already scared, not knowing what could have happened.

  - No. It happened. But I want it to happen. I want to formalize our commitment. Make an engagement dinner. Do you accept?

  Let me try to explain what I felt at that very moment he spoke those words.

  Do you know that moment when you're on the plane and the pilot informs you that you will go through turbulence? Giving the goose bumps, you feel everything shaking, anguish, an adrenaline rush, a fear. You close your eyes and don’t know what to think, just asking for that turbulence to be light and suddenly it's worse than you imagined?

  Well, that's it. I felt like I was in the middle of that turbulence. With every piece of my body taken over by a pure, different and strangely magical adrenaline.

  - Is that how people ask something like that? - I said, without the slightest notion of what I was saying.

  - No, I'm not even asking, just want to know. If I asked, would you accept?

  - Mathew - I replied, trying to keep my relieved breath and calm manner - if you ask me to go to the end of the world with you my bags will be ready even sooner than you might imagine.

  We hugged each other and fell lying on the carpet in my room. We were silent much of the time, just making plans in our minds.

  - But we are still too young to get married, aren’t we? – I asked him now that the word "engagement" was falling over us.

  - Engage is making a commitment. It doesn’t mean getting married tomorrow or later, only that we're together officially.

  - But aren’t we already? - I asked, and it came out in a way that might seem negative.

  - You don’t want it, do you? - He asked, and his voice came with a dose of sadness and disappointment.

  I realized that I’ve just said something that I shouldn’t. This habit of mine of asking all the time implied that I was trying to get away from something, and that was not something nice to do with the person you love.

  - I love you. I have this way of talking about what I shouldn’t and what I can’t, as something natural. But I love you. I'm ready here to take your hand and go wherever you want to take me. - I spoke in paused way for him to understand that I was ready for what he wanted to offer me.

  - I don’t want you to do anything against your will, Ems. If you don’t feel like formalizing this commitment, we can leave it for later. - His voice was sad.

  - Stop, Matt - I said laughing, trying to look relaxed and trying to hide my nervousness. - I want to be your bride. Really. I love you.

  He smiled. It was the most beautiful smile I've heard in my entire life. Unlike all other ways to smile he had ever given me. I don’t know if I did the right thing in accepting this deal of getting engaged, but it was just a way to formalize our commitment. It was only a ring on the right hand. We were not married, we were just showing people that we belonged together, that our intentions were serious, we wanted to really take this relationship forward.

  I would never find someone like him. When I say this I am not underestimating myself, saying that I have no ability to find a good man in my life. When I say this I'm just praising the qualities of Mat, reaffirming that he is the kind of man you can’t find on any street corner. He’s not that typical prince charming coming on a white horse and saving the helpless princess, although he is still my David from OUaT, but he is more than that. He is the companion, friend, boyfriend, and partner. He is the child, adult, adolescent. He is everything and more. It's a mix of emotions that I could never feel in my life.

  - Next month. What do you think? - He asked me, with a frightened voice. Surely must have gone through his head that I could invent a lie to defer it until the end of the year, since we were in September.

  - For me it can be today. - I replied hugging and kissing him for a long time. - And I mean it. - I completed later.

  ***

  The month passed quickly. It seemed it ran faster than we expected. Mat planned with my mother to an engagement dinner on 21 October. It was no date in particular, only one available in the calendar so the team of florists that he hired could decorate my house.

  He spent the month inviting my friends and planning the menu we would serve at dinner. He was also preparing some kind of surprise that I could not figure out what it was. Suzan had gone out with me the week before to help me choose a suitable outfit.

  We opted for a green dress, knee-length, with a slight neckline and lightly marked waist enhancing the silhouette. During the day my mother made sure to take me to the hair stylist that she always attended. I didn’t care for the hairstyle that she would give me, I just prevent them for not cutting it and I gave carte blanche to any hairstyle.

  My house was beautiful. I could smell the aroma of various flowers scattered everywhere. My parents were happy and Jason even more, with the possibility of getting closer to my sister-in-law. Caroline also spent the day with me. She said that this was an important moment and that true friends should support each other.

  - Where is Matt? - I asked when it was about 18h.

  - He is getting ready. - Caroline said, as who knows something.

  - What do you know Carol? Tell me, come on.

  - Stop being curious. - She said laughing. - You know your boyfriend, knows he is full of surprises.

  The guests began to arrive. In fact they were very close guests. Besides Caroline, who was my childhood friend, I had invited some people from the Association for the Blind, about 5 people, only the closest friends. Mat's father would not come. He was in one of his moments of inspiration, locked in his studio painting all night. Mrs. Julia, my mother-in-law was already helping my mother with the menu.

  Finally the clock struck 19:29, and I was quite eager to meet Matt. As always, he would be the typical English gentleman, arriving punctually in time.

  I went downstairs from my room and went towards the door. Caroline was with me, and I followed exuding happiness.

  This was the first time that Mat was late for an appointment since we met. And he just chose our engagement party to be late.

  The clock sounded 20h and he had not yet appeared. Apparently people had not yet realized that we were half an hour late. Jason and Suzan served canapés to deceive the stomach of our friends, but I was beginning to worry. I would understand if it was any other person, but Mat was not the type that gets late, especially for something as special as our engagement party. Something had gone wrong. Something went off the rails.

  My heart was racing and I knew it was not common. I wanted Matt with me.

  CHAPTER 22

  I was still not quite understanding what had happened, or how it had happened. I just cried, completely desperate, I asked my parents to take me to the hospital immediately. I didn’t accept it, I didn’t accept losing Matt. I could not live without him after all we’ve been through together. He brought light to my life than I never imagined being able to find in someone someday.

  That was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life and
now it was finishing that way, getting the news that Matthew had suffered a serious motorcycle accident and was being taken to the hospital, or was already there, I don’t know. Things were confusing.

  I was in the room, anxiously waiting for him to arrive, when my mother came and asked me to accompany her. We went up to my room, away from the noise of all the conversation, and there she told me that the Mat’s father had gone there at that very moment looking for Mrs. Julia and bringing the news that they have called informing about Matt’s accident. We didn’t know much, only that he had left the road and collided with a tree. My mother didn’t give me much information, but she couldn’t, she didn’t know what actually happened.

  After the shock, being still thinking and crying desperately, came the necessity to go seeing him. I needed to see him. I wanted to see him.

  I asked my mother to take me there. If she didn’t agree I would find a way. Caroline was downstairs, she would take me. That's what best friends are there for, to do favors that your mother doesn’t do. She just claimed that I couldn’t do anything to help at that time. I should stay at home waiting for news, but it was no use, I wanted to go to Matt, I would go in one way or another.

  I went downstairs quickly and almost tripped over my own feet and then I would be the next one to be hospitalized. I found Carol quickly, but before I could complete any sentence I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  - Come on - said the voice of my father - I'll take you.

  - Thanks Dad! - I replied, just giving a tight hug to thank him.

  - What happened? - Carol asked with a scared and curious air. She realized that something very wrong had happened.

  - Mat - I answered – it’s Matt

  - Is that why his mother left here in a hurry, with his sister?

  - Yes – I answered - but we can’t waste time, we need to go to hospital.

  - Sure - Carol replied holding my hands - I'll go with you.

  Carol was following us in her car while I was in my dad's car. The hospital to where Mat had been transferred was in the neighboring town, which made me even more scared. Only the most serious cases were not solved at the hospital of our city, if he had been sent on there it meant that things were more complicated than I could imagine.

  My father drove for about 45 minutes until we reached the General Hospital of Red River City. He parked and we headed to the front desk of the hospital. Carol parked a bit after us, because there were no free spots on that side of the parking lot.

  We have come a long way leading from the parking lot to the entrance of the hospital, which already gave an indication of how big would that place be. By the time I didn’t know this hospital. After we walked for about 5 minutes we arrived at the reception. The air conditioning seemed to be at maximum, and a girl with the velvet voice answered, proving to be very polite.

  - Good night! - She spoke to me while I lounged at the front desk and was preparing to make a series of questions. - How can I help them?

  - I want to know about Mathew. - I spoke quickly, without pausing to breathe and not giving time for her to understand what was happening.

  - Calm down, miss. - She told me in a calm, quiet voice. - Are you okay?

  I could lie, but my body wouldn’t let me. I was not well, and all I wanted was to say yes to her, so she would give me all possible information, but I felt my head spin. My father grabbed me before I could fall, and the last words I heard was the girl's velvety voice asking for someone to bring a stretcher.

  ***

  I woke up lying on a hospital gurney. I realized as well that one of my hands fell in the air and I felt that the floor was far from me. Carol was with me, holding my hand and asking me to stay calm. I also noticed another breath in the place and I thought it was my father.

  - Are you better? - Said a man who was not my father.

  - Yes I am. Who are you? – I asked trying to get up.

  - He is the nurse. - Carol said pushing me back to bed - you fainted and they took care of you. You need to be fine.

  - Matt - I said abruptly, trying to rise. - Where's Matt?

  - Your father is with his mother right now. Soon you can go. But first you must be okay. - Carol answered with one voice so endearing.

  I don’t know which medication they had given me, but my body was relaxed, although my mind was searching thousand ways to go to Matt. I spent about half an hour lying there, until I could command my own system and followed along with Carol to the reception to ask for information.

  There was no need to go far, because out of the room I found my father.

  - Let's go? - He said, approaching and affectionately holding my hand.

  - I don’t want to go home, father. I want to see Matt. He's ok, isn’t it? Is he alive? - I began to feel into the despair taking care of me in an even bigger way than when I received the news of the accident. It was as if the confirmation of something very bad was creating even more strength. -Tell me father, where is Matt?

  - Come, I'll lead you to talk to his mother.

  I put my hand on his shoulder and was guided by him to another room which was in another part of the hospital. I tried to memorize the route. We went straight through a hallway and turned right twice and once to the left. I could hear the swing of the visitor badge that hung in my father's pocket.

  I barely made it to the front desk and I was welcomed by a big bear hug.

  - Glad you are here. - Said Mrs. Julia, not wanting to let me go anymore - this can greatly help him to get better.

  - How is he? – I asked yet hugging her. - Tell me about it, I don’t need to be spared. Please, I want to know the whole truth.

  She grabbed my hand and led me to a couch. We sat for a moment and she started stroking my hands as her breathing grew even stronger. She was unable to talk about that subject, but I needed to hear what was happening.

  - The accident was very serious. - She began, calm and in a tearful way. – He broke his arm, some bones of the leg, injured his face and the helmet could not stand the impact of the fall and ended up breaking. He had a head injury. - At the end of her words she was already crying, and every syllable has come out with difficulty.

  Do you know that moment when you realize that the floor is about to open and swallow you? That's how I was feeling. I had no floor under me. I was losing my safe haven, my new path. The light of my life was getting turned off. I couldn’t let that happen, I couldn’t and didn’t want to lose Mat, but I didn’t know what to do, I had no idea if was possible to do something.

  - The doctors said that there is no prediction for him to leave ... - She paused in her voice, as tears didn’t let her to continue the sentence.

  - Leave what? Leave to where? Home?

  - The coma, darling. - She spoke as who says something that is holding for a long time. - He's in a coma. The trauma was too big and we don’t know how he will react. Just pray darling. Let’s pray that he stays well and go through this. We don’t know how or what happened. An anonymous caller informed the hospital that he had an accident and they managed to get there in time to find him alive. The person who caused the accident must have called and didn’t want to have the risk of being arrested. Here at the hospital, they found his phone in his pants pocket and called the number from our house, which was on the agenda. The impact was big, but his phone was next to the body and suffered no damage. If it wasn’t for this we would be without any news about him so far.

  Mat's mother continued to talk, talk and talk. But every word coming out of her mouth, my brain refused to try to understand what was happening. Tears were streaming down my face like a child who just fell after a ride on her first bike. It was instantaneous, without control. I cried like a baby every time she said something like "serious", "deep coma", "No forecast improvement," "uncertain future".

  That was not my Mat. The Mat I knew wouldn’t be in a hospital bed in a coma with head injury, between life and death. My Mat is someone strong, he would fight to get out of bed, fighting with docto
rs to get out of there as soon as possible, claiming he was late for his engagement party, and being late is something that he didn’t accept.

  My Mat is full of life, full of breath. This status of "coma" was not made for him. I couldn’t be true. I didn’t want it to be true. They were the worst feelings, worst sensations, the worst moment of my life.

  - May I get into the room? May I stay with him for a moment? – I asked as we both cried.

  - They only let in the family, and for a very short period. The room is not released for visitation. He is in the ICU, darling.

  That word was one that I most dreaded to hear. ICU. Intensive Care Unit. For me it sounded like a preparation room for the passage of this life to another. It was like a passage room, a farewell. I've heard of many people who went to ICU, who spent time there, but managed to recover, but I couldn’t lie to myself. Being in that room was something frightening, the ICU was not just any place, it was only for very severe cases, and as much as I denied myself to think about it, I was feeling that I was losing Matt Forever.

  I begged them to let me see him. Mat's mother interceded for me. The doctors said it was very important for all that I could see him at least for a minute. It was really difficult to allow entry. The ICU is a fully protected place.

  After much stress and explanation that I was the bride of the young man, I was able to get the permission for a few minutes. I went in and slowly got near the bed. I was passing my hand from his feet to find his hands. While touching lightly I realized how that moment was dramatic. D you know when you feel your heart being squeezed? Not figuratively, as a way of speaking, but being squeezed for real. You felt it getting teeny with an anguish that takes you completely and the urge to cry is so strong that it is impossible to hold.

  Mat was there in front of me. Unconscious. Between life and death. Unable to make lame jokes that he liked so much. Without making me those surprises that I loved so much. My hand touched his fingers fondly. I was afraid to hurt him somehow.