Where the Streets have no Name

by Taylor, Danielle

  “You’re a bastard,” she whispered, tasting her own tears.

  Amelia held her head high and turned on her heels, making a slow arc. Her mouth, though set in a firm, grim line, quivered violently. Her heart bled. And somehow her feet carried her to the exit without tripping. She stood in the open air under pouring rain, watching the sun go down, while she cried her eyes out.

  What was the point of anything? Life had no meaning, no grand purpose.

  Maybe not, but she had a task to fulfil. And damn it all, she’d finish it, then try to pick up the pieces of her life.

  Amelia found her rental car – the police officer who brought her here drove it and parked it in the hospital lot, then gave her the keys – and got in. Poppa’s urn was in the back seat, hidden under a sweater. She’d been so selfish with this trip. It wasn’t meant for fun or pleasure. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love and lose her heart to a stranger.

  He didn’t want her. Fine. His loss. She’d finish spreading Poppa’s ashes and get back to what mattered. Maybe she could even start a new project. A new game.

  There was plenty of time to think about it while she picked up the pieces of her heart and tried to put them back together.

  Five months later…

  Daniel sat across from Doctor Ryan who held up a series of x-rays to the bright fluorescent lighting above, examining these latest pictures of his bones. He itched to get out. Today was the day that happened.

  “Everything looks good, Daniel.” The doctor took his x-rays away from the light and replaced them in the envelope. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine,” he lied. “I’m fine.”

  No, he wasn’t bloody well fine. Sure, the breaks in his bones healed, and the cuts were fading to scars, but a chasm spread open his chest, tearing his heart into irreparable shards. He pushed away the only good thing in his life. He’d trade it all in, the pardon, the national apology, the financial reparations, if he could have her back.

  “I uh…” Doctor Ryan opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a small white square – a folded page. “I promised that I’d deliver this when the time came for you to be released. What you do with it is up to you, but I never break a promise.”

  Nervous, Daniel swallowed and accepted the slip of paper. For a long moment, he stared at it, at his name written down in blocky lettering. Familiar. But from where? And who?

  The doctor left him alone in the room to read what was written inside this note. Hands shaking, he opened the page.

  Daniel,

  I am no doubt the last person you ever want to hear from, but I couldn’t leave without saying I’m sorry, and you were right. I don’t belong in your world, as much as I wish I did. I won’t ever be what you want or need, and though it breaks my heart to admit it, I have to, and I need to accept that fact.

  And yes, I knew about you from the first day we met. Blame Poppa. He taught me how to read people, and my curiosity got the better of me. I looked you up. It isn’t hard, and I know my way around computers. The name Alex Quinn might not mean anything to you, but millions of people around the world play the online games I created. I am Alex Quinn. So, I wasn’t completely honest with you either. I guess we’re even then.

  I’m truly sorry for everything that happened to you, Daniel. If I could, I’d take it all away. I’d trade places with you. But I can’t. And you don’t want me…there’s nothing I can do to change that. I fell in love with you but that love was obviously one-sided.

  I wish you all the best.

  Amelia Quinlivan

  He read and re-read the letter a hundred times. The words were carved into his brain. She knew he’d been in prison. The entire time. She knew. And yet…not once did she show any fear towards him. Nor did she pity him. She treated him like he was any other person. And during that time, she fought to have his innocence made public record.

  Daniel thought back to that day, shortly after he sent Amelia away, when two men from the government showed up in his hospital room saying how sorry they were for falsely accusing him of the bombing fifteen years ago. The pair of them went into some spiel about how Amelia dug around with the help of an investigator, and the man collected enough evidence to prove Daniel’s innocence – which included a large payoff from Seamus Riley to the key players in his trial, making sure he got locked up.

  Damn, but he’d gone and broken her heart. The things he said…

  He played them over and over again, tormenting himself. He broke her heart, which meant she must have cared for him. She did care. She loved him.

  “I figured you might be finished reading by now,” Dr. Ryan said, retaking his chair.

  Daniel tore his gaze from the page and studied the doctor. What could he say? There were no words. He’d been an utter arse to Amelia. She deserved so much more than him.

  “Now. If you want it, she left her contact information for you to use.”

  “Aye,” he said without pause. “Give us it.” Daniel held his hand out over the desk.

  The doctor reached into his desk drawer a second time and pulled out another slip of paper. This one was smaller and folded in half just once. Written in the same handwriting as the letter was an address to a cottage in Malin Head, County Donegal, at the far north of Ireland, on the border with Northern Ireland.

  “You know she wouldn’t leave the hospital? Made some huge donation just so we’d let her sit in the waiting room until you were well enough to receive visitors. She didn’t eat or sleep. She stared at the wall and cried and asked for updates so often my staff begged me to let them wear ear plugs. If you want my advice, Daniel, I say go up there and get your girl back.” Dr. Ryan tented his fingers. “I know you didn’t ask for it, but there it is.”

  Aye, there it was indeed. Proof of how much of a fool he’d acted. Daniel hadn’t looked her in the eye when he sent her away. He’d shut his eyes and turned his head so he wouldn’t see the exact moment he broke her heart.

  “You’re free to go whenever you’re ready, Daniel. I’ve been instructed to give you this.” The doctor slid a thick yellow envelope across the desk. “Inside you’ll find your banking information and a debit/credit card, including chip and pin instructions. A passport. Your driver’s licence. A mobile phone, topped up with fifty euros. And even a little cash to get you started.”

  Dr. Ryan rose from his chair and reached into his pocket. “Here’s your prescriptions and a refill slip. Wherever you end up, make sure you check in with a GP and let them know about your pain.”

  Pain. He damned well deserved the pain in his knee and his hip. He never should have gotten involved with Amelia. But could he have kept himself from falling in love with her?

  The decision to at least go up to Malin Head and apologise for being the biggest arse-hat in the universe came easily. He wanted, no, needed to see her. Even if for one last time. To see her face. Hold her hand. Beg on hands and knees. His body already made the decision for him. He was just along for the ride.

  Then he was standing up and walking out of the hospital, pain tablets shoved in his jacket pockets – Amelia left a brand new bag with all his clothing in the hospital room – and he was walking towards the nearest taxi stand.

  Before heading up to the address he had for Amelia, Daniel needed to take care of a few things. First he bought a vehicle. Then he purchased some new clothes. The government gave him his choice of locations to choose from for a permanent dwelling, on their charge, but he didn’t know where he wanted to live yet. The next day he set off for Malin Head. To Amelia.

  Daniel pulled up to the small, cozy cottage situated near the cliffs. A car was parked in the drive – not a rental. She’d bought one, which meant she might be staying. That in itself, he took as a grand sign.

  He knocked on the door and swiped his palms on his thighs. Daniel’s pulse jumped in his throat. The sound of his own blood rushing through his veins blocked out every other sound. Tension coiled inside him until he was ready to explode.

  Wha
t would she say? Could she forgive him for being such a fool?

  No answer. Daniel knocked again, just in case he wasn’t heard the first time. Again, he received no answer. He walked around the cabin, peering through windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. No one was home. But why did she leave her car? The nearest dwelling was almost an hour’s walk from here. Unless…

  Pain lanced his chest, right above his heart. She must have someone living with her then. He was too late.

  “D-Daniel?”

  He heard her voice and spun around, unprepared to see her standing behind him. Her hair was longer, hanging loose around her shoulders, over the swell of her breasts…

  His eyes narrowed, scanning her abdomen. No longer flat. Grey fabric stretched taut over her stomach. Amelia’s hands smoothed over her pregnant belly in a protective and circular motion.

  Pregnant.

  Amelia was pregnant.

  Was the baby his? Shite, he didn’t know enough about this kind of thing to get his head around it. All he’d ever wanted was a place where the streets had no name. To call the shots in his own life. To make decisions like he had all the time in the world to make them. Miles of rich green fields surrounding him. Freedom. And now…

  Looking at her abdomen made him feel trapped. Daniel swallowed, hoping to clear the sensation of choking from his throat. Shite.

  All he could think was pregnant.

  Pregnant.

  Baby.

  Pregnant.

  The last thing Amelia expected to see when she returned from her morning walk was Daniel Byrne standing on her doorstep. A little slimmer and more exhausted than she remembered. Just a little. He still had the same strong, broad shoulders, and those arms… He’d held her up in the shower and she felt his strength. Against the wall. Standing in the middle of the room, his arms banded around her and his hips pistoning his cock inside her.

  Sweat gathered between her breasts at the memory, despite the chill in the air. Hormones made her crazy, but until she saw him, Amelia had been able to keep her body in check. Now, good lord, she felt like she couldn’t get him naked quick enough, and she’d never get enough of him.

  All the hormones in the world weren’t reason enough for her to push past the ache in her heart at his rejection.

  His eyes were glued to her stomach. Of course. He must be freaking out. She certainly did when she found out she was expecting. Amelia spent an entire day in bed, sobbing her eyes out. Not because she had to raise a child alone. Knowing that she’d conceived a child with a man who didn’t love her and he didn’t want anything to do with her tore a new hole in her chest where her heart used to reside.

  At first when he sent her away Amelia came up here to her new cottage and sunk into a deep depression. She gave her heart and soul to a man who pretended to care, and in the end, he tossed her aside like yesterday’s trash. In his eyes, she wasn’t worthy much more than the wrapper to his take-out meal.

  But the longer she spent alone, recalling the memories they made together, the more Amelia realised what he’d done. Daniel pushed her away on purpose. For what reason she had no way of knowing. She tried to come up with a reason, but none came to mind.

  “You…” he said, staring at her abdomen.

  Amelia placed both hands over the child growing inside her.

  “Is it mine?”

  Her eyes widened. Bile rose in her throat, coating her tongue. The ground beneath her tilted and swayed. Daniel caught her in his arms, hauling her to his chest, her back to his front. His scent seeped into her system, drugging her. And Amelia knew, no matter what happened in the future, she’d never be over Daniel. Try as she might, the man owned her heart and her senses.

  “Are you all right?” Whether he meant to or not, Daniel’s hands moved from the small of her back to her sides, smoothing around her front to feel the firm bump of her stomach. “Jaysus.”

  She heard him swallow but avoided his eyes like he was Medusa and she’d turn to stone if she looked up and caught him staring.

  “Amelia, answer me. Is the baby mine?”

  “Of course it is,” she snapped, pushing out of his arms.

  “Well, how would I know? It’s been five months since I saw you last.”

  “You don’t need to remind me how long it’s been since you…since you kicked me out of your hospital room. Why are you here, Daniel? If all you’re going to do is accuse me of…” She swallowed, her hands trembling and heart breaking all over again.

  “I…shite, love.” He jerked a hand through his hair, eyes flicking between her and the front door. “Can we go inside to talk about this?”

  Inside. Surrounded by her things, things that gave her comfort and security. “Sure,” Amelia said, taking her keys from her pocket and unlocking the door.

  Her cottage was a fair size but with Daniel inside it felt so much smaller. He moved in behind her and stood in the centre of the main living area, filling the room. She noticed he had a slight limp now – the Gardaí, Desmond something-or-other, had smashed Daniel’s kneecap that night in the pub. Five months was a long time but when she compared it to the extent of his injuries, she knew he still had a long stretch of road to his full recovery. And that was if he recovered completely.

  Being near him again brought a maelstrom of emotions to the surface, emotions she thought long locked away. He affected her in ways she never imagined. Like some magic switch, the moment he came back into her life, she wanted him. Wanted to belong to him.

  From the look he gave her though, Amelia knew he couldn’t stand the sight of her.

  “Holy shit, is this the guy?”

  The sound of another female voice stunned Daniel. And the accent was just like Amelia’s.

  “Gabby, this is Daniel, and yes, he’s the guy.” Amelia’s hands moved over her belly in a smooth arc. Back and forth. Over and over.

  The woman named Gabby, a spitfire with her auburn hair, light caramel tan, and deep brown eyes, sashayed her slender hips over to Amelia and stood next to her, arms crossed, in a protective manner. Every bit the lioness of the group, she glared at him through narrowed eyes and damn if she didn’t look like she’d pounce on him with her claws at the ready if he made one false move.

  “So, jerk-face.” Gabby smirked at his raised brows. “Oh, I could have gone much worse, but since I’ll be helping Amelia raise her baby, I’m trying to curb my sharp tongue.”

  Her baby.

  My baby.

  Daniel’s heart clenched. Memories of his Da, always there, no matter what, acted like a slap to the face. Da came to every school play. He was there every Christmas morning and birthday and event. Always there, always with a smile on his face, always loving him.

  “Why are you here?” Gabby asked.

  Amelia mumbled something and shuffled to the counter near the front of the cottage. He watched her take the kettle from its stand and fill it up, her movements jerky and unsure.

  “Douchebag, I asked you a question.”

  “Gabby!” Amelia slapped her palms to the wooden counter top. Silence filled the room, until the buzz of the kettle filled the air. “Can…can you run into town and get me a few Dairy Milk bars, please? I think I finished the last row early this morning.”

  “You want me to leave you alone with him?”

  Amelia’s shoulders tensed under the lengthy masses of her chocolate waves, hanging just lower than the middle of her back. He remembered lying on his back on the bed in one of the places they stayed in while she straddled him. Her hair surrounded them with the sweet scent of apples and wildflowers. So silky soft. He’d buried his face at her neck and breathed her fragrance in until he was dizzy with lust. Right then and there, he’d torn his jeans off and somehow removed hers too, and then, without taking off his boxers or her panties, he’d taken her, thrusting deep.

  “I’ll be fine, Gabby.” Amelia turned to her friend, blocking him out behind the curtain of her hair. “I…I trust him.”

  “You trusted him with
your heart and look where it got you.”

  Now hold on, Daniel wanted to say, wanted to speak his piece, but Gabby – damn her – she was right. Amelia had trusted him with her heart and he’d shoved the gift of her emotions back in her face.

  “Remember what the doctor said,” Gabby went on. “No stress. I think this definitely fits in the category of stress.”

  “Something’s wrong?” Daniel said, his heart leaping into his throat.

  “Gabby, please. Let me talk to him. If I need anything, I promise I’ll call you.” Amelia slid her arms around her friend’s shoulders, angling her bump to the side. “I promise.”

  The two embraced for a few minutes and it was obvious how close they were. At least Amelia had someone to look after her, he thought, disliking the woman and respecting her in the same breath.

  Gabby eyed Daniel again, then grabbed her handbag and jacket from the hooks near the front door, and exited the cottage. While the kettle finished boiling, Gabby got in the car and drove away, though he swore he felt her eyes on him until she couldn’t see him any longer.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” Amelia asked, her voice breaking his thoughts and returning him to the present.

  Amelia.

  A baby.

  His baby.

  No, their baby.

  “Eh, aye,” he said, mostly for something to do. “If you tell me where everything is, I can fetch it myself.”

  She let out a breath heavy with the sounds of exhaustion. “Sure. Mugs and tea are both in here.” She pointed to a cupboard above her. “Milk in the fridge. Spoons for stirring here.” Her hand touched the stainless steel canister with small silver spoons, sitting next to the kettle.”