Where the Streets have no Name

by Taylor, Danielle

  “Can…can I help you to…eh…somewhere to um…” Damn it, his brain died. “Sit,” Daniel said, feeling a little triumphant for coming out with a correct word.

  “I’m fine, thanks.” Amelia walked around him, putting an unnecessary amount of space between them. She sat down on an oversized armchair next to the fireplace and propped her legs up on the matching ottoman. “So. Why are you here, Daniel?”

  He thought carefully about what to say next while assembling his tea. Amelia hadn’t told him if she wanted one. He didn’t see any instant coffee – or a coffee maker, for that matter. She said she wasn’t a fan of tea.

  “If you’re wondering about the coffee, there’s none in the house. Not good for the baby.”

  “Ah.” Daniel didn’t turn around to look at her for fear he’d drop to his knees and crawl towards her, begging…for what, he didn’t know.

  “I wouldn’t say no to a peppermint tea though. If you wouldn’t mind making me one.”

  “Of course.” He spotted the peppermint teabags and put one in a large mug.

  A few minutes later he sat across from her in the matching armchair. She avoided his eyes, but she was watching him. Finally, he asked, “So what was Gabby on about? Stress and the baby? What’s the matter?”

  Amelia took a deep, long sip of her tea, staring off at the wall. “It’s called Pre-eclampsia and the doctors figure mine is because my body wasn’t used to your um…stuff.” She bit her lip and hid behind her mug, but Daniel noticed the flush in her cheeks. She was nervous.

  What did she mean, his ‘stuff?’

  “Oh,” he said, realisation dawning. “Ah, aye…”

  “Yeah. It’s not as bad as some women get though. So anyways, I just have to take it easy. Really easy. It’s a good thing Gabby could give up her life back in Vancouver and come stay with me.”

  There was that. He might not have hit it off with the lass, but he would thank her for being there for Amelia.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “Ah, no.” He chugged down his tea. The brew was still too hot and it scalded his throat on the way down.

  “I don’t…I hope you know I don’t expect anything from you. I have my own money, and once the baby is born, I can start working again. Just from home, some software programming, easy stuff.”

  “I want to help though.”

  She didn’t respond. Didn’t move. Not even a blink.

  Time to change tactics.

  “I got your letter.” Daniel patted his pocket. “I got it yesterday, when I was released from hospital.”

  “Oh.” Her eyes fell to the flames in the grate, flickering in a dance of oranges and yellows. “Well, that’s good at least.”

  “I came here to…say thank you. They told me you hired the investigator to look into the charges.”

  She was silent for a moment. Then, “Mm-hmm.”

  “And, well, to tell you how sorry I am.” Damn why couldn’t he say what he really wanted to say? “F-for what I did.”

  I fecked up, love. I wronged you, and I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you like I did. If I had the power to turn back time I’d have kept myself from being a bloody fool, and told you how much I love you. But I can’t change the past.

  See? That sounded fine. Just fine. But he opened his mouth to speak and nonsense came out.

  “You had your reasons, I’m sure.” Amelia shifted in the chair, hiding more of her face from him.

  “Aye, I might have, but they were the wrong ones.” He sighed. “I know I hurt you, and you might never forgive me, but…”

  She turned her head, eyeing him warily. “But what?”

  His eyes drifted down to her abdomen again. The gentle swell. Beneath that bump was his child. Growing. They created life together.

  Jaysus, he’d lost so much time. Too much. Maybe he’d lost her all together.

  The problem, Daniel recognised, was any grovelling he did would be construed as because of the baby. He wanted Amelia. Needed her. Loved her. Damn, but he loved her. How to make her see? How to win her back?

  He had no precursors, no knowledge of what to do. Had no one to tell him how to achieve his task. He knew what he wanted; he wanted Amelia. The initial shock of finding her pregnant wore off. He’d been angry. Felt lied to. But then, it took two to make life. No blame. That wasn’t the right way to go. And he didn’t blame her.

  “Daniel?”

  “Eh?” He looked up. Amelia was watching him, concern etched in her eyes. Oh the sadness in them shot straight to his heart. Searing pain spread in his chest, through his shoulders, down to his hands. He burned for her.

  The best way to beat someone at their game, or show them you mean business, lad, is acceptance. Trust me on this one, Daniel. Accept people for who they are. Accept the things you can’t change. Accept that the world isn’t black and white. Accept and you’ll be accepted.

  Aye, Da was such a clever man. But acceptance wasn’t as easy as saying so and hoping for the best. What if rejection ensued? What if…what if…

  What if he didn’t try and regretted it for the rest of his miserable life? What if he grovelled and she turned him down?

  “If you just came to see that I’m okay, then let me tell you, I’m not. But I will be.”

  Her words were acid rain eating away at his flesh.

  “I… God, for a long time, I just…gave up.” Her shoulders dropped and Amelia sighed, hanging her head. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Maybe it’s helping me get over everything. I don’t know.”

  She was shutting him out. Closing the door he thought might still be open, just a crack.

  “It was two weeks,” she continued in a voice unlike her own. A voice fraught with emotions she tried to conceal from him. “You saw a chance and took it. I get it, I understand. You…you lost so much time. I was there and–”

  “Now hold on just a minute!”

  Amelia gave him the full view of her face. Dead eyes. All the life, all the mischief, it was gone. “Are you trying to tell me that’s not what happened?”

  “No! I mean aye! I mean”– he fisted his hair at the temples –“you’re confusing my words, lass. Just…give us a minute.”

  Amelia nodded and sipped at her tea. One hand absentmindedly smoothed over her belly, like it was second nature to her now.

  Daniel pushed to his feet, ignoring the stab of pain in his knee, and walked through the cottage. All stone and wood and natural materials. Cozy. No wonder she stayed. This was exactly the kind of place he pictured himself living in. But…did she even want him?

  Amelia tried to calm her rapid pulse. Being alone with Daniel brought back memories she tried to forget. The feel of his hands on her skin, his lips on hers, the way he held her close after they were intimate. It brought everything back to the surface.

  He seemed torn. What was he trying to say to her?

  Daniel turned, tearing his attention from the nick-knacks and books on the shelving unit across the room from the fireplace, and his eyes landed on her. Hunger. Desire. Need. Want. Lust. And…love?

  She saw too much there. So much she didn’t know how to interpret what she saw in the depths of his azure eyes.

  He stalked across the room, the hunter going after his prey. When he reached her chair, Amelia half feared what he’d do. So much power exuded from him. So much strength. He was gorgeous and her body reacted to his close proximity, like they’d never been apart.

  “There’s nothing I can say,” he told her, hands bunched in fists at his sides. “Nothing I can do.”

  As if it weighed ten times more than ten bricks, her heart crashed down to her stomach. Her tongue turned to ash in her mouth.

  He didn’t care. Probably just came to satisfy some sick curiosity he had.

  “Don’t worry.” She pushed herself to her feet, needing to get away from him. “Like I said, I’m not asking you for anything.” She tugged at her clothing, feeling inadequate and self-conscious. “You can
show yourself out. Excuse me.”

  Turning on her sock feet, Amelia walked the long, slow walk to her bedroom at the far end of the hall. She needed to be alone. Needed to grieve for him all over again. She wished he’d never come.

  Her hand closed over the doorknob. Daniel’s hand covered hers. She fought the knee-jerk reaction to pull away from his touch. Half of her wanted it. The other part feared her response to him.

  “Don’t run, love.” Heat from his breath tickled the back of her neck. “Please. I’m trying.”

  She couldn’t help but ask. “Trying what?”

  “Trying to think of something to say to you so you’ll know just how much I need you in my life.”

  His words hitched her breath and shocked her system.

  “I’m sorry, love. Sorry for pushing you away. Sorry for asking you if the baby is mine. Of course it’s mine. I…I see it now. Looking back, I see how you felt.” Daniel rested his head on her shoulder. “Nothing I say out loud comes out right. It sounds fine in my head and when I open my mouth something else comes out.”

  Nervous laughter bubbled in her throat. “Five months, Daniel.”

  “Aye,” he whispered.

  “Five months and not even a phone call. You…you pushed me away. Made me feel like nothing. Less than nothing.”

  “I’m sorry, love. So sorry.” His hand moved away from hers, up her arm, gliding slowly to brush her hair from her neck. Daniel pressed a chaste kiss where her neck met her shoulder. “I don’t expect you’ll forgive me, but I hope you’ll at least let me be a part of your life. Even if you don’t want me.”

  So now he was putting everything in her hands. She was just supposed to take him back, forget what happened, and that’s that? No. It might happen in movies and books, but in real life, actions had consequences. Her current condition was a consequence of acting rashly. She’d not trade that consequence in for anything, but Amelia still had to hold herself responsible and do what was right for her and her unborn child.

  “It’s not that I don’t want you, Daniel.” She slipped from his touch. If she let him hold her, she’d lose focus and end up in his arms again. “I just need time. This can’t be like some romance novel where the guy shows up at the end and everything is going to be all right because he came back for the girl. It isn’t just me anymore. I have to stay strong.”

  He nodded but his eyes weren’t understanding. They were pleading. Begging. “I’m an arsehole, Amelia.”

  “A twat-waffle.” She grinned.

  Daniel’s answering smile filled her heart with pure, unfiltered sunshine. “Aye. A massive twat-waffle, love. So what do you think? Will you let me show you how sorry I am? Will you let me back in?”

  Her pulse triple-timed. Wind hammered at the cabin. Silence, apart from their mingled breaths and the beating of her heart, engulfed them. Could she open her heart again and risk having it broken a second time?

  “You don’t have to answer right away. Take some time. Think about it. Take all the time you need. But you had better know that I’m not giving up you…on us. Ever.” Slowly he got to his knees in front of her and held his hands out an inch from her belly. “Can…can I?” He looked up, hope flaring in his expression.

  Amelia took his hands and placed them on her abdomen. “Regardless of how it happened, this baby is yours too, Daniel. And if you want to be a part of his or her life, I won’t stop you. I want you to, i-if you want to.”

  “Want to?” Daniel moved his large palms over the tight surface of her belly. She heard him suck in a breath when the baby squirmed inside her. “Jaysus.” He dropped his forehead to her abdomen. “We’re having a baby, Amelia.”

  Of their own volition, her fingers slipped through the dense silk of his hair. In a two week span, how often had she done this? A hundred times. A thousand. She thought she’d have a lifetime with him until he pushed her away. It would be so easy to bring him into her room, to lie down beside him on her bed, to forgive him, to let him back into her heart.

  But she’d fall to pieces if history repeated itself.

  “I came here expecting just to beg you to let me into your life, in whatever way you’d allow me.” His hands slid beneath her sweater, pushing the fabric up, baring her stretch marks and inside out belly button to his view. She tried to hide it but he stopped her. “No, love. Don’t hide. Don’t ever hide. You’re incredible. Beautiful.” Daniel kissed her belly and was greeted with a kick to the face.

  Amelia laughed and Daniel laughed with her. His hands circled around, linking at the small of her back. He sighed, rubbing his cheek against her and their baby. Rough and stubbly, it reminded her of the first time he’d dropped between her thighs and tasted her.

  Damn, why did everything have to come back to sex?

  It wasn’t just sex, that’s why.

  No, it hadn’t been. They had so much more than just sex. It wasn’t just two bodies coupling. She didn’t imagine the connection. Couldn’t have imagined it. Maybe everything he couldn’t say he’d used his body to show her. Just like she’d done with him.

  She had to ask. “Daniel, what do you want? From me, I mean.”

  He didn’t move, but said, “There’s nothing I want from you, lass.”

  Her heart turned to stone and dropped to the floor, past her feet, crashing into the centre of the earth. Amelia couldn’t breathe.

  “I just want you, love. Just you. And this little one.” He kissed her belly again.

  Suddenly her breathing returned, like magic.

  Damn it! Amelia needed to get away from him. He turned her brain to mush, and these hormones weren’t helping.

  “Don’t,” Daniel said. He tightened his hold on her. “Don’t run. Please. Stay. Let me stay, just for a while. Or forever. Forever sounds so much better.”

  Laughing, she smoothed a hand over his head while he whispered in Irish to their baby. Forever did sound so much better than a while.

  Daniel didn’t leave that night. All of his belongings were in a duffel bag in the trunk of his new car anyways. By the time Amelia drifted off in his arms, sitting next to the fire, her friend suggested he stay. He carried Amelia to her bedroom and tucked her into her bed, wanting nothing more than to lie down next to her and hold the sweet lass in his arms all night.

  But that wasn’t slow. He agreed to take things slow with her this time.

  And he needed to get in her friend’s good graces. The best way he knew was to talk to her. But damn if the woman didn’t frighten him. She prowled around the main living area of the cottage, her eyes always watching, seeing everything he did from the moment she came back from the shops.

  He’d just laid his cards on the table and told Amelia he wanted forever. A reply didn’t come, and he wasn’t about to force her to make a decision.

  They hadn’t spoiled the moment with idle chatter, choosing instead to simply live for the moment. She let him hold her; put up with his constant need to touch the swollen bump of her abdomen and the need to run his hands through her hair. To inhale her fragrance, drugging himself with all things Amelia. They just sat and touched and enjoyed the evening.

  Gabby had made supper – a pasta dish he’d never heard of before but one that tasted better than any he’d ever tried – and then she put on some film. Daniel’s attention was thoroughly engaged by Amelia though and if someone questioned him about the movie, he’d get every question wrong. He watched her breathe. Watched her sighs. Watched her fall asleep.

  Amelia meant everything to him and if she turned him away tomorrow he needed to lock away as many memories as he could. They might very well be his last.

  Gabby was waiting for him back in the lounge. She’d shut the film off and poured two glasses of white wine. The auburn haired lass motioned for him to take one. Daniel shook his head.

  “Suit yourself.” Gabby took the glass she’d poured for him and downed it in three gulps. “Now. Tell me what the fuck you think you’re doing here.”

  “Eh?” He shook his
head, like doing so would help him understand her better.

  “You heard me.” Gabby carried the empty glass to the kitchen and walked back to the couch. “What do you want, Mr. Byrne? Are you after her money?”

  Daniel shot to his feet, moving to the other end of the lounge. Anger vibrated to the furthest reaches of his body. “You’re not right,” he said, glaring at the woman across the room.

  One copper brow rose, and she gave him a knowing look. “I assure you, I’m perfectly sane, Mr. Byrne. Here’s my problem; Amelia is incredibly wealthy. I know she told you about her job. What she does. And I’m not stupid. I didn’t get where I am today by letting people walk all over me. Amelia didn’t get where she is now without me behind her, cutting out the cancer, the evil lurking in the shadows. So answer me, and choose your words wisely. What do you want from Amelia?”

  She was mad. She’d lost her bloody mind.

  Or she cared about Amelia, enough to make overbearing and utter bitch her companions.

  Either way, Daniel figured the next words from his lips better be the most truth he could pack into a small sentence.

  “You want to know what I want, lass? Fine, I’ll tell you. I want Amelia, and our child, and nothing else. Make me sign whatever you want. I’ll work myself to the goddamned bone and sleep at the foot of her bed if it means I can be close to her. I’ll never spend a single cent of her money. I don’t want it. Don’t need it. Damn it, but she’s got my heart. I’ll live out the rest of my days just trying to earn half of hers, if she’ll let me.

  “If Amelia turns me away tomorrow, I promise you I won’t give up. I’ll fight until my goddamned dying breath, and I’ll fight you if you stand in my way. Make no mistake about that.” Daniel’s hands shook at his sides. He stared at the other woman, his nostrils flared and seething. If she made one remark about him not being worthy for Amelia, he’d admit it, but if she put up a fight he’d damned well argue until the sun came up and Amelia exited her room.

  Until eternity.

  What she said next shocked him.

  “You’re willing to fight for her.” Gabby straitened, smoothing a hand over her shirt. “Not even her parents would put up a fight for her. You knew her for two weeks.” She nodded her head, like she’d just worked something out. “Okay. If you love her, Daniel, I won’t’ stand in your way. But if you hurt her, I’ll cut your fucking dick off and shove it so far down your throat you’ll taste your own balls until your stomach acid eats through them and you shit them out. Got it?”