Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1)

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  “I mean … we could call me a miracle,” he says trying to be comical, but I can tell his humor is half-hearted.

  “Don’t,” I stop him right away, lowering my head away. I lean forward, placing elbows on knees and head in hands. “I can’t joke about any of this … not yet.”

  “I know what I did was thoughtless, and I know you have every right to hate me, but as your brother, I did it with your best interests at heart ... yours and Eden’s.”

  “It wasn’t thoughtless then,” I point out, giving him a sideways look as I sit back up.

  “Then can you just act like you’re glad to see me?” he asks, tentatively putting it as he steps into the room. “Just for like ten seconds can I … maybe … I don’t know … feel like I didn’t completely fuck it all up?”

  “Liam …” I say, exasperatedly. “I’m just angry, okay? I’m mad that it all went on under my nose and I didn’t see through it at all.”

  “But you did see through her,” he tells me, acknowledging my behavior. “In the beginning ... you didn’t believe she was real. You nearly killed her, Lawson. If it weren't for your resentment toward Leo, you’d have kept her off limits.”

  “Resentment was only good for men with death wishes,” I grumble and inhale deeply.

  “Does that mean what I think it does?” Liam asks, stepping into the room. “Have you given up resentin’ the man?”

  “Not entirely,” I protest in a mumbled tone. “There’ll come a day when I forgive him. He’s got to prove himself.”

  “He was really good with Eden earlier,” he tells me, staring off at the dresser across the room. “He was everythin’ she needed.”

  “What about you?” I ask, turning to look at him entirely.

  “She freaked out,” he says, laughing but the smile that goes with it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Honestly, don’t know how she didn’t have a heart attack.”

  I laugh, feebly. “I’m so glad she was okay. I can’t imagine what I’d have done had the outcome been any different.” Ashley fades out of the picture when I think of Eden. All of the strife disappears. “I finally feel like we have a real shot at somethin’ … anythin’.”

  “Lawson,” he starts, his tone cautious as he twists in his seat to look at me. “About Eden.”

  “What about her?” I ask, sitting up as I take note of his tone.

  “She’s gone,” he states, no emotion paired with the words he just spoke.

  I swear I stop breathing in that moment.

  “No,” I say, shaking my head to rid the disbelief. “No way.”

  “She gave me this,” he says, presenting me with a small square piece of paper. “She told me to give you it ... along with this.”

  He passes me a pure white orchid.

  This can’t be happening again. Just like when we found that letter a few days ago, my world stops spinning, halting on its axis in anxious anticipation.

  “No,” I say, taking the paper. No. No. No. “Not again,” I utter, quickly unfolding it, hopelessly praying it’ll be a lie. “She can’t do this again.”

  Lawson,

  There are a million words I could tell you, but in theory, I only have three.

  I love you.

  That said, you deserve the chance to discover the world, find your place in it, and find the girl who can give you every ounce of her.

  I can’t be that anymore.

  There are parts of me no one should ever have to deal with – least of all you. I thought this could be our fresh start, but too much has happened for that to happen, now.

  I know you will hate me and I accept that.

  Take that hate and make something amazing of it.

  I won’t be back anymore.

  The city is yours.

  I love you – always have, damn well, always will.

  Yours forever,

  Eden Roberts.

  “She can’t do this,” I say, screwing the paper up, unwilling to let him leave. I look at Liam, forgetting all of the turmoil between us and lean on him as I only know how to. “Liam, I can't do this without her anymore.”

  "Then don't," he tells me, giving me a small reassuring smile. "You can stop her ... if you really want to.”

  “I’d do anythin’,” I say, trying to think of my first move. “I deserve her. She’s the one I want to find my place in the world with.” My breathing becomes rapid. “Why would she assume this?”

  “She has a lot of issues, now, Lawson,” he tells me, showing more understanding that I can conceive. “Some even she can’t begin to face. She loves you, that is somethin’ I know for sure.”

  “If she loved me, she would still be here,” I argue.

  “Lawson,” he says, sighing my name. “She saw you were more than capable of lovin’ someone who wasn’t her … she’s safely assumin’ you’ll do it again.”

  “I don’t want to do it again,” I say, my teeth clenching. I never wanted to do it in the first place, but I did because a year was long enough waitin’ around like some lovesick fool. Quickly, I forgive him and fall into my old ways of needin’ him to advise me and help me. “What do we do? I don’t even know where she’ll be.”

  “She’s catchin’ a flight at eight,” he says, looking at me as a light comes on. “If we leave now we should cross paths before she goes through to boardin’.” He jumps up, rubbing his hands together. “We’ve achieved mission impossible before, boss, we can do it again.”

  And just like that, my friend, my brother disappears, and my colleague appears. I feel the empowerment, something I had forgotten, and I realize this is do or die.

  “I’m drivin’,” I say before he has the chance.

  “Your leg,” he argues, even looking down.

  “It’s superficial,” I say, disregarding all of the doctor’s order I was given. I grunt when I stand, but I don’t make it lessen my fight.

  “Which means I should drop the Doc a text now,” he grouses, unable to stop himself from lashing out with sarcasm. “Don’t want you bleedin’ out in the airport.”

  “As long as I’ve got Eden first, I’ll take the risk,” I joke, moving from the room. “But we are leavin’ now.”

  I limp hastily from the room, swinging by the kitchen to grab my keys before I make for my exit. I say a word to no one; not even Liam does as he follows my every move.

  “Lawson!” my father yells out, and I hear his feet on the wooden flooring. “Where are you goin’?”

  “To get Eden,” I say, not stopping until I’m right by the elevator. “She’s leavin’, dad. I can’t allow it.” Taking a brave breath, I look into my father’s eyes, and I tell him what I’ve always wanted. “I don’t care what you want from Tess or me, anymore. Tess goes back to her life, and I’m leavin’ to start mine.”

  “But The Firm,” he starts.

  “The Firm is dead to me. Look what it’s done to mine and Eden’s lives. Both of us have suffered enough, and I won’t allow it to affect my future.”

  “You don’t have to leave,” my father relents, losing the tension in his shoulders. “I’ll allow you to have your life … just, please, don’t leave.”

  “I’m leavin’ now … to get my girl,” I state, pushing the button for the elevator. “She isn’t leavin’ this city without knowin’ how I feel.”

  “You best get goin’,” he says, nodding behind me as the doors open.

  I give him an appreciative smile, heading into the elevator shaft, hitting the button repetitively. As the doors slowly pull closed, I gravely think of all the scenarios that see me losing her. The moment the doors open they disappear. I race across the tarmac, making a beeline for my car.

  “I still think I should drive!” Liam says as we rush across the parking lot to my car. “I see a lot of road violations if you do.”

  “It’s fine,” I feign, waving off his woes. “I’m still a part of The Firm for now. It’ll let me get away with a few misdemeanors.”

  I was a raging storm, and I had met my
thunder and lightening. I’d run every red light to make sure I didn’t lose her.

  “You’re movin’ too fast for a man who just took a bullet,” Liam says failing to keep up.

  “Says the man who took a bullet to the head and survived!” I declare jokingly, getting into the driver’s side.

  “I’ll allow it,” he says, relenting.

  Liam is barely in and belted before I tear out of the space and across the parking lot toward the exit. I tear from the underground lot, forcing my way into traffic and head to the airport, the fastest route I know how.

  “You park,” I say, tossing the keys at Liam. “I need to find her.”

  “Good luck,” he says, accepting his duties.

  “Thanks,” I reply, grateful for him. “And for what it’s worth … I am glad you’re not dead.”

  I watch him grin a little, but before I can say anything more, he’s forcing me from my car.

  “Go get her, boss!”

  I listen, not wanting to waste time. I storm my way from the car, dodging people with suitcases, just wanting to get inside to search every inch of the department area. I search from the spot I stand, staring at people, catching glimpses of moving bodies, edging sideways to see around groups.

  And that’s when I see her, standing in fresh clothes, looking around anxiously. I notice she’s had a wash, her face now clean of dirt, but smothered in a dusting of pinks and purples from the bruising and cuts she got from what Ashley did.

  I could stand here all day, taking in the sight of her – the girl I love.

  She was sweet as sin. As bitter as poison. My own brand of sweet venom. And she was going to kill me one day.

  Some would dispute our relationship was even worth saving, but I would rival that claim with every one of my last breaths. In this life, you find one soulmate, one person willing to dance with you through every fire, and Eden was mine.

  After all, every devil needs an angel.

  She was it.

  Except her wings were clipped, her soul sinned to imperfection and her halo had long since lost its shine.

  Regardless, to me, she was the most angelic, the purest thing I could get my hands on.

  The way her demons screamed with mine and the way her jagged edges fit so perfectly with my own told me destiny fought hard for us to meet.

  Running across the city to stop her was a small feat I was always going to do willingly.

  Standing here, seeing her as I was about to lose her, I knew I had done the right thing. I knew she as more broken than ever, but I didn’t care. To love someone broken was a miracle in itself and I already loved all of the parts of her I was yet to learn.

  Overheard, a flight number is called, and Eden starts to look at her stuff preparing to go where the announcement says, so I make my own move toward her.

  “Ma’am, do you need some help?” I ask, stepping behind her.

  “No,” she starts, trying to throw the rucksack over her back. “I’m good, thanks.”

  She looks like her body’s about to give way under the weight of the bag on her tender body, but she perseveres like she always used to.

  I shake my head, laughing quietly at the sight of her struggling. She was always so fiercely independent.

  “You should learn to travel lightly, Eden Roberts,” I say, stepping in to take hold of the suitcase.

  Her hand drops away from the suitcase, and the rucksack haphazardly thrown over her shoulder falls to the floor. When I glance back up to her face, her mouth hangs open with shock at seeing me.

  “What?” I ask, cocking a brow at her dumbstruck expression. “Thought I’d let you get away that easily?”

  “Yeah,” she gasps, her eyes watering, instantly. “Even though I had hoped for …”

  “For what?” I say, taking a bold step forward, closing the gap until we’re a breath’s width apart.

  “You,” she says, breathing the word as if it’s a litany.

  “Glad I’m still good at surprisin’ you,” I say, reaching for her.

  I pull her against me as tightly as I can without hurting her. She sinks against me, worn and torn from all the demons I had unwittingly left her to fight when I didn't bother to search for her. But I wanted to fight them for her. I didn’t want her to battle through life alone and scared.

  “I love you without hesitation. Yet you still run from me,” I say, trying to force my some sense into this confusing moment. “Why do you feel like that’s the only way?”

  She pulls away, looking up with large glassy eyes. "I told you once you deserve better than me. I stick by that."

  "But what if I don't want anythin’ better than you, Eden? Have you ever thought that you are always going to be a cut above the rest?"

  "Why?" she asks, cursing out my questioning. “Why am I better than the rest? Why cut yourself off from the possibilities?”

  I step closer, allowing my hand to graze her cheek, tenderly pursuing her. "Because you loved me at my darkest … and I plan to finally love you at yours."

  A sob loosens from her, and she struggles to fall away from my embrace. I allow it, but only to capture her face, bring her back to face me, making her my equal.

  “If you went away again, Eden, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.” I allow that fact to worm its way around her head, forcing her to understand. “I tried livin’ a life without you … I don’t want to try another.”

  “Then don’t,” she exhales, sounding like the weight of the world just toppled from her shoulders. “Don’t live without me.”

  “You have to promise to stay,” I say to her, and she nods, biting her lip as another sob prepares itself to weaken her. “You have to realize that everythin’ that happened will become part of our journey and we’ll see one day; it brought us closer.” Using the pad of my thumb, I trace it down her cheek, stealing her tears. “Why would you want to run from what you really want when he really wants you, too?”

  “Because I’m stupid,” she admits her tone dying with mortification. “I’m so stupid when it comes to loving you right.” Her eyes drop before she brings them back up. “And I’m scared.”

  “Scared of what?” I ask, willing to try everything to rid her of that dread.

  “What sort of life we’re going to have,” she says, fear consuming her in that instant. “I want more than this life can offer, Lawson. I want to be that couple … the ones that the neighbors are jealous of. I want to settle and be married and have kids and be the good guys.”

  "And you think we can't be the good guys?" I ask, trying to understand her trepidation.

  "That's the hardest part," she admits, her tears free falling. "I know we can be, but you have to really want it, Lawson. You can't say you want it and not mean it.”

  “I want it,” I say in an instant. “It’s why I proposed … it’s all I wanted. I just never thought you did.” I see the pain that causes her and it physically hurts to watch. “We were made from the same beginnin’, always destined to be together, but I just never thought it’d tear us apart … I don’t want it to do that anymore. I never thought the darkness we lived would endanger what we had.” I meet her gaze, hoping she’ll read every emotion battling in me. “Please tell me it was all worth it … the rebellion, the blood, the wars. Tell me, our love was worth every minute of that darkness.”

  “It was worth it,” she whispers, her words a perfect vow.

  Watching her, taking all of her in – her beauty, the bruises, the cuts, all of her.

  “I must've lost my mind when I fell in love with you, Eden Roberts.”

  The small smile that appears on her lips reminds me of the old Eden. The sincere, loyal girl who captured me in a sweet embrace and vowed never to let me fight this world alone.

  Finally, it seems like something is cracking inside of her and she’s becoming the Eden she loves being most – my Eden.

  “Baby, even love grows in the darkest of places," she tells me, her voice so delicate. “And I told you once only t
he great loves are the crazy ones.”

  “Then why are you so quick to run from it?”

  “Like I said,” she pauses, swallowing hard before continuing, “I’m stupid. I’m done being stupid.”

  Everyone has their poison and mine was Eden. Just like hers was mine.

  The world truly falls away as I listen to her. Nothing matters compared to her. Finally, the void in me doesn’t feel so unforgiving; slowly it fills, complete now she’s here. I craved her for so long that I forgot what a high felt like.

  “I said you were like sweet venom once, Eden. You’re the sweetest, most venomous thing I could crave, and I could never regret a moment of that.”

  “You call me sweet venom like you mean it,” she says, innocently looking up and I see the expectations sitting in her beautiful gaze.

  “That’s because I do,” I tell her, pressing my lips against her. “Eternity isn’t long enough to be addicted to you.”

  Slowly, her hands come to touch my face, drawing me closer.

  “How about we find out, Lawson Matthews?”

  JORDAN MAX - HELL

  UNTIL THE RIBBON BREAKS - A TASTE OF SILVER

  BRYCE FOX - VOODOO

  LYKKI LI - NO REST FOR THE WICKED

  SHAWN MENDES - STITCHES

  RAG’N’BONE MAN - LAY ME DOWN

  TOO FAR MOON - ‘TIL MY HEART STOPS

  BEYONCE - BACK TO BLACK

  CHARLIE PUTH - DANGEROUSLY

  X AMBASSADORS - UNSTEADY (upstate sessions)

  DANIEL WILSON - IF YOU WENT AWAY

  THE SWEET - BALLROOM BLITZ

  STATELESS - BLOODSTREAM (ft lateef the truthspeaker)

  BRYCE FOX - HORNS

  BISHOP BRIGGS - RIVER

  RAG’N’BONE MAN - GRACE

  BANKS - WAITING GAME

  LADY GAGA - MILLION REASONS

  Mum

  Yet again, you have proven you are – and always will be – my number one fan. Your support of my books is something I can never repair! Thank you for believing in me and being in this 110%!

  Allana and Victoria

  My SBB! You have been involved with this book idea before I even wrote it! I can’t imagine doing this journey without you anymore. I don’t want to imagine doing it without you.