Trusting Love Again

by Starla Kaye

  ***

  The next morning, Toni braved another bone-chilling day to make her way to the Municipal Clerk’s Office. Snow had started to fall when she’d pulled into the parking lot. She would like to simply stay here in her warm car instead of facing the humiliating next hour or so. That wasn’t an option.

  She turned off the engine, forced a calmness that was shaky at best, and stepped out of the Mustang. A blast of cold air hit her and she pulled her coat tighter around her. Why hadn’t she longed to visit Hawaii or some other nice warm place instead of wanting to come back to her hometown? Not only was the weather pitiful at the moment, but also she had so many unpleasant memories to face here.

  Enough! It was time to face the consequences of her disgraceful actions the day before. She was a grown woman who needed to act like one.

  As she entered the older, slightly musky smelling County Courthouse, she experienced a moment of relief with being back into somewhere warm. She unbuttoned her calf-length wool coat and studied the building’s directory nearby until she found the location of the clerk’s office. On leaden feet, she made her way to the second floor.

  Her stomach tightening, hands feeling clammy, she pulled the big glass door open. But she couldn’t move further toward the chest-high wooden counter that spanned most of the back wall. Only one woman stood behind it: Mrs. Agatha Trousdale. Toni had known the sixty-something widow all of her life. Mrs. Trousdale knew pretty much every act of mischief she’d been part of. Even now the older woman frowned in disapproval.

  “Bring it here, Antoinette,” Mrs. Trousdale commanded, motioning Toni forward.

  Toni tightly gripped the citation she had received yesterday afternoon. She drew in an anxious breath and walked grimly across the small room. Her heels clattered on the tiled floor. Without meeting the clerk’s eyes, she slid the document across the worn counter. She’d hoped that no one besides the clerk would be here, although she suspected at least half the town already knew about her being arrested, handcuffed, and taken to the sheriff’s office. That was life in a small town.

  As she scanned the citation, Mrs. Trousdale tsk-tsked. She did some complicated stamping thing and turned to the copier behind her. “I imagine your father had quite a lot to say about this latest bit of trouble.”

  In truth he hadn’t said much. She felt even worse because he hadn’t lectured her. She didn’t respond, instead accepted the copy the woman handed to her.

  “No doubt your poor mother received many phone calls about your latest misbehavior.” The older woman shook her head of short white hair and pinned Toni with a chastising look. “She’s had years of experience with that.”

  Pushed to the limits of her patience and respect for elders, Toni glowered back. Then she asked abruptly, “I go to the courtroom now, right?”

  She felt slightly nauseous and her knees grew weak. What a mess. Why hadn’t she been able to control her temper? Her therapist would probably say she was still in the recovery stage after the abusive relationship; still unable to deal with acting and reacting on her own, without being told what to do after so long a time. An excuse, but not one even she could accept. She deserved this.

  Mrs. Trousdale nodded. “You shouldn’t have long to wait for your sentencing. There was only one other offender being arraigned this morning.” Her gaze finally softened. “I assume your father’s attorney explained what happens next?”

  “Yes.”

  The act of simply getting an attorney had been a bad experience, although less so than it had been in Denver. She hadn’t known who in town to contact. Her father had wanted her to use his good friend, Ethan Anderson. That had seemed wrong, since she’d attacked Ethan’s son. In the end, Ethan had convinced her to let him represent her. Oddly, he’d been a bit amused by the situation. He’d mentioned about his son needing something to upset his rigid world, needing a challenge to face besides his work. She still didn’t understand his reasoning. Beyond that curious comment, he’d carefully gone over the arraignment today; how she would face the judge on her own, and what her probable sentence would be.

  She turned on her heel and left the small office. Almost smothered in the coat, she removed it and draped it over her arm. Again she had to force her feet to move down the hallway toward her goal. She went over what she’d been told by Ethan. There would be a fine to pay, as well as the expense for Chad’s new iPad, and his medical bills. At least she probably wouldn’t have to serve a jail sentence. She might have to do community service, which was all right. She would do anything to put this all behind her.

  When this was settled, she needed to move on with her new life. She didn’t relish the idea of living at her parents’ home any longer than necessary, though she appreciated them taking her in after their last, unhappy parting. She desired a place of her own. For the time being, that place was supposed to have been the carriage house’s apartment behind the Victorian house. Yet another problem she had to figure out.

  She also wanted to find a job, but that would have to wait until after whatever sentence she received. Getting a job wouldn’t be easy. She’d worked in fast-food places the summers of her high school years. College hadn’t really interested her, other than a minor interest in marketing, so it had been easy for her to quit after eloping with Stanley. He’d insisted on her being a stay-at-home wife. At the beginning, that was okay. Basically she had no workable skills.

  She sighed. There would be more “poor me” time later.

  To her unpleasant surprise, the instant she opened the wide wooden doors to the courtroom she spotted her antagonist, the reason she was here today: Chadwin Anderson. Okay, that wasn’t true. He hadn’t actually done anything wrong, other than moving his firm into the house she’d planned to buy. At some point she needed to find out how that had come about. But it kind of helped at the moment to see him as partly at fault for her ridiculous behavior.

  This had to be the most embarrassing moment of her life.

  Well, next to being arrested and handcuffed in front of his law office on one of the town’s busiest streets. She now had a criminal record - even if this was only a minor offense. She would have this mortifying black mark against her previously unblemished reputation forever. Unless she went through the process of Expungement to have the record sealed. What was the point here where nearly everyone in town would already know about it?

  She took a seat at the back of the courtroom in the gallery, setting her coat and purse on the bench beside her as quietly as possible. Disturbing the judge talking with the day’s first offender wouldn’t be good. She tried to avoid glancing at Chad, but it was impossible. At least he wasn’t looking in her direction as she studied him awkwardly . He had a cast on his left forearm. A bandage covered part of the left side of his face, over the stitches the cut had required. Her stomach churned. They might be at odds, but she regretted having injured him.

  Her thoughts went to what Ethan had said about her possible pleas. Not guilty meant she would have to face another court date; have witnesses involved. Witnesses that she knew would not be on her side in this situation. No contest didn’t seem to fit either. She couldn’t have legal counsel and, if found guilty, the judge could impose a maximum sentence, which probably would be worse than what she might face if she pled guilty. This was really a lose-lose situation…and entirely her fault.

  Before she had time to calm her nerves, the first offender grumbled as he strode out of the courtroom.

  “The defendant, Antoinette Grace Thornton, will now approach the bench.”

  She blinked, unable to stand, feeling faint.

  The middle-aged, balding judge looked at her and frowned.

  Still she couldn’t make her body cooperate.

  “You don’t want to annoy the judge,” Chad said flatly from across the aisle.

  Irritated at his intervention, she stood and walked with brisk steps to the left side of the bench.

  Chad watched the color return to Toni’s face and breathed in relief. When
he’d seen how pale and frightened she’d looked as she’d entered the courtroom, he’d had the crazy urge to go to her. He wanted to take her in his embrace and promise her that everything would be fine. He hated this whole situation. Still, she’d brought this all on herself.

  With her proud chin raised, she walked right up to the judge’s bench. But her hands were fidgeting with the sides of her skirt. When she’d walked by him, he’d almost been able to smell her fear. In spite of his being the one accosted, he worried about her.

  Ever since she’d run away and gotten married all those years ago, he tried not to think about her or encourage conversations about her with her brother. He’d had personal reasons for being hurt by what she’d done. His feelings for her had always colored his relationships with other women, especially with his ex-wife. In a way, he’d been comfortable with his anger with her, with his irritation that she’d been the beautiful young princess in the powerful Beaton family and not with him. But now he knew that her “perfect” marriage had been far from that.

  As he watched her trying to face the judge bravely, he thought about how he’d gone on the Internet early this morning when he hadn’t been able to sleep. What he’d found made him sick. It hadn’t taken him long to realize how much she’d been manipulated by her ex and his family. She’d been used, socially abused. She’d been accused of marrying for money and, maybe she had. But she’d been young, probably blinded by what Beaton could offer her. When he’d found a small article that mentioned her having been physically attacked, an article that had shifted to basically calling her a liar, he’d been outraged. She might have gotten into more than her share of mischief in the past, but she’d never been a liar. His gut told him that hadn’t changed. Even now, he wanted to find the asshole that had hurt her and beat the hell out of him. He wasn’t normally a violent man, but this was different.

  “Ms. Thornton, you are charged with multiple misdemeanors. You are charged with disorderly conduct, engaging in violent behavior that resulted in injury to Chadwin Anderson.” The judge glanced in his direction and pulled him back to the present.

  Toni shifted to look at him as well. She winced, worrying her lower lip as their gazes locked. He noted the regret in her expression, helplessness, before she faced the judge again.

  Her behavior hadn’t been that violent, although at the time he’d thought so. He remembered Ted telling him about how she’d reluctantly admitted to her family that Beaton had verbally abused her. Ted had suspected there had been physical abuse as well. It had repulsed him when he’d heard that. Now that he knew more from research, he felt even worse. The sonofabitch had destroyed the free-spirited, fun loving, always smiling young girl he’d once known. The girl he’d argued with time and again, actually enjoying the disagreements. The young woman he’d desired and lost because he’d been stupid about not revealing his budding feelings for her. Now it was too late. They’d both suffered in bad marriages and he wasn’t willing to take another chance. He couldn’t imagine that she would be either. Plus, his life was complete already; he had a job that consumed him, which he enjoyed.

  The judge cleared his throat and brought Chad back to the moment, again. “You are also charged with criminal mischief, knowingly damaging property that belongs to another person. In this case, an iPad belonging to Chadwin Anderson, as well as to a sign belonging to the Anderson and Anderson law firm.”

  Toni’s shoulders slumped. He wished he could stop this, but it was out of his hands at this point.

  “Do you understand the charges, Ms. Thornton?”

  “Yes,” Toni whispered loud enough for him to hear.

  “What is your plea, Ms. Thornton. Not guilty. No contest. Guilty?” He looked intently at her. “I assume you have been told the differences.”

  Toni nodded, took a second, and said, “Guilty, Your Honor.”

  Chad waited as anxiously as Toni, who shifted uneasily. He knew the possible sentences and had already spoken to the judge, first in an attempt to have the charges dropped. When that hadn’t been accepted, he’d suggested a possible sentence that he could live with.

  “You will pay a fine of $150 on each of the three charges, for a total of $450.” The judge gave Toni a stern look. “I know your history in this town as a teenager, and I know your family.”

  Chad fought to stay seated, wanting to defend Toni somehow. Many in the town had disapproved of the almost constant mischief she’d gotten into in her teenage years. Nothing had ever been harmful to anyone or anything. The worst incident being when they’d filled the baptistery with powdered strawberry drink. She just got carried away sometimes and ran around with a group of mischief-makers. He didn’t think she should be judged by her past.

  Toni trembled, making him worry about her fainting or something.

  “I could sentence you to thirty days in jail.” The judge hesitated and slowly looked understanding. “Several people have come to me on your behalf.”

  Who? He had, of course. But who were the others? Possibly his father. Maybe her brother; a town councilman. Maybe her father. Whoever they were, he was grateful.

  Toni remained silent.

  “Ms. Thornton, I sentence you to thirty days of community service; 240 hours.” He glanced at Chad. “Is this acceptable to you, Mr. Anderson?”

  He stood. Toni turned to look at him, clearly wondering. “Yes, Your Honor.”

  “You are also in agreement with having Ms. Thornton perform her community service by working for your law firm?”

  Toni’s eyes widened and she tensed.

  “Yes, your Honor.”

  “Ms. Thornton, you will begin your sentence tomorrow.” With that, the judge pounded his gavel on the bench and got up to leave.

  Instead of being happy with the light, easy sentence, Toni shot Chad a sizzling look. It would be an interesting thirty days.

  Chapter Three

  After spending the rest of the day driving almost mindlessly around Petersville, the countryside, even to the nearest town and back, Toni was exhausted. She’d had to absorb the awful humiliation in the courtroom. Even more so the sentence she’d received. She hadn’t been ready to face her family, who had not been in the courtroom that morning, at her request. But they would have heard the outcome. She didn’t doubt that many people in town who lived on the gossip grapevine had heard by now as well. A thought that made her remember the couple on the street who had witnessed her being taken to jail.

  She took her seat at the dining room table, determined to eat with her family and deal with them at last. Putting the cloth napkin carefully over her lap, she raised her gaze to look at her mother sitting across from her. Her mother’s eyes held so much sadness that she fought the need to escape to the safety of her bedroom. She’d caused her this worry, this pain.

  She couldn’t look at her father. How many times could a good, decent man bear being disappointed by his daughter? She’d been an often headstrong brat as a teen, and he’d dealt with the issues over and over with amazing patience. Then she’d been at her most rebellious stage when she’d opposed them about Stanley. And she’d never once contacted her family while her marriage had grown worse and worse, not even when it had blown up. Even though her parents had a good marriage and believed in making it work, her father would have tried everything he could to help her. She’d known that, but she had been too devastated and embarrassed to approach him. Now she’d been unable to control her temper, damaged property and injured someone. She honestly didn’t know how to make it right with him, or with any of her family.

  The uneasy silence frayed her nerves. She couldn’t eat, even though her mother had made all of her favorites. Her plate was full of roast beef cooked to perfection, not too well done and not too juicy. Green beans in a creamy sauce sat beside the mashed sweet potatoes she used to love. She’d yet to take even one bite. No one else at the table seemed to be eating, either.

  Suddenly her mother broke the quiet. “Have I mentioned how happy I am that you’re home?
” Her eyes held such worry.

  Her mother had said it in many ways, at least a dozen times since Toni walked in their front door three days ago. She nodded, glancing at her still vivacious mother. At fifty-five, her mother could pass for a woman in her forties. But tonight, with regret weighing heavily on her, Mary Thornton looked older than her years. Toni hated that, certain she was at fault.

  “I’m sorry, Mom.” She stopped not knowing exactly what she should have done, what she could have done differently.

  She’d made her disheveled marital bed and been forced to accept it. Marriage to Stanley had been a marriage to both him and his influential family. The experience had changed her. They’d molded her to fit their needs and she’d been in such reverence of them that she’d accepted it all. He’d needed her to be hostess extraordinaire at times, simple eye candy accompanying him at others. Somehow, she’d ended up on social committees for groups she hadn’t even believed in or liked. It had always been about Stanley and his family. She’d seen it as being about making her marriage work.

  She caught a look of loving and concern move between her parents. She’d wanted their kind of relationship. Instead of respect from her husband, she’d gotten disgust at her naivety to his lifestyle, then verbal abuse. Instead of tender touches, he’d given her an occasional “playful” pinch on her bottom that had hurt. Or a quick peck on the cheek before he left the house for work, if he even bothered with that. Instead of allowing her to show her temper, or dare to argue with him, he’d get furious. He’d even slapped her a few times when he thought she’d gone against him. Then he’d tried to soothe the physical and emotional wound away by giving her a hard and unwanted kiss. But there’d never, ever been the simple love so easily displayed by her parents.

  Studying her plate, but not really seeing it, she regretted not calling her parents back when her marriage started turning bad. Especially her Mom. She’d needed to talk to her, but couldn’t. Shame and wounded pride were awful things sometimes.