Trusting Love Again

by Starla Kaye

  “I should have…” Again, she stopped. All the “should haves” didn’t matter.

  “Yes, you should have…-” her father started gruffly.

  “Thomas, no,” her mother countered. “Let her tell us when she’s ready.”

  “Mom’s right, Dad,” Ted added. “We shouldn’t push Toni to talk to us.” But he looked like he really wanted her to open up to them.

  Would she ever be ready to talk to them about her marriage? About what had happened? She hadn’t actually talked about any of it with anyone other than her attorney and the therapist he had found for her. But she really hadn’t had anyone in Denver to discuss anything with. No friends of her own. And in their circle of friends as a couple, she’d been made out to be the one who’d destroyed their “perfect” marriage. According to his friends, his family, and the reporters who had savored every lying detail he’d supplied them, there hadn’t been even a hint at the abusive man he could be at times. For that she’d been glad. It would have been even more humiliating.

  She forced those unpleasant memories away and looked from her determined mother to her worried father and to her concerned brother. “I hate that I’m making all of you suffer because of me. These are my issues to deal with, not yours. I shouldn’t have come here. I…”

  Her father frowned, his eyes filled with grief. “Of course you should have! We’re your family.”

  Her mother nodded, as did Ted.

  “I don’t deserve any of you.” Before anyone could respond, she went on, “But I’m glad you’re here for me. And I’ll be okay. I promise.” She pulled in an uncomfortable breath and blew it out again. “After I get this community service matter behind me.”

  Her parents exchanged a look. She hadn’t yet told them about the sentence, but they knew, just as she’d suspected they would.

  “It was a fair decree,” her father said. “Community service, even 240 hours of it, isn’t uncalled-for.”

  She carefully aligned her spoon and fork. “No, I agree.”

  “Having to serve those hours by working for Chad bothers you, though, doesn’t it?” her mother asked quietly.

  She couldn’t deny it. How ironic was it that she was required to work for the man she’d injured in the place she was in the process of buying?

  “Chad is a good man,” her brother said from his seat next to her. “He talked to the judge on your behalf; tried to get the charges dropped. Since the sheriff had witnessed it all, that was impossible. But give him credit, he did try.”

  It had been her rotten luck that Sheriff Crampton had pulled up in front of the law office at the worst of times. He’d arrived early for an appointment with Ethan, or so he’d explained on their drive to his office. He’d been hesitant at first to approach her because of his friendship with her brother and with Chad. But her initial act of resistance when he’d pulled her away from Chad hadn’t helped. The struggle had been instinctive. Still, Alex hadn’t wanted to actually arrest her, but in the end he’d had to. She’d forced him to do it. She would never forget hearing the sound of the handcuffs closing around her wrists; the feel of the cold metal. Worse, she feared it would be a long time before her need to panic when a man touched her like that would fade away.

  She wasn’t totally convinced about Chad’s goodness at the moment, although he’d looked sympathetic in the courtroom. He’d also done crazy things to her, attracted her as much as he had in the past. That unsettled her. “Hopefully I’ll work mainly for his father.”

  Her family had told her that Chad was an elder abuse attorney. Ted had explained that his friend traveled a lot; either for a case in another town, to work in his second office in Topeka, or for a speaking engagement on the subject. She’d been surprised to learn about his specialization in that field, when the last she’d known he planned to go into estate law practice like his father. She wondered what had changed his mind, although she had no intention of ever asking him.

  “Ethan’s proud of his son,” her father said, drawing her attention. Pride in their children had always been something he and Ethan, his long-time friend, had often talked about. She knew how proud he was of Ted’s success with his hardware business, and with being on the Petersville city council. His only concern with his son was that he hadn’t found a good woman and settled down yet. She, too, wondered why he hadn’t.

  She, on the other hand, had never done anything to make her father proud of her.

  Since listening to her sobbing breakdown that first night here, learning a small piece of what she’d gone through during her marriage, her parents acted warily around her. She didn’t like it. She wanted things to go back to normal. But it would take a while. Especially after her misdemeanor actions, which would also affect her father. He was prominent in the community, not only as the long-standing pastor of the First Baptist Church, but also as the great-great-great-grandson of the town’s founding father. Yet all he’d said at the jail when he’d come to see her was how much he loved her.

  “I will deal with this, Dad.” She straightened the napkin in her lap far more than necessary. “It pains me that I embarrassed you…and myself.”

  There was an awkward moment of silence and she couldn’t look at any of them.

  Then her father protested, “We’re not embarrassed, sweetheart.” When she glanced up, he met her gaze, his eyes troubled. “Surprised…and worried.”

  Ted cleared his throat. “Impressed, too. About the sign thing, not about Chad’s injuries.” He gave a weak smile. “Although, after hearing Alex describe your wicked karate self-defense moves, I’m impressed with that as well.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Seriously?” But she felt better about his attempt to lighten the situation. There had been times in the past when she and her brother had difficulties getting along, like any other siblings. But she knew in her heart that he would always be there for her. He would have been there for her if she’d even hinted at marital problems. Again, she wondered why he’d never married. What was wrong with the women in this town? He was “hot” and made a good living. Back in high school he’d never lacked for a girlfriend. In college, she’d thought he was even getting serious about someone - Sarah? Suzanne? Maybe one of these days she’d ask him about it.

  ***

  Are you sure about this, son? About having Toni working here for the next month?”

  Chad stopped pacing his office and faced his father. As usual, he couldn’t interpret his facial expression. There was a hint of curiosity; of acceptance, and a bit of concern. For him…or for Antoinette Thornton? He was worried about her, too.

  His arm hurt and he’d had a lot of trouble getting dressed with only one good arm. It was time for another pain pill, but he didn’t want to take one. She’d done this to him in a spurt of temper. As long as he’d known her, she tended to act first and think later. But the “actions” had always been verbal; a flash of a few words to express her view on whatever annoyed her at the moment. Occasionally, those few words had become a lot more, particularly when the two of them were going nose-to-nose over something. He’d actually enjoyed their challenges; missed them after she’d left town. No other woman even thought about taking him on like that. But this “action” had been different.

  “She’s had a rough time,” he said quietly. Where he’d believed her heartless and selfish when she’d went against her parents to marry an older man they disapproved of, he wondered about her real reason for doing so. He still didn’t think it was all about the money. “She was too young back then. Naïve about the real world, and why people did things. I think she was blindsided by out of control hormones; lust for a man that swept her off her feet with sweet words, promises, or whatever.”

  Until his talk with Ted, he hadn’t considered any of that. Even after reading up on their marriage via the ever helpful Internet, he still didn’t understand what the socially prominent Stanley Beaton had really wanted of Toni. Even so young, she’d been a rare beauty. Spirited. Probably passionate in bed as muc
h as she was in everything else she did. That was something he didn’t want to contemplate, particularly not in connection with another man.

  “I think you’re right, but she’s not the same person now,” his father said, with sadness in his voice.

  “No, she isn’t.” Chad ground his jaw, which tightened the stitches on his cheek and made him wince. She had matured into an even more beautiful woman; a fact that had hit him hard. He’d been attracted to her before, now… okay, even more so.

  His father settled a hip on the edge of Chad’s large mahogany desk and studied him. “Thomas doesn’t know what to do to help her heal. And Mary…well, she’s devastated about what little she’s learned about her daughter’s marriage.”

  Chad drew in a breath. Even with the occasional family tiffs over the years, mainly due to Toni’s tendency to push her limits with them, they’d been close. Ted spent a lot of time being annoyed with her for one reason or another. But he defended her without hesitation to anyone speaking bad about her. He had, too, although he doubted she knew that.

  “Ted told me what she admitted to them while crying, but he believes there is a hell of a lot more she hasn’t shared. Probably won’t.” He struggled with his anger. “I did some research. They have a right to be worried about her. She had a raw deal for a long time.”

  Their gazes met and his father nodded, no doubt also having done some checking up about her. He was pretty sure that his father hadn’t shared what he’d discovered with his old friend. Her family was hurting enough already in their concern for her.

  “Some people in town are already talking about her and what she did here, and to you. They’re judging her based on her foolish behavior in the past. It’s going to be hard for her in town for a while.”

  “I know.” Chad clenched his right fist in frustration. “I hate that.”

  His father stood; again met his gaze. “We’re going to help get her through this, aren’t we?”

  Chad nodded. “Even if she doesn’t want our help.” He had to smile, thinking about the contrary young woman she’d been. “She’ll resist my help for sure. At least I hope she will, since that will be a sign of the woman we knew returning.”

  ***

  Toni tossed and turned in bed; unable to fall asleep, troubled by what she’d done to Chad and by having to face community service working for him. There had been a time when she’d had a crush on her brother’s best friend. He’d been every young girl in Petersville’s dream back then. Star quarterback on the football team, he’d helped get to State his senior year in high school. Cheerleaders vied for his attention, as did every popular girl in school. But he’d only dated one girl all through school and on into his college years; Serena Hayes. Everyone had thought they would get married. They’d broken up just before his college graduation and no one knew exactly why, not even her brother.

  Toni’d wanted him to notice her, but she’d been five years younger. He’d tolerated her presence at times but nothing more. From time to time, they’d disagreed on things and had heated arguments, which she’d enjoyed. But that was as far as her relationship went with him. So she’d looked for someone else who would see her as more than the pastor’s mischief-making daughter, as her older brother’s pest of a sister. Someone who liked her spirit - even encouraged it. Someone who found her hot and would let her explore her passionate nature.

  Stanley Beaton had attended a party at her sorority house and somehow they’d ended up together in his apartment that night. He’d taken her virginity and, to her delight, begun dating her. He’d filled her with all kinds of foolish young girl’s dreams; traveling to exotic places, going to parties with Denver’s elite, wearing designer clothing and jewelry he’d buy her, and so much more. At first, his parents had objected to their dating, but he had a mind of his own. He’d wanted her and they had finally accepted her. But her parents had never accepted him.

  She rolled to her stomach and hugged her pillow. Why hadn’t she seen the imperfections in Stanley that her parents had? It would have saved her a lot of heartache and humiliation.

  Her parents had forbidden her to date him. So, of course, she’d done just the opposite. She’d dated him without their knowledge. He’d liked that idea, telling her that he enjoyed the “wickedness of doing the forbidden.” And that had appealed to her as well.

  Until the night she’d come home and told her parents that they were going to elope on her twenty-first birthday. It had seemed so romantic to her. They’d argued horribly, but she’d still packed up the rest of her belongings that she’d wanted to take. She’d driven to Denver the next day and she’d thought she’d lost her family forever.

  She rolled back over and decided not to think about the past any longer. Her therapist had told her to move forward with her life; to concentrate on taking one day at a time. But these next thirty days were going to be difficult. It would be awkward working for Chad, seeing him every day. Even more so if she couldn’t get control of her attraction for him. Wrong man, wrong time. Their lives had gone in different ways and she was okay with that. Besides, he probably had a woman he was seeing now, although her brother hadn’t mentioned it. She hadn’t actually asked him either, and she wouldn’t.

  None of that mattered, because she was never ever getting involved with another man. Remember those cats you wanted to live with. Maybe dogs would be better. They were always so loving, so loyal.

  Irrelevant. She needed to get through this community service and then focus on establishing her life here again. But, darn it, she really wanted that Victorian! Note to self: Contact Caruthers and have a few strong words with him. Find out what the hell is going on.

  ***

  She moaned and writhed on the bed. He had her pinned down. Her arms were stretched out above her head, her wrists tied to the bedposts. He’d done it before, one of their more wicked games. But this time she tried to resist him. He didn’t listen, believing she was playing a different role, laughing about it. But it never took long for her to relent and give in to the heat in his gaze. Even sometimes rougher than she’d like, she enjoyed being taken by her man.

  She tensed, waited for what would come next.

  His slim hands kneaded her breasts, hard enough to be uncomfortable, and then he pinched her nipples. Laughing as she whimpered in pain. Pinching again.

  “Please don’t…”But she lay there and let him do as he pleased, like always.

  He tightened his fingers on one of the hard buds and then shifted down her body, until his head was at her trembling core. Continuing to grip that tortured nipple, he lowered his head. She held her breath as he ran his abrasive tongue over her pulsing clit.

  Again she moaned; again she writhed. She knew what would come next, didn’t want it…and yet.

  He bit the swollen nub. Not hard, but firmly enough to make her cry out.

  “Stop it!” he ordered, lifting his head to glower at her. “You know you like this, slut.”

  She looked at him as tears misted her eyes. It was a half-truth. Some days she didn’t mind his forceful play. Other times she missed the gentle lover who had first made her into a real woman. He hadn’t hurt her back then, hadn’t gotten excited when she struggled against his more enthusiastic efforts at sex. This wasn’t making love. This was raw sex, done with the intent more to please him than her.

  She needed more time, sweet arousing. “Please…”

  He ignored her plea. “I’m going to give you more pleasure than you can imagine,” he snarled.

  He didn’t understand. It was too late to reason with him. She drew in a breath, tensed. He was her husband. She loved him.

  Grinning smugly down at her, he shoved her knees up by her shoulders and pushed her legs further apart, until she was completely open to him. His determined gaze met hers as he moved forward, hesitated for just a second, and then drove deep inside her.

  She screamed, tears sliding down her cheeks. Heaven and hell at the same time.

  Toni was panting, trembling
when she flashed her eyes open and stared into the darkened bedroom. Her heart raced at the vivid memory.

  Shocked, worried that she’d cried out and someone might have heard her, she got up to run into her bathroom. Numbly, she washed her face off with cold water and then slumped onto the cold tile floor. What had brought this on? It certainly wasn’t missing Stanley. God, no.

  Dashing away her tears, she remembered how concerned Chad had looked in the courtroom. Concerned and so handsome. He was all grown up man now, decadently appealing with his thick, dark hair and those haunting blue eyes. The woman in her desired him. Not to take her as harshly as Stanley had at times. She wanted…

  No, no, no! Absolutely not! What are you thinking?

  She climbed to her feet and made her way back to bed. Being attracted to Chad was so wrong. After already making too many wrong choices in her life, she refused to make another one.

  Chapter Four

  She was late. Pressing the snooze button too many times after a restless night, a hair dryer that hadn’t cooperated, misplaced keys, and enduring a five-minute conversation/lecture about tardiness from her mother had started her day off wrong. All excuses, flimsy ones at that.

  The extra-wide driveway behind the house that served as the Anderson & Anderson office parking lot was full, adding to her annoyance. Where did they expect her to park? Refusing to leave her precious car on the busy street, she took one of the diagonal labeled spots, one reserved for “Ethan Anderson.” She would try to smooth out the issue with him if he showed up later.

  Toni hurried around the house to the front and dashed up the porch steps, flinching as she glanced over at the place where Chad had landed when she’d shoved him. Her pulse raced with nervous tension while she walked into the house. Maybe no one would notice her not being on time. Maybe they didn’t know that the court had told to be here promptly at 8:00 am. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to report to Chad or his father, or did it even matter?