Falling Stars (The B–Side)

by J. L. Brooks

  He really was a remarkable man. I would have to make a point to send a fruit arrangement to his office, along with a stripper and a bottle of good cognac. I left Las Vegas with a smile on my face and a brutal ache in my bones. Deciding that writing about certain sexual encounters was certainly more satisfying than experimenting with them, I was thrilled I sated my curiosity for that particular form of kink. The anticipation and preparation was everything I had hoped for and beyond. If not for Lorenzo, I would have been completely distraught and disgusted with myself. Although I imagined he was disappointed himself with the outcome, he must have enjoyed a boost of ego with the finer points of the evening by evidence of the parting gift.

  The diamonds sparkled under the Arizona sun as I cruised through the desert and into the mountains. The journey to the artsy district of downtown Phoenix known as Roosevelt Row was not far. Jay and Lori had left Cleveland a few years after I did to work with families on reservations out west with water conservation projects. Jay had apprenticed as a Navajo silversmith and Lori ran the gallery featuring native arts, which funded their pet projects. They were the type of friends that you should always make an effort to stay in contact with, because they are such amazing people. Yet too often the grind of life places those connections on the backburner and dwindles them down to social media likes and the occasional Christmas card.

  I found a place to park and jogged eagerly to the brightly colored storefront. Stepping into the gallery, I felt a cool burst of refreshing air pull me in as the overhead door chimed.

  “Are you kidding me? Is that you, Lila girl? Get your ass over here and give me a hug!”

  Lori had been just inside, perched on a ladder, hanging a new display. Crawling down, she opened her arms wide and pulled me in. Her curly blond hair smelled of cedar and lemongrass, as if she had just stepped out of an apothecary. I had sent them an email just before leaving Glenwood Springs, promising them a visit if I could swing it. Being so close, I knew I would kick myself if I had passed up the opportunity.

  “Where’s Jay?” I asked, looking around at the beautiful works.

  “Oh, he’s at the hardware store getting some grout. We are redoing the bathroom here and he ran out. He will be back in a bit, but what’s been going on with you, lady?”

  I steadied the ladder as she ascended back up to finish her task. Trying to only mention things I thought she would find interesting, I shared my trip to Moab and the Black Rock Desert, ending with my offer in Vegas, minus the amount. When I turned the focus onto their shop, she was ecstatic to share everything they had been up to. An hour later, Jay came strolling in with arms full of plastic bags. Once he saw who was helping Lori, he set them down and gave me a big smile.

  “’Bout time your ass made it down here!”

  I laughed and gave my old friend a warm hug. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Lori already gave me the third degree. I feel bad enough as it is. There’s no excuse, but I am here now.”

  Jay motioned for me to follow him back with the bags and to grab a beer. Behind the gallery were a small workshop and a set of stairs.

  “You guys live here, too?” I asked when entering the multi-level apartment.

  From the outside you would never know how awesome the building was. A spacious kitchen and living area rested below an open loft space. Off to the back of the kitchen was a large wooden deck overlooking downtown Phoenix. Something like this in New York would cost a few million dollars and be definitely noisier. It was an incredible place to live and work. I could picture Grant having a place like this. Then I frowned when the thought crossed my mind.

  No, Lila, you can’t think about him. Let it go.

  Convincing myself to forget about him was easier said than done. While driving to Phoenix I noticed mountain bikes on the back of every vehicle; every white SUV jumped out to my attention.

  “You okay, Lila? You look a little lost over there?” Jay had noticed I was spacing out and looked concerned.

  “Yes, just a rough couple of weeks. I’m good. Where’s that beer you promised?”

  He handed me a small bottle with a corked lid and wire cage. As I tried to figure out how to open it, he took it back and popped the cage and cork off.

  “It’s one of my favorite batches, perfect for hot days. Not too heavy.”

  As I took a sip from the bottle, sharp hops hit my tongue before balancing smoothly. “Yum, this is super tasty!”

  He grabbed a few more and led me back down to the gallery. It was still early in the day for them to be closing the shop, but since it was slow, they called in someone to watch it for a few hours.

  “Do you have a swimming suit with you, Lila? If not, I can just let you borrow one. We need to get going; it’s already hot.”

  I looked at them both curiously and shook my head.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as she dragged me back up the stairs.

  “We have a boat and we’re going up to Canyon Lake to do a little swimming.”

  Excitedly I grabbed one of the suits and a towel and helped her pack. Jay already had food and beer ready to go; I just happened to catch them on the perfect day.

  “I would have been upset if you guys weren’t around. Good timing, eh?”

  Nodding in agreement, we hopped into Jay’s truck and headed to the marina to pick up the boat. It was a sweet bow rider that only looked to be a few years old, and they were proud to show it off.

  “So do you come up here a lot? It’s gorgeous!”

  I couldn’t get over how beautiful the rocks and the saguaro cactus that dotted the landscape were. The water was a deep shade of blue and glistened as water-skiers and kayaks shared the lake.

  Unfastening the ropes from the dock, Lori slowly started to back out of the slip while Jay made sure the boat did not hit the sides.

  “We try and come up at least twice a week. It’s one of the few things we can do at odd hours—just come out at night and sleep on the boat under the stars and go out in the morning.”

  I was envious of the life they had built. They did not have a ton of money, but they were obviously happy and making a difference in the world. Together as partners they worked hard and enjoyed the fruits of their labor. I could sense a story about them brewing in my head, yet I gently reminded myself to be present.

  For two days I savored every moment of my time with them. Because they knew Hunter and had seen the video, I finally told someone other than my family what had happened. They too knew Savion, yet did not seem surprised by his decline. In addition, I shared my week with Grant. When talking about him, my hands became so animated, and everything in me lit up. They saw the sore on my leg at the lake, and I felt compelled to come clean. I mauled over everything that was about to take place and how I had to return to New York to sign the contract.

  “Do you have to stay there? Can’t you write anywhere?”

  I stubbornly protested and brought up that he abandoned me in the desert with his friends.

  “Yes, but he did it because he felt like he couldn’t say goodbye to you. Didn’t you say the guy’s best friend was killed in an accident that he was also in not long before? I wouldn’t want to say goodbye to anyone either. Give the guy a break. He sounds great, and from what you say, seems crazy about you.”

  Lori knew she was right, and Jay agreed with her. I was being a fool. My own reservations about the kind of person I was would never let me be happy with anyone ever. I would always find an excuse as to why it wouldn’t work to protect my heart from getting hurt. I decided to give myself a few days to think about contacting Grant after the contract was signed. I still had time to back out of the deal, but I wouldn’t do it.

  I packed up the car at dawn and hugged my friends tightly. My flight from Los Angeles would be leaving the next day and gave me little time to visit Hollywood and Beverly Hills. I had a few last minute bucket list items before rejoining the rat race and played my music loudly while flying across the desert into the City of Angels.

  My room at th
e Chateau Marmont placed me right at the pulse of hopeful celebrity sightings at the bar, but was unfortunately swamped with tourists hoping to do the same. I walked along Hollywood Boulevard to Mann’s Chinese Theatre and placed my hands in Marilyn Monroe’s. I walked Venice Beach down to Santa Monica Pier and cruised along Rodeo Drive in less than twenty-four hours.

  As the cool waters of the Pacific Ocean crashed along my feet, the last ounce of obstinacy flowed out and was swept away with the current. I wanted Grant. I wanted to try and see where something good took me, rather than destroying it with doubt. I still had New York to contend with, and if by the end of the week I still felt the same, I would fly to Vancouver and surprise him. I took into consideration that my last surprise did not go over so well, yet in the off chance that I was wrong, I would know just as quickly that it was not real.

  My flight to LaGuardia was long and grueling. I was so exhausted by the journey that I slept for twelve hours after arriving at the hotel. A car was scheduled to pick me up the next morning for my meeting with Rectory House, and Lorenzo messaged me to tell me everything was still on track and to not let them talk me out of the agreed amount. My stomach was in knots as I pulled up to the skyscraper that held the century old publishing group. Today, once my name was signed, I would be leaving with an entire team ready to take my story and share it with the world. That thought frightened me more than signing away on the project. I would have to force myself not to read reviews nor take negative criticism personally.

  The conference room was packed as the agents from dinner the weekend before guided me inside. At the head of the table was the CEO, Mr. Leroy Benson, along with an attorney to oversee the contract, a publicist, member of marketing, and my new assistant, Melanie Banks. Contrary to Lorenzo’s warning, there was no suggestion of a counteroffer, and they were all genuinely happy to have me on board. A bottle of champagne was brought in and a photo taken of the occasion.

  Mr. Benson had scheduled a tentative press release about my addition to the company that would go out the next day. Aside from the standard publicity related engagements I was anticipating once the book was released, my presence in New York was not necessary. I stayed for a total of two weeks to familiarize myself with the company and get to know my new agent and assistant.

  It definitely helped that they were both avid fans and in tune with my readers as well as living for social media. I gladly set them up as administrators and told them to go to town, because I needed the time to write. At night I would scour the Internet for tourist information on Vancouver and imagined all of the things that I would do. With my plane ticket bought, I knew there was no turning back. New York no longer held the same appeal for me, although I loved it very much. As the taxi passed the Waldorf Astoria, it was hard to believe everything that had transpired since that summer night just a few months prior.

  Hunter still crossed my mind occasionally, yet he had made no attempt to contact either me or Eli, which just solidified my need to be over it. Grant had appeared at just the right time when I needed him most. He did not have a life that would keep him away from me or place me in dangerous situations. He was feral enough to satisfy the beast within me, dominant enough to keep me under control, and smart enough to know when to let me go. Thinking back to the conversation at the lodge, when he told me he felt like he was supposed to help me, I’d thought he was slightly crazy. Little did I know how much my life would change because of him.

  I crossed the continent again and arrived in Vancouver late at night. On the way to customs, gorgeous Native Art surrounded me everywhere. Massive water displays and intricate wood carvings amplified the image of what we called the Pacific Northwest. All of the shops were closed, and the world was sleeping. After passing through customs, I made my way to the rental stop and navigated my way to the bustling party spot known as Granville Street. With the hotel just a few blocks up, I was able to check out the local nightlife and soak in the city.

  As the morning came, I dressed myself carefully and tried not to drink too much coffee. My nerves were already shot and I had a twenty minute drive to the school. Sitting in traffic, I wasn’t bothered knowing who I was about to see. When I pulled up to the gorgeous glass and timber building, it appeared more of a work of art rather than a school. I had to spend an additional twenty minutes convincing myself to get out of the car and go inside. Opening the door, I was greeted by a receptionist with an impeccably clean office for a children’s school. Then again the Montessori philosophy did maintain a clutter free environment.

  “Hi, can I help you?” She was very friendly and did not appear concerned there was no child with me.

  “Um, yes, I am here to see Grant Kulik. Is he available?”

  Looking at the computer, she gave an apology. “Mr. Kulik is at our other campus for a meeting. If you want I can take a message, but he will be back soon.”

  I hesitated briefly as her response confused me. If he was a teacher, why wasn’t he here in class, teaching?

  “Oh, does he not have to teach today?” I asked innocently.

  The woman laughed and looked at me like I was an idiot.

  “No, he isn’t a teacher. I mean, he does teach occasionally, and the kids adore him, but he’s the founder of the school. We have seven campuses, and he runs them all. How is it that you know Mr. Kulik, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  I smiled and introduced myself.

  “I am a writer and met Mr. Kulik on vacation. He said if I ever happened to be in Vancouver, that I should stop in and say hello. I had some free time and thought I would pop in. I don’t have to stay; I can just leave a message.”

  I walked over to the desk and asked for a piece of paper. My hands shook while thinking of what to say.

  The note was completely generic but would not offend the random reader until it reached his hands. As I slid the pen across the counter and handed her the note, the door chimed. Walking in quickly, he was taken off guard by my presence.

  “Lila.”

  I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. “I was in town, so I stopped by, but I was just getting ready to leave. It seems you are busy, so I won’t bother you.” I clenched my jaw tightly, hoping that the woman would not see the tears fighting their way out. The room was closing in, and all I wanted was to run and forget about my stupid idea.

  “Sandy, can you please clear my schedule? I won’t be in for the rest of the day.” His eyes never let mine, although he was speaking to her.

  “Of course. Enjoy your day. It was nice to meet you, ma’am.”

  I turned to smile and nod my head before walking towards the door. Grant walked beside me, placing his hand against my lower back and sending shivers through my body. Without a word he led me to his truck and opened the passenger side door. Conscious of the curious eyes, he pulled over in a lot just out of sight from the school and turned off the keys to the ignition. I could tell he was fighting just as hard as I was inside.

  “I should have called you to tell you I was coming. I wanted to surprise you. I’m sorry.”

  Suddenly I felt guilty for intruding on his life. Thoughts that it was all a lie slammed through my soul. He could be married and have a family for all I know and I just popped in out of the blue. My breathing grew heavier the longer he was silent.

  “Grant, I said I was sorry. Just take me back and I will never bother you again.”

  He shook his head and reached out for my hand, rubbing it firmly between his fingers.

  “No, don’t leave. I’m just in shock, that’s all. I never thought I would see you again. I just want to make sure I’m not dreaming.”

  Pulling his hand up to my mouth, I kissed it gently and started to cry. Scooting his seat back, he dragged me over the console and straddled me on his lap, curling his head into the curve of my neck and holding me close. With my face damp, he swept away the strands of hair sticking to my cheeks and kissed my salty lips. With my palms pressed to his chest, I could feel his heart beating rapidly. I backed away
slightly to rest my forehead on his.

  “So does this mean we can have dinner tonight?”

  “How long are you staying?” Grant asked with a cracked voice.

  The air grew humid with our bodies pressed so closely together, yet I dared not move away.

  “That depends on how long you want me to.” When I pulled away to catch his reaction, he still appeared wary of my intentions.

  “Are you serious?” he questioned.

  Shrugging my shoulders, I gave a sideways grin. “I am kind of homeless right now, so if I do not drop anchor here, who knows where the wind will take me.”

  Quirking his brow, he cocked his head and smiled back. “A millionaire vagrant? Hardly.”

  With my abandonment from technology, it never stopped surprising me how connected people were in knowing everything about you.

  “Are you stalking me?” I asked playfully.

  “A little. It’s hard not to be curious about you.”

  “And why is that?”

  “You obviously did a little investigating of your own on me or else you wouldn’t know where the school was. Tell me what else you found.”

  I shook my head and ran my thumb back and forth across his soft lips. As he closed his eyes and leaned into my palm, I dared another kiss.

  “You’re avoiding the topic, but if you must know, the only thing I wanted to find was you.”

  Grant’s fingers threaded through my hair and pulled me closer, claiming my mouth and neck with a tongue so fevered I imagined flames with every sweep.

  “Fuck,” he growled against my skin. Looking around, he gave a devilish grin and unsnapped the top button of my jeans. With me sitting up slightly, he was able to slide his palm down the front and slip two fingers inside of me as his thumb began gentle circles over my clit. Rocking my hips, I gripped the back of the seat behind his head and savored his touch.