Falling Stars (The B–Side)

by J. L. Brooks

  Only a month had lapsed since our last embrace, yet it felt like an eternity. My body yearned to belong to him and hummed reverently with every caress. I was a fool to think that I could ever go back to who I was before. Climbing higher into ecstasy, even the spiraling guilt of Vegas was not enough to hinder me.

  “Let go, baby,” he growled while twisting his fingers more aggressively.

  Instantly I reacted to the sound of his voice, and the familiar warmth crept through my abdomen and down each limb, momentarily blinding me with the pleasure that never lasted long enough.

  Collapsing on his chest, Grant laughed lightly.

  “Does this start to make up for leaving you with Mark?”

  Sitting back on his knees I gave a sour look. “I know why you did it, but I am not saying I am not still pissed about it. I am actually quite livid. But I know I also do things that might not be considered the right thing, so who am I to hold a grudge? I know you don’t like goodbyes, and I don’t blame you. You have been through a lot.”

  Tightening his jaw, he stared out the window and avoided my gaze. “Can you forgive me?”

  My heart broke for this beautiful man and all the tension he held in. Gently bringing his chin towards me, I wanted him to see my sincerity. “Look at me. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  He chuckled lightly while bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking off the wetness. “Indeed you are.”

  Lightly brushing my lips against his, I bit the bottom playfully. “Good, now that we are settled, are you going to show me this city or what? Because I am starving.”

  “Okay, okay, you are going to have to leave my lap, though. I am quite happy the way you are, but if food is what you want, then food is what you shall get.”

  I scooted back to my seat and buckled up as he started the truck, pulling away slowly. He found my hand again and brought it to his lap possessively, lightly stroking my palm with his thumb. Using his onboard phone, he called the school and told them he would be out for the rest of the week with personal matters. I tried to protest, yet he insisted.

  “It’s one of the perks of being the boss. Besides, I don’t think I would be able to work very well knowing that you’re here. A few days won’t hurt anything; they can manage.”

  Feeling feisty, I challenged his remark. “There you go again with your perks. Weren’t you the one that told me that a few days can change everything?”

  Giving me a look, he just smirked and squeezed my hand.

  We stopped a short while later at a hip eatery called Acme Café in the historic Paris Block of the city. Rubbing his belly, he opened the door, letting me pass through first. After we were seated and given the specials, I settled on their notorious variation of eggs benedict per Grant’s recommendation and waited patiently for the dish to arrive. It felt strange to be sitting in a restaurant with him—a very common experience, yet it was a first for us.

  “Is this our first date?” I asked smugly behind my cup of coffee.

  Stirring the raw sugar crystals into his tea, he tapped the small spoon over the top and smiled contently. “Do you want it to be?”

  I nodded and set my elbows on the table. “So Grant, tell me more about yourself. What is your favorite color? How long have you lived in Vancouver? Do you ever fuck on the first date?”

  The woman behind us choked on her water, spewing it across the table on her husband, and started coughing violently. We both covered our mouths to hide our laughter as the waitress rushed over to see if she was okay. As she waved the server away, we knew that I was the source of her discomfort.

  I put my hands into my lap and looked at the ceiling, feigning remorse. Grant coughed and took a sip of tea before replying.

  “My favorite color is yellow. I have lived here for ten years, and yes I have, today being the first.”

  His eyes shot over my shoulder to watch and see if the woman was still listening to our conversation. Grant’s eyes twinkled with mischief and in that moment any doubt I had about coming withered away.

  “Glad I could be your first something.”

  As he sat there shaking his head, the dishes arrived and distracted me from anything else other than devouring the delicious food before us.

  I moaned loudly with each bite, and Grant was forced to turn his head away. Slipping off his shoe, he grazed his foot along my leg and in between my thighs, tickling with his big toe and causing me to squirm.

  “You better stop that, mister! It’s a miracle I am eating right now.”

  There was no need to explain why. The shadows under his eyes and hollow cheeks told me he too was under duress. I didn’t want to think about him sad, especially over me. Determined to keep the mood from dropping, I picked a piece of sausage off of his plate and popped it in my mouth.

  “So, can we go whale watching today?” I asked seriously.

  Grant chuckled loudly and rolled his eyes. “Do you really want to go see whales today?”

  I could feel myself start to pout as if my request was ridiculous. “What’s wrong with going to see whales? I am sure your school does it all the time. Oh . . .” Once I thought about it, I did start to feel foolish, but I didn’t care. Straightening my back I took another bite of his sausage. “Yes, I want to see whales, and I am going to keep eating your damn sausage if you don’t get it out of my face.”

  Wagging his brows, he pushed the plate towards me and jested. “You know you want my sausage in your face.”

  At that point, the woman behind us stood and walked directly in front of our table. Shaking her finger, she was absolutely appalled by our discussion. “You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Have you no respect? If I wanted to hear that kind of language, we would have eaten up in Granville, and even there I doubt that I would be exposed to such filth. Thank you for ruining our lovely breakfast.”

  With a huff, she turned on her heel and left without waiting for her husband who moved at a much slower pace. Sliding on his jacket, he too came over to us, but with a much different demeanor. Placing his hand on Grant’s shoulder, he patted it a few times before looking at me.

  “The longer you keep laughing together, the longer you will stay together. Don’t ever forget that.” Walking over to me, he reached for my hand and gently kissed the knuckles and gave a wink. “When you get sick of this one, you come find me, you hear?”

  I loved the tenderness and humor the old man had and scrunched my face at his impatient wife who finally realized he wasn’t behind her. Standing alone at the entry, she hollered for him once again to depart. He made no rush to meet her demands, instead seeming to take his time to spite her.

  “Don’t let her piss and vinegar fool you two. It’s the reason I married her,” he said while making his way towards her. Bringing my attention back to Grant, he grinned knowingly.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You’re full of piss and vinegar too, Lila. There’s something to be said about women like you, I guess.”

  Taking one last mouthful of hash browns, I pushed the plate away, finally satisfied.

  “I hope I never get offended by crude language. If so, I am thoroughly fucked.”

  I should have anticipated his reply.

  Without missing a beat, he said, “Thoroughly fucked isn’t a bad thing, especially when it’s something I’m counting on.”

  I pulled on my coat, ignoring his comment, and grabbed the bill before he could pay it. As he followed me to the counter and I handed over my card, I reminded him there were more pressing matters.

  “Well you better hope I get to see a whale today.”

  Throwing his head back, he put his hands together in a prayer pose and closed his eyes. “Dear God, please let this woman see a damn whale so I can lock her away in my house for a few days. Amen.”

  The cashier looked at us both strangely as she handed me my receipt. Shaking my head, I grabbed his hand and walked out into the warm fall afternoon, making my back to the truck.

  “Hey, we should stop by th
e hotel since we are close and get your things. There’s no point in you going back since you’re staying with me.”

  “Um, we don’t have to. It’s in the trunk of my rental.”

  “Were you planning on staying with me tonight?”

  I started to bite my lip nervously as he drove past the hotel and circled into a different direction. “I wasn’t sure. I hoped to, but then also thought if you weren’t happy to see me, I would want to get on a plane as soon as possible.”

  Squeezing my hand in comfort, his voice grew determined. “Well obviously I am thrilled you are here, and you are not leaving. I will stop you this time if you try, but I have a feeling I won’t need to. So let’s go see your precious whale, and then I will be able to show you everything else. Sound like a plan?”

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was going to be okay. “Plan.”

  For all of the spectacular things I had seen in my life up to that point, nothing could touch the majesty of a fiery sunset as a pod of orcas played all around us. Although he pretended to poke fun at my desire to do everything touristy, a smile never left his face as I placed a new mark on my imaginary checklist. I wanted to see a troupe of Mounties, and was thoroughly disappointed that they only wore regalia for special occasions. In addition I had the strong desire to taste the best pancake syrup Canada could offer.

  “You do realize that is like me going to Idaho and asking for the best potato in America. Just because you are in Canada doesn’t mean we all shit maple leafs and say ‘eh.’”

  Waving him away with a grin, I continued to browse the aisle at the small grocery store and stock a basket full of my staple writing snacks. When he returned with a few wine bottles in hand, I raised my brow curiously.

  “Plan on getting me drunk tonight?”

  Grant leaned down, hovering over my mouth, and hot puffs of air curled across my face. When I leaned in to meet his lips, he simply laughed and backed away a bit.

  “I plan on doing lots of things to you tonight and have every intention of taking my time. If a glass or two of wine helps you slow down, so be it.”

  The thought alone sent a surge of warmth through my core, making me dizzy. Knowing I would fall asleep and wake up next to him saturated my soul in bliss. The sex would be amazing, yes, but the moments in between would be just as sweet.

  We left the store and went to pick up my rental. Grant assured me he would drive slowly enough for me to follow him, but warned me to be careful driving up the mountain in the dark. He lived half an hour away from the campus, and I was starting to get tired before we even arrived. Pulling up to the gated entrance, Grant hopped out of his SUV and entered a code while directing me to pass. “It’s just up the hill; you can park in the circle.”

  I nodded my head and proceeded up the dark wooded road with his headlights behind me, illuminating more of the surrounding forest. As I took a sharp curve, a motion detected light came on and guided me towards the front of the house.

  “Holy shit,” I said aloud while parking. Floor to ceiling glass made up half of the house with the rest being timber and steel. It was designed with the same elegant aesthetics as the school. I was unprepared for something so grand. He looked almost embarrassed walking up to me and grabbing one of my suitcases.

  “This is home,” he said softly.

  “It’s beautiful!” I exclaimed while following behind him.

  It was difficult to see what wasn’t lit up, and I could only imagine what it would look like in the daylight. He opened the door for me to walk in first, and I swallowed hard as he turned on the lights, giving me a better view of the house. Cathedral ceilings opened up to a secondary loft. A grand stone fireplace went up the back wall with an antler chandelier. Massive leather furniture and timber tables rested on plush woven rugs. The columns in the center of the room were hand-carved and painted to resemble Native totem poles, with vibrant red, black and white paint detailing the various animals. The house was entirely masculine and void of a woman’s presence.

  I wasn’t sure if I should have found comfort or felt nervous by that fact. Typically men had some residue of past relationships with items they found of no value yet kept for sentimental reasons. Everything in the house looked specifically chosen and meticulously placed. I wanted to wander and explore the rest of the house, yet waited patiently for Grant to return from getting the rest of the items from his truck. Setting them down on the granite island, he picked me up and placed me on the edge like he had that one day in the cabin. Rather than inciting a heated encounter, he rested his head against my chest and held onto me tightly.

  “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

  His fingers clawed up and down my back and massaged forcefully over my limbs, holding on in any way possible. I clenched my thighs around his waist and locked my ankles, pulling him closer.

  “I can’t believe I am here, either, so I hope you don’t change your mind.”

  Shaking his head, he nuzzled into my neck placing soft kisses across my collarbone. “Not happening.”

  Squeezing a bit tighter, he backed away and lowered me down, taking my hand and leading me up a floating staircase to the upper level. The loft wrapped around the back of the house with a catwalk across the front, connecting the two areas opposite of each other. An open game room was on one side with a pool table, bar and big screen television. An office was on the other. The hallway had a series of doors leading into various rooms, yet Grant only opened one, which was to the bedroom. Inside was a massive king-sized bed with a plush down comforter piled in a heap. It was the first sign of the house actually being lived in and made me smile.

  “This is it,” Grant said with open arms.

  I laughed mockingly. “Yeah, didn’t see this coming.”

  Concern washed over his face as he came closer and pulled me into a hug. “You don’t like it?”

  “I didn’t say that. I was just expecting . . . less I guess.”

  “I’m not here very often, if you couldn’t tell. It’s too quiet sometimes.”

  “Then why live here and not in the city where you are closer to the school?”

  “It’s too noisy there.”

  I shook my head and pointed at a door. “Is that the bathroom? Mind if I take a soak? You can join me if you want.”

  Nodding, he growled and pulled me into the spacious tiled room. A massive soaking tub sat in the corner, surrounded by stained glass windows. I quickly knew this would be my favorite room in the house as Grant began to pour the hot water.

  “Have any candles around? I know it’s cheesy, but it really does make it nice.”

  Scrunching his brow in thought, he ran out and returned with a package of tea lights and a barbecue lighter.

  “Definitely a man’s house if this is all you have,” I joked while setting them around the edge. He opened the closet and removed a few towels and a fresh bar of soap. Taking the items from his hands, I set them aside and loosened his tie before unbuttoning his Oxford. He watched as I undressed him slowly with glassy eyes and a wicked grin. Then he helped me slip out of my jeans and sweater. I could sense his mind devouring my body as I stepped into the steaming bathtub and held my hand out for him to follow.

  Lathering the bar of soap in my hands, I straddled his legs and began to massage the suds onto his arms and chest affectionately. He held my hips gently with his head back and his eyes closed, and I used my cupped hand to rinse away the soap. He then picked up the bar and repeated the motions over my chest and neck. I dipped back to rinse off and allowed my hair to fall out of the topknot and splay across my shoulders. Coming back up, his mouth caught my nipple and bit down hard.

  I jerked in his lap and slid forward, feeling his arousal pressed against my belly. He held me in place to make sure I knew how ready he was. I wanted him and fought the nausea that flooded my senses from allowing strangers to touch me. Although I had visited a doctor and ran a battery of tests to ensure I was clean, nothing would wipe away the filth from my memory.
He could tell something was off and stopped momentarily as I prayed he blamed it on leaving me behind.

  “Let’s get out,” I moaned urgently.

  Toweling off, Grant swept me into his arms and plopped me onto the bed like a rag doll. When he jumped over me, I was happily caged beneath him.

  “Fuck. I don’t have anything,” he growled while leaning back onto his heels.

  Running my fingers across his shoulders I encouraged him forward again. “It’s okay,” I whispered.

  Grumbling to himself, he rolled off, but I held his arm to stop him. “No, it’s okay, you don’t need anything.”

  As he looked at me, unsure, I could tell he wanted a further explanation.

  “I have an IUD, and I’m clean. Scout’s honor.” I laughed, holding up two fingers.

  He walked back slowly, but I could see he was still hesitant.

  “I haven’t been with anyone like that in a really long time. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  I nodded my head in understanding and pulled the sheets over my body, feeling vulnerable. I couldn’t blame him. Suddenly being denied his affection ripped at my heart, although I shouldn’t have taken it personally. I fought the muscles in my chin from frowning and scooted to the other side of the bed so he could not see my face. Pulling on a pair of pants, he bolted from the room and barreled down the steps. A few minutes later he returned with the backpack he had taken camping and dumped the contents onto the bed. Shaking everything out, the box of condoms hit the blanket softly and caused Grant to shout, “Eureka”!

  He ripped one out of the box and kissed the foil packaging. Ready to romp, he tore the blankets off the bed, causing me to shriek. Seeing the tears that ran down my cheeks, he brought his hands up to my face and forced my gaze to meet his.

  “No, no, no, baby. It’s not like that. I don’t want to come too fast. And, yes, I know it probably hurts your feelings, but I need to know you are going to stick around. I know I was the one that left, but you frighten me.”