Falling Stars (The B–Side)

by J. L. Brooks

  I couldn’t tell him to trust me, because I didn’t even trust myself. I never wanted to hurt him and would do everything I could to make sure that never happened. As I sat there shaking in his arms, he pulled me close as more tears rushed forth.

  “I won’t go anywhere, I promise.” Looking me in the eyes, he tossed the condom over his shoulder.

  As I wept, his mouth crushed my sorrow while his knee parted my legs. Feeling the small titanium balls press against my folds, I raised my hips to draw him forward. Sheathed or not, I desperately wanted him inside of me. With one quick thrust, he stole my breath, causing me to gasp. Following with another, he began to slam repeatedly with intense force. Grabbing the headboard for support, I locked my ankles around his hips and arched my back into the air. The position rocked my body like a pendulum, allowing him to sink even deeper. Unable to hold the pose for long, I flipped over onto my stomach and wrapped my feet around his calves while holding onto his arms.

  He moved slowly, grinding his hips while drawing out soft whimpers. I ached for release, and he was taking his sweet time like he warned he would. As he nipped along my neck and shoulders, I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled gently.

  “Fuck, Lila. Hold onto the headboard again.”

  Without question I did as he asked. The moment my fingers curled around the spindles, he pulled my hips into the air and hammered roughly, coming hard within seconds. As I collapsed on my stomach, he did not withdraw, yet massaged my clit while thrusting gently. With his left arm he hiked my knee onto his elbow, pulling me close against his chest.

  “It’s your turn. Come for me, Lila,” he groaned into my ear.

  I slid my hand over his and began to maneuver his fingers in a way I knew would make myself come quickly. He kissed my neck and shoulders as he continued to move within me, and I felt the length of the barbell tug against my muscles with every clench. Quietly I shuddered as the warmth tingled from my abdomen outward. I squeezed Grant’s arms around me even more, never wanting to be anywhere else in the world. Completely exhausted, I rolled onto my back, yet remained beneath him.

  “And to think I almost let you go. What a miserable life I would lead.”

  His fingers brushed my hair away from my face as he looked at me appeased.

  “But you didn’t. So after tonight, let’s not think of it any longer. I have had long enough to think about a life without you in it, and I’ve been miserable. From this point on, nothing in the past can change what we have now. I would marry you today if you allowed me to, but I will continue to woo you until the right time. Just know now, I am in this for keeps. If you are not serious, tell me.”

  Shocked, my breathing became shallow as I attempted to process what he just said. Because I was so unsure, I repeated it. “Did you just say you would marry me?”

  Dipping his lips to mine, he kissed me softly. “Absolutely, Lila. Is that something that you want?”

  I closed my eyes, reeling at the possibility. “It’s not really a place I’ve let my mind explore. I never thought I would meet anyone like you. I have to consider it now. I’m not saying no. It’s just a lot to think about.”

  “It’s okay, nothing you need to decide tonight. However, you must apply for Canadian residency soon. Passion does not exclude you from the law. I would be furious if you ever got deported.”

  Covering my eyes, I banged my head against the pillow and whined. “Tomorrow I shall tackle the world, right now, there’s only one thing I want.”

  “And what’s that mademoiselle?” Grant asked playfully.

  “Sleep.”

  The next morning bright beams of light filled the house. The bedroom had blackout shades, and I slept much longer than I had anticipated. Smelling bacon and eggs, I padded down the stairs and into the kitchen where Grant was cooking breakfast in nothing but his sleeping pants.

  Groggily I laid my head on the counter where he placed a cup of coffee in front of me and kissed my nose.

  “Morning, sunshine,” he chimed.

  As he whistled happily while cutting up the fresh fruit and setting two plates on the bar, I asked what time it was.

  “Eight o’clock.”

  Looking at my watch, I realized I was still on New York time and it was nearly noon there.

  “Sweet, time change worked in my favor.”

  I popped my watch off and readjusted the time before taking a sip of coffee. Curling my legs underneath me, I stretched my back and yawned. “What do you want to do today?” I asked Grant while he divided the eggs.

  Shrugging, he really had no preference. “Whatever you want, it’s your day. But we should probably take back your rental. You don’t need it.”

  “I need a car while I am here. I was supposed to buy one in Cleveland, and I never got around to it. I suppose I could go look for one this weekend.”

  When he set the plates in front of us, I started to devour the crisp bacon.

  “No, Lila, you don’t need to, I have it covered.”

  Mid bite I stopped chewing and looked at him curiously.

  “What do you mean you got it covered? Do you have a few cars just sitting in your garage or something?”

  Cringing slightly, he nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Unbelievable!” I shouted. “Who the fuck are you? I don’t care that you have money, but why wouldn’t you tell me before?”

  I could see him grow defensive. “I don’t like being judged because of what I have. Every woman I have tried to date before expects me to buy her things and take her places, spoiling her rotten as if it’s automatic, and when they see I am not like that, they drop me and move on.”

  His demeanor told me that it happened more than once. That is why he was still single. He wanted to be loved for who he was, not what he could do. Knowing now how busy he was, I could only imagine how hard dating must be.

  “But I’m not like that. I have my own money. Well, now I do. And I wouldn’t care if you didn’t have it. I never thought you did, so it doesn’t change anything. I just didn’t understand why you would hide it, but now that you explain it, it makes sense.”

  Speaking softer, I could feel he was relieved that I understood.

  “I know you’re not like that. I wasn’t trying to deceive you; I just don’t know you the way I want to. As fast as I want to move forward with you, I know we still have a lot to learn about each other. I’m okay with that if you are. Just as I said I am in this for keeps, know that I will take care of you—not because you need me to, but because I can and I want to.”

  Suppressing the urge to argue, I snatched a piece of bacon off of his plate and laughed. “Sure about that? Giving me what’s yours?”

  Knowing I was being ornery, he placed a piece of bacon between his teeth and tilted his head to feed me. “This is a two way street. I don’t want your money, I want something more valuable.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I want your heart, Lila.”

  “Hopefully you are pretty handy, because it’s in a million pieces right now.”

  Although I was joking, the painful truth could not be hidden from the falter in my voice. Grant had finished eating and was scraping his plate when he nonchalantly decided to address the cause of my calamity.

  “I can’t fix it for you, but I can help. First I need to know about Hunter.”

  My face dropped and I became rigid as stone. I had never once allowed that name to cross my lips in his presence, and a wave of nausea rolled through me. Intuitive to my emotional recoil, he furrowed his brow in thought.

  “When we were in Utah and last night, you said his name just before you screamed in your sleep. I know what I read online and the pieces don’t fit.”

  Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back on the barstool, no longer feeling sleepy. “You really cut right to the chase, don’t you?”

  Shaking my head, I got up and started to pace back and forth in the sunlit room, feeling the rays warm my skin. Through the windows I could see be
yond the tops of the thick trees and out onto the sea. As I stared into the distance, Grant came up from behind, winding his arms around my torso and speaking with an apologetic tone.

  “I have found that facing things head on is typically the best route. There’s no point in prolonging your pain if we can do something about it now. I don’t want to start a life with you and have this hanging over our heads.”

  I nodded and turned in his arms. “I agree, but this means no more holding back from me, too. Just like you didn’t tell me about Fred because you thought I would run, I didn’t tell you about Hunter.”

  Grant buried his nose in my neck and nuzzled softly. Taking in my reason, I could feel him struggling with the unknown.

  “I get it. But I can’t get over what I read. I need to know the truth. What made you leave New York with him? Were you really drugged?”

  Laughing, I stepped away and pointed to the deck on the back porch.

  “Is that a hot tub out there? Because this is a really long story and I want to be comfortable if I am going to tell it.”

  He did not appear to favor brevity in this situation, and I could guarantee I would be crying. Somehow sitting in bubbling water, surrounded by nature, somehow made it less depressing. Stripping bare, I dipped my toe into the steaming tub and sank with a grateful moan. Following behind, he picked up a foot and began to rub it softly.

  “Full version or abridged? Your call,” I said indifferently.

  “Abridged is fine as long as it explains why you are so restless.”

  Exhaling deeply, I poured out my soul and prayed at the end he would still be there. To say Grant was shocked would be a gross understatement. He was horrified to hear what had transpired, and I could see the fury building in his eyes.

  “How could you still write the story after everything?”

  Knowing it probably wouldn’t make sense, I tried my best to explain it.

  “I did it as a way to find some peace and exorcize him from my bones. If nothing else, make a ton of money off my misery.”

  “Was it worth it?” he asked.

  I smiled and crossed the water to straddle his knees. Wrapping my arms over his shoulders, I kissed him softly. “I have to say yes, because it led me to you.”

  He broke the kiss and looked away. I could feel the muscles in his body tighten with frustration.

  “And I abandoned you,” he said solemnly.

  Nipping at his lower lip, I forced him to look at me. He knew all that he needed to know and I vowed to myself to let go. “I thought we agreed not to revisit that. It’s done, I am here. Unless you have a girlfriend you are hiding from me, it’s over.”

  Shaking his head, he chuckled loudly. “No girlfriend, I promise. A very nosy mother, yes. Girlfriend, no.”

  Nervously I dared to ask about the woman in his life. “Does she know about me?”

  Laughing again but with a devious undertone, he began to kiss me playfully. “Yes, and you get to meet her today if you want. She’s looking forward to it. She has read fifteen of your books so far. You have a fan.”

  If I could have flushed any more, I would have appeared purple. I knew that women of all ages read my books, yet somehow the thought of his mother devouring my illicit stories and knowing I shared the same bed with her son felt corrupt.

  “I’d love to meet your mom.” Feeling lighter, I was curious about his life here. “And your dad? Siblings?”

  Although he smiled, there was sadness behind his eyes. Adjusting his legs, he turned me around in his lap and pulled me close.

  “My father is ill, and I have no siblings. When he passes, it will be just me and my mother. Traditionally in our culture, the mother moves in with the child after her husband passes. She has balked against it and insists on staying in her home, but it’s the reason I want you to meet her soon. I don’t mean to move so quickly; it’s just how it is. I never expected to see you again or else things would have unfolded much differently. I just want you to know what you are getting into.”

  Pushing away, I kneeled on the opposite side and rested my arms on the ledge, looking out into the woods. Steam curled off of my skin as the brisk wind prickled across the exposed areas. I closed my eyes and pictured my life here. If I were to back out, now would be the time. However there was nothing stirring about to make me flee. His dedication to his family, the simplicity in which he lived, and his deep passion kept me anchored in place.

  “Lila, are you okay?”

  Turning around, I swam back over and resumed my previous position. Grinding my hips down, I smiled mischievously. “I’m more than okay. Now if it’s alright with you, I’d prefer to stop talking and start doing other things with my mouth instead. I have a feeling after meeting your parents, I might feel guilty for being so naughty.”

  With one arm he held me against him, while with his other hand, he started to pinch the flesh along my ribs and tickle me relentlessly.

  “You better not ever stop being naughty, Miss Keaton. I feel like I have only scratched the surface to what you are capable of. Just know right now I have every intention of finding out exactly what you can do and how far you will go.”

  Desire pooled in my belly at the challenge. Feeling my limbs tingle with anticipation, I dragged us out of the tub and left a trail of water through the house.

  “Through hell and back,” I moaned breathlessly against his skin.

  Slowing his rhythm, Grant’s gaze found mine. “What did you say?”

  “You wanted to know how far I will go. That is my answer.”

  Although he wasn’t being literal, I needed him to know I was not moved by what he was putting before me. If ever there was a reason to fight for love, it was him. I had already gone crazy and been through hell, and every moment was worth it for the ones he’s shared with me.

  With a slow hand, his fingers threaded through the back of my hair and jerked swiftly, causing me to gasp. Grazing his teeth across my throat, I swallowed hard at his sensual aggression. Echoing more as a warning than an affirmation, his response was unyielding.

  “I am going to hold you to that.”

  The neighborhood took me off guard, although I shouldn’t have been surprised. When Grant turned onto Osler Street, I could feel my nails dig into the sides of the leather seats. Thinking about bringing him to Cleveland made my stomach turn more than the prospect that his parents would despise me. New York had taught me the art of conversation among the upper echelons of society, yet I never dated one of them. Knowing I wouldn’t have to explain the origins of our relationship made things a great deal easier, but could not squelch the feeling I would be seen as a passing whim.

  “Stop it, Lila,” Grant said sternly.

  Turning my head, I simply stuck out my tongue and blew a raspberry. I adored that he could sense me spiraling and refused to let go. Squeezing his hand tighter, I trusted him to guide me through this.

  Whipping into a driveway and around to the back, we had arrived at the sprawling residence.

  “This isn’t where you grew up, it can’t be. It looks too new.” Noting as I glanced down the block, it appeared every home in the neighborhood had been more recently constructed.

  While opening the back to retrieve a bottle of the wine he had bought the night before, he explained that he moved around a lot as a child. His parents settled in Vancouver shortly after he did. So many questions swirled in my head about who he was and what his life was like. Getting to meet his parents was going to be a huge piece in my understanding.

  Entering through the back door, we stepped through a mudroom and into a massive gourmet kitchen. Two women were busily cooking and scarcely noticed our arrival. I tried to guess which one was his mother, and it only took a second to recognize the same beautiful eyes and bone structure.

  “Moya lyubov,” she proclaimed with open arms, pulling her son close and patting his back firmly. Her voice was warm and thick as she called out, my love, in Russian. In spite of my understanding, I was not so quick to
claim I understood her. Once again I felt as if Grant had left out what I deemed to be an important part of who he was. Although he had said earlier in the day, in my culture, I would have never guessed this about him.

  She kissed both of his cheeks before turning to me. When she cocked her head to the side as she studied me, I smiled at the realization it was a family trait. Starting at my shoulders, her small hands trailed down to mine and held them firmly as she pulled me into a hug.

  “Sweet girl. Thank you.”

  I grinned widely as she kissed both of my cheeks and led me forth into the house. When Grant’s mother directed the other woman to not burn the sauce, the other woman scowled and then winked at Grant, who waved at his mother as she determinedly carried me away. Rounding a corner, she warned me to watch my footing as we stepped into the study. On opposing sides of the walls were floor to ceiling shelves packed with books of all kinds. In one small corner rested every one of the twenty-five books I had written in perfect condition. Pulling out the one hardbound cover I ever released, she held it to her chest and appeared as if she were going to cry.

  “This one is my favorite. Your heart is in these pages. I felt as if I already knew you.”

  Taking the book from her hands, I ran my fingers lovingly across the cover. The Little Traveler. The book that seemed to touch so many and the reason I was unable to write again. She was correct. I had spent so much time peddling erotica to make a living that it was the first piece I poured my soul into with the expectation it would tank.

  “Grant told me that you finished a book not too long ago. What is it about?”

  Handing her back the book, I shrugged. “It’s about how the past has a way of holding us back, and in order to move forward, we must let go and trust that something better is waiting for us in the future.”

  Stepping closer, her hand reached out for mine again. “Is my son in your future?” she asked softly.

  Nodding my head, I could feel the hot tears slide down my cheek and hit my chest. This woman held the same familiar disarming qualities Grant had. Just being near her, I felt safe and loved, and I had only met her moments ago.