Captain Awesome vs. the Evil Babysitter

by Stan Kirby

  They needed a plan to break Eugene out of babysitter prison, and there was only one way to avoid Melissa finding out what they were up to: the Sunnyview Superhero Squad Sock Puppet Code! Eugene grabbed the rolled-up sock from the floor and slipped it over his hand.

  STINK!

  Putting a week-old dirty sock over his hand was not a good idea. This smells worse than the armpits of Major Sweat from Super Dude No. 12!

  Despite the awful smell of his own left sock, Eugene stood in front of the window and began the Sunnyview Superhero Squad Sock Puppet Code.

  “What’s he saying?” Supersonic Sal asked Nacho Cheese Man as she watched Eugene open and close his hand to make the sock puppet’s mouth move.

  “Hold on a sec,” Nacho Cheese Man replied. “Got . . . to . . . concentrate! Yes! Yes! I’ve got it!” Nacho Cheese Man turned to Supersonic Sal. “He’s either saying ‘We need a potato to get me out of this tuna fish’ or ‘This sock has three eyes.’ ”

  “I don’t think he’s trying to tell us either one of those things,” said Supersonic Sal.

  “I probably should have paid more attention to Eugene when he explained the Sunnyview Superhero Squad Sock Puppet Code to me.” Nacho Cheese Man sighed.

  A hopeful Eugene watched Nacho Cheese Man shrug.

  “I knew Charlie should have paid more attention when I explained the Sunnyview Superhero Squad Sock Puppet Code to him.” Eugene sighed.

  He looked around the room. There must be something there he could use to escape.

  I could put underwear over my head and tell Melissa that it attacked me!

  Eugene grabbed a pair of underwear from his drawer and stuck it on his head like a white, stretchy hat. And then Eugene had an idea that was even better than wearing underwear on his head . . . although, just barely. He raced to his double secret stash of comic books.

  “Behold! The answer to all my problems!” Eugene declared, and thrust a comic book into the air.

  It was Super Dude No. 129. The one where Super Dude gets captured by the evil Dr. Chore and is forced to make all the lava beds on Volcania. But Super Dude manages to send out a smoke signal to the Halloweenies, and they defeat Dr. Chore with a trick-or-treat attack.

  “What’s he doing?” Nacho Cheese Man asked the moment he saw Eugene slide his bedroom window open. “It looks like he’s going to throw a—”

  SMACK!

  Super Dude No. 129 bonked Nacho Cheese Man on the head.

  “I think that rotten babysitter sucked out Eugene’s brain and replaced it with pudding!” Nacho Cheese Man said, picking up the comic. “Why would Eugene throw down Super Dude No. 129?”

  “THE HALLOWEENIE TRICK-OR-TREAT ATTACK!” said Nacho Cheese Man and Supersonic Sal in unison as they both remembered what happens in No. 129.

  “It’s nowhere near Halloween,” Supersonic Sal said. “A trick-or-treat attack is the last thing Eugene’s babysitter would expect!”

  They gave the Sunnyview Superhero Squad Salute to Eugene and raced around the house to the front door.

  Relieved, Eugene plopped back onto his bed. Finally. They had figured out the plan. But now was not the time for rest. The battle for his freedom was about to start. Now was the time for Captain Awesome.

  MI-TEE!

  DING-DONG!

  Usually that was just the sound of the front doorbell, but today it was the ring of battle . . . and also the front doorbell.

  Melissa looked through the peephole, a large bowl of freshly popped popcorn in her hand. She opened the door.

  “Trick-or-treat!” the two heroes called out in unison. They hoped to distract Melissa long enough for Eugene to make his escape out the back door.

  “Trick-or-treat?” Melissa asked, confused. “But Halloween isn’t for six months.”

  “She’s on to us! Plan B! Plan B!” Nacho Cheese Man shouted in a panic.

  “Nacho Cheese Man, there is no ‘Plan B!’ ” Supersonic Sal replied.

  “There is now!” Nacho Cheese Man whipped out two cans of cheese and sprayed Melissa.

  “Hey! What are you doing?!” Melissa yelled.

  Melissa staggered back from the open door, covered in spray cheese. Supersonic Sal raced past the confused babysitter and up the stairs, where she nearly collided with Captain Awesome, who was running in the opposite direction.

  “We’ve launched ‘Plan B!’ ” Supersonic Sal happily reported.

  “What’s ‘Plan B?’ ” Captain Awesome asked.

  “I’m not sure, exactly, but it seems to be working,” Supersonic Sal replied.

  And it was working until the two heroes heard the shattering cry of “AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I’VE BEEN POPCORNED!”

  Captain Awesome and Supersonic Sal rushed down the stairs, and what they saw sent their heads spinning like Topsy Turvy, the villain who once tied Super Dude to a giant top and sent him spinning into a black hole. Melissa was throwing popcorn at Nacho Cheese Man. Nacho Cheese Man did his best to shield himself, but Melissa’s popcorn attack was too much for the Master of Cheese.

  “Hang on, Nacho Cheese Man!” Captain Awesome cried out.

  This was it! The final battle between the goodness of good and the badness of a babysitter whose little sister always dressed in pink!

  Captain Awesome grabbed a pot of spaghetti from the kitchen. Supersonic Sal snatched up a bowl of salad. “In the name of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad, I command you to drop that popcorn!” cried Captain Awesome.

  “Oh, yeah?” Melissa said, turning to face Captain Awesome. “Well, I command you to EAT POPCORN!”

  Then Melissa pelted Captain Awesome with a handful of popcorn.

  SALAD!

  Supersonic Sal threw a handful of lettuce and tomato slices at Melissa. Nacho Cheese Man jumped to his feet and rejoined the battle.

  SLOP!

  PLOP!

  SQUIRT!

  SPAGHETTI!

  Captain Awesome wound up and unleashed all his awesome MI-TEE spaghetti-throwing might in one mighty throw! The pasta stuck to Melissa’s shirt like sticky worms.

  “Oh, yeah?” Melissa said. “Well get ready for my Super Popcorn Snow Attack!”

  Melissa threw all the popcorn into the air. Popcorn filled the living room! It fell like snow onto Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, Nacho Cheese Man, and Melissa.

  The three superheroes instantly stopped throwing food and stared in wide-eyed fear at the babysitter.

  She’s going to blame us and send the three of us to my room for a billion years! Captain Awesome thought. And Supersonic Sal and Nacho Cheese Man don’t even live here!

  Melissa popped one last piece of popcorn into her mouth and looked at Captain Awesome.

  Here it comes. Captain Awesome braced himself for the super yelling power Melissa was about to unleash, but . . .

  SHOCK!

  Melissa started to laugh!

  “Is she laughing, or is that some horrible sonic attack?” Nacho Cheese Man whispered to Captain Awesome.

  “Oh, man! That was totally awesome!” Melissa said. “I love food fights, and you three are the best!”

  DOUBLE SHOCK!

  Melissa grabbed a handful of spaghetti from Captain Awesome’s pot and plopped it onto her head like a stringy wig. She burst out laughing. And before they knew it, Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, and Nacho Cheese Man were laughing too!

  “If this is a sonic attack, it’s totally working!” Supersonic Sal said, laughing harder than she ever remembered laughing before. Then she dumped the rest of the salad onto her own head.

  “Mees are awthum bownees! Fanks, Mawiffa!” Nacho Cheese Man said—or tried to say—his mouth stuffed with brownies.

  “He said, ‘These are awesome brownies! Thanks, Melissa.’ ” Captain Awesome had become an expert at translating Nacho Cheese Man when he talked with his mouth full.

  Melissa put a brownie in her mouth and replied, “Manks, Mafo Meeze Man!”

  Everybody laughed, which was quite surprising given that just ove
r an hour ago, they were having a food fight with Eugene’s future dinner. But life’s funny that way.

  Or as Super Dude once said in issue No. 212: “Sometimes you think you know who you should be throwing food at, but if you take a little time to get to know them, you just might realize they’re actually pretty cool.”

  And those wise words never seemed more true than they did now as Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, Nacho Cheese Man, Melissa, and even Queen Stinkypants herself sat at the table enjoying some freshly baked brownies— but only after they had cleaned up their foody mess, of course.

  “My sister, Meredith, told me that you guys sometimes show up at her school to fight evil, but I never thought I’d get a chance to meet you myself,” Melissa said. “This is a real honor.”

  Captain Awesome’s eyebrows shot up. “You wanted to meet us?” he asked.

  “Why, sure,” Melissa replied. “It’s not every day someone gets to meet real, live superheroes!”

  “Sorry for thinking you were a supervillain,” Supersonic Sal apologized.

  “Oh, that’s okay. It happens,” Melissa replied.

  Nacho Cheese Man nibbled at a brownie and shook his head. “It’s hard to believe that someone as cheese-tastic as you could have a sister like Meredith.”

  “Aw, Meredith’s not that bad. She can be a pain sometimes, but she’s really good at making brownies. Actually, my mom helped her make these.” Melissa dipped a brownie corner into her glass of milk.

  The Sunnyview Superhero Squad stopped mid-bite and looked at their brownies, stunned that something so yummy could come from someone as evil as Meredith.

  Nacho Cheese Man shrugged, ate the final brownie crumbs from his plate, and declared: “Nothing is more evil than wasted brownie!”

  It was about time for Nacho Cheese Man and Supersonic Sal to head home.

  “Even superheroes have to report to their parents,” Supersonic Sal explained as Melissa led them to the front door.

  But at that moment, the front door opened on its own. . . .

  Well, not really. But the front door did open. And behind it were Eugene’s parents!

  “Mom! Dad! I mean, Mr. and Mrs. McGillicudy! What are you doing home?” Captain Awesome asked.

  “The conference was canceled,” Eugene’s dad said with a sigh. “But on the bright side, our whole weekend’s free to spend at home!”

  “Oh, Eugene will love that!” Captain Awesome said, trying to hide the huge grin on his face after hearing the MI-TEE news!

  “So, did we miss anything?” Eugene’s mom asked.

  Captain Awesome, Supersonic Sal, Nacho Cheese Man, and Melissa shared smiles.

  “Nope!” they all said together.

  “Come on, guys, I’ll walk you home,” Melissa said to Supersonic Sal and Nacho Cheese Man.

  Melissa put her hand out to Captain Awesome. “It’s been great meeting you, Captain Awesome. I’ll never forget this day.”

  “Be good, and good things will happen!” Captain Awesome replied, shaking Melissa’s hand.

  One shake. Two shakes. Both thumbs up. High five.

  Captain Awesome gasped. Did Melissa just give him the Super Dude Secret Handshake, known only by those official comic book-reading, card-carrying, badge-wearing, website-visiting members of the Super Dude fan club?!

  Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Melissa was a Super Dude fan?!

  Melissa winked and then walked to the sidewalk with Supersonic Sal and Nacho Cheese Man.

  “We should have her babysit again,” Eugene’s mom said. “She seemed like a very nice girl.”

  “Oh, she’s more than ‘nice,’ ” Captain Awesome replied as he looked at the palm of his hand and smiled. “She’s MI-TEE!”

  “Today is going to be awesome!”

  That was what Eugene McGillicudy said when he woke up the morning that all the trouble started.

  What he should have said but didn’t know he should have said was:

  OH, NO!

  It was going to be his worst day ever. But, again, Eugene didn’t know that when he woke up.

  He didn’t even get a hint of his awful day as he walked to Sunny-view Elementary School with his best friends, Charlie Thomas Jones and Sally Williams.

  “Smell that fresh air,” Eugene said. “This is going to be a great day!”

  Charlie nodded. “Let’s hurry to class!”

  “I don’t want to miss even one second of a great day,” Sally said.

  The trio ran all the way to their classroom.

  “Morning, Turbo,” Eugene said to the class hamster. Turbo looked up from his carrot and squeaked.

  Eugene squeezed his backpack into his cubby and sat at his desk.

  His awesome-but-actually-awful day was about to begin.

  Eugene’s idol, Super Dude, would have sniffed out the evil that was about to strike, but—

  Wait, what’s that?

  You’ve never heard of Super Dude?

  Do you live in a crater on the surface of the dark side of the moon?

  How could you not have heard of the greatest superhero in the history of superduperness? Super Dude was the guy who bent back the five fingers of Count Fist-Face and tangled the titanium springs of the bouncy Commander Coil O’Evil.

  Super Dude was also the star of the so-real-they-have-to-be-true comic books that made him Eugene’s favorite superhero of all time, forever and ever.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  LITTLE SIMON

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division • 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 • First Little Simon edition July 2014 • Copyright © 2014 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Designed by Jay Colvin. The text of this book was set in Little Simon Gazette.

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Kirby, Stan. Captain Awesome vs. the evil babysitter / by Stan Kirby ; illustrated by George O’Connor. — First edition. pages cm. — (Captain Awesome ; #11) Summary: “When Eugene’s parents go away for the weekend, he discovers that his babysitter is a true villain! Will Captain Awesome be able to save himself—and his little sister—from the evil babysitter?”— Provided by publisher. [1. Superheroes—Fiction. 2. Supervillains—Fiction. 3. Babysitters— Fiction.] I. O’Connor, George, illustrator. II. Title. III. Title: Captain Awesome versus the evil babysitter. PZ7.K633529Cb 2012 [Fic]—dc23 2013028256

  ISBN 978-1-4814-0447-1 (hc)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-0446-4 (pbk)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-0448-8 (eBook)