Angel of Mine

by Jessica Louise

  Barbara gives me the thumbs up, “Good luck.”

  Impatient to get to Theo I give a few short words, muffled from the material covering my face, “Thank you for all your help,” then I take off.

  My footsteps echo down the corridor, and I allow my feet to follow where my gut feeling is taking them. I’m disconcerted to find myself heading out the front doors to the parking lot. Suddenly my early thoughts of my ability leading me directly to him seem silly, and I question my sanity. That is, until I see Theo and his parents cloaked in gloom, getting into their car and driving away.

  Defeat slaps me in the face, and I slump to the ground where I stand. My elbows rest on my knees and I cradle my face in my hands and sob. It must look fairly strange to anyone passing by that a supposed doctor is sobbing on the steps leading to the entrance of the hospital.

  I’ve never had a problem that I haven’t been able to fix before. Why won’t he let me? Why won’t he tell me what’s wrong? He’s so bloody stubborn it’s infuriating. Anger and frustration become more prominent as my mood swings. The need to persevere takes over again, and I get to my feet and head for my car so I can go home and formulate a plan.

  When I pull up to my house, there are a few reporters in my front yard, and I do my best to ignore them as I hurry to get inside. The door jams halfway open and I squeeze through the gap. There is a box taped up on the floor with ‘important files’ written across it in Nikko pen. There are various other boxes scattered up and down the hallway. It looks as though Mum is packing, ready to flee. She has clearly seen the news this morning.

  In her haste, she has thrown items of unimportance here there and everywhere as she tries to find what we need to take. Stepping over a cushion, a lamp that has fallen over and a stack of magazines littering the floor, I make my way towards where I hear noises in the back room.

  Just before I reach her, I grab my phone from my pocket and check it. Fifty-seven missed calls and ten missed texts. Most are from Mum, some are from a number I don’t recognize, and then there are a couple from Theo. My thumb runs over the call button, and I wonder if he will answer if I call and let me know what’s wrong.

  A loud thunk sounds behind the closed door to the room I’m about to enter and I hear the wheels of a suitcase rolling along the wooden floorboards and heading in my direction. I guess the phone call to Theo will have to wait. Reluctantly I shove the phone back in the pocket of the doctor’s coat I’m still wearing and look up to see Mum opening the door. “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” She jumps back about a meter and lands on her bottom, still backing away. “Who are you? What do you want? Ally isn’t here. You leave her alone, you hear me?”

  Simultaneously, I rip the mask and the scarf off my head. “Mum relax, it’s me.”

  Her hand comes up to rest on her chest as she gathers her wits and eyes me suspiciously. “What are you doing wearing that? You almost gave me a heart attack.” She looks so fragile cowering back amongst piles of clothes strewn all around the room, and I offer my hand to help her up from the floor.

  “Sorry, disguise.” This short explanation is enough. I know she is aware of the media.

  With her bag back in her hands, she briskly starts walking down the corridor as she addresses me again. “I’m sure that’s a fascinating story. You can tell me on the way. Your bag is on the bed open and waiting for you.”

  Placing my hand on her shoulder, I stop her in her tracks. “Mum, I’m not going.” She whirls around with a look of disbelief waiting for me to justify myself.

  “This isn’t funny Ally. What do you mean you aren’t going? The media is everywhere. If this is about that boy.” She shakes her head, and crosses her arms over her chest. “You are being foolish. Go pack you bag.” Twisting around and leaving her back to me, she starts to walk off again.

  Anger rises at the thought that she thinks I’m acting as if I’m a child with silly little boyfriend issues. Theo needs me, and I can’t leave. I have to make her see things from my perspective. My eyes narrow and I raise my voice, “He’s sick Mum. I need…”

  She cuts me off by stomping her foot on the ground, then grabs my arm and drags me to my room.

  “No. Absolutely not. You are not helping him. Do you even know what’s wrong with him? You’re going to pack your bag even if I have to force you. You’re not too old to take over my knee young lady.”

  Yeah, that’s what she thinks. “You can’t make me. I’m almost eighteen, and I’ll just run off if you force me to go.” I’m shouting now as I rip my arm out of her clutches.

  “Don’t be daft. If he’s sick, he’s not going to have time for you anyway.” She doesn’t get it. Clothes start flying through the air and landing half haphazardly on top of the suitcase as she starts throwing them in and I scowl at her as I watch on.

  “I’m not a child. I’m out of here. I’ll go stay with Theo.” Even as I say this, I know he won’t take me in while he’s trying to avoid me.

  My feet pound against the pavement as I run down the front walk. “You’re sure acting like one,” Mum yells after me.

  The cameras in the front yard click away but no one bothers to follow me with all their heavy equipment. It’s funny that I choose now to act like a normal teenager for once, running away, in the midst of everything else I’ve got going on in my life.

  Visions of Theo and my spot at the park come to mind, and I head there to reminisce about better times. It’s as good a place as any, and I have nowhere else to go.

  The park is empty when I get there. Since no one is around to bother me, I ditch the doctor gear in the bin and go sit on the kiddie merry-go-round to wallow.

  My feet tap the ground as woeful thoughts go through my head, causing me to start moving in pointless circles. Slowly at first, then faster the more anxious I get.

  My surroundings blur as I spin round and round. Everything is hazy just like my thoughts. Hundreds of images of Theo’s handsome face are flitting through my mind. Focusing on his soft lips, I remember what they felt like against my skin. My whole body aches for him, for his touch. Hugging myself, sadness overcomes me because I miss him so badly. Does he miss me too? What is he going through and how can I help him? Endless questions swirl in my head.

  A dark shadow comes in and out of focus, and the play equipment pulls to a halt. “Hey Ally. I’ve been looking for you. I’d almost given up but saw you over here as I was going home.” Alex sits down beside me and stares at his feet as he talks. Red rims the outline of his bloodshot eyes, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. I watch him, praying that he will meet my gaze so I can search his eyes for answers.

  “What’s wrong with Theo? Please tell me Alex. I can’t stand the thought of not being able to help him or at least be by his side while he goes through whatever it is that is wrong.”

  He ignores my question as though he didn’t even hear it. “We saw you on the news. Theo was worried sick about you, I came to check on you for him. Will you be all right? Can you just lay low for a while?”

  “I’ll be all right. I’m not concerned about it. They will realize I’m not going to speak to them, and I’m sure it will be yesterday’s news before we know it. If not I could always come up with some type of alter ego like Clark Kent,” I laugh without humour, and I don’t think he buys my ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude.

  “It’s not them I’m worried about.” I glance at his house in the distance then at him again.

  He finally looks back but still refuses to give me any answers. “It’s better this way Ally. You need to forget about it.”

  My eyes roll to the back of my head at his absurdity. “Fat chance,” I mutter.

  “Theo doesn’t want your help. It would tear him apart to see you in his position. Can’t you see that he is trying to protect you? If you want to help him, move on and be happy.” My eyes sting as I try to be strong and not cry while thinking his words over.

  He pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and passes it to me. “My number, call m
e if the media gets too much and you need help. Goodbye Ally, take care.” With that, he walks off without looking back.

  Stuck in a seriously grouchy mood, I keep watching him until he disappears into his house. I huff out a warm breath and watch as it disperses through the cold air. Too much time has passed already. I need to find a way to help Theo before it’s too late. There is obviously something terribly wrong.

  Flickers of light hit the corner of my vision, and I scan the area for photographers but only notice a woman in jogging gear on the path by the road. She is keeled over struggling for breath. I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to run through the open air, and not like a caged animal on my treadmill at home. I guess now’s my chance, although it doesn’t look like much fun. Oh well, at least it will take my mind off things. If Theo is watching through the window of his house, it might even lure him out and give me a chance figure out his health problems.

  I jump up, and without hesitation, I stalk towards the woman. Without explanation, I splay my hands on her chest as she heaves for air. Instantly I feel my heart rate accelerate, and my breathing grow shallow and quick; there is a burn in my lungs, but not the same kind of heat I get from healing.

  “What on earth are you doing to me?” The woman demands. She is glaring, and her hands are resting on her hips. I don’t understand why she is angry with me. I was trying to help her.

  The ache in my chest is easing, my breathing starts to slow, and a new feeling creeps in. Sudden bursts of energy fill me. It feels like I have been flying and I can do it again. I feel euphoric; this is incredible. My crappy mood has totally disappeared.

  Awareness strikes and I realize what I have done. This woman worked hard for this feeling, and I took it away. I assumed I was helping her, but now I just feel like the Grinch at Christmas.

  “Sorry.” I backtrack, acting like nothing strange just happened, “I thought you were having an asthma attack and just wanted to check you were okay.” Maybe she will shrug off the fact that she felt better instantly, and my hands were glowing like lightsabers. Maybe she will blame it on her own insanity and not my gift.

  “I guess you’re fine.” Chagrin laces my smile. “Take it easy.” I turn around and start to jog home, seeing if I can create that feeling of euphoria again in the process. It sure beats the gloom that was threatening to destroy me.

  I slow down as I approach my house, inhaling and exhaling deeply to try to regulate my breathing. It’s on the third inhale that I smell it. One hand against the light post next to me for balance, I lift my foot up and look underneath it. Yuck, dog poo. My nose scrunches and I hold my breath in distaste. Maybe this whole running scene isn’t so great after all. I certainly have mixed emotions about it now. Plus, utterly gross sweat covers me.

  Not wanting another confrontation with my mum and wanting to avoid any media that may be lurking, I sneak through my neighbour’s yard, take off my ruined shoes and quietly climb through my window. It’s a couple of meters off the ground, but there is a large pot full of lavender underneath it to help give me a boost and I’m easily able to pull myself the rest of the way in.

  Once inside I hold my breath and pause, listening for any sign that Mum may have heard me. “We will be arriving in about two days, and I will be happy to come in for an interview as soon as I get there.” I’m able to hear her talking from the living room and figure from her side of the conversation she must be on the phone trying to line up a job interview.

  Great, so she is still determined to go, I will have to steer clear of her and try to hold this move off. My eyes land on my black hoodie, resting on the top of the pile of clothes on my suitcase, and an idea comes to mind. A pair of black yoga pants is somewhere amongst this mess, as quickly and as quietly as I can I search through the pile for them.

  Bingo, gotcha. This outfit will be perfect. My old outfit hits the floor, and I pull on the yoga pants and the hoodie. It smells faintly of mothballs, but that is probably because I stored it in the back of my closet since last winter. I keep the hood drawn up around my face because this will help keep me as hidden as possible. The odour of old clothes and sweat from my run is not the best. However, the sound of the shower would alert Mum to my presence.

  “That would be fantastic. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I will call you when I get into town.” Mum is wrapping up her call, and I know I don’t have much time. Scrambling to the tall antique cupboard, I grab my black boots and put them on. There is no time left to pack a small backpack, so I guess all I have are the clothes on my back. When I go past my dresser, I see my black mascara and shove it in the pocket of my hoodie. If I’m going to go through with this plan, then I’m going to be thorough.

  Giving the room one last quick scan, I take a deep breath and climb out the window. The neighbour’s yard is still empty and I skip through it before going back out to the footpath. Not wanting to draw any attention to myself, I keep my eyes averted from the media and my head down. This time when I go to the park I will keep hidden in the shadows and wait until the time is right to carry out my master plan. If Theo won’t come to me, I’m going to him.

  My stomach grumbles and I try to ignore it. At least it’s long past dinnertime and smells of cooking from around the neighbourhood aren’t floating around torturing me anymore. The loud protests my stomach produce join other noises of rustling leaves and a few sounds I can’t decipher. I’m trying to be brave and tell myself it’s just animals in the park. The lights from the street don’t reach this far back, and I can’t see a thing.

  With a stick I found earlier gripped securely in my hand, I am ready to fight off any predator if needed. The feel of the rough bark against my skin is reassuring. I pull my knees up to my chest, and rock back and forth trying to stay warm. Waiting for all the lights to go off, I anchor my gaze on Theo’s house.

  There is no chance of Theo coming to the door to see me if I just go up and knock. I’m going to wait until they are all asleep, and perform a stealthy break and enter. He can’t stop me from healing him if he is asleep and doesn’t know any better. Yes, he might be pissed, but he also won’t be able to change it once it’s done. I’m sure he will get over it eventually. He can’t stay angry with me forever when my intentions are so pure.

  A shadow moves behind the curtain and the last light in the house shuts off. Thank God for that. My teeth are starting to chatter now it’s getting so cold, and I want to get moving.

  Another half an hour is all my patience can take. Surely they must all be asleep by now. With shaking hands, I put the stick down and grab the mascara out of my pocket. Completing my look, I swipe black lines over each of my cheeks like a warrior to help put me in the mood and make me feel braver then I am at attempting this. I just hope I am able to heal him before anyone catches me.

  As I walk slyly towards his house, I feel myself getting warm, both from the movement and the healing power coming through, sensing that it has a job to do. My body starts to tingle, and when I reach the side of the house, they start to glow. I jam them into my pockets so that no one sees me hovering somewhere I’m not supposed to be.

  There is a force pulling me towards the backyard, and I follow it on instinct. “Yowch,” I squeal out as I accidentally kick a garden gnome I didn’t see. Crap, I lean into the house hoping nobody heard and woke up from my yelp. My heart is starting to pound and adrenalin courses through me.

  There is a window above me; it is slightly open, but a little high up. A quick scan of the backyard reveals the outline of an outdoor table setting. The plastic chair is fairly light, and I carry it with ease back to the small window.

  Ever so slowly, I push it up. It sits in an old wooden frame, and it whines as I move it, making me falter. Deeps breaths, I can do this, I’m so close. Persisting, I press on bit by bit until it’s finally open.

  Stealthily I climb through and know straight away that I have the right room. My body hums with energy and I have no choice but to obey my body’s orders and pull m
y hands out of my pockets. They light the room and I pray that it doesn’t wake him.

  I’m confused when my hands don’t know what area to concentrate on as they heal. There is a distressed look contorting the features on his face, and I decide to start there.

  My heart feels like it is about to leap out of my throat it is beating that fast. Other than that, I feel no changes. Why isn’t anything happening? His eyes start to flutter open, and the fast pitter-patter in my chest stops suddenly. I’m out of time. I blew my chance.

  I’m on the brink of consciousness, not awake but not asleep either. It’s the dead of night, and everything is so peaceful. Darkness is all around me, and in front of me, I see a small light start to illuminate from seemingly nowhere. It is small at first and then gets brighter and larger. It’s warm and pleasant, and I want to float towards it.

  In my dream-like state, I see Ally’s face beyond the light. Is this my time to go? Is this the light at the end of the tunnel everyone talks about? I’ve hardly suffered at all. I didn’t expect to go so quickly.

  Ally’s exasperated voice breaks the silence, “Why isn’t this working?” Her voice is in no way like an angel’s, and I immediately come to my senses.

  “No!” Rolling to the other side of the bed, I sit up and switch on the bedside lamp to confront her. “What are you doing here?” As what she was trying to do sinks in my voice starts to tremble. “Keep those hands away from me Ally. You better not have been attempting what I think you were?”