Ashes & Embers Series Collection (Books 1 to 4)

by Carian Cole

  “No!” There’s fear in her voice and her entire body tenses up beneath me.

  I rub a gentle circle around her quivering hole. “‘No’ doesn’t work here,” I growl. “I want you.”

  “Please, I don’t want to do that.”

  I press the glistening head of my cock against her ass and push a tiny bit, my heart racing with desire for her.

  “Vandal, please . . .” she begs, her voice cracking.

  “You’ll love it if you let me.” I push a little harder, spreading her more.

  Before I can react, she’s straightening up, knocking me backwards, and scuttles over to the other side of the table.

  No one ever says no to me. Containing my anger, I stare her down. She could have just used the safe word if she really wanted me to stop, so I think she’s testing me to find out what she can get away with.

  “Get back over here,” I say pointing down to the spot in front of me that she just vacated.

  “No.”

  I run my hand through my hair, annoyed. “If I have to chase and catch you, you’re not going to like it, Tabi.”

  “Are you going to force me?” She looks beautiful, her hair rumpled, her makeup smeared across her teary face, her dress hanging off her body. I love how she looks ruined just as much as when she is perfect. Maybe even more, because pretty is smoke and mirrors. Destroyed is real.

  “Force is a gray word in this world, darlin’. You know that. You gave yourself to me, right?”

  She nods and licks her lips, her eyes locking onto mine. “Yes.”

  “You can use the safe word if it’s a hard line for you. I’m not a rapist.”

  “I know.”

  “Come here, then.”

  She slowly comes back to stand in front of me, wobbling on the high heels like a little girl playing dress-up. I pick her up effortlessly and sit on her on the table in front of me, spreading her legs so I can stand between her thighs.

  “I guess you’ve never done that with the two before me?”

  She shakes her head. “No. Obviously.”

  “You’re scared of it?”

  “Yes. You’re too big.” She glances down uneasily at my still-hard dick. Which is huge, by the way.

  I suppress my laugh because I can see that she’s legit petrified.

  “Why didn’t you just use your word? You know I can force you if you don’t use it. If you’re really mine, I can take what I want and you give it. That’s how it works.”

  She touches my chest hesitantly. “I know that, and I agreed to it. I want to make you happy. I don’t want you to be disappointed in me. I’m just scared. Lara said it hurts. A lot.” She gulps. “But if you really want it, then I’ll do it for you.”

  Fuck. What can I say to that?

  If she were anyone else, I would slam her down on the floor and do what I want, like I always have. I would take what I want and not give two fucks how she felt or if it hurt her and split her apart. I would prove that I was in control and that her feelings didn’t matter to me. But I can’t do that to her, because she’s willing to let me do anything to her, just to make me happy, even if it means she has to endure pain and fear to give me what I want. Because she loves me.

  And I love her.

  “You’re changing everything for me,” I say slowly, my voice husky.

  “Is that really such a bad thing, Vandal?”

  I look into her eyes and wrap her legs around my waist. “I have no fucking idea anymore.” I pull her head to me and crush my lips against hers, ramming my cock into her at the same time. She tightens her thighs around me and snakes her arms around my neck. She’s rattling my cage so fucking hard. She doesn’t just take down my walls, she picks my locks and pulls a massive break-and-enter on me.

  CHAPTER 20

  TABITHA

  TABI,

  My brother is coming today. Ya-fucking-hoo.

  I’ve never been with a girl in front of my friends or family before.

  I want a relationship with my brother. This is important to him. He’s bringing his new girlfriend.

  I really don’t want them to know what kind of relationship we have or how we met. I don’t think they would understand, so let’s keep that between us.

  Help me do this right.

  I promise not to fuck you on the table until they leave.

  I COVER my mouth and giggle. I love when his cute side shows up.

  I open the gift box and find an outfit that makes me squeal. Skinny jeans, little black boots, a black leather belt, white lace tank top and a flowy black top. In a small gift bag is a necklace with a pendant that looks as if it’s made of stained glass, in the shape of a heart. It’s gorgeous.

  Normal girl clothes! Squee!

  I pick up the journal and the pen.

  VANDAL,

  I will always help you do what’s right and I am honored to meet your brother.

  These clothes are amazing! And this necklace is wow!

  Today, I love you more.

  Tabi

  I give him a big hug when I find him out on the back deck cleaning the barbecue grill.

  “I love everything,” I say, beaming. “Everything fits perfectly. How do you manage to buy clothes for me that fit so well? It’s baffling. I can’t go shopping without trying a million things on, and I’ll end up buying two things that actually fit.”

  He grins, obviously proud of himself. “I know every inch of you, inside and out.” Looking me up and down in my new outfit, he raises his eyebrows in approval. “You look sweet. I can’t wait to rip it all off you later.”

  I check him out when he goes back to cleaning the grill with a big, gnarly brush. He’s wearing dark jeans, a gray thermal shirt that outlines his chiseled chest, back, shoulders, and arms, and black motorcycle boots. His jet-black hair is straight and shiny in the sun. He’s nervous about Lukas coming, but I’m really not quite sure why. There must be more to it than just him not being comfortable around people with a woman he’s in a relationship with.

  “What can I do to help?” I ask, rubbing my hand on his back. “I could dice up some of that fresh fruit we have.”

  “Yeah, that would be nice. Lukas is bringing steaks and teriyaki chicken kabobs and some other stuff. We have soda, beer, wine, juice, and water. It’s just two of them; she’s not bringing her son.”

  I look at him, surprised at the mention of her having a son. “I didn’t know his girlfriend had a kid.”

  He nods. “Yeah, two kids, actually. She’s much older than him. Older than me, actually. Like, upper thirties. A cougar.” He laughs, shaking his head, and I wonder how old he is. He looks to be about early thirties. “I think her kids are seven and eighteen. She’s a good person . . . like you, but she’s kinda in a mess right now with her husband, and Lukas is all fucking crazy about her. They’re still trying to figure shit out. I told Lukas I didn’t have a problem with her bringing her son but he thinks having a kid around is going to upset me. Especially Tommy. Katie was all gaga about him.”

  He looks off out at the lake and takes a deep breath. “Some days I almost feel normal,” he admits, glancing back over to me. “I can get through the day without wanting to drink to numb the pain. Some days I can think about her without fuckin’ losing it. A few times, I’ve been able to remember something cute she did and I can actually smile about it.”

  I touch his hand. “I know, Vandal. I feel the same. I still have some really hard days, but they are lessening. And that doesn’t mean we’re forgetting them. Our hearts are healing. One day while I was at the cemetery, right after Nick died, an old woman came up to me, and she said something I’ve been trying so hard to hold on to. She said, ‘You’re not dead. You get to live. You get to love. And it won’t be easy, but it’s our gift in this world to be able to feel again.’”

  Narrowing his eyes at me, he leans against the wood railing of the deck. “I get that. And I do want to live my life.” He looks down at his boots, his jaw clenching tightly. “I just don
’t want to ever forget her, ya know?”

  I do know, because I struggle with that too, but it’s different for me. I lost my husband, and now I’m trying to move on with another man. The guilt is hard to get over. I don’t want to ever forget Nick, but it’s hard to move on without feeling as if I’m replacing him, and it’s hard to try to keep his memory alive without feeling as if I can’t let go of him, and let myself having feelings for Vandal.

  “You won’t ever forget her, Vandal. You’re allowed to be happy, and still remember her. You can have both.”

  He pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around my waist. “So can you,” he replies.

  I go up on my toes and kiss his cheek. “I’m trying,” I say. “And I’m really proud of you for not drinking again. You’re stronger than you think you are. I’m going to go cut up that fruit now.”

  Just as I’m putting all the fruit into a pretty glass bowl the doorbell rings, my stomach fluttering with nerves as Vandal goes to the front door. I’m overcome with a bit of a surreal feeling. Meeting another man’s family is not something I ever thought I would be doing. At one time I was very close to Nick’s parents and his brother, and I considered them family. Since the accident, I’ve pulled away from them because being around them hurts too much and reminds me of all the family holidays and good times we spent together that I’ll never experience again.

  From the kitchen, I see Vandal open the front door and a very good-looking, young guy comes in with a pretty girl. They both hug Vandal, which catches me off-guard. I was expecting fist bumps or back-slaps between him and Lukas, not a long hug.

  They make their way into the kitchen where Vandal takes the shopping bag away from his brother and sets it on the counter.

  “Hey, guys, I want you to meet Tabitha.” He moves to stand next to me. “Tabi, this is my brother, Lukas, and his girlfriend, Ivy.”

  Lukas extends his hand out to me, which is covered in tattoos, even his fingers. “Hey, it’s great to finally meet you,” he says. I smile at him and take his hand, and I have to admit I’m a little enthralled. He looks a lot like Vandal, only with shorter, black hair that reaches to his shoulders. They both have the same dark eyes, and are both muscular and covered in tattoos, but Vandal is a few inches taller. Vandal also has a dark sexuality about him, whereas Lukas has an adorable boyish charm that is a lethal combination with his bad boy, sexy look.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I reply, and then turn to Ivy quickly because I feel Vandal’s eyes on me, watching me look at his brother. “It’s great to meet you,” I say. She smiles warmly at me and gives me a hug, immediately making me feel comfortable with her. She’s pretty, in a sweet, unassuming way. She’s about my height, her long cherry-brown hair parted on the side and pulled over one shoulder, and she’s dressed casually in jeans and a pink cashmere sweater. I have that feeling you get around certain people where you just know you are going to become friends.

  “You, too. We’ve heard so many great things about you. We bought a ton of food. These guys eat like mad,” she says with a teasing smile and bright eyes.

  We all go out onto the back deck and make ourselves comfortable around the table, while Vandal puts some music on that pipes through the outdoor speakers and then unwraps the food and places assorted steaks and chicken kabobs on the grill.

  “I have my violin in the car. If I can talk my bro into it, we’ll jam a little after dinner,” Lukas says, cracking open a soda.

  Vandal grins and shakes his head while he pokes at the food on the grill. “I knew you were gonna corner me.”

  “I would absolutely love to hear you guys play. Vandal says you’re amazing,” I say to Lukas.

  Ivy’s face lights up. “Wait ’til you hear them play, Tabitha. I could listen to Lukas play the violin for hours. The first time I heard him perform, my mouth about hit the floor. And I didn’t even know he played.” She slaps his arm playfully. “He took me to hear the band, telling me his cousins and brother were in the band, but he didn’t tell me that he plays guest cameos on some of their songs. So we’re sitting in the club listening to them perform, and Lukas gets up to use the men’s room, or so I thought, and next thing I know, he’s on stage.”

  “Oh, wow!” I exclaim. “What an awesome surprise!”

  Ivy leans against Lukas and he kisses her head. “It really was so cool,” she says. “That’s the first night I met all of them, and Evie, too. That was before she and Storm were together, and Asher was making fun of her on stage about the blizzard, and I thought she was gonna die because she was there with her boyfriend.”

  “Asher’s an asshole,” Vandal interjects, still standing over the grill.

  Lukas rolls his eyes behind Vandal’s back. “No, he’s not, he was just joking around.”

  “What happened with a blizzard?” I ask, confused. If my memory is right, Evie is the girl that was here the first morning I stayed here, and she’s the one who gave Sterling to Vandal. I shake my head, remembering how jealous I’d felt, thinking they were involved. I guess she really is Vandal’s cousin’s fiancée, from the sounds of it.

  Ivy leans towards me and touches my arm. “It’s kind of a long story, but Evie was driving in a snow storm and her car got stuck, and Storm, who’s Lukas’s and Vandal’s cousin, came along and offered her a ride, and then he crashed his truck.” She takes a bite of fruit and chews before continuing. “They were stuck on the side of a mountain road in the blizzard for an entire weekend together, and they fell in love, even though Evie had a boyfriend already.”

  “They didn’t fall in love, they fucked like rabbits in the back of that truck,” Vandal yells over his shoulder.

  “Vandal!” Ivy scolds. “They did not! Evie isn’t like that! She told me they didn’t have sex until months later.”

  Lukas and Vandal start to crack up. “Poor fuckin’ Storm finally meets a chick and it takes him months to hook up with her,” Lukas jokes.

  “They did fool around though,” Ivy says, grinning knowingly at me. “She was crazy about him, but she was living with her boyfriend and they’d been together since high school. He was a jerk though, and treated her like crap. She finally left him for Storm.”

  “Evie is annoying as fuck,” Vandal spouts, turning around to smile at us. It’s nice to see him joking around and having fun.

  “Vandal!” Ivy scolds again, shaking her head. “She is not.” She looks at me. “Vandal hates everyone.”

  “Everyone is hated until proven likable,” Vandal advises. “Did you see the cat she gave me? He has no eyes.”

  Lukas chokes on his soda. “What the fuck?”

  “He’s adorable. He’s inside,” I tell them. “Vandal loves him. I do, too, he’s such a cuddle bunny.”

  “No eyes?” Lukas repeats. “For real?”

  Vandal walks over to the table and stands behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. His fingers are warm from standing over the grill. “Fuck yeah, no eyes,” Vandal says. “Apparently some kids hurt him. He’s awesome though; he plays and acts like a normal cat. I love that little fucker. He eats like a pig. Good thing we’re eating out here or he’d be trying to steal the food right off our plates.”

  “We have to check him out after we eat,” Lukas says.

  I touch Vandal’s hand on my shoulder and he gives me a gentle squeeze.

  “So how did you two meet?” Ivy inquires, smiling at us.

  I open my mouth to answer but Vandal beats me to it. “We bumped into each other at a cafe and she spilled coffee on me. I thought she was cute so I asked her to go for a ride on the bike, and I brought her here.”

  “And you never left?” Lukas questions me with a skeptical glint in his eye.

  I squirm in my seat. “Um . . . no. I kinda needed a vacation and he asked me if I wanted to stay here with him, so I did.”

  Ivy gapes at us. “Wow! I think that’s great. Sometimes we just know.”

  “Van, I have to say I’ve never seen you look so un-miserable. You a
ctually seem happy. It’s about time.”

  “Tabi’s just what I needed, I guess.” He squeezes my shoulders again and goes back to the grill to check on the food, but Lukas’s eyes stay on me for a few moments, and I get the feeling he’s trying to piece our story together and figure us out.

  “Tabi, go get some plates, please?” Vandal says. “The food is ready.”

  “I’ll help.” Ivy jumps up and follows me into the house. “Can I see the cat?” she asks once inside. “I’m a cat-lover myself.”

  “Sure, let’s go find him. He’s probably asleep on the bed. It’s his favorite place.”

  I head down the hall and she follows me into the bedroom, and sure enough, Sterling is sprawled out at the foot of the comforter. I gently pick him up, kiss his forehead and he purrs instantly. I’ve never met a cat that just loves to be held so much.

  “Here . . . he likes to be cuddled.” I hand him to her and she holds him like a baby, and he just flops in her arms, purring.

  The smile on her face warms my heart. “My God . . . he is so cute. I could just eat him up. The poor little baby, how could someone hurt him?” She snuggles him against her.

  “I know; it’s terrible. But he’s got a great life now. We spoil him rotten.”

  She smiles at the cat and then turns to me, lowering her voice. “Vandal seems to really like you. It’s nice to see him smile.”

  “He’s kinda closed about his feelings sometimes, but I’m pretty head over heels for him.”

  “He’s been through so much . . . Give him time. I know he can be difficult, but I really don’t think he would let you stay here if he weren’t serious. Vandal doesn’t do relationships, from what I’ve heard, so he must really be interested.”

  I take a deep breath. “I’ve been through a lot, too . . . My husband passed away recently.”

  She touches my arm. “Oh, Tabitha, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “It’s okay, really. I’m doing much better. Vandal has helped me so much. I’m just taking it one day at a time.”