In the Midst of It All

by Tiffany L. Warren

  Zenovia thought that Bryce was announcing the beginning of the tribunal and she bowed her head, anticipating a prayer.

  Bryce said, “So, Zenovia. Would you like to tell us what you and Emil Buchanon were doing in his father’s house alone?”

  Zenovia snapped her head up. So there would be no prayer.

  “Well, he invited me over for a visit.”

  “Were the two of you dating?” Bryce asked, his tone clipped and unfriendly.

  “Yes.”

  “What did you do once inside the house?”

  “He gave me something to drink.”

  Bryce’s eyebrows shot up. “Alcohol?”

  “No. It was ginger ale.”

  “So you weren’t impaired or in a drunken state?”

  “No…” Zenovia hoped that this was a good thing, her not being drunk, but she couldn’t interpret Bryce’s facial expression.

  “You were fully aware of your actions?”

  “Yes.”

  All three of the tribunal members stopped and looked at each other. The two scribes wrote something down in their notebooks. Zenovia tried to deduce their thoughts, but she was at a loss.

  “What happened next?”

  Zenovia paused before replying. “There was only one place to sit, so we shared the recliner and started to watch television.”

  “Is this when the fornication took place?”

  “No. That was later.”

  “So there was fornication?”

  Zenovia wondered if the Brethren ever said have sex.

  She replied, “Yes.”

  “Was this the first time?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did he take you right there in the recliner?”

  “No. In his bedroom.”

  “Did you climax?”

  “Excuse me?” Zenovia just knew she’d heard wrong.

  “Don’t act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about. You are far from innocent, Zenovia. I’ll ask the question again. Did you come?”

  “I-I don’t think that’s pertinent information.”

  Bryce frowned. “We decide what’s pertinent. Elders, please note that she refused to answer the question. Was there protection used?”

  “Protection?”

  “Yes, contraceptives. A condom, perhaps?”

  “Oh yes. Yes, we were safe. We used a condom.” Zenovia sighed. This had to be a mark in her favor. She hadn’t wanted a baby or a disease, two things that would complicate this situation even further.

  “Did you bring it with you?”

  “Did I bring what with me?”

  “The condom. Were you carrying it in your purse when you got to Emil’s house?”

  “No. It was in his room.”

  “Do you ever carry contraceptives with you? Are you on birth control pills?” Bryce asked.

  “No, of course not. I’m not on birth control.”

  Zenovia looked to the other tribunal members, to try and determine if this line of questioning was out of the ordinary. They scribbled madly into their notebooks, all three men seeming to get some kind of sick pleasure from her sordid deeds.

  Bryce ignored her anxiety and asked another question. “How many times did you fornicate that day?”

  “What?”

  “How many times did this happen?”

  “I’m not sure,” Zenovia replied honestly. “I didn’t count.”

  “Are you pregnant?”

  “No,” replied Zenovia wearily.

  “How do you know you’re not pregnant?” Bryce asked.

  Zenovia rolled her eyes. “How does any woman know she’s not pregnant?”

  “If you’re not pregnant, what prompted your confession? Do you have some kind of disease that could be spread to other men in the congregation?”

  Zenovia angrily stood to her feet. “No! I confessed because I want to be right with God.”

  Bryce and the other two members of the tribunal frowned deeply. Zenovia could feel their judgmental stares boring a hole to her core. Their questions made her feel naked and exposed.

  Bryce said, “If you were truly repentant, you would have a better attitude. You haven’t shed one tear.”

  “I’m sorry. I guess I just don’t know what you want to hear.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Bryce said as he closed his notebook. “When we’re done deliberating we’ll get back to you.”

  Brother Wilkinson said, “Let us close in prayer.”

  Finally, a prayer. After traumatizing her beyond reason and raping her with intimate unnecessary questions, they wanted to send up a prayer.

  Brother Wilkinson prayed, “Dear heavenly Father, we come before you today asking that your will be done. We ask that your loving, chastening rod be used to make straight what is crooked and to correct what is disgusting. We know that your attributes are love, wisdom, justice, and power, but the greatest of these is justice. Your holy word says an eye for an eye, and we exact justice in your name. We pray in the name of Jesus, Amen.”

  The other two members of the tribunal said “Amen” but Zenovia could not force herself to agree with the venom that had just been masked as a prayer. Not one mention of God’s mercy or grace. Not one mention of the blood that was shed on Calvary for the sins of mankind. Just fire, brimstone, punishment, and chastening.

  Bryce looked pleased with himself, or maybe he’d just enjoyed interrogating a young girl about her sex life. Perhaps he’d been trying to get revenge for Zenovia’s jab concerning his mistress. Whatever it was, Zenovia decided that he looked purely evil. There was no way the Holy Spirit had ever touched this man, much less communicated with him.

  Zenovia walked out of the library where Audrey and Phillip were waiting to take her home. Phillip had a deep frown on his face and Audrey’s face was puffy and tear-streaked, probably because she dreaded the worst.

  Zenovia put on a courageous facade for her mother. Since the entire tribunal process started, Audrey’s mental state had steadily worsened. In a week’s time she had bleached their house about twenty times.

  Audrey and Phillip had even gotten into an argument because she’d splashed bleach onto one of his favorite suits. After their fight, instead of splashing bleach like it was holy water, she took to sitting little teacups and saucers of bleach all around the house. They were on the tables, mantelpieces, lamp stands, and counters. The house smelled so strongly of bleach fumes that Zenovia could smell it in her nasal passages even when she was elsewhere.

  Zenovia hugged her mother tightly, but Audrey was unresponsive. She seemed to look right through Zenovia and at Phillip. The three members of the tribunal emerged from the library right after Zenovia. The older two men went on to the parking lot of the Devotion Center, but Bryce stayed inside.

  Bryce walked up to Phillip and patted him on the back. “It’s going to be all right, bro. Don’t worry.”

  “I didn’t know we would have these kinds of problems from her,” Phillip replied. “I thought she was a nice girl. And to think we let her spend so much time with Tristan and Justin.”

  “It would’ve been tragic if she had seduced Tristan instead of that thug Emil Buchanon,” Bryce said. “His Brethren career would be over.”

  Zenovia had to swallow hard to keep from spewing venomous words at Bryce and Phillip. They acted as if she was a complete whore who had seduced Emil. And even if she was without morals, shouldn’t they be worried about her salvation? Who cared about Tristan’s career with the Brethren?

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Zenovia had received the results of the tribunal by telephone. She was to be severely chastened but not “cast out.” Her chastening would include having her name read before the congregation along with a scripture about sin. According to Bryce, the details of her transgression were private and would not be shared beyond the tribunal.

  She sat rigidly in her seat at the Devotion Center. She knew that her chastening would occur at this meeting, but she didn’t know where in the service it would take plac
e. Her friends all avoided eye contact with her as if they knew what was coming. Alyssa, who usually sat next to Zenovia, was stationed next to her mother and Tristan was seated at the back of the auditorium with his nose in his Bible.

  Even Audrey had opted to sit next to Phillip on the other side of the Devotion Center, leaving her daughter alone to endure whatever horror was to come. The tribunal meeting had happened over a week before, and Zenovia could sense a distinct change in Audrey’s attitude toward her.

  Audrey had almost seemed to travel back in time to when she was a teenage mother. She’d started calling Zenovia “Babylon” and “Jezebel.” She’d even told her that she had a vision of her being gang-raped by one hundred men. Zenovia attributed the vileness to Audrey’s declining mental state, but it hurt nonetheless.

  Audrey had become increasingly dependent upon Phillip as well. She couldn’t seem to be comforted by anyone but him, and only wore a smile on her face when he was in the room. He doted on her as well, planting kisses on her and indulging her quirky suspicions and even the bleachings. It was as if Zenovia’s sin had brought them closer together.

  At about the midpoint of the meeting, Bryce took to the podium. It seemed as if he wanted to look solemn, but couldn’t hide the hint of glee that was on his face. He looked across the congregation and opened his Bible.

  “Congregation. Please open your Bibles to Hebrews Chapter Twelve, Verse Eleven.”

  When the rustling of pages died down, he continued, “Please follow along as I read. ‘Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.’ ”

  Zenovia followed along carefully in her Bible. She wondered what fruit would come from her Brethren punishment. Would she end up practicing righteousness?

  Bryce continued, “Congregation, it always saddens me to make these announcements. But we know that it is important for the cleanliness of our congregation.”

  Zenovia inhaled and held her breath. How long was he going to drag this out?

  Bryce sighed dramatically and said, “Zenovia Sinclair has been severely chastened and should be treated as such. Please take care to guard your families and remember to adhere to the restrictions set forth in the Brethren code. Thank you.”

  Zenovia had been informed by Phillip what her restrictions would be under her chastening. While everyone was still allowed to say hello to her, she wouldn’t be allowed to associate with any of the other young people in an unsupervised setting. She wouldn’t be included in any spiritual conversations, either. The punishment was to go on for between six months and a year.

  Initially, Zenovia hadn’t thought that it would be that bad. But she felt everyone’s eyes on her after the announcement was read. Some gave disapproving glances, even people who hadn’t met her before that night.

  A single tear slid down Zenovia’s cheek as she looked at the floor. She swiftly wiped it away, wanting to maintain her dignity, as difficult as it was. Besides, she had cried so many days over Emil that it seemed she didn’t have many tears left.

  She remembered her first time walking into the Devotion Center. She had been determined to fade away into the background, but surprisingly the opposite had happened. Her life had taken center stage.

  She looked back down in her Bible and reread the verse that Bryce had read. Then her eyes traveled to the previous verse. Hebrews 12:10 said, “For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.”

  The words of this verse sank in as Bryce left the podium with a smirk on his face.

  They chastened us after their own pleasure.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  The end of the school year and graduation couldn’t come fast enough for Zenovia. There was no senior prom for her. She had no date, nor did she have any friends at the school who weren’t members of the Brethren. She saw no point in spending any of her precious college dollars on a dance with strangers.

  It seemed that her life had yet again changed drastically overnight. She’d gone from a lonely existence with Audrey to a bustling social calendar when they’d joined the Brethren. Now, she was alone again, without even Audrey at her side.

  Audrey had completely turned against Zenovia. She refused to even speak to her daughter. Zenovia thought it was all for the best, especially when she received news that she’d received a full scholarship to Howard University.

  Immediately after receiving her acceptance letter, she got a part-time job, so that whatever wasn’t covered by her scholarship, she’d have on her own. Phillip was dead set against her attending college, so she expected no help from him. Audrey had nothing that Phillip didn’t provide.

  Zenovia stood in her bedroom admiring herself in her cap and gown. No matter what the Brethren did to her, they couldn’t take away her 4.0 grade point average and salutatorian honors.

  Her bedroom door slowly opened, and there stood Audrey wearing her favorite green dress and her hair was flat ironed pin straight. Zenovia waited for her to speak, so that she would know which Audrey she was dealing with at that moment.

  “Phillip said to hurry up or you’re going to be late for your graduation.”

  Zenovia was shocked. She’d assumed she’d be riding the bus downtown to the Convention Center. No one in the house had spoken a word about the ceremony. She hadn’t offered any invitations and there had been no inquiries about it.

  Audrey continued, “Do you have tickets?”

  “Yes, of course.” Zenovia dashed to her backpack and pulled out the square red tickets that she didn’t think she’d need. She handed them to Audrey.

  “You have a cousin in Washington, D.C.,” Audrey stated flatly as if she wasn’t giving a major revelation. “That’s where your college is, right?”

  “Yes. A cousin?”

  “Her name is Corrine. She’s my niece. Maybe you could look her up when you get there.”

  Zenovia said nothing. Not because she was at a loss for words, but she wanted to give Audrey the floor in case there were any other revelations. It could possibly be their last lucid conversation before she left for school.

  Audrey, however, seemed to be done with her revelations. She left the room gripping the tickets in her hand.

  At the graduation, Zenovia searched the preparation area for Tristan. There were only high school seniors in that part of the building and they were the only two Brethren members in their class. Kyle would’ve been the third.

  They found each other, simultaneously, it seemed. After an awkward moment, Tristan’s smile blazed across his face. He dashed over to Zenovia and hugged her. Nothing had changed about Tristan—he was always a different person away from the watchful eyes of the Brethren.

  Tristan spoke first. “Class of 1995! Go, Seniors!”

  “Wow,” said Zenovia. “We haven’t spoken since…”

  “I know. My parents…”

  Zenovia shook her head. “Don’t explain, Tristan.”

  Tristan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Zenovia was glad he decided not to defend himself, because there was no excuse for his actions. Of course, he would’ve avoided her when there were other Brethren members present, but nothing had stopped him from smiling at her in passing or saying hello in their classes where there were no other Brethren present.

  Zenovia wanted to make him more uncomfortable, but decided against it. Even though he had erased their friendship, he was not the cause of her pain.

  “So you’ll be leaving soon, right?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Two weeks after we graduate I’ll be on my way to the Brethren headquarters. You’re leaving too, right? I heard my mom saying that you’d gotten into that college.”

  Zenovia raised an eyebrow. She wondered what else Sister Batiste had said about her, but then thought it would probably be better not to know.

  “Yes. I got into Howard. I’ll be working for
the next few weeks, and then I leave too.”

  Tristan’s smile faded. “Will you find a Brethren congregation in Washington, D.C.? There are several of them you know.”

  Zenovia hoped that her blank stare was enough of an answer. She was not going to seek out the Brethren; she planned to avoid them like the plague. As a matter of fact, she was hoping to never have to deal with the Brethren again once she left home.

  “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Tristan asked.

  “What wasn’t that bad?”

  “The chastening.”

  Zenovia exhaled slowly, trying to compose her thoughts. It had been the worst experience of her life. It was even worse than Audrey’s tirades, because she was used to the craziness. The complete alienation she felt at the hands of the Brethren was indescribable.

  She thought about how even Alyssa had acted as if she was invisible. She had expected it from Mia who she’d never really counted as a friend, and from Tristan because of his excessive holiness. Alyssa, though, had never seemed as rigid as the others. But in the end, her loyalties were the same as the rest of the congregation.

  Zenovia finally replied, “No, Tristan. It wasn’t very bad at all. It was for my own good, right?”

  Tristan looked relieved. “I’m so glad you realize that, Zee.”

  Zenovia turned to walk away from Tristan. She doubted if they’d ever speak again. It seemed crazy. She’d had her first and second loves all at once, in Tristan and Emil, and they’d vanished just as quickly.

  Tristan called after Zenovia. “Zee! I never got to tell you my secret.”

  “What secret?”

  “My secret crush.”

  Zenovia let out a soft chuckle. Now, of all times, Tristan wanted to come clean. Now when it wouldn’t mean anything at all?

  Zenovia asked, “It doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?”

  “No,” Tristan replied as his eyes dropped to the floor. “I guess it doesn’t.”

  Part Two

  I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

  He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.