Scozzari: Deviant #3

by Roberts, Jaimie

  A soft smile touches her face, making me calm a little. “You would have been a great dad. You still can be a great dad. I want that... for us. Maybe if we had a baby you could learn to love me like you love her.”

  I know if I tell her the truth she’ll threaten her life again, and I can’t have that. No matter what happens, I won’t be responsible for her attempting suicide—or even worse her actual death.

  “Please, Amy. Put down the knife and we’ll talk about all of this. I promise.”

  Still rocking, she sniffles again. “Tell me you love me.”

  “Amy...”

  “Tell me!” The knife becomes rigid in her hand—the blade ever so closer to her wrist.

  “Okay, okay!” I shout back, my heart racing a million miles an hour. I take in a breath and close my eyes. When I open them back up again, I part my mouth to say the lie that’s about to leave my lips. “I love you.”

  Her eyelids flutter before she closes them, her chest rising as she takes a deep breath. “Liar!” she spits. Just at the moment Calvin decides to walk through the door.

  “What the fuck?!” he shouts from behind me, but I have no time to turn as Amy from out of nowhere, slits one wrist and the then the other. Blood oozes out from both her wrists as she collapses to the ground, the knife falling beside her.

  “Fuck!” I scream, racing toward Amy. I go down to her level, scooping her up in my arms. “Amy, what have you done?”

  “I love you,” she says, trying to cup my face.

  “Shh, don’t talk, okay. I’m going to get you help.” I look up at Calvin, his eyes wide and his mouth parting in shock. “Go get me a couple of towels. Now!” I scream. He springs into action, coming back immediately with two towels. I wrap one around one wrist, tying a knot and quickly do the same with the other. I pick her up once I’m done and face Calvin. “Drive me to the hospital.”

  Calvin just nods.

  We race to the hospital, the whole thing a blur. At some point, Amy passes out and I freak thinking she’s dead. I check her pulse and she has one, but it’s slow.

  “Calvin, I’m gonna lose her if we don’t get there soon.”

  “Don’t worry, my man. I’ll get her there in time.”

  The moment we’re at the hospital, I race with her in my arms and as soon as a nurse spots me with her, blood everywhere, she immediately calls for backup.

  After that it’s a whirl of doctors and nurses springing into action, fetching a bed and taking her from me.

  “What happened?” a doctor asks, getting his stethoscope from around his neck.

  “She slit her wrists in front of me. I tried to stop her, but she was so quick. Please, help her. She needs help.”

  I feel dejected as he races off and disappears with her. I don’t know how long I’m standing in the middle of the hall for, but when a hand touches my shoulder, I look over and find Calvin giving me a ghost of a smile. “You’ve done everything you can do. The rest is up to them now. How did this all happen? What about the baby?”

  “I don’t think there was a baby.”

  “What?”

  “It’s a long story. Can we talk about this later?”

  He nods, squeezing my shoulder. “Sure.” He then gestures to a bench. “Come, let’s sit. I doubt you’ll hear anything for a while.”

  I do as Calvin suggests, but all the while I can’t think straight. How could she have been this troubled and I never noticed? How could I have been so blind?

  Remembering her brother, I quickly shoot up, grabbing my phone from my pocket. “I better call Barry,” I say in response to Calvin’s questioning eyes.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to do it? Considering you hate him and everything.”

  Of course, Calvin doesn’t know all the shit that’s gone down in the last couple of hours. “No, it’s fine. I need to speak to him anyway. I’ll explain everything once I’m off the phone.”

  I proceed to call Barry, telling him what’s happened. After I explain the situation, he tells me he’ll be there in ten and hangs up. I notice once I’m off the phone with him that there’s a message with a video attached. I don’t open it yet. I’m still so raw from what I witnessed.

  I scroll through my phone instead, finding the other video that I’ve already seen. Once I have it, I hand it to Calvin. He looks up at me questioningly.

  “Watch it. It will explain everything.”

  He takes the phone from me and presses Play. I watch as his expression turns from intrigue, to shock, then to horror—all the expressions I must have had when watching it.

  “Jesus, she really did that?”

  “I know. I can’t believe it either.”

  “Shit man, I never realized she was this troubled.” He hands me back my phone and I say thanks.

  “Me neither. I can’t get my fucking head around all this. It’s fucked up.”

  “Do you want me to call anyone?”

  Immediately, my mind wanders to Caitlin. I could really use a hug from her right about now.

  Instead, though, I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. You’re here and that’s good enough for me.”

  He gives my back a slap. “I always knew you secretly loved me.”

  Despite the situation I’m in, I laugh. “What was it that gave it away? The sly looks over at you at the breakfast table?”

  He throws his head back, another laugh about to leave his lips. “Nah, it’s the way I caught you once in the toilet jerking off to a picture of me.”

  “Fuck you,” I jab, pushing at his shoulder, almost causing him to fall off his seat. That just makes him laugh even harder.

  “Hey, don’t sweat it, man. I love you too. It’s all good.”

  A coy smile lifts up on my face, but when we calm from our joking around, the seriousness of my situation creeps back again to haunt me again. Barry turns up ten minutes later, running down the hallway to find me. I rise from my chair and when he stops dead at my appearance his mouth apart in shock, I look down.

  Blood.

  Everywhere is Amy’s blood. Nausea erupts in my stomach. I close my eyes to try and will it down. I can’t be sick. Not now.

  “Fuck. Is she okay?” He finds movement in his legs again, rushing the rest of the way toward me.

  “I have no idea. Maybe you can find out? You’re her brother after all. I doubt anyone will talk to me.”

  “Of course. Stay here, I’ll go find someone.”

  I take my seat again and wait with bated breath on any news of Amy’s condition. If she dies, I will never forgive myself.

  Another ten minutes go by and I’m nervously biting my lip, my leg shaking with anticipation.

  “She’ll be okay, Jez. You did everything you can to save her.”

  I know Calvin’s trying to reassure me, but right now it doesn’t mean shit to me.

  Just as I’m thinking this, Barry emerges rushing down the hall. I spring to my feet straight away, eager to find out her condition.

  “She’s going to be okay,” he says, and at first that’s all I hear. The relief is immeasurable.

  “They said it was your quick action with the towels that saved her. She lost a lot of blood, but they managed to replace it and stitch her up. They’ve got her sedated now. In the morning they’re calling a primary care physician to assess her. They want me to come in and talk to them too.” He sighs, looking as tired as I feel. “I fucking hate to say this, but I’m glad it’s gotten to this. I have thought for a while that she was becoming more and more unstable. I just never realized to what extent until she deliberately hurt herself so she could pin it on me.” I wince and he notices. “Don’t blame yourself, Jez. I don’t. Despite all the shit Amy’s put us through, you’ve always been there for her. For that alone, you’re more than forgiven.”

  The immense pressure of the whole day weighs down on me.

  “Listen, Amy’s going to be out of it for a while and I’m here with her. Go home, get a shower, and get some rest. I’ll call you if the
re’s any change. Okay?”

  “Are you sure?” I feel like shit leaving him on his own.

  “I’m sure. It may be a good idea that she doesn’t see you anyway. She’s going to feel raw from it all when she wakes up. Go home. She’s not your responsibility anymore. She’s mine. I need to take care of her now.”

  “Okay, but I’m only a phone call away.”

  He pats my back. “I appreciate that. Thank you.” He walks away after that, leaving Calvin and me in the hallway.

  “Home?” Calvin asks, getting up from his seat.

  Knowing there’s only one place I want to go right now, I sigh.

  “Actually, would you mind making a little detour?”

  My head’s been in such a whirl ever since I left Jeremy earlier. I had hoped I would hear something from him by now, but maybe he and Amy are still hashing it out.

  Stacey’s just left me on my own in the apartment. She received a phone call around ten minutes ago from Calvin asking if she can come over. He had something important to tell her, apparently. Too intrigued, she leapt into action, touching up her makeup before grabbing her bag and leaving.

  The TV is displaying in the background, the news is on, but I’m not taking any of it in. I check my phone for the hundredth time before grabbing the remote and turning off the TV completely. I have no messages, but considering I haven’t heard my phone alert me to any, there’s no surprise when I check.

  Sighing, I get up and start walking to my bedroom to do some studying when the doorbell rings. I’m on high alert. I’m always on high alert. Jack’s made sure of that lately.

  I walk slowly toward the door, careful to peek through without alerting the person on the other side that I’m there. To my relief, it’s Jeremy.

  I open the door and I’m immediately assaulted by the sight I see before me. There’s blood. Everywhere.

  “Jesus, Jeremy. What the hell happened to you?”

  “Can I come in?” he asks, his tone and body crestfallen.

  I step back, opening the door wider so he can come through. “Of course. Come in.” He walks through and once I close the door, I ask again. “What happened?”

  He sits himself on the edge of the couch and explains in horrifying detail what happened the moment I drove away earlier.

  Once he’s finished, I grab his hands and cup them in mine. “This wasn’t your fault, you know? I can see it in your eyes... the guilt. This wasn’t your doing. Amy’s just a very ill girl who needs help. You can’t solve everyone’s problems, Jez. Sometimes you have to let go.”

  He nods, but it’s a sad nod. I’m completely helpless right now. I know he must be suffering, but I’m at a loss of what to do.

  “Come take a shower? I’ll put your clothes in the wash.”

  I get up, offering him my hand. He takes it, following behind me as I reach the bathroom. I start running a shower and watch as Jeremy takes his clothes off, his beautiful physique on full display.

  With his clothes discarded and Jeremy in the shower, I quickly grab his belongings and throw them in the machine for a hot wash.

  I walk back to the bathroom where all I can hear is the water running. “Jeremy, are you okay?”

  “Join me,” is all he replies.

  I bite my lip, knowing there’s only one answer. “Okay.”

  I strip naked and take a step into the shower. When he senses my presence, he turns, his gaze up and down my body. My nipples perk at his intense stare, a natural reaction to being near him.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful, Caits. You don’t realize how fucking beautiful you truly are.”

  I don’t say anything as he comes closer to me, his finger trailing a line from my cheek to my shoulder. I shudder at his touch, needing more, but I’m surprised when all he does is step forward and wrap his arms around me. He hardens, but he doesn’t attempt to take this further. He just... holds me.

  “I don’t want to ever let you go.”

  Snuggling my head into his shoulder, I close my eyes, taking in every second. I don’t want to let him go either, but despite everything that’s happened, I can’t get over the fact he still slept with her. I know it’s wrong as we weren’t together then, but it’s still there. It still feels like a betrayal.

  After a while he pulls away and we both step out from the shower. He wraps a towel around me and I do the same for him. I take his hand, walking him to my bedroom. When I sit, he does too and for a moment we stay silent.

  “I saw the other video.” When I don’t say anything, he looks at me. I’m frowning, wanting to know more. “On the way here, I opened the other video Barry sent me. It explains a lot. Do you want me to tell you, or do you want me to show you?”

  That nausea feeling comes back in my stomach from the last one. “I think it’s best you tell me. I don’t think I can handle another crazy again.”

  His shoulders sag. “That night of your break-in, I was at Amy’s house.”

  I nervously swallow. I had thought as much. I’m assuming this is the night the “pregnancy” took place—assuming there was one. Do I even want to hear this?

  “You can spare me the gory details,” I say, looking away.

  His fingers lift my chin, pulling me back to meet his eyes. They’re filled with emotion. Pure, raw emotion.

  “It wasn’t like that. I swear. This was what I was trying to explain to you, but at the time I was so high, I didn’t know what the fuck was happening.”

  “It’s okay. I get it. You were high and slept with her...”

  “No, no... that’s the thing.” He takes a deep breath. “Fuck, this is hard.” He glances away, his leg fidgeting a little. When he calms, he looks back at me. “Amy drugged me and tried to have sex with me while I was asleep. She couldn’t get me... I wasn’t... Fuck me, this is torture.”

  When it dawns on me, I gasp. “She tried to rape you?”

  His eyes widen at the thought. “Well, when you put it like that, yes, I suppose she did.”

  “Shit!” I respond, clapping a hand around my mouth.

  “Exactly what I thought.”

  I feel sick again and that’s just from him retelling the story. “I’m glad I didn’t ask to see it. I really don’t want to see that. I’m so sorry, Jeremy.”

  His brow furrows. “What have you got to be sorry for?”

  “For jumping to conclusions.”

  “Hey, it was the same conclusions as me. I was only there because she told me some bullshit story that Barry was threatening her and she didn’t feel safe. I swear we slept in separate bedrooms, and the reason we did is because I already knew how obsessed I was with you. I would have never consciously made a decision to have sex with her.” He winces at the thought. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” I’m about to respond to that when he says, “You know she tried to get me to have sex with her, because she said, and I quote, ‘I’m already pregnant with your baby, so you can’t get me pregnant again.’ I was so angry about the situation and I was missing you so much that at one stage I even contemplated it. I’m only telling you because I want to be completely honest with you. I never touched her, I swear, but I just got to a stage where I thought, well, this is my life now.”

  For a moment, I don’t know what to say. I can’t deny that hearing that stung, but I’m glad he was honest enough to tell me.

  “You didn’t need to tell me that.”

  “I know, but I want you to know you can trust me. One hundred percent. There’s no other girl out there for me, Caits, and that’s the whole reason I couldn’t go through with it—even when faced with the prospect of never being with you again.” He turns his body toward me, clasping his hand on mine. “Do you hate me?”

  “Of course I don’t hate you. I must admit, it hurts to hear it, but I do understand. At the end of the day we weren’t together then—not in the boyfriend/girlfriend sense anyway.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  I smile. “Sure.”

  “If you’re willing to, I
want us to try again, but first... there’s something you need to know.”

  My gut clenches. I’m not sure I can take another hit. I suck in a breath to take the blow. “What is it?”

  “That last fight I had, there was a scout there called Joe Maddox. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but he’s famous in the boxing world. He saw me fight and has since set up a meeting with a manager tomorrow. I haven’t told anyone as I don’t know for sure how it’s going to go, but I need you to know.”

  “Oh,” is all I say for a moment. I’m not sure what to think. I mean, this sounds pretty huge for him.

  “I’m telling you because I want you to know that you’re that important to me that if you told me you didn’t want me to do it, then I would give it all up... for you.”

  That’s a lot of responsibility to take on my shoulders, but I can’t help fall for Jeremy that bit more for potentially giving up his dream for me.

  “Put it this way, if there was no one to think about, no responsibility with family and what not... all you needed to do was make a decision. What would it be?”

  His top teeth graze over his bottom lip while he thinks on it. “I would sign on whatever dotted line there was.”

  “Then I guess there’s your answer.”

  “But what about you?”

  “It’s not about me and what I think. This is your future. Yes, I don’t like you boxing. It’s a violent sport—no matter how much you try and sugarcoat it. Yes, I can’t stand to see you potentially get hurt. I don’t like it, but I will support your decision. Whatever that may be.”

  His smile bright, he brings an arm around me. “I suppose there’s only one question left to ask. Will you be there with me, every step of the way?”

  I lean forward, kissing him gently on the cheek. “Yes. Slowly, slowly.”

  He tugs me under his arm and kisses the top of my head. “Slowly, slowly.”

  Getting up from the bed, I pull my cover down. “Come, let’s go to bed. You must be exhausted after today.”

  Jeremy complies, taking his towel off. I do the same and we both slip under, eventually spooning. His hardness digs into my back, but all he does is hold me. After a while, we both sleep, me feeling the safest I have felt in months. I sleep right through until morning where I feel him hard against me still. I maneuver to stretch a little when I hear a hiss.