Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “Okay. Nick, stop. You’re just upsetting her more.”

  “Well, she’s making it sound like she regrets our relationship.” We were quickly approaching Whinyville. When would I get off the fucking train?

  “That’s not what she’s saying,” I said. “She’s just worried. Worried about the ifs, whens, and whats.”

  Addie walked over and took a seat at the table. “Listen, I can tell you this. No matter what, a baby brings joy into the hearts of everyone. The circumstances may be a little different here, but y’all will get through it. I promise you that. Giving birth without the help of a doctor or a midwife will be difficult. And I’m going to be real here and tell you that the pain is nothing like you ever had, but you will get through it. The best thing that y’all can do is get along, stop fighting, and work together for the sake of your family. They may be all you have left.”

  “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.”

  Addie grabbed Claire’s hands. “Sweetheart, please listen to me. Times will be tough, there’s no doubt about that. The baby will cry when you don’t want it to, and that was true even in the days of convenience. Y’all just have to deal with it. It’ll be difficult, I’m not going to sugar coat it, but once you get to your destination and settle down, y’all will deal with it. With all the hurt, anger, fear, and death in this world, a little life will bring some hope. We all need a little hope, don’t we?”

  I wish Henry had been there to hear what she said. I probably should have taken notes so I could repeat it back to him, and maybe he would feel guilty about behaving the way he did. I heard the front door open and close.

  “It’s just me,” Henry announced as he came back into the house. He looked defeated…and drunk. “I would like to apologize to everyone for my behavior. Sometimes I can be a real prat.” Not one person said a word. He stood quiet for a moment, looking at everyone, then he focused in on Addie. “Is there anything I can help you with for dinner?”

  “You know, I could use someone to watch my back while I grill. I think there’s enough propane left to cook.”

  “Sure, I can handle that.” Henry walked through the kitchen, without a glance in my direction, and went out back to check for undeads. Great, he was pissed at me. Just perfect.

  Addie was pulling out seasonings from her cabinets. “Would you ladies like to make a dressing for the salad while I cook the chicken?”

  “Yes, of course,” I said with mild enthusiasm. I admit that I’m no Julia Childs, but putting together a dressing would be easy enough.

  “And you two can set the table, too. Everything you need is right in this area.” She waved her hand in front of the cabinets and drawers. Addie took the platter of chicken and headed out back.

  ***

  Addie opened the door, and saw Henry starting the grill. “Oh, goodness, thank you.”

  “It’s the least that I can do,” he said apologetically, flashing his charming smile.

  “You need to take it easy on that girl. You’ll cause a divide within your group if you choose to keep acting the way you are,” she lectured.

  Henry hung his head like a child. “I know. I’m ashamed of my behavior.”

  “You need to be a little easier with that bottle, as well.” Henry looked off to the side. “Speaking from experience, it can damage relationships.”

  “Sorry to hear that.” Henry didn’t know what else to say. He knew that he was becoming more attached to the booze, but he wasn’t ready to shake it yet. Nor was he ready to admit anything. He also knew that Elaina was watching his intake. The silence grew even more uncomfortable.

  “I’m not going to lecture you about it because it’s none of my business and you know what you’re doing to yourself, but just understand that breaking the habit is a difficult road.” Addie cleared her throat. “Well, enough of that. So, tell me, where in England are you from?” she asked, placing the chicken on the grill.

  “The east end of London.” Henry was careful not to elaborate or speak too much of the truth.

  “I’ve always wanted to travel to the UK. But, because of one thing or another, it just wasn’t in the cards.”

  “Family?” He was genuinely curious.

  “Yes. I was married, and my husband passed two years ago. He was ill for a long time. He was an alcoholic.” Henry let out a loud exhale and shied away from Addie. Then, in a sad tone, she said, “I had a daughter, as well.”

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was gentle and full of compassion.

  “It’s kind of nice to have a group of people around. It’s been a little while. My daughter used to bring her friends over all the time. We always had a houseful. But it’s been lonely, as you may have figured out.”

  “Did your daughter…?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve looked for her every place that I can think of, but I can’t find her.”

  “Where was she last?”

  “At school.”

  “And you’ve been to the school?”

  “I have driven past, but there were a lot of those…zombies, I guess you would say.”

  “We call them undeads.” Addie began pushing the chicken around on the grill.

  “Right. Well, there were a lot of undeads roaming around so I couldn’t get into the school. Then I went to all of her friends’ houses. It took a while to get to all of the houses. I saw a few things I didn’t want to see. I have done some things that may not be forgivable at those pearly gates.”

  “I understand. I, too, have done unforgivable things. A lot of unforgivable things.” Henry could commiserate. He knew all too well what it was like to do things that were unforgivable, and the emotional baggage that came with it. “Is the school close by?”

  “Oh, about three miles down the road there.” Henry began plotting in his mind.

  He walked around a little and scoped out the area. He was surprised at the lack of undeads roaming. Then he came up to a large pile of decaying bodies, all of which bore the obvious signs of being undead.

  “Henry! Dinner,” Addie yelled out. She didn’t see him, but she headed back in the house with the chicken.

  ***

  When Addie walked back in, the mouthwatering scent of the grilled chicken was the best thing that I had smelled in a long time. Canned tomatoes and peaches were getting a bit boring. Not that I was complaining because it was better than no food at all.

  “Oh, this smells divine,” I said. Claire looked a little greener than she did when we started the whole meal.

  “Are you going to be able to eat this? You should at least try.” Addie was insistent. She plated up the chicken for everyone. Then Henry came strolling in. He flashed a slight smile at me, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to smile back.

  We polished off the entire chicken and the salad. Well, not everyone. Claire just picked at her meal. Nick took over her plate and divided up the rest of her food between himself, Thomas, and Henry. I was too stuffed to be able to ingest another morsel. It felt amazing to have a full stomach. That hadn’t happened in a long time.

  “Thank you so much for this meal.” I sat there in an almost euphoric state.

  Henry stood up, and I heard him rummaging through the boxes. He came back with a jar. “It’s the last one. Is it okay?” he asked me.

  “Yes. I know how to make it. Someday, maybe, I’ll be able to make it for us.” Henry handed Addie the very last jar of my mom’s famous apple butter.

  “Oh, I can’t accept this.”

  “Yes, you can, and you will,” Henry said with his stern voice.

  She smiled. “Well, I can’t eat it all myself so we will have it with breakfast. I have some fresh eggs I can make you.” She stood up and began picking up the dishes.

  I got up to help. “Oh no, we won’t accept another meal,” I said. “You’ve already done too much for us.”

  “I insist. You need a good meal to start your day before you head out.” There was no arguing with her. We were staying for breakfast.

  *
**

  Seeing as we were all exhausted, we went to bed not too long after dinner. Claire and Nick took the spare bedroom, Thomas took the comfy couch, and Henry and I cuddled up on the hard floor. I laid there for a long time, listening to the outside noises, but Thomas’ snoring was drowning it out.

  “Are you asleep?” Henry whispered to me. I rolled over and faced him. “I saw a pile of undeads out back. I would assume she made them true dead.” I shuddered. He snickered.

  “Not funny.” I squinted at him.

  “Oh, but it is funny. I would think you would be used to it by now. Anyway, her daughter never came home from school. She said she couldn’t get into the school to see if she was there. She checked all the homes where she thought she could be.”

  “Henry…,” I said in a warning tone.

  “What?” He was pretending to be innocent. He didn’t play that card very well.

  “I know what you’re thinking.”

  “I have to at least try.”

  “It’s way too dangerous, and we don’t have a ton of ammo left. Or gas,” I whispered, louder than I should have.

  “Shh… Keep your voice down. I have to try. I’ll take Nick and Thomas, and…”

  “No. No, you won’t.” And then the tears arrived…because I was that girl.

  “You can stay here. She said it’s only about three miles down the road.”

  “No.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “It’s far too dangerous.”

  “We have to try to help her. Look what she has done for us. I’m not asking for your permission, love. If they don’t go with me, I’ll go alone.” My breath hitched.

  “Henry…” He kissed me on my forehead and wiped my tears off my face. I curled up into him. “Please. I can’t handle you being out there on your own. What if something happens?” My thoughts were racing.

  “Love, I will be fine.” He was adamant, and I was a giant fucking mess. No matter how he acted, there was no way I could live without him. “Is there any way I can draw a couple vials from you first thing in the morning?” I nodded into his cool, firm chest. He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you. I love you so much. I can’t express that enough.”

  At that moment, I needed to be one with him. I snaked my arms up around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. I knew Thomas was there, but he was sleeping. I could be quiet, and I hoped that Henry could, as well.

  He returned my soft kisses with more passionate ones. I reached down under the blankets and grabbed on to his hardening length. A small groan escaped his throat. I slithered my way under the blanket and pulled down his pants. I dragged my tongue up his thick shaft.

  “Fuck,” he barked out as quiet as he could. I smirked at his response. He fisted my hair with both hands, as I took him in my mouth. I dragged my teeth up him and he growled, “Christ.” He grabbed me under my arms and dragged me up to his face. “You have no idea what you do to me.” I smiled at him. Oh, yes, I did.

  Henry rolled me over, reached down into my pants, and pushed his palm against my heat. He kissed me while massaging. After a minute, he grabbed my pants and pulled them down.

  We skipped most of the hanky panky foreplay that we normally enjoy. He pushed my legs further apart with his thigh, and he settled himself in between. He eased himself into me. I wasn’t quite ready for him so I latched onto his shoulder, biting into his cool skin, trying to stifle any moan or groan that could have escaped.

  Henry rocked me to the edge, working at a steady, quiet rhythm. The intense pressure to be quiet made it that much better.

  He saw that I was right at the peak so he pulled my head into his chest, trying to keep me from waking Thomas. My body pulsated furiously around him, and the feeling sucked him in. He let go, and his face contorted like he was in immense pain, but I knew it was pleasure. His jaw slacked and his eyes rolled. He fell limp on top of me for a minute, trying to catch his breath before he rolled off. I drifted off into a deep sleep, while Henry held me and played with my hair.

  Chapter 34

  I

  t was one horrible dream after another. I woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up. Henry jumped up. “What? What’s wrong?” Before I realized what was going on, he had already put his jeans on.

  “Nightmares,” I whispered. There was so much sadness in my nightmares that I couldn’t even speak about them anymore. I shook them out of my mind.

  I saw that the sun was rising. He kneeled down next to me. My anxiety kicked in full force and my heart skipped a few beats. Henry stroked my cheek.

  “Love, it’s going to be alright. Soon enough, we will settle down and we’ll get married somehow. Okay?” I nodded, and he rubbed my jaw with his thumb. “I’m going to wake Nick up, then we can go out to the truck and perform a draw.” I nodded again. I would have given Henry my life if it meant saving his. I sounded like one of those sappy love songs. Barf.

  I looked over at Thomas when I realized I didn’t hear him snoring anymore. He was awake, staring at the ceiling. “Thomas?”

  “Hmm?”

  “How come you hardly ever have anything to say? You’re just so quiet all of the time.”

  “No one ever asks. Besides, I’m only fourteen. No one would listen to wha’ I have ta say.” He rolled over and looked at me.

  “Did you have a bad childhood?”

  “No. It was alrigh’. Nothin’ special; just typical, I guess. I kinda always been quiet and stuck to myself.” He had a nice smile. I could see the love in his heart as he reminisced. He really was a good kid.

  “I’m happy you had a nice childhood. Leaves good memories for you.”

  Nick and Henry came back out into the living room. Nick was rubbing his eyes, and wasn’t quite steady on his feet yet. Henry pulled his pack up out of one of the boxes, looked at me, and motioned his head to the door. I got up and followed him out. Nick stayed inside, trying to wake up before he followed behind us.

  “Get in the passenger side.”

  “Did you tell Nick what your plan is?”

  “Yeah.” We both got into the truck. He opened his pack and pulled out the necessary equipment.

  “He’s fine with it?”

  “He said he’s fine with it. He thought it was a good idea.” Henry stuck the needle in my arm and I winced. “Sorry, love.” I sat back, allowing the blood to drain from my body. I closed my eyes, trying to relax and not think about what was about to happen.

  “How did Claire take it?”

  “About as well as you did. Maybe a little worse. And here she comes now. Shit.” I popped my eyes open, and saw Claire on the warpath.

  “Henry! Get out here now,” Claire growled. She was spitting mad. He got out of the truck. Maybe I should have warned him not to get out. He met her halfway between the front porch and his truck. “How dare you!” Then she punched him in the mouth.

  I should have gotten out to defend Henry’s honor, or maybe I should have joined in. I was still a little conflicted over him trying to find Addie’s daughter. Anyway, I couldn’t get out and risk Addie seeing me hooked up for a draw.

  “Arg! What the fuck, Claire?” He spit out what looked to be a mouthful of blood. Just what I wanted to see...more blood.

  “You don’t just go around making decisions on your own! You have to speak with everyone. Didn’t we agree that you needed to listen to everyone’s opinions?!” I saw Henry keep wiping his mouth with his bandaged hand. Then I looked down and saw the vial was near full. I was brave, and popped it off and plugged in the next one.

  “Keep your voice down, damn it!” Blood was spraying from his mouth when he spoke.

  “I will speak in whatever volume I damn well want to!” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “I’m trying to do something for Addie. I want to see if I can find her daughter for her.” Henry spoke with his jaw clenched, blood dribbling down his chin. Nick joined them.

  “Hero Henry saves the day again. However, all the while, you’re putting others in danger!”

&n
bsp; “That’s not what I’m trying to do!” His fists were clenched at his sides.

  “Can I ask why you’re snarling at Claire?”

  Henry looked stunned that Nick was even questioning his reactions. He pointed at his mouth. “She punched me in the mouth. Knocked out my tooth!”

  “You probably deserved it.” Nick winked at Claire. He was proud of her.

  “Fuck off. Both of you.” Henry turned around and began walking back to the truck. I was surprised to see the amount of blood that was all over his chin and shirt. He pulled off his shirt, using it to wipe his chin off. He got back into the truck.

  “Look!” He pointed at his jaw. “She knocked out my fucking tooth!” He grumbled something unintelligible. He reached over and began unhooking me.

  “I’m sorry, but I can understand why she’s mad.” He glared at me. “You can’t understand it?”

  “What do you want me to say?” He grabbed the two vials and drank one. He contemplated drinking the second one, but he summoned Nick over instead.

  “She doesn’t want you to risk Nick’s life, and probably Thomas’ and yours, as well!”

  “You don’t understand. I need to do this.”

  “Why? So you can get a hero’s welcome back? If you want a pat on the back, I’ll surely give you one for getting us as far as you have.”

  “No! That’s not why I want to do this!” He held the shirt to his mouth, trying to stop the bleeding.

  “Henry, don’t start with the ‘this is all my fault’ bullshit again.”

  Nick opened my door. “What?” Nick growled. Henry handed him the vial. “Thank you,” he snapped.

  “I could have drank that, and you would have had to beg Thomas for some.” Speak of the devil, Thomas came strolling out. “Oh, what the fuck? Everyone get in!” Henry yelled out of the window. Claire walked over at a snail’s pace. Henry was steaming hot while everyone hopped into the truck.

  “First of all, thank you, Claire. I’m now missing a tooth.”