Love & Light

by Michele Shriver

  He’s so cute when he smiles like that, and it makes me smile too. “I can handle it.”

  “Great. By the way, there’s donuts, hot chocolate and coffee in the bag by your feet.”

  I pick it up and peer inside. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

  “I hope so. I sure tried.”

  We munch on donuts as we head out of town, making small talk between bites. When we finish breakfast, I pull out my phone.

  Landon glances my way. “Do you need to make a call?”

  I shake my head. “Nah. Just looking for a little game to play to pass the time. We’re a little too old for counting cars.” I scroll through the screen until I find what I’m looking for. “How about ‘Would you rather?’” I figure it’s a safer first date option than Truth or Dare or Never have I ever, but still a chance to get to know each other better.

  “Sure thing,” Landon says, keeping his eyes on the road. “Give me a good one.”

  I glance at the list of questions I found. “Okay. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on a poor team?’

  “Oh, man. Seriously?” He glances at me. “That’s like asking me do I want to win or do I want to be good.”

  “Exactly.” I know it’s a tough question, especially for an athlete, and I really want to know what he’s going to say.

  “It’s tough.” Landon says, exhaling. “I like individual honors. I want to be the best. I can’t lie. But there’s also something special about being on a team and experiencing success as a team. So I’ll go with worst player on the best team.”

  His answer surprises me a little bit, because in the short time I’ve known him, I’ve seen how hard he pushes himself to be the best. “Okay, here’s another one. Would you rather dump someone else or be the person getting dumped?”

  “So do I want to hurt someone or be hurt myself.” He shakes his head. “These options suck.”

  “That’s kind of the point of the game,” I say. “Which is it?”

  “Isn’t it your turn?” he asks. “What about you?”

  “I don’t even have to think about it.” No. My answer is easy. “I’ve been the one dumped, and I hated it. So maybe it sounds cruel, but I’d rather be on the other side.”

  Silence follows, and Landon passes another car on the highway. “Want to talk about it?” he finally asks.

  I have no idea why I picked that question out of probably a hundred on the list. Maybe it’s because I do need to talk about it. “There’s not much to tell. High school boyfriend, pretty serious. We even talked about getting married down the road, after we both finished college.” I put my cup to my lips even though I’ve already finished the vanilla latte. “Then my mom got sick, and I got moody and flaky. It turns out Remy only wanted to be there for the good times.”

  “Then Remy is an ass,” Landon declares. “And you aren’t moody and flaky, Kori.”

  “Are you kidding?” I laugh out loud. “Of course I am.”

  “Ask me something else,” Landon says, changing the subject. “An easier one.”

  I’m happy to oblige. “Okay. Would you rather go on a sight-seeing tour through Europe or a Caribbean vacation?”

  “Both, of course.”

  “You don’t get both.”

  “Why not?” Landon challenges. “I’m only nineteen. My best years are ahead of me. Plenty of time to do both.”

  “Time can be cut short in an instant,” I say. “You know that.”

  “That’s true. It can. But I don’t want to live my life thinking about when and how it will end, and you shouldn’t either. There’s a lot of beauty in the world. Stick with me and you’ll see it.”

  I don’t answer him, instead leaning back in my seat and looking out the window. I know he’s right though, both about the beauty and helping me see it.

  ~Landon~

  I admit I have a double motive about bringing Kori to Mount Monadnock. I do think it’s a special place, and I want her to be able to see—and appreciate—the beauty of it, but that’s not all. From a personal standpoint, I want to find out if we’re compatible.

  Sure, she’s pretty and nice, and I’ve found out she has a good sense of humor when she lets her guard down a little bit, but there are plenty of attractive girls on a college campus. I like being active. I like being outside. It’s a big part of who I am, and I want someone who understands that. Had Kori balked at the idea of hiking, I would have had to rethink some things. Instead, she’s embraced the adventure.

  I choose the White Cross trail up to the summit because it’s one of the shorter ones, but it’s still a good hour and a half hike, and the terrain is sometimes rough. A few times, I take Kori’s hand to help her with her footing, which she always accepts and never complains. If I’d tried to take Amanda hiking, I doubt we’d get more than fifty feet from the car.

  We go through a couple bottles of water and a few granola bars, but don’t stop much along the way. It definitely gets cooler the closer we get to the top, and I’m glad Kori listened to my advice about bringing a jacket.

  Finally, we reach the summit. “This is it,” I say. “3100 feet of elevation, so now you can say you’ve climbed the tallest mountain in southern New Hampshire.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been up this high,” Kori says. “Well, I have an aunt and uncle who live in Denver, so technically I have. But not climbing and standing on a mountain...” She looks around. “The view is great.”

  “It sure is,” I agree. “You can see for a hundred miles in either direction, and see parts of all of New England.” I point to the North. “That’s Mount Washington that way.” I point another direction. “And Mount Killington, Vermont there.” It’s a nice, clear day and the visibility is great. “My brother-in-law is a Photorealism painter and he likes to come up here and take photographs to paint from,” I tell her.

  “He’s from Boston, right?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “You want to see Boston?”

  “I’ve seen Boston before,” Kori says. “But there’s no way you can see Boston from here.”

  “Sure can.” I take her hand and we walk a little further to the South, then I point again. “See that tall building? That’s the Prudential Tower right there.”

  “This is incredible,” she says. “So pretty.”

  “Hey, I told you there was beauty in the world.” I hold my arms out wide. “And this is part of it.”

  Kori lets out a laugh. “Is this where you proclaim yourself King of the World, like in that movie Titanic?”

  She’s teasing me, and I like that she feels comfortable enough around me to do that. “Hey, it may be arrogant, and one of the cheesiest lines in cinematic history, but there’s some truth to it.” I wrap my arms around her from behind. “Because I feel pretty great right now.”

  She leans back, relaxing into my arms. “I do too. The best I’ve felt in a long time.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  ~Landon~

  After I point out all of the different places you can see from the top of the mountain, we find a quiet place to have our picnic. I spread out the blanket that I brought, then get out the food. “I got some sandwiches from Easton’s Deli by campus,” I say. “There’s a turkey and provolone, and a ham and swiss. Your choice.”

  “Hmm. I’ll go with the turkey,” Kori says, and I hand it to her.

  “I’ve also got chips, which hopefully aren’t too crushed, and some grapes.” I pull the rest of it out of my pack. “And green tea. I’ve noticed you like to drink that.” It’s not my drink of choice, so I also brought Dr. Pepper.

  “Thanks.” She takes the bottle of tea I pass to her. “This is nice. I can’t believe you lugged all of this up here.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Carrying it wasn’t a problem. I did worry about keeping it cold, but I think everything’s okay.” I unwrap the ham sandwich. It still looks good and feels pretty cold.

  “I know I said this before, but you really did think
of everything. Including my favorite drink.”

  I’m glad I got that one right. It pays to be observant. “I called my stepmom last night to get some advice on what to bring. The grapes were her idea. She said her ideal picnic would include grapes. Oh, and a bottle of wine, but I had to skip that,” I say with a laugh.

  “Grapes are good, though.” Kori takes one and pops it in her mouth. “I noticed when I met her that you call her ‘mom.’ Doesn’t that feel weird?”

  I take a bite of my sandwich as I think about that. “Not really,” I say after a minute. “I didn’t at first. It started about six months after she married my dad, and just kind of happened. I mean, sure, she didn’t give birth to me, but she’s there for me and fills the ‘mom’ role in my life. And I know it means a lot to her.”

  “That’s cool, and she seems nice and all,” Kori says. “I just think it’d be weird.”

  “But you never know until you find yourself in that situation.” At least she seems a little more comfortable talking about her mom’s absence lately. Or if not comfortable, at least less emotionally distraught about it. It gets draining being sad all the time, which is one reason I wanted to bring Kori here. It’s impossible to be sad when you’re surrounded by so much natural beauty.

  “That’s true,” Kori says, and leans back, using her forearms to prop herself up. “I went to the rec center the other day and tried punching the bag again.”

  “You should have called me. I would’ve joined you.” I find myself disappointed she didn’t ask me along. “I hope it helped, though.”

  “It did, yeah.” She turns to face me. “You’ve helped me a lot.”

  “I haven’t done anything,” I demur.

  “Don’t say that,” she counters. “Of course you have. You’ve taught me new ways to deal with my hurt and my anger. You’ve made me laugh again. You’ve gotten me outside. You’ve shown me all of this.”

  “And I’ve enjoyed all of it,” I say. “I enjoy spending time with you, Kori.”

  “Yeah, you seem to.” A tiny hiccup of laughter escapes her throat. “What I don’t get is why. Moody, flaky, emotional wreck like me...”

  There she goes again, putting herself down. Someone or several someones have made her doubt herself, and I wonder if it’s only that jerk she dated in high school, or other people. “That’s not what I see when I look at you. I see that you’re troubled and hurting, yes. But I also see someone smart and nice who’s trying hard to get past the hurt,” I say. “And I also happen to think you’re really pretty.” Then, without thinking long enough to second guess the move, I lean over and kiss her.

  ~Kori~

  The kiss catches me off guard. Sure, we’ve had a good time today, and there’s something about a picnic lunch on the top of a mountain overlooking all of the natural beauty of New England that’s pretty romantic, but I don’t expect the kiss. Maybe I’m still having a hard time believing someone like Landon is truly interested in someone like me.

  His lips are on mine, though, and they’re soft and sweet and I find myself responding. The only other guy I’ve kissed before is Remy, and even though we never went all the way, we got pretty close a few times. I thought Remy was a good kisser, but I didn’t have anything to base it on, and I quickly decide Landon’s better. As his tongue begins an exploration with mine, I let my body relax and enjoy the pleasure of it because it feels good to feel something again.

  It’s Landon who breaks the kiss. “Sorry,” he mutters, sounding out of breath.

  I’m having a hard time catching my own breath. “Why are you sorry?” I ask. “Unless you didn’t want—”

  “Of course I wanted to,” he interrupts. “I didn’t want to stop.”

  “So why did you?” After all, I wasn’t exactly fighting him off.

  “Because I don’t want to rush anything,” he says. “I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of guy.”

  “What kind of guy is that?” I ask as I cock my head to the side. I sure am full of questions all of the sudden.

  “Some horny guy who only wants to get in your pants.” He rubs his hands on his jeans and faces me. “I was serious when I said I wanted to get to know you. Spend time with you. I don’t sleep around, Kori.”

  I bite my bottom lip. “So Amanda was—”

  “A mistake,” Landon says quickly. “The first, the only, girl I slept with, and it’s because she was hot and she wanted me and I wanted to see what it was all about.”

  “Completely natural and understandable,” I say. I don’t think much of Amanda, but I decide I’m not going to judge him on that.

  “Have you?” he asks. “I mean...”

  His voice trails off, but I know exactly what he’s asking, and I wonder how, exactly, this conversation turned to one of our sexual history. It did, though, and he’s been open with me, so I owe him the same. “No,” I say. “Close, but not quite.” I don’t offer details, and I hope he doesn’t ask.

  He nods. “Okay.” He looks a little embarrassed, like he’s not sure how we got into this discussion either. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m not... I don’t want to rush anything. I’m not just looking to get laid.”

  “I didn’t think you were.” I reach out and take his hand. “I never thought that about you, Landon. I’ve told you before. You’re sweet.”

  “There’s that word again.” He rolls his eyes, like he’s frustrated by it or something, but I notice he’s smiling too.

  “It’s a good word,” I say. “And it’s a good thing. It’s okay to be sweet. I like sweet.”

  “If you say so...” He takes a breath and changes the subject. “What do you say we finish this picnic, then head back down the mountain? There’s some stuff I want to show you on the way down.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ~Kori~

  I see why Landon wanted to leave so early this morning. Hiking Mount Monadnock is definitely a full-day adventure. We take our time heading back down the mountain, stopping to take some pictures and even going off the main trail for a bit to check out the falcon spring, which leads to a kiss and a selfie in front of the spring.

  I laugh as Landon holds out his phone to show me. “If that ends up on Facebook, I might have to hurt you,” I jokingly threaten. Something unusual occurs to me as I look at the picture, though. The girl in it looks different than the one I’m used to seeing in the mirror. She looks happy. She looks like she’s having a good time. She looks like she enjoys life.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Landon promises, and I believe him. He does tap at his phone display though, and a second later my own phone chimes. “There. I just sent it to you.”

  I pull my phone out of my jacket pocket, and sure enough, he texted the picture to me. “Thank you.”

  “Just in case you’re feeling down sometime, you might want to remember this moment,” he says, as if reading my earlier thoughts.

  “Thanks,” I say again, but resist the urge to say it’s sweet of him because I know he’s not crazy about that word.

  I’m tired by the time we get back to his car and toss our stuff in the back seat, but it’s a good kind of tired. It’s been a full day of adventure, but I’ve enjoyed all of it and never thought once about missing my mom, or any of the other sort of negative thoughts I sometimes get bogged down with.

  “When I planned out this day, I thought we’d go to a sit-down restaurant around here for a nice dinner,” Landon says. “And I’m still totally down with that if you are. Or we can just grab something to go and drive back to Plymouth, since it will take a couple hours.”

  I glance at the time on my phone, surprised that it’s already past six. “Would you be terribly offended if I said to go?”

  He shakes his head. “Not at all. It’s probably best, given the time. Besides, we’ll have other opportunities to have a nice dinner together, right?”

  He’s talking as if he wants to see me again, and it doesn’t scare me, because I want to see him again too. “I’m counting
on it,” I say as I get in the car.

  We stop for fast food hamburgers and milkshakes before getting back on the road and eat as we drive back through Jaffrey and Peterborough. It’s hard to believe I’ve spent my whole life in New Hampshire and never visited this region before. It’s not like it’s a very big state, but when my family went on trips, it was usually to Massachusetts or out west where my aunt lives. I’m glad I got to see this today and to experience it with Landon.

  “There are some CDs in the glove box, if you want to find something to listen to,” he suggests. “And yes, I still buy CDs. They’re the only thing I can listen to in here.”

  “I like CDs too, so I have the jackets with pictures and lyrics.” I open the glove box and pull a few out, curious to see what kind of music he likes. As I flip through them, I discover we have similar taste, and I’m thrilled to discover my favorite band in his collection. “You like A New Horizon too?” They’re a New Hampshire indie rock back who got their start playing in clubs around the Dartmouth campus and got signed by a major label a couple years ago and just hit platinum with their debut album.

  “Sure. Who doesn’t?” Landon glances my way. “Open that one.”

  I do as he asks and my eyes grow wide when I see the inside jacket. It’s autographed by the lead singer. “Chase Radcliffe signed this?” I’m seriously jealous right now. “Did you meet him or something?”

  “Not personally, no. Chase’s cousin Colin is a doctor in Concord, and he’s married to a former client of my stepmother’s,” Landon says, chuckling. “How’s that for complicated? Anyway, that’s how I snagged an autographed copy.”

  “It’s still cool,” I say, and slide the CD into his car’s stereo. “Chase is hot.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Landon says, feigning offense.

  “Oh, don’t pout,” I tease. “You’re not so bad yourself.”