Hate to Love You

by Ivy Symone

  “I wasn’t fucking no other niggas!” I tried to tell him. He smacked me again. I started crying. “Please, stop! I promise, I hadn’t fucked anybody else.”

  “I oughta throw your ass out this mothafuckin car while it’s moving,” he threatened.

  “Please, don’t,” I whispered. I wanted to know what he had heard but I dared not open my mouth to ask.

  “You bitches are something else. Can’t trust none of y'all asses. That’s why I do y'all like I do. None of you bitches know shit about loyalty,” he ranted.

  “But I do,” I said. “That’s why I wear this necklace every day.”

  “Did I ask you to talk?” he shouted.

  Why was he flipping out on me? I had never seen this side of him before. I never thought I would. I thought it was best that I stay quiet the remainder of the ride. When he pulled up along my mama’s building, I didn’t know what he wanted me to do.

  “Why you sittin’ there looking stupid?” he asked me.

  “What are you gonna do, Marcos?” I asked.

  “We about to see. Get the fuck out the car!”

  I couldn’t. I didn’t know what he was gonna do. “Before we go in here I just—”

  He reached over and grabbed me by my neck and pushed my head into the window. “Why the fuck you stalling? The shit is true ain’t it, Nephia? I oughta fuck yo’ ass up right here, right now!”

  I tried to peel his fingers from my neck because I couldn’t breathe.

  “Get out the goddamn car and take your ass in the house!” he ordered as he released me.

  This time I didn’t hesitate. I quickly got out of the car and hurried ahead of him to my mama’s front door. I let myself in with my key but he was right behind me.

  I think I surprised my Mama because she wasn’t expecting me so early. When she saw my face she became worried.

  “What’s wrong—”

  I interrupted her and asked, “Where is she?”

  Lailani pointed upstairs. She looked at Marcos behind me with confusion. Seeing the scowl on his face, she didn’t say anything.

  I rushed upstairs to my room. Again, he was right behind me. I went straight to her crib and picked her up in my arms. I turned to him and pleaded, “Please don’t be mad, Marcos. Please!”

  He looked at the baby I was holding. “So, you did have a baby while I was gone?”

  I started crying. “I didn’t just have a baby; I had our baby. She’s yours.”

  I backed away from him because I didn’t want him hurting the baby.

  His face contorted into a confused one. With his head cocked to the side and wearing a frown he asked, “My baby?”

  “She’s three months old. Do the math. I was pregnant when you left,” I told him. “I promise I hadn’t been with anybody else. I promise.”

  He sat down on my bed and I could see him doing the math in his head. He looked at his daughter and sighed heavily. He held his head down and rubbed his hand through his hair in frustration. When he looked back up at me I could see tears welling in his eyes. He asked me again, “My baby?”

  I nodded.

  “Can I see her?” he asked.

  Cautiously, I handed her over. She was still sleeping through all of this. He held her out in front of him so that he could get a good look at her. Between the both of us, she was going to be fair skinned. She would have fine hair. When her eyes were opened they were his exact eye shape. She had my nose and her lips fell somewhere in between mine and his. She was fifty percent Black, twenty-five percent Asian and twenty-five percent South American. And like everyone predicted, if Marcos and I ever had kids, they would be beautiful. Marcena had proven that.

  The look on his face was a mix of awe, sorrow, shock, and joy. He looked at me with tears streaming down his cheeks. He reached out for me, “I’m sorry, Nephia. C’mere, baby.”

  I believed he was sorry. He was acting on misinformation that I believed someone told him on purpose. I was just totally shocked that he would treat me that way but I forgave him instantly.

  I went to him and let him pull me into his hold. He told me over and over how sorry he was. I kissed his tears away and I said, “I know, and I forgive you. And I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  He asked, “You love me?”

  I nodded. “I’ve been loving you since I gave myself to you.”

  “You never told me.”

  “I know. But know that I do now.”

  “I love you too, Nephia. Baby, I promise I do. And I go crazy just thinking of someone else being with you. I’ll never do that again. Do you forgive me?”

  “I told you I did,” I offered him a smile for reassurance.

  He looked down at our daughter. “What did you name her?”

  “Marcena,” I told him with a smile. “I tried to name her after you but I couldn’t come up with anything that sounded cute.”

  He smiled. He looked around my room. “It seem like you’ve been doing pretty good by yourself.”

  “I’ve been using the money you left me,” I told him.

  “Y'all coming to live with me,” he told me with finality.

  I wasn’t sure if he was serious so I kept quiet on that. I was just glad to have this misunderstanding cleared up.

  ______

  So, this nigga was serious. The following week, he had a crew moving us out of the projects. Lailani didn’t have the opportunity to object. Jovelyn was a little upset because she would be moving away from her friends. And where his house was located, I wasn’t zoned for Stratford. But I had my mama get a special transfer so that I could continue to go there.

  Lailani fell in love with Marcos’s house. She had a room the size of our whole project to herself. And Jovelyn got over missing her friends real quick.

  Now mind you, I was fifteen now. Since I had his baby, things between me and Marcos had shifted. He convinced Lailani to fill out the paperwork and sign for me to consent to marrying him at the age of fifteen. This was a very drastic life changing event. I wasn’t sure if it’s what I wanted. He waved a four carat diamond ring in my face and it kind of changed my mind. He also felt a need to tell me a pre-nuptial agreement wasn’t necessary because I wasn’t ever divorcing him. Ever.

  After going to court to get consent to apply for the marriage license and waiting the three day waiting period, in the state of Tennessee I became Mrs. Marcos Delgado Beauchamp on June 20th, 1997.

  I didn’t know it at the time but there was a method to Marcos’s madness. Ada knew it but she appeared to be happy for us nonetheless. She was overjoyed that there were more people in the house to look after.

  “Baby,” Marcos was saying as he was getting dressed.

  “Yeah,” I said absently as I tended to my own attire.

  “Are you nervous?”

  “About meeting your mama?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Well, I wouldn’t be as nervous about it if you had told her the truth about everything first,” I said.

  “I know, but I didn’t think things were going to work out like this,” he said. He looked at the time on his watch. He leaned over to give me a peck on my cheek. “I gotta go or I’ll be late.”

  “Wait, where are you going?” I asked.

  He spoke over his shoulder as he rushed out of our bedroom. “I gotta go pick Andrés up from the airport.”

  “Andrés?” I repeated to myself. Then it dawned on me. “Marcos! Your father is coming too?”

  Marcos was already gone. Oh hell naw! Both parents at the same time! This was going to be one epic family reunion!

  After I got myself dressed, I went to see how everyone else was coming along. Jovelyn and Lailani were all dressed and ready. Marcena was cute as always. Ada and the crew had the house smelling delicious.

  The security system alerted that there were visitors at the gate. Looking on the monitors I saw that it was two of my favorite people: Corvell and Nikki. They were actually accompanied by their mothers, Nancy and Tina. I gr
anted them access.

  Nikki’s little sister, Secret tagged along for Jovelyn. The two girls were thrilled to see one another.

  “Ooh… it sho do smell good up in here!” Corvell exclaimed. He went into the kitchen only for Ada to shoo him out.

  “Where’s Marcena?” Nikki asked.

  “Yeah, I wanna see the baby,” Nancy said excitedly.

  “She’s in the cut over there,” I said pointing across the hearth room where Marcena was peacefully sleeping in her customized white whickered bassinet.

  Corvell pulled me aside and whispered, “Where crazy ass at?”

  “He went to pick up his daddy from the airport,” I told him.

  Corvell gasped. “From Columbia?”

  I nodded.

  “The drug lord dude?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what he does.”

  “Oh my God. We finna be in the company of a real crime boss!” Corvell started hyperventilating. “Ooh chile! Are these windows bulletproof? Who can get through that gate? We got some guns in here? What if these niggas come in here shooting? They gon rob us! They gon kill us all execution style. I can’t be here!”

  I started laughing. “Boy, if you don’t sitcho ass down somewhere!”

  Ada shook her head laughing at Corvell. “That boy is a mess!”

  More guests had arrived. I looked at the monitors and saw that it was Marcos’s entourage with their dates. I was excited to see Bridgette accompanying Gogo. She and I greeted with sisterly warm hugs.

  “I hadn’t seen you in a while,” she said. Like I said, she was a really cute girl. She seemed in better spirits than when I first met her. She wasn’t mixed like most of the girls the guys had to have on their arms. She appeared to be all black with a light cocoa complexion. She had a really pretty smile with deep dimples. She was taller than me but was thinner than me. Yeah, Marcena had given me more hips and made my ass a little rounder. I didn’t mind because Lailani had no ass at all. I was thankful for the Blackwell’s genetic contributions.

  I made sure to go around and do introductions. Corvell still hadn’t calmed down so I advised everyone to ignore him.

  The security system sounded off alerting that someone had entered the passcode and was coming through. When I looked at the monitor it wasn’t a car I was familiar with. It was a black Mercedes.

  The guests walked in on their own. All I heard was the thump of heels against the hardwood floors leading to the hearthroom and open kitchen.

  A very regal brown skinned woman with skin like chocolate walked in. She had a very elegant look. Her hair was in a short Toni Braxton style that framed her oval face. Her makeup was flawless. She had a flesh mole under her left eye. She was slender built but tall. She wore a lavender, sleeveless wrap jumpsuit with Lucite mules. She was well groomed and polished, accessorized all the way down to her toes.

  A younger girl that looked to be about my age with the same honey complexion as Marcos’, followed her. She had eyes like his too. She wore her hair in a wavy, natural style off her face held by a headband. She almost looked like Aaliyah, no lie.

  Ada greeted the chocolate woman with a big hug. “Well, how are you, Mrs. Beverly!”

  Beverly hugged Ada back. She smiled pleasantly, “I’m doing well. And how are you?”

  “I’m good! Why hadn’t y'all been out here to check on this old woman?” Ada asked in a teasing manner.

  “Well, you know, just busy with everything,” Beverly said. She looked around at everyone. She smiled. “Hello boys.”

  “Hey, Mrs. B,” Quan greeted. He stood to give her a kiss to the cheek. He ruffled the younger girl’s hair playfully. “What’s up, Chrissy?”

  She pushed him away. “Stop it, big head,” she looked over at Bridgette and smiled, “Hey, Bridgette. I didn’t know you would be here.”

  Bridgette smiled. “Yeah, I’m here.”

  Chrissy cut her eyes at Gogo. “I guess he acting like he got some sense.”

  Beverly cut around the furniture to approach Nikki, Lailani, Tina, Nancy, Corvell, and me. “I don’t believe I know any of you. I’m Beverly, Marcos’s mother. You all are?”

  Everyone named themselves off one by one. I was last. I looked at her and said, “And I’m Nephia.”

  It was odd because the mentioning of my name did little for her. There was no sudden realization that she was standing before the young girl that married her son and bore her first grandchild. Even Ada was a little thrown off by that.

  I let that pass and hopefully when Marcos showed up he could clear it all. However, fifteen minutes passed and another guest arrived that I wasn’t familiar with, but Beverly was. She even went to the door to greet this person. I could hear them gushing over each other. I looked around and I saw the looks Chrissy exchanged with Bridgette. Bridgette didn’t even want to look at me.

  Beverly walked in with this gorgeous super sexy vixen with all this long flowing hair down her back. She had booty for days and breast spillage for miles. She had a toasty complexion and a Colgate smile. Like Beverly, her makeup was flawless.

  Beverly said with a bright smile, “Everyone meet my future daughter-in-law, Draya.”

  Even Gogo, Quan, and Boogie fell awkwardly silent.

  I was missing something here. Why hadn’t Marcos filled me in on this? I didn’t know what to do? As usual, I wanted to cry and deem the evening a disaster. But before I could do that Marcos showed up with two older Latino men and an even older Latina woman.

  Before Marcos could show his excitement, I watched his face turn to a frown. He looked at his grinning mother with the Draya chick.

  Draya stepped up to Marcos and greeted him with a big hug. “Hey, baby! I’ve missed you so much!”

  What was really going on?

  “Why are you here?” Marcos asked without returning the hug.

  “What’s the problem?” one of the older men asked.

  Beverly looked at him and smiled, “Hi my darling husband. It would be nice to get an appropriate greeting from you.”

  “Oh, forgive me,” Andrés said. He leaned in to peck Beverly on each cheek. The other man followed suit.

  “It’s so nice to see you, Juan,” Beverly said.

  Ada walked over and hugged both men and the woman. “It’s so nice to see all of you!”

  “Usted todavía alrededor, vieja?” the old woman said to Ada.

  Ada looked at Andrés, “What she say?”

  Andrés laughed a hearty laugh. “She called you an old woman, Ada.”

  “Mrs. Delgado knows better,” Ada laughed.

  So I assumed the older lady was Marcos’s grandmother. But I turned my attention back to Marcos and this Draya chick.

  “How did you even know about this?” Marcos asked her.

  Draya pointed to Beverly. “Your mother. She assumed I was coming.”

  “But I didn’t invite you out here,” Marcos said.

  Beverly stepped in. “Well, Marcos I know you said it was a surprise that you wanted to announce about, you know…marrying, Draya. I sort of mentioned it to her when I talked to her the other day.”

  Marcos closed his eyes as if he was counting to ten. He let out a frustrated breath then opened his eyes and looked at his mother with aggravation all over his face. “I didn’t say Draya Mama! I said, Nephia!”

  “That’s what I thought,” Andrés said. He turned to me and said, “Oh, forgive me, please. We have not made proper introductions. I am your father-in-law but you can call me Papa.”

  I finally was able to smile. “Hi, Papa. I am Nephia and this is my mother Lailani and my sister is somewhere upstairs. But these are my friends, Corvell, Nikki, Nancy, and Tina. The baby is over there.”

  Sofia, the grandmother bypassed everyone just to get to Marcena. She started speaking in Spanish really fast.

  Even Lailani giggled. “What is she saying?”

  Beverly wore an expression between shock, embarrassment, and disgust. “Marcos! Are you serious right now?”


  “Mama, you don’t listen,” Marcos said angrily.

  “Well, I tried,” Beverly said in her defense. “But hell, Marcos, you didn’t mention anything about a baby!”

  “I know I didn’t!” he yelled. He looked at Draya, “I’m sorry my mama invited you here like this. But can you leave? I’m sure it would be awkward with you being here.”

  “Now wait, Marcos,” Beverly interjected. “She’s here now. She might as well stay.”

  “But Mama—you know what—Fuck it!” Marcos threw his hands in the air. “This was why I wanted everyone over here today. Nephia is my wife and we have a baby together. And before you ask, yes, she is only fifteen. Ask me if I give a fuck. No, I don’t because the state of mothafuckin Tennessee don’t give a fuck and allowed me to marry her. Now do what the fuck you wanna do with that. Draya, you still wanna stay?”

  Everybody kind of fell into another awkward silence and glanced around with questioning eyes. No one knew about our marriage except him, Lailani, and me. I hadn’t even told Corvell and Nikki.

  Marcos looked at Ada and asked, “Is it time to eat?”

  Chapter 8

  I wanted to know who Draya was but I didn’t bother asking. After Marcos laid everything out for everyone to know, Draya left on her own. She seemed to be hurt and disappointed by the news of Marcos being married to me and having a baby with me as well. I almost felt bad for her because Marcos had no regards for her feelings.

  Beverly did not like the idea of what Marcos had done; not the Draya situation, but marrying me and getting me pregnant at the age I was. Andrés shut her up when he reminded her that she was only fifteen when she became pregnant with Marcos. And that was kind of weird to me too. Beverly was Andrés lawful wife; however, they hadn’t lived together as man and wife for several years. Beverly had a beau here in the states and Andrés had several women he dealt with. I hope that wasn’t how Marcos expected us to be.

  Other than the awkward introductions, the rest of that evening went about as good as expected. Marcos was in a shitty mood though and snapped at just about everybody.

  I was learning Marcos day by day. Living with him was different from just seeing him on the weekends. He was anal about a lot of things. He liked the house to be a certain way. Everything was white, white, white, and more white!