The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It

by Philip G. Zimbardo

  The government released the expense forms in an unsorted collection of more than a million electronically scanned documents. The Guardian newspaper, which had been covering the scandal, knew it didn’t have enough manpower to sort through the mess, so it hired Simon Willison, a software developer, to design a website where anyone could examine the documents for incriminating details. With his help, the Guardian launched a site called Investigate Your MP’s Expenses, the world’s first massive multiplayer investigative journalism project. After just three days, more than 20,000 people had sifted through 170,000 documents. Investigate Your MP’s expenses also had a remarkable 56 percent visitor participation rate.

  The investigation prompted the resignation of dozens of Parliament members, plus legal action, including suspensions and prosecutions. Ultimately, it led to widespread political reform.119

  Though it may appear to be a suggestion not unlike Tom Sawyer persuading the neighborhood boys that whitewashing a fence is fun, imagine the kind of force gamers would become if every gamer dedicated just 1 percent of his gaming time — 30 million collective hours a week — to make a real-world impact like Investigate Your MP’s Expenses. Considering Wikipedia represents roughly 100 million hours of human thought, hypothetically 15.6 Wikipedia-size projects could be accomplished every year if each gamer invested that 1 percent into a crowdsourcing project. Now that would be a force to be reckoned with.

  Next steps: Join us

  At the end of Phil’s short but provocative four-minute TEDTalk, he made clear that his primary goal at the conference was to raise awareness and even alarm people. His talk was not designed to calm with simple solutions to this complex problem. We attempted in the relatively short space provided by the new TED Books format both to extend that original analysis by revealing its seriousness as well as its breadth and depth in society, and to suggest some solution starters. Our hope is that readers like you will join a forum on our website at demiseofguys.com or on our Facebook page to add your views, experience and solutions regarding the argument presented here.

  Notes

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  2 Salahu-Din, D., Persky, H., and J. Miller, J., The Nation’s Report Card: Writing 2007, NCES 2008–468 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2008), table A-9; and Lee, J., Grigg, W., and Donahue, P., The Nation’s Report Card: Reading 2007, NCES 2007–496 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2007), table A-17.

  3 Strauss, V., “What the Decline in SAT Scores Really Means,” The Answer Sheet (blog), Washington Post, September 14, 2011, accessed December 8, 2011, washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/what-the-decline-in-sat-scores-really-means/2011/09/14/gIQAdUzdSK_blog.html; and Steinberg, K., “43% of 2011 College-Bound Seniors Met SAT College and Career Readiness Benchmark” news release, The College Board, September 14, 2011, 9, http://media.collegeboard.com/pdf/cbs_2011_nat_release_091411.pdf.

  4 Chapman, C., Laird, J., and KewalRamani, A., “Trends in High School Dropout and Completion Rates in the United States: 1972–2008,” National Center for Education Statistics, 30, table 1, http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2011/2011012.pdf.

  5 Richards, J., “School Dropouts: Who Are They and What Can Be Done?” e-brief, C.D. Howe Institute, January 6, 2011, accessed December 26, 2011, 2, cdhowe.org/pdf/ebrief_109.pdf.

  6 Raising Cain: Boys in Focus, directed by Paul Stern (PBS Films, 2006).

  7 Galinsky, E., Aumann, K., and Bond, J., “Times Are Changing: Gender and Generation at Work and at Home,” Families and Work Institute 2008 National Study of the Changing Workforce, revised August 2011, 6, http://familiesandwork.org/site/research/reports/Times_Are_Changing.pdf.

  8 Chapman, C., Laird, J., and KewalRamani, A., “Trends in High School Dropout and Completion Rates.”

  9 McGonigal, J., Reality Is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World (New York: The Penguin Press, 2011), inside cover, 4, 6.

  10 Gentile, D. A., et al., “The Effects of Violent Video Game Habits on Adolescent Hostility, Aggressive Behaviors, and School Performance,” Journal of Adolescence 27 (2004): 6.

  11 McGonigal, Reality Is Broken, inside cover, 4, 6.

  12 “BookStats Overall Highlights,” Association of American Publishers, accessed November 11, 2011, publishers.org/bookstats/highlights/.

  13 Ropelato, J., “Internet Pornography Statistics,” TopTenReviews, TechMediaNetwork, accessed November 17, 2011, http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html.

  14 Ropelato, J., “Internet Pornography Statistics.”

  15 “1 in 3 Boys Heavy Porn Users, Study Shows,” ScienceBlog.com, accessed November 22, 2011, http://scienceblog.com/12663/1-in-3-boys-heavy-porn-users-study-shows/.

  16 Marshall, P., “Teenage Boys Watching Hours of Internet Pornography Every Week Are Treating Their Girlfriends Like Sex Objects,” Mail Online, accessed November 22, 2011, dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1255856/Teenage-boys-watching-hours-internet-pornography-week-treating-girlfriends-like-sex-objects.html.

  17 Zimbardo, P. G., Shyness: What It Is, What to Do About It (Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1977).

  18 Loewe, F., and Lerner, A.J., “A Hymn to Him,” originally released in 1956 by Sony BMG Music Entertainment 1994, 2002, accessed February 21, 2012, stlyrics.com/lyrics/myfairlady/ahymntohim.htm.

  19 Martin, A., “Young Men, Couples Shunning Sex,” Japan Times, January 14, 2011.

  20 Salcedo, A., Schoellman, T., and Tertilt, M., “Families as Roommates: Changes in U.S. Household Size from 1850 to 2000,” Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research, October 2009, accessed February 21, 2012, stanford.edu/group/siepr/cgi-bin/siepr/?q=system/files/shared/pubs/papers/pdf/09-01.pdf

  21 Szalavitz, M. and Perry, B. D., Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential — and Endangered (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2010), 16.

  22 Martin, J. A., et al., “Births: Final Data for 2009,” National Vital Statistics Reports 60, no. 1 (November 3, 2011): 1–2, cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr60/nvsr60_01.pdf.

  23 DeParle, J., and Tavernise, S., “For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage,” The New York Times, February 17, 2012, accessed February 21, 2012, nytimes.com/2012/02/18/us/for-women-under-30-most-births-occur-outside-marriage.html.

  24 Lawlor, J., “The Time Crunch; Poll: We Zoom through Life in Fast Forward,” USA Today, August 17, 1987, 1A.

  25 “The Importance of Family Dinners VII,” The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, September 2011, accompanying statement, figure 1.A, casacolumbia.org/upload/2011/2011922familydinnersVII.pdf.

  26 Szalavitz and Perry, Born for Love, 292. The statistic of trust decline, from 58 percent in 1960 to 32 percent in 2008, was found in Ibid; and for 2008, in the General Social Survey, gss.norc.org.

  27 Zak, P., “Paul Zak: Trust, Morality — and Oxytocin,” Talks, TED Conferences, accessed November 22, 2011, ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html.

  28 Gottlieb, L., “How to Land Your Kids in Therapy,” The Atlantic, July/August 2011, accessed November 11, 2011, theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555.

  29 Cribb, “The Grim Evidence That Men Have Fallen Behind Women.”

  30 Bolick, K., “All the Single Ladies,” The Atlantic, November 2011, 120.

  31 Raising Cain: Boys in Focus, directed by Paul Stern.

  32 Journeyman, directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz (MirrorMan Films, 2007).

  33 Hjern, A., Weitoft, G. R., and Lindblad, F., “Social Adversity Predicts ADHD-Medication in School Children — A National Cohort Study,” Acta Paediatrica 99 (June 2010): 920–924.

  34
“Family Structure and Children’s Health: United States, 1988” (Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services), Vital and Health Statistics series 10, no. 178 (1991): 27, table 13.

  35 Journeyman, directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz.

  36 Guidubaldi, J., Perry, J. P., and Nastasi, B., “Growing Up in a Divorced Family: Initial and Long Term Perspectives on Children’s Adjustment,” Applied Social Psychology 7 (1987): 230.

  37 Christoffersen, M. N., “An Investigation of Fathers with 3 to 5-Year-Old Children” (paper, Social Research Institute Ministerratskonferenz, Stockholm, Sweden, April 1995), chart 3.

  38 Guidubaldi, Perry, and Nastasi, “Growing Up in a Divorced Family,” 212.

  39 Journeyman, directed by Charlie Borden and Kevin Obsatz.

  40 Author interview with Warren Farrell, Ph.D., January 5, 2012.

  41 Tickner, N., “Unhappy People Watch TV, Happy People Read/Socialize,” UMD Newsdesk, University of Maryland, November 14, 2008, accessed January 10, 2012, newsdesk.umd.edu/sociss/release.cfm?ArticleID=1789.

  42 Raising Cain: Boys in Focus, directed by Paul Stern.

  43 Author interview, January 10, 2012.

  44 Ashliman, D.L., introduction to Aesop’s Fables (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, 2003).

  45 Sherman, D. K., and Cohen, G. L., “The Psychology of Self-Defense: Self-Affirmation Theory,” Advances in Experimental Social Psychology 38 (2006): 183–242.

  46 Carlin, G., “Euphemisms,” Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics, 1990.

  47 Sax, L., Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls (New York: Basic Books, 2010), 189–190. Bly and Woodman, in The Maiden King, page 20, cite Joseph Chilton Pearce’s Evolution’s End: Claiming the Potential of Our Intelligence (New York: HarperCollins, 1992) as the source of this idea; see chapter 22 in Pearce’s book, especially page 190.

  48 Williams, A., “The New Math on Campus,” The New York Times, February 5, 2010, accessed January 11, 2012, nytimes.com/2010/02/07/fashion/07campus.html?pagewanted=all.

  49 Bolick, “All the Single Ladies,” 124.

  50 Sax, Girls on the Edge, 34–35.

  51 “Cost of Living in the U.S. Hits Record Highs Not Seen Since Financial Crisis,” Mail Online, March 18, 2011, accessed January 10, 2012, dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367705/Cost-living-America-hits-record-high-according-Consumer-Price-Index.html.

  52 Brownstein, R., “What the Great Recession Wrought: The State of the U.S. in 3 Years of Polls,” The Atlantic, January 7, 2012, accessed January 10, 2012, theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/01/what-the-great-recession-wrought-the-state-of-the-us-in-3-years-of-polls/251010/.

  53 “Fast Facts: What Are the Trends in the Cost of College Education?” National Center for Education Statistics, accessed September 13, 2011, http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=76.

  54 “Historical Census of Housing Tables Home Values,” U.S. Census Bureau, accessed September 13, 2011, census.gov/hhes/www/housing/census/historic/values.html.

  55 Hymowitz, C., “Behind Every Great Woman,” BusinessWeek, January 4, 2012, accessed January 7, 2012, businessweek.com/magazine/behind-every-great-woman-01042012.html.

  56 Steinberg, K., “43% of 2011 College-Bound Seniors Met SAT College and Career Readiness Benchmark” news release, The College Board, September 14, 2011, 9, http://media.collegeboard.com/pdf/cbs_2011_nat_release_091411.pdf.

  57 Hornig, D., and Daley, A., “Not Enough New Scientists: How America’s Obsession with Liberal Arts Is Making Us Less Competitive,” Casey Daily Dispatch, December 1, 2011, accessed January 4, 2012, caseyresearch.com/cdd/friends-dont-let-friends-major-liberal-arts.

  58 Corcoran, S. P., Evans, W.N., and Schwab, R. M., “Women, the Labor Market, and the Declining Relative Quality of Teachers,” Journal of Policy Analysis and Management 23, no. 3 (2004): 449–470.

  59 Corcoran, Evans, and Schwab, “Women, the Labor Market, and the Declining Relative Quality of Teachers,” 449–470.

  60 Vance, V. S., and Schlechty, P. C., “The Distribution of Academic Ability in the Teaching Force: Policy Implications,” Phi Delta Kappan 64, no.1 (1982): 22–27.

  61 Chetty, R., Friedman, J., and Rockoff, J., “The Long-Term Impacts of Teachers: Teacher Value-Added and Student Outcomes in Adulthood,” Harvard University, accessed January 12, 2012, http://obs.rc.fas.harvard.edu/chetty/value_added.html.

  62 Trends in Educational Equity of Girls and Women: 2004, NCES 2005-016 (Washington, DC: National Center for Education Statistics, Institute of Education Sciences, U.S. Department of Education, 2004), 45, figure 13, accessed December 26, 2011, http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2005/2005016.pdf.

  63 Sax, L., Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men (New York: Basic Books, 2009), 21.

  64 “2011 College-Bound Seniors” news release, 12.

  65 “What We Learned: No Child Left Behind,” Editorials, San Francisco Chronicle, January 9, 2012, A11.

  66 “What’s the Problem with School?” Understanding and Raising Boys, PBS, accessed December 26, 2011, pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/school02.html.

  67 Szalavitz and Perry, Born for Love, 95, 231, 295.

  68 Raising Cain: Boys in Focus, directed by Paul Stern.

  69 Digital Nation: Life on the Virtual Frontier, directed by Rachel Dretzin (PBS Films [Frontline], 2010).

  70 Sax, Boys Adrift, 88.

  71 Sax, Boys Adrift, 89–91.

  72 Raising Cain: Boys in Focus, directed by Paul Stern.

  73 Meserve, J., and Ahlers, M., “Marijuana Potency Surpasses 10 Percent, U.S. Says,” CNN, accessed November 22, 2011, http://articles.cnn.com/2009-05-14/health/marijuana.potency_1_average-thc-potent-marijuana-marijuana-users?_s=PM:HEALTH.

  74 Ramaekers, J. G., et al., “High-Potency Marijuana Impairs Executive Function and Inhibitory Motor Control,” Neuropsychopharmacology 10 (October 2006): 2296-2303.

  75 Sterling, T., “Dutch Classify High-Potency Marijuana as Hard Drug.” SF Gate, October 8, 2011, accessed November 22, 2011, sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/10/07/MNQO1LES53.DTL.

  76 “Overweight and Obesity Rates for Adults by Gender, 2010,” Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, accessed December 31, 2011, statehealthfacts.org/comparebar.jsp?ind=90&cat=2.

  77 Golokhov, D., “Weight Loss and Sex,” AskMen, accessed December 31, 2011, askmen.com/daily/sex_tips_400/421_lose-weight-for-better-sex.html; and University of Buffalo study described in “Male Obesity Linked to Low Testosterone Levels, Study Shows,” ScienceDaily, May 3, 2010, accessed February 21, 2012, sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/05/100503135659.htm.

  78 Tremblay, L., “High Estrogen Symptoms in Men,” Livestrong, March 28, 2011, accessed January 10, 2012, livestrong.com/article/127328-high-estrogen-symptoms-men/.

  79 Fulton, A., “Some Teens Who Sleep Less Gain More Weight,” Shots: NPR’s Health Blog, National Public Radio, May 4, 2010, accessed January 10, 2012, npr.org/blogs/health/2010/05/some_teens_who_sleep_less_gain.html?ps=rs.

  80 “Why People Become Overweight,” Harvard University Medical School Special Health Report, accessed January 10, 2012, health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Why-people-become-overweight.htm.

  81 Bellows, L., and Roach, J., “Childhood Overweight,” Colorado State University Extension, May, 2009, accessed January 10, 2012, ext.colostate.edu/pubs/foodnut/09317.html.

  82 Szalavitz and Perry, Born for Love, 163, 167.

  83 Digital Nation, directed by Rachel Dretzin.

  84 Doan, A., “The Lure of Sex in Video Games,” Hooked on Games, October 4, 2011, accessed on November 11, 2011, hooked-on-games.com/blog/33-the-lure-of-sex-in-video-games.html.

  85 Digital Nation, directed by Rachel Dretzin.

  86 Ropelato, “Internet Pornography Statistics.”

  87 “Porn, Business of Pleasure,” CNBC, accessed November 17, 2011, cnbc.com/id/31586577/?slide=4.

  88 Macfarlane, J., “Men Aged 18 to 30 on Viag
ra to Keep Up with Sex and the City Generation,” Mail Online, June 14, 2008, accessed January 10, 2012, dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1026523/Men-aged-18-30-Viagra-Sex-And-The-City-generation.html.

  89 Men’s Health, July/August 2011, 30.

  90 Schonfeld, E., “Netflix Q1 Earnings Up 88 Percent Add 3.M Subscribers,” Seeking Alpha, April 25, 2011, accessed November 11, 2011, http://seekingalpha.com/article/265310-netflix-q1-earnings-up-88-adds-3-m-subscribers.

  91 Wilson, G., “Start Here: Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction,” Your Brain on Porn, June 17, 2011, accessed February 21, 2012, http://yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-ed-start-here; and Wilson, G., “Erectile Dysfunction and Porn,” Your Brain On Porn, February 10, 2011, accessed February 21, 2012, http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn.

  92 Author interview with Celeste Hirschman, January 19, 2012.

  93 “Italian Men Suffer ‘Sexual Anorexia’ After Internet Porn Use,” ANSA English, March 4, 2011, accessed January 9, 2012, ansa.it/web/notizie/rubriche/english/2011/02/24/visualizza_new.html_1583160579.html.

  94 Ropelato, “Internet Pornography Statistics.”

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  96 “Estimated Median Age at First Marriage, by Sex: 1890 to the Present,” U.S. Census Bureau, November 2011, accessed February 20, 2012,.

  97 Brükner, H. and Bearman, P., “After the Promise: The STD Consequences of Adolescent Virginity Pledges,” Journal of Adolescent Health 36 (2005): 271–278.

  98 Klein, M., America’s War on Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, and Liberty [Kindle edition, 2008], Praeger Paperback, accessed from Amazon.com.