Beyond Hope's Ridge

by Silver McKenzie

  “She was an amazing little girl, wasn’t she? Kind and generous. So much of you was in her.”

  Buster swallowed as a tightness gripped his throat. He couldn’t remember the last time Eve had complimented him. “She had your fierceness and determination, too,” Buster said. “Our best attributes were all rolled into one little person.”

  For the remainder of the visit, they shared more stories of Holly, broken up by moments of silence as thoughts of their beautiful little girl took over. When it was finally time to leave, Buster smiled. “Thank you. I thought today was going to be awful and that you’d be upset. I am here for you, Eve. Once you’re out, I’ll be happy to help you any way I can. I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who let you down.”

  “You won’t be. But make sure you pay close attention to this woman you mentioned you’re seeing. Sometimes it’s hard to realize when someone needs something from you. We all get so caught up in what we’re doing. Look for the signs and step up and help her when she needs it. You don’t want to have gone through all of this, feeling that you let Holly and me down, to repeat it with someone else.”

  Eve’s words played over in Buster’s head as he made his way back to Drayson’s Landing. She was right, letting people down wasn’t something he ever wanted to repeat with someone else.

  ❖

  Steph sat bolt upright, stifling a scream. She put her hand to her chest, willing her heart rate to calm. Her face was wet with tears. She took a deep breath. It was just a dream. But it had felt so real.

  After the stress of the last few days, she’d repeated her meditation routine before going to bed early. She knew a big part of getting her chakras back in alignment was taking care of herself. The irony, of course, was that sleep never came quickly, or if it did, she was usually thrown out of it.

  She glanced at her alarm clock and groaned. It was only ten p.m. She’d slept for an hour. She could hear the faint sound of music coming from the living room and Asha’s gentle laugh. She smiled. At least Asha and Zane’s energy left a positive vibe in the house each day. That had to help. But she also didn’t want to disturb them. Imagine if she walked out, and Zane was in the middle of proposing. Although she was sure he was going to leave that until after Jenna’s engagement party and would probably think of something more romantic than in their living room. Still, it was their date, and she didn’t want to interrupt.

  She got up and lit the oil burner she’d placed on her bedside table. Wafts of ylang-ylang quickly filled the room. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, doing her best to avoid analyzing the dream she’d woken from. As images filled her mind, she knew there was no avoiding it. It was the same dream she’d experienced since the afternoon of the accident. The sheer panic as the car came toward her, the fear she saw in Eve’s eyes as they collided, and the car careening off the road, down the embankment, and into the lake. Of Steph’s arms and legs being scraped by the undergrowth as she rushed after the car. She lost her footing several times before reaching the lake. She didn’t hesitate. She ran straight into the freezing water, trying to reach the car that was sinking fast. The small face in the rear seat pressed against the window. Although tonight it wasn’t a small face. It was Buster. And he wasn’t calling for help, he was smiling. His eyes were twinkling, his face full of love. Steph’s heart raced as she froze, unable to reach the car. Water reached Buster’s neck and then covered his chin and face. He continued smiling, and moments before the car slipped out of sight, he raised his hand to his lips and blew her a kiss.

  The pain in Steph’s chest as Buster disappeared from her life remained with Steph now as she sat in her room. She’d done her best to allow anger to override her true feelings. While she remained angry with him, she could hold the entire situation at arm's length. But now, when she allowed herself to feel, she knew anger was the last emotion she felt toward Buster. She was bitterly disappointed at how things had turned out. They had a connection, one that no one else would ever understand. They’d both been impacted by Holly’s death in different ways and been changed by it. And while Steph knew the situation was much harder for Buster, it wasn’t the point. It was their connection. They shared an understanding, but it was more than that. There was chemistry between them. For the first time in a very long time, Steph had felt like she could trust Buster implicitly. That he would never hurt her. She realized most people would consider her reaction extreme, considering it was so early in their relationship, but it wasn’t. Yet the red flag she had seen was all she needed. She didn’t want to spend longer with him, have her feelings deepen, her love for him grow, and then have it all ripped from her.

  She stood up and started pacing the room. Her love for him? Where did that come from? She didn’t love Buster. She shook herself. Of course she didn’t. Regardless of all the things she’d just told herself about him, they hardly knew each other. And spending more time together was unlikely to change that. She thought she’d known Dylan and hadn’t. She thought she was getting to know Matt and understand him. She didn’t. The one thing she did know was that she was a terrible judge of character.

  Disappointment settled on her shoulders as she thought about Matt. She honestly thought he’d changed, and part of her wished she could have explored the idea of working with the improved version of him. Now she’d told him she was leaving at the end of the week. Where did that put her?

  Laughter filtered down the hallway from the living room. This time, rather than smiling at her sister’s happiness, tears welled in her eyes. Asha had found love in both Zane and her business. She was happy and content with an exciting future in front of her. Steph didn’t begrudge her this, but she wished she had it too. That she had something. Right now, she was on her own, about to be unemployed with no backup plan. She lay down on her bed, allowing her tears to flow. It wasn’t like her to feel so sorry for herself, but right now she felt like she had no control over her emotions, or for that matter, any other part of her life.

  ❖

  Buster operated on autopilot for the twenty-four hours that passed after seeing Eve. He arrived home, walked around each room in the house, and made notes of what work was required to sell. He met with Travis on Tuesday morning and gave him official notice he wanted to leave within the next two weeks.

  “Two weeks? But what about the projects you’re overseeing?”

  “From what I’ve heard, Matt’s selling Heat Wave, so that’s not one we need to worry about. The plans for the job at Asha’s food truck are with the township for approval. It’s a straightforward job once the plans are approved, and I’m sure Charlie will oversee it. The larger project is Matt’s apartments. I’m going to have to hand that one over. Charlie’s walked off the job, so we need a replacement for him and should get someone capable of overseeing the whole thing. There are plenty of guys in Tall Oaks who’d move out for a few months if needed.”

  “And then you’re just going to go?”

  Buster nodded. “I’m going to go skiing in Vail. I might spend the rest of the season there. Possibly even look for some work.”

  “Skiing?”

  Buster nodded. “I need a challenge, and that’s something I’ve always wanted to do.” It was something Holly had said she wanted to do actually. Buster had been on a couple of ski weekends before but hadn’t done much skiing. He’d promised Holly they’d go when she was seven. She would have been seven now, so he would go for her.

  “Okay. Well, once you’re settled, let us know where you are. Jodi and I might come and visit for a weekend.”

  Buster nodded, knowing he had no intention of inviting them. He needed a complete break from his regular life, and somewhere like Vail was where he hoped to find it.

  The same thought went through his mind when later that evening, he started boxing up belongings around the house. He wanted to get it decluttered and suitable for selling. He moved from room to room, leaving Holly’s until last. Eventually, he got up the nerve and pushed open the door. This was going to be th
e hardest task of all.

  He put the empty boxes on the floor and sat down on Holly’s bed. Where did he even start? He didn’t want to get rid of anything but knew that he should. He picked up her soft toy dog, closed his eyes, and hugged it to his chest, a flood of emotion engulfing him.

  The ache he knew so well crushed his chest, and for a moment, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. This was when images of Holly would usually flood his mind. Her gorgeous little face, her smile and bright eyes. But tonight, that’s not what filled his mind. It was another magnificent smile, another kind heart. Another woman who he’d lost, but this time he’d lost her before he’d even had the chance to know her. He wasn’t sure what was worse, to break up after a long relationship or never have the opportunity to explore something he knew deep in his heart was a gift. He opened his eyes. But he was not a gift. As much as he appreciated Eve’s words that he was kind and generous, he’d still let her down. And he’d let Holly down in the worst possible way. He realized at that moment that Steph reminded him of Holly. Not in her looks, although they were both gorgeous, but in her smile, her kind heart, and her humor. She was a lovely person, just like his daughter had been.

  He buried his face in the soft toy, the realization hitting him. It didn’t matter what he had or hadn’t done with Steph. She deserved better. Someone who would love her with all of their heart. Would be there for her at every moment. Would never let her down. And that was the kicker. The one thing he couldn’t guarantee—that no matter how hard he tried, there was always the possibility he would let her down. And he would never forgive himself if that happened, so he could never take that risk.

  The tears that flowed from Buster were for what he’d lost and for what he would never have. As he pulled himself together and looked around his little girl’s room, he reminded himself that he had been lucky. He had had what some people never had the opportunity to experience: the unconditional love of a child. He would be eternally grateful, even if in his heart, he knew he would also be eternally sad. He hoped that wherever she was, love and kindness surrounded Holly. She would attract it, that he was sure of, and it gave him some comfort.

  When Buster eventually dragged himself from Holly’s bedroom, having unpacked his grief, rather than packing her belongings, an additional sadness settled over him. He knew a change would be good for him, but he also knew he’d be taking every bit of sadness and emotion with him. Steph had given him a brief taste of what happiness could be like, and just as quickly, it was shut down again. It was what he deserved, and he needed to accept that this was how it would be moving forward. Next time, if an opportunity arose, he needed to walk away immediately. Not give himself a chance to let someone else down or crush even more of his heart.

  13

  Buster was surprised when Matt pushed open the front door of J.R. Construction and stepped inside. They didn’t have a meeting scheduled as far as Buster knew.

  “Matt, everything alright?”

  “It is if you’ve found me a new foreman. Charlie was doing such a great job; it’s frustrating.”

  “Travis mentioned he’d quit.”

  “Yep, completely out of the blue. I had him quit one minute, and then the next minute, Steph got angry and told me she wanted nothing more to do with me or Heat Wave.”

  “That was understandable under the circumstances. I should warn you, she thinks you’re a despicable human.”

  Matt gave a wry smile. “Unfortunately, she might be right.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re going to have to fill me in on what despicable things I’m supposed to have done. But first, you care about Steph, don’t you?”

  Buster nodded. “I do—or did. But I’m no good for her. I’ll just let her down like I did Eve and Holly.”

  Matt’s mouth dropped open. “Let them down? Are you for real? When it comes to Eve, you were a saint.”

  Buster laughed. “You hardly knew her. How did you come up with that?”

  “I knew Eve. We were at school together, remember? She and I had drama class with Mr. Herbert. Herbie, as she insisted on calling him—to his face! I ended up dropping out because she controlled the whole thing.”

  “Two control freaks never work,” Buster said.

  “Touché! No, she made me feel uncomfortable. She was so sweet one minute and would turn on me the next. I had no idea whether I was coming or going when it came to Eve. She seemed to have a lot of different personalities. She also made me feel bad about myself.”

  “Really?” Buster couldn’t imagine Matt ever feeling that way.

  “Yeah, she said things to belittle me. It made me question my intelligence, my appearance, all sorts of things. She had the kind of personality that got under your skin. I wanted her to like me, yet I couldn’t work her out. I found it easier to stay away from her, even though part of me would have liked to have been close to her. Those thoughts were before you two got together, of course.”

  Buster nodded. He understood what Matt was saying. It was part of his dilemma with Eve. The most beautiful person one minute, and a manipulative and nasty one the next.

  “I was shocked when you two got together.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “You’re too nice. Way too nice for someone like that. When you announced your engagement, my first thought was she would trample your heart.”

  “You were right there. Although I think I did a pretty good number on her too.”

  “See?” Matt said. “Even after everything, you still defend her. You are an amazing guy with a heart of gold. Steph would be lucky to have you.”

  “Steph doesn’t want me, and I can’t go there anyway. I have good intentions but seem to mess things up with women and let them down. It would be heartbreaking if it ended like that with Steph.”

  The look on Matt’s face was incredulous. “So…what? You give up now before you even make an effort? That’s letting her down, Buster. If you love someone, you do everything possible to make sure they know it. Yes, your heart might get broken, but it means you feel things. That you love and want to receive that back. You can’t just walk away. You’ll forever wonder if she was the one.”

  “She is the one.” The words came out of Buster’s mouth before he had a chance to think about them. He shook his head, his cheeks heating. “I don’t know where that came from.”

  Matt tapped his chest. “It came from here. From your heart. From the part of you that’s wishing right now you’d let it take the lead rather than relying on that ridiculous brain of yours.”

  Buster couldn’t help but smile. He would never have expected such a passionate speech from a guy like Matt.

  “I’m saying this,” Matt said as if he could read Buster’s mind, “because I admire Steph. I would love to take her out, but I’m smart enough to know that first of all, we’re better being friends, and second of all, she would never agree to date me. And even more importantly, I think she hates me anyway.”

  “After your recent stunt,” Buster said, “you’d be nuts to even go near her.”

  Matt frowned. “Okay, you might need to enlighten me here. What stunt? Things went weird with Steph over Heat Wave. I thought she was going to go into partnership with me.” He shifted awkwardly. “I know I’m not an expert, but I’ve drawn up some sketches of what I imagine the retreat looking like.”

  Buster stared at Matt. He sounded genuine. But he couldn’t be, could he? “Hold on, aren’t you in the process of selling Heat Wave so you can invest in some project in Tall Oaks?”

  “News travels quickly.”

  “Steph mentioned it to me. On the same afternoon, she told me there was no point in us pursuing a relationship.”

  “When was that?”

  “Last Sunday. She was pretty upset.”

  “Sunday? But I didn’t talk to her until Monday when she pretty much suggested I was the lowest of low and there was no way she’d work with me. I hadn’t told her about the investor. The investor that’s fallen through, by the way.”

&
nbsp; “Seriously?”

  Matt nodded. “I’m going to have to find someone pretty quickly now that Steph’s leaving this week. I doubt I can talk her into staying at the studio. She’s furious with me, and I still have no idea why.”

  Buster wished he could trust Matt, that the man in front of him had a better reputation. His gut told him Matt was genuine. He thought back to Steph’s comment about trusting her gut. Maybe he should follow her advice and assume Matt was telling the truth.

  “Steph was under the impression that you’d decided to use Heat Wave to guarantee your investment in Tall Oaks. That you were going to do your best to sell it as quickly as possible to convert the property to cash so you could move forward with the Tall Oaks deal.”

  “Only if Steph said no to going into business together.”

  “Really?”

  “My decision came down to Steph’s involvement. I’ve wanted to do a retreat for years, but the timing isn’t ideal with the other projects I have going. Steph’s the perfect person to partner with on a project like this. She’s passionate and has an amazing eye for detail. Without her it just isn’t the right time for me to embark on this project. I will do it one day though. Ever since Mom died, I promised myself that I’d set up something that could help people like her.”

  Buster fell silent. He’d forgotten about Matt’s mom. They’d been quite young when she died. She’d had multiple sclerosis, which hadn’t killed her, but a minor operation had led to an infection and pneumonia, and that did.

  “I wanted the retreat to be for wellness. So rehabilitation and all sorts of things. Even respite, if needed, but for people who are still well enough to enjoy it. I would put in a pool, for instance. Mom was losing the use of her legs before she died, and the one place she still loved to be was in the pool. The weightlessness made her forget, even just for the hour she was in there, that she had any limitations. That was just one thing I wanted to do. I haven’t worked it all out, but I do have a lot of other ideas. We’d still offer the upscale experience, of course, but the whole point of calling it a wellness retreat was to help people heal both physically and mentally.”