The Willingness to Burn

by J. P. London

  Jace took a deep breath, the gravity of the situation starting to weigh down on him.

  “Where are they going to stay?” Jace asked suspiciously.

  “They’re going to stay in Evan’s room. And Evan’s moving back into your room.”

  “But, Dad!”

  “I know.”

  “That’s not fair! I just got my own room!”

  “I know, Pal, but it’s what we need to do right now.”

  “But you said if I kept it clean and helped out around the house I could keep it.”

  “Jace …”

  “It’s clean! You can check!” Jace choked on his emotion. “I just hung up a poster!” Jace’s voice started to elevate.

  Dad reached over and squeezed his thigh right above the knee. It hurt! Jace’s legs were hard worked running drills at practice and the sore muscle screamed with agony under the pressure. Dad was a good man and didn’t believe in hitting his kids, but sometimes you needed to inflict a little pain to drive a point home. Dad seemed to know all the pressure points and would use them when he needed to make a statement.

  “Calm down,” Dad said sternly. He pulled the truck over. Jace’s heart started to beat faster. He knew that the truck pulling over was not a good thing. Dad was mad.

  “Now listen,” Dad said in a commanding voice. Jace swallowed hard.

  Dad’s voice softened. “I know this isn’t the ideal situation. But don’t think about yourself. Think about how they feel. They have to pack up and move in with us so their dad can work things out. So I need you to be nice, be good, and treat them with respect. There will be no teasing, no taunting, and no making fun of them. They don’t even have their rooms anymore.”

  “But why do they have to stay with us?” Jace asked, wiping his cheek on his sleeve.

  “Because they need to right now. And because they’re family. You do what you have to for family. It doesn’t matter how inconvenient or hard it’s going to be. Family sticks together. And we never turn our back on each other.”

  “I know,” Jace said in defeat.

  “Family first, always, and we always do whatever we have to for them. No matter what.”

  “Okay.”

  Dad put the truck back in drive and pulled off. “As you get older you’re going to learn,” Dad sighed. “It can be a hard world out there, and we have to stick together. One day the shoe might be on the other foot, and I know that they would be there for us.”

  Jace didn’t say anything. Dad glanced over and saw a look of panic on his face.

  “Relax. We’re fine. And so are they. Because they have us. Because we have each other. When it comes to your family, you do what you have to, no matter what. You hear me?”

  “Yes, Dad.“

  Chapter 15

  “How could this happen to my daughter?” Maddy said into the microphone.

  “It happens a lot,” John said. “One in four teens will experiment with drugs. That’s why it’s so important to talk to you kids early and educate them about drugs.”

  The computer generated beeping of the heartrate monitor closed out the audio recording that Maddy had been preparing for class as she stared at her own reflection in the thick glass window.

  “I think we got it!” Maddy said with excitement.

  A young man with thick framed glasses gave her a thumbs up from the other side of the window.

  “I can’t tell you how hard it is not to fuck around with this,” John said, pushing the overhead microphone away from his face.

  “Stop it.” Maddy raised her finger jokingly. “I gotta get this done today.”

  “I know, that’s why I stuck to the script.” John grinned at her. He was really cute when he smiled like that. No teeth, just the upturning of his lips and slight wrinkle in his cheek.

  “Thank you so much for your help,” Maddy said, thinking to herself that she was going to really thank him when they got back to her place.

  “No problem. You wanna grab some food?”

  “Sure.”

  Maddy and John left the padded room and entered into the office where Justin, a shorter boy, was sitting and editing something with their recording. Maddy smiled at him when she opened the door. He was into her, and she could tell. That was part of the reason she brought John in to help. She didn’t want to be alone with Justin for too long. If he asked her out or something she’d have to lie and say that she had a boyfriend or was seeing someone. It was best just to avoid that type of confrontation with someone who could mess up your project.

  Maddy pressed play, and her commercial began to boom from the speakers.

  She quickly turned down the volume. After the two-minute commercial was done, she smiled at John. “That’s it! That’s everything we need!” Maddy threw her arms around Justin.

  “Thank you soooo much!” she said to Justin. “Can you email it to me when you’re all done?”

  “Sure.” Justin smiled back at her. Poor hopeless bastard.

  “Awesome, I’m fucking starving,” John interjected, and Justin rolled his eyes before returning them to the equipment.

  Maddy grabbed her purse. “All right, let’s go.” She squeezed Justin’s shoulder as a final step of encouragement and then left him alone in the small room and exited to the hallway with John behind her.

  Maddy took out her cell phone and checked her text messages as they started walking.

  Sarah: Call me asap.

  “Wait, John, hang on a second.”

  Maddy put the phone to her ear, and half a ring later, Sarah answered.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “We need you to come home.”

  “What happened?”

  “Mom’s not doing too well.”

  “What happened?”

  “She’s …”

  “Is she okay?”

  “Things went bad. You need to come and see her.”

  Maddy’s eyes started to water “Is she …”

  “I don’t know. But from what Dad’s saying …. You …You need to come and say goodbye.”

  Maddy froze. She would not be going to eat after all. The mock beeping of the commercially created heart beat monitor was soon going to be very real.

  Chapter 16

  They had just finished dessert when Bill gave Jace a look. It was a questioning expression but Jace already knew what he was asking. A devilish grin grew across Jace’s face, and he nodded slightly. Bill smiled back and stood up.

  “Jace, care to join me?”

  “Sure thing.”

  “No smoking, Daddy!” Sarah commanded.

  “I’m not gonna smoke. I’m just gonna stand by Jace while he smokes.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes. “You need to stop him from bringing cigars with him,” Sarah sneered to Maddy.

  “He’s a grown man. He does what he wants.”

  Jace smiled to himself.

  “Yeah, but he’s gonna get Daddy sick!”

  “I was talking about Daddy,” Maddy said sternly.

  Bill grinned. “All right let’s go, we don’t have to be here for this argument,” Bill said.

  Jace nodded and followed him out of the dining room and over to the side door. Bill’s favorite place to smoke a cigar was the garage. He, being a man who was always out working on his trucks for one reason or another, took to the garage as his sanctuary. It was his place to escape the rest of the world and sometimes, perhaps more than he would care to admit, to escape the stressors of family life for a moment or two.

  Bill punched his code into the receiver and the double two-car garage door began to lift.

  “All right, I went with something mild for us. I figure you don’t get to smoke that often anymore, and I don’t smoke much at all so it would probably be for the best.“

  “Now you’re thinking.”

  Jace pulled the cigar carrying case out of his jacket pocket, opened it, and gave Bill a light-brown cigar. He took one out for himself and both men lit up.


  Bill took a deep puff from his cigar. “Let me ask you something, Jace.”

  Jace blew some smoke out and spoke “Shoot.”

  “You know anything about insurance?”

  “I know a bit.”

  “Sarah wants me to get TLC insurance.”

  Jace stared blankly for a moment pondering the use or existence of TLC insurance, then he smirked.

  “LTC, long-term care?”

  “Yeah, that’s the one.”

  “Okay.”

  “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s a good idea. It will make sure if something happens to you then you’re able to have a nurse come to the house or afford a nursing home without it bleeding you dry.”

  “I’m not doing a nursing home. If that’s the case, just set me in the backyard with a box of these and bottle of Jack.”

  Jace laughed. “Understood, but it’s also so if you don’t absolutely need to go in, you can have a nurse come to the house. They’re really expensive without the insurance.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, like over a hundred K a year.”

  “Holy shit!” Bill exclaimed.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “So there’s less of a chance of going in a home?”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I’d have to take a look at the paperwork, but I feel like that’s the case.”

  “Good, because they’re gonna have to come armed if they expect to get me out of this place.”

  Jace chuckled. “Ehh, you’ll be fine. You’re gonna outlive us all.”

  “God, I hope not.” Bill smirked and took a puff from his cigar. He began to speak with the smoke still coming out of his mouth. “Sarah and Josh have been pushing me to get some.”

  “I can understand why. That way you have some hot twenty-something nurse giving you baths instead of her, or even worse … him.”

  Bill paused, his mouth full of smoke and pondered a moment. “You sure are a salesmen, aren’t you?” Bill peered over at Jace.

  Jace laughed. “Hey, everyone has their talents.”

  “I suppose you’re right. You mind giving the paperwork a look when I get it?”

  “Sure thing.”

  “Thanks.”

  The two men sat on a matching pair of ugly, green, old recliners. The chairs were from the very first living room set that Bill and Diane ever bought together. Since then, there had been many upgrades but Bill always had a liking for that set and especially for his chair.

  They sat facing out to the street. The wind blew, and the last remaining leaves clung to a tree in the front yard. The turning colors and cold weather would soon overtake those leaves despite their best efforts. There was something about that time of year that Bill always found peaceful. The cold air laid waste to the incessant chirping of birds and bugs alike. It was during that short period of time, before the cold froze over, that a man could sit outside and just be completely at peace. Bill took a deep breath and smiled.

  “Hey Bill, I had something that I wanted to talk to you about. “ Bill inhaled sharply and glanced about seeming to come back to his wits.

  “Sure thing. What’s up?” Bill took a puff of his cigar.

  Jace leaned forward in his seat and turned his upper body to face Bill. Jace’s knee was bouncing up and down like a piston. His hands were fidgety. It was not the confident man that Bill was used to seeing. Jace had always been calm and collected, but he appeared to be nervous.

  “Christ, Jace, is everything all right?”

  “Yeah, yeah, everything is great.” Jace took a puff of his cigar barely getting any smoke and blew it out quickly.

  “Then what is it?”

  “I want to ask Maddy to marry me.” Jace paused for effect. “And I wanted your blessing before I did.”

  Bill felt overwhelmed. It was an odd combination of feelings. It was joy, but not just joy, was it pride? No. It was appreciation, the feeling someone experiences when they are treated with respect. Jace didn’t need his permission to marry his daughter, and with how close they were he doubted that he could stop them even if he wanted to. But Jace came to him first, out of respect, and because he valued his opinion. Bill felt warmth in his chest and a bit of a tingle run up his neck. He smiled.

  Jace sat patiently, his eyes fixed on Bill’s, waiting for a response. The cigar smoke danced in the air between the two men. Bill’s eyes fell back onto Jace.

  “Did you buy the ring yet?”

  “No, not yet.”

  Bill beamed. He was right. Jace was waiting for his blessing. He stood up. Jace leaned forward to stand as well.

  “Wait here,” Bill said and Jace sat back down. Bill stepped out of the sitting area and ventured to the near wall. He reached up and grabbed his shotgun off of the wall. Jace leaped to his feet.

  “Woah, Bill!” Jace exclaimed.

  Bill turned to face him, shotgun in hand. The black metal barrel pointing down toward the floor. Bill said nothing and stared back at Jace. Then he pulled the pump and the first half of the signature shotgun sound was heard in the garage.

  “Bill, what the fuck?”

  Bill grinned. “Relax, I’m not gonna shoot ya.” Bill pointed the gun up and looked inside the chamber. He pulled out a small, black-velvet pouch. It looked like the type of coin purses you see in old Roman Empire-style movies. Bill was very careful with the medieval coin purse. He looked up at Jace. He extended the arm with the shot gun in it.

  “Here, put this back on the wall, ya pussy.”

  Jace smirked, but his smirk was more a sigh of relief than anything else. He took the gun from Bill and set it back where he had taken it off the wall.

  “Come here,” Bill said.

  Jace walked over and sat down in his chair. Bill pulled a small, old, coffee table between them and set the pouch down. He loosened the pouch and dropped two diamonds into his hand. He placed them on the black velvet bag.

  “When Diane, Maddy’s mom ,started getting really sick. She made one last purchase for the jewelry store. It’s kind of weird how those things are done, it’s very old school. She use to buy directly from the diamond district Jews; that’s how you got the best diamonds.”

  Jace nodded.

  “Now, we had already planned on closing the place down. She wasn’t able to run it anymore, and God knows I don’t know enough about jewelry to handle it myself,” Bill said, He reflected for a moment. “And I had the other business to run too, ya know.”

  “Of course,” Jace said in understanding.

  “So she wasn’t going to buy anymore, we were going to sell what we had left and close up shop. But when she met with the Jew, Saul, his name was, he told her that he had two nearly-perfect diamonds in this package. It’s weird how they do it, you can’t really examine them, you just get a quick look then have to make a decision. And he would always say ‘I got great emeralds, Some nice sapphires etc etc.’ You know, salesmen shit.”

  Jace nodded in understanding, having been a salesmen himself he could picture the way such a transaction would conspire.

  “But when she saw this pair, she bought them. She wanted something that her daughters would always remember her by.”

  Bill picked one of the diamonds up and held it up to the light. “Maddy’s has a hint of blue in it; blue was always her favorite color, and it’s also her birthstone color.”

  Bill put the diamond down and picked up the other one. Carefully, he held it to the light and examined the stone.

  “This one,” Bill said. “It would mean a lot to me,” Bill paused and glanced up, “and to Diane, if you used this to marry our daughter.”

  Bill extended his hand and Jace cupped both of his hands below Bills carefully. Bill dropped the stone in his hands.

  “Bill, it would be my honor.”

  Bill smiled. “All right put that in the sack. We’ll find ya something to take it home in.”

  Jace smiled and nodded, carefully putting both stones back into the black-velvet bag and pulling
the cord tight.

  Bill stood up. “Now, get up here and give your father-in-law a hug.”

  Jace stood up, and the two men embraced. “Thanks, Bill”

  “Hey, from now on you call me Dad.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Chapter 17

  There are very few moments in life that when you are in them, you know immediately that they are the moments you will remember until the day you die. And not just a memory, but a vision, that precise image that appears in your mind in perfect detail. Each and every inch coming through in ultra-high definition whenever you think of it.

  This was how Jace felt at the moment of the reveal. All the anticipation. All of the preparing, Months and months of planning, deposits, decisions. This color, that color, this fork, that one. All of it building to one moment. And there was that moment. The moment when he would turn and see his bride for the first time. He could feel his heart bouncing in his chest. The nervous anxiety was fluttering in his stomach. Jace could hear her footsteps behind him. That familiar click-clack pattern in unfamiliar heels. The sound of the dress draping across the floor. And yet, he still stood, staring out.

  He tried to keep calm, but his breathing would tell you everything you needed to know about his emotional state—he was in a frenzy. Forced and timed deep breaths that bordered on panicking came and left. He glanced to his left. Evan was standing there smiling. An air of pride and support coming from him. It seemed like just a few years before that the two men were in opposite positions.

  A soft hand touched his shoulder, and his heart stopped beating. Jace turned to see her. The sight of his beautiful wife in her stunning white dress paralyzed him. She wore no veil. Neither of them wanted that. It seemed so weird that people would wear a disguise when it came time to pronounce their love to the world. Jace looked deep into her blue eyes. And it was that moment. That was the moment, that he would never forget. No matter the turbulence of the rest of the world, the image of blue, blonde, and white would always be frozen in his mind. The semblance of her in that moment, became the illustration of his soul.

  The night was fast, too fast. It’s a night that you plan forever, there’s never-ending build up to such a climatic event, and then in the blink of an eye, it’s over. But in that moment, that one single instance when his eyes fell upon her, in that frozen slice of time, he would always exist.