Dreaming of You

by Jennifer McNare

  “Thank you, Your Grace,” Melody replied softly.

  “However, I am curious as to why you waited so long to inform Gavin about the children,” she said, tilting her head to the side once again as she studied Melody’s face. “Your late husband passed nearly five years ago, did he not?”

  “Yes, he did,” Melody acknowledged, “though I’m afraid that my reason for waiting is rather complicated as well. “I can tell you, however, that I deeply regret that Gavin has not been a part of William and Emma’s lives until now. It wasn’t fair to him, or to them.” Holding the duchess’ steady gaze, she could only hope that her words conveyed the sincerity that she felt. “Or to you, Your Grace. And for that, I am truly sorry.”

  Surprisingly, the duchess accepted her apology with unexpected benevolence, and Melody couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief at the woman’s magnanimity. She also realized that she owed Gavin a great deal of gratitude, for he could have easily painted a very unpleasant picture of her to his mother, which clearly he hadn’t. It was just another indication of the kind of man he was. He had protected her, in spite of his anger.

  Fortunately, Jane did not press her for additional information, and for the next twenty minutes, she and the duchess managed to carry on a surprisingly pleasant conversation.

  Later that afternoon, shortly after Gavin and the children had returned from their outing, Melody, William and Emma had been shown upstairs by the Montrose family’s cheery, rosy-cheeked housekeeper Mrs. Dashwood. And now, as the children napped in the nursery under the watchful eye of a delightful young housemaid named Charlotte, Melody stood quietly before the window in the bedchamber she’d been assigned just a short distance away, staring pensively at the expansive rear gardens as she contemplated the day’s events thus far. Her thoughts were soon interrupted however by a light knock upon the door.

  “Just a moment,” she called, turning toward the door. Crossing the room, she opened it to find one of Rutherford Park’s footmen standing outside.

  “Yes.”

  “His Grace is requesting your company in the rose drawing room, My Lady,” the young man informed her.

  “Oh.” Unconsciously she bit down upon her lower lip. She and Gavin hadn’t been alone together since his initial visit to her London home, but she’d known the time would come eventually.

  “If you would care to follow me, I shall direct you to its location.”

  “Yes of course,” she replied as she stepped out into the hall. Following a few steps behind the uniformed servant, Melody’s pulse began to race. And when they finally reached the afore-mentioned room a few minutes later, her heart felt as if it might beat right out of her chest.

  “Here you are, My Lady.”

  Stepping across the threshold, Melody struggled to calm her rioting nerves as the well-mannered footman retreated, pulling the wide double-doors closed as he exited the room. She saw Gavin then, standing with his back to her as he gazed out of one of the large windows that lined the south wall of the room. She stood there, hesitant and unsure for several long moments before he finally turned.

  With his hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers, Gavin regarded her in silence. She stood just inside the door, hands clasped tightly in front of her, the set of her delicate features revealing her obvious apprehension. When he spoke, his tone was deliberately devoid of emotion. “Why me?”

  Held immobile by his penetrating gaze, Melody was caught momentarily off guard by the sudden question. She shook her head slowly from side to side. “I don’t know,” she managed after a few seconds had passed.

  “You don’t know?” Gavin asked dubiously.

  Unlocking her frozen limbs, Melody moved further into the room. Walking toward a rose-colored settee, she sat down, her hands smoothing indiscernible wrinkles from her full skirt as she struggled with how to respond. “I do not know why Charles chose you in particular,” she began slowly. “I only know that he wanted the child to be of impeccable lineage, fathered by an aristocrat.”

  So it was Charles who had chosen him. After thinking it through, he’d assumed as much. If the son of a bitch was willing to pass another man’s child off as his own, surely some random commoner’s bastard wouldn’t have sufficed. And of course, the lengths to which his and Melody’s identities had been concealed now made perfect sense. It had all been to protect the earl’s damnable ego, no doubt. How fortunate he thought once again, that Charles Cavendish was already dead.

  “Did you of know my identity, even then?”

  Melody’s eyes widened at the notion that he thought she might have known who he was all along. “No. Charles never told me your name, I swear.” Her voice was steady, her expression earnest. “I realized who you were only after my arrival in London.”

  “How?”

  “Your voice,” she admitted softly. “I…wasn’t certain at first, but then something your sister said…well…it confirmed my suspicions.”

  Gavin tensed, his eyes narrowing. “What exactly did she say?”

  Melody swallowed hard. “I was speaking with her about my brother, and how as a child he used to fantasize about growing up and becoming a pirate.”

  He eyed her curiously then, his expression bewildered.

  “She mentioned the scar.” Her eyes drifted to his jaw. “The one you received when you and your brother staged the mock battle with your father’s swords.”

  “Oh.” He recalled telling her about the scar. Unfortunately, thinking back to that day, to the memory of her fingers as they’d lightly traced the line of his jaw, moving softly over the faint raised line, brought up feelings he didn’t want to acknowledge, causing his jaw to tighten in aggravation.

  Melody noticed. “Your Grace, I know you may not believe me, but I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how to-”

  Gavin snorted, arresting her words. “Considering the intimate nature of our past relationship, the use of titles at this point seems a bit nonsensical, wouldn’t you agree?” he said, deliberately ignoring her assertion. Whether or not she was telling the truth hardly mattered at this point.

  The unmistakable derision in his tone caused Melody to drop her gaze to her lap in desolation. It didn’t matter if he believed her, for clearly he despised her, and likely always would. She expected nothing less, but the reminder was still painful. When she raised her eyes once again, her expression was subdued, her voice hollow. “I’m sorry. If I could undo what was done I would, but unfortunately I cannot change the past.”

  “Do you honestly expect me to believe that?” he scoffed in disbelief. “That given another chance, you would have done anything differently?”

  “I…” She faltered. If given another chance, knowing then what she knew now, would she have been willing to put her family at risk, allowing Charles to follow through on his threats? In all honestly, it was a question she couldn’t answer.

  Gavin detected the flicker of doubt in her eyes, and then the resignation. “That’s what I thought.”

  Sighing in defeat, Melody dropped her gaze, realizing that there was nothing more she could say, nothing she could do that would change what could not be changed. “What is it that you intend to do?” she asked solemnly.

  His intentions? That was something he’d been struggling with for the past twenty-four hours. In truth, the trip to Rutherford Park had been an impulsive decision, an impetuous reaction to the sudden and unexpected confirmation that Melody Cavendish was the mystery woman from the cottage, and that he had both a son and a daughter whom he had never once laid eyes upon. But now, having spent the day with his children, he knew with utter certainty that he couldn’t lose them, not again. William and Emma were a part of his life now, a part of his future, and thus, unfortunately so was their mother. And so, as much as he desired retribution for what Melody had done, for the sake of the children he knew he had to set those feelings aside, as difficult as it may be.

  Exactly how to proceed, however, was another matter entirely. To cl
aim William and Emma publically would be to reveal their illegitimacy to the harsh and oft times ruthless nature of Society, and undeniably stigmatize them for life. And how in good conscience could he do that to his own children? But what other options did he have? To suddenly involve himself in the lives of the Countess of Edgington’s children would hardly go unnoticed, and then it would only be a matter of time before their secret was exposed. So, as objectionable as the decision might be, he understood that there was only one acceptable option. “What I intend, is to announce our engagement within the course of the next few weeks.”

  Their engagement? For one brief, foolish moment her heart soared at the notion, but of course her momentary joy was quickly quashed as the harshness of reality came crashing down upon her in the very next instant. Nearly every night of the past four years she had dreamed of one day finding him; dreamed of spending the rest of her life with the man she’d fallen in love with during those wondrous afternoons. But now, she knew that her dreams would never come to pass, for even if they were to wed, it would not be a marriage based on love, but a marriage of necessity. He would marry her because of the children, not because he had even the slightest desire to do so. As heartbreaking as it was, she understood that only too well. Raising her head, she met his steady gaze. “I see.”

  “You don’t seem surprised,” he said, watching her intently.

  “I am not surprised that you wish to be a part of William and Emma’s lives,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “Marriage is a logical solution, and I assure you that I harbor no false pretenses as to your motives in suggesting it.”

  “It is not a suggestion.”

  “Your Gr…Gavin,” she corrected, “I am not contesting your decision, I only meant that I have no desire to force you into an unwanted union; that is all.”

  “Is that so?” he mocked, quirking his brow. “You’ll have to excuse me if I find that somewhat difficult to believe, considering that it didn’t seem to bother you before.”

  His words tore at her heart. “I will gladly apologize to you for my prior actions each and every day for the remainder of my life, if that is what you wish,” she said with quiet conviction.

  “At this point, what I wish is unfortunately irrelevant,” he said bitterly. “But no, I do not wish to hear any more of your apologies. For a thousand apologies cannot undo what has already been done, can they?”

  “What is it that you want from me then? Do you wish to punish me somehow?” Sadly, it was nothing more than she deserved.

  “You view marriage to me as a punishment?” Skepticism was evident in his tone.

  “No, that it not what I meant.” But nonetheless, considering how he felt about her, she couldn’t help wondering what kind of marriage they would have. It was hard to believe that it would be anything even remotely close to the fairytale she had once envisioned. “However, I am not so foolish as to think that you are simply going to forgive my past actions, whether we are married or not. To let bygones be bygones, so to speak.”

  “If you had asked me that same question yesterday, perhaps my answer would have been different,” he began. “But no, I no longer seek reprisal for what you’ve done. For William and Emma’s sake, and their sake alone, I am willing to set aside whatever feelings I may have had in that regard.”

  Although she tried not to let it show, Melody felt an inordinate sense of relief, for she had feared the worst. Then again, knowing the kind of man Gavin was, his amnesty really shouldn’t have surprised her.

  Gavin eyed her steadily, his features impassive. “For all intents and purposes, our marriage will be one of convenience, nothing more. However, for the benefit of the children as well as our families, I shall expect you to appear a caring and devoted wife and mother, and of course I shall endeavor to play my part as well.”

  “I see.”

  “Considering the proficiency of your past performances, I cannot imagine the charade will prove too difficult for you to carry off.”

  Melody winced at the deliberate jibe, but said nothing in response.

  “Also, once enough time has passed, I will see what can be done to have William and Emma appointed my legal heirs.”

  “What do you intend to tell them?”

  “For the time being, nothing. We will eventually tell them of our intent to marry, but as to the rest, well…when the time is right, I suppose we will tell them the same thing I told my mother.”

  “As you wish.” Though she nodded in agreement, Melody felt as if her heart were being rent in two. To sit there and acknowledge that the rest of her life with the man she loved was to be little more than a hollow charade, well, it was beyond devastating. But if that is what he wanted, what choice did she have? At least he intended to spare the children the truth regarding the appalling circumstances that had brought about their conception. And for that, she would be eternally grateful.

  Chapter 22

  The following morning, just moments after Gavin and the rest of them had risen from their seats at the breakfast table; Natalie Marshton swept into the front foyer with a look of single-minded determination stamped upon her pretty features.

  William and Emma, who had graciously been allowed to join the adults at the table for the morning meal, halted at the base of the front staircase as they regarded Rutherford Park’s newest arrival with marked interest.

  “Well now, who do we have here?” Natalie asked, eyeing the children with a friendly smile as she tugged off her thin leather gloves.

  “Natalie, what an unexpected surprise,” Gavin stated drolly as he came up behind the children. So she wouldn’t be caught unaware if the subject arose, he’d sent her a brief note shortly before he’d left London, informing her of their mother’s invitation for Lady Edgington and her children to visit Rutherford Park. However, with Pennworth away he should have known that his sister’s insatiable curiosity would have had her high-tailing it to the country hot on their heels.

  “Is it?” she asked with a cheeky expression, as she lifted her gaze to Gavin.

  They knew each other too well. Placing one hand on William’s shoulder and the other on Emma’s, Gavin proceeded with the introductions. “William, Emma, this is my sister, Natalie Marshton, Lady Pennworth. Kindly say hello.”

  “Hello,” they both replied.

  Stepping forward, Natalie took a closer look at the children, her eyes widening slightly as she studied their upturned faces. Her gaze then bounced back and forth between William, Emma and Gavin for several long seconds. “Hello,” she responded after a moment, her expression one of complete and utter bewilderment.

  Perhaps if he hadn’t been standing in such close proximity to the children the resemblance wouldn’t have been so noticeable, Gavin thought, but unfortunately it was too late to do anything about that now.

  “Hello, Natalie,” Melody said, stepping around Gavin and noting his sister’s befuddled expression.

  “Hello, dear,” the duchess greeted, as she too stepped forward.

  Looking up, Natalie eyed the trio of adults in obvious puzzlement.

  “Perhaps you should take William and Emma upstairs for a while,” Gavin suggested, turning toward Melody. “I believe I heard Charlotte mentioning that several trunks containing some of our old toys and playthings had been fetched from the attic and taken to the nursery.”

  “Oh, how wonderful,” Melody said enthusiastically as she turned to William and Emma. “Shall we investigate, children?” Clearly Gavin and Jane needed some time alone with Natalie to explain the situation.

  Nodding in wholehearted agreement at the mention of toys, William and Emma eagerly accompanied their mother upstairs.

  Approximately thirty minutes after her arrival, Natalie poked her head into her and her brothers’ old nursery. The children were playing contentedly, William with a set of Richard and Gavin’s tin soldiers, and Emma with several of Natalie’s old porcelain dolls, as Melody looked on from her position near the far window.

  The op
ening of the door having drawn her attention, Melody turned and met Natalie’s tentative gaze with a welcoming expression of her own. Despite her trepidation, she knew that she had to face Natalie at some point, and it might as well be now, for there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting,” Natalie said as she stepped further into the room.

  Engrossed in the mock battle he was waging, William was all but oblivious to Natalie’s entrance, but Emma managed to look up from the dolls for a moment, smiled in greeting, and then promptly resumed the animated conversation she’d been having with two of the more elaborately gowned figures.

  “No, of course not. Please, come in.”

  Eyeing the children with a tender expression, Natalie walked across the room, coming to a stop once she reached Melody’s side. “They’re beautiful,” she murmured softly.

  “Thank you.” Melody’s voice was quiet as she turned to regard the children, finding it difficult to meet Natalie’s gaze. “I assume Gavin explained our…er…situation.”

  “Yes, he did.”

  She felt her cheeks grow warm, presuming that Gavin had told Natalie the same thing that he’d told his mother. With difficulty, she turned her head and met Natalie’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I know that it must have come as quite a shock.”

  “Yes, I suppose you could say that,” Natalie replied, her tone slightly amused. “Seeing the two of you together in London, I never would have guessed that you and Gavin were previously acquainted.” However, noting Melody’s sudden look of discomfiture, her amusement vanished and she quickly reached out and placed her hand on her forearm. “Please don’t look so troubled. I have always longed for a sister, and now I’m to have one. Complete with a niece and nephew as well,” she added under her breath, smiling warmly. “I couldn’t be more pleased.”

  “That is very kind of you Natalie, considering the circumstances,” Melody said with sincerity. “Thank you.”