At Your Service: Tammer

by Lila Munro

  “Yeah, I know all too well,” Tammer said, pulling her hair back, leaning in, and tracing the shell of her ear with his tongue. “Why don’t we go upstairs and I relieve some of this tension for you.”

  A shiver ran up Nina’s backbone and her pussy contracted with need, but not for what Tammer thought she was in need of. “I don’t really feel like playing tonight,” she whispered, rolling her lips in to stifle a moan as his found the side of her throat.

  “I didn’t say anything about playing.” He clipped her flesh with his teeth then swept the spot with his tongue. “I said I could relieve your tension.” Tammer reached around her and took her coffee mug, set it on the tray and stood, then helped her to her feet and kept hold of her hand. “Come on.”

  Nina’s heart picked up its pace when she figured out while she looked at Tammer’s lips, he looked at hers. And as she fought for enough air, she fought the urge to do more than look. Never had any of Joel’s tests of her control measured up to the sheer determination it was taking not to kiss Tammer.

  “I won’t let it happen,” he said, glancing up from her lips into her eyes, clearly sharing her thoughts. “I’ll keep it in check for both of us. Don’t be afraid to come upstairs with me.”

  Nina closed her eyes and swallowed. “Okay.”

  Chapter Nine

  “I know I’m not allowed to come inside you, but I’ll still use a condom if you want me to,” Tammer said, stopping beside the bed, turning loose of Nina’s hand, and peeling his shirt off over his head.

  Nina contemplated his suggestion for a moment. She trusted Tammer and wasn’t afraid of contracting some nasty bug from him. That wasn’t what bothered her about the situation. It was the idea of feeling someone flesh to flesh and not knowing if she’d be able to let him stop once he got started. Not that she wasn’t protected. The chances of a pregnancy were minimal. The fact was, after so long of not feeling that intimate connection with someone, she was starved for it, but the implications were huge. Feelings she shouldn’t have for him already plagued her. What would she do and how much deeper would they run once she gave in to the man her husband had sent to help her? Tammer touched her in a way only Joel had in the last ten years. It almost hurt to be reminded how good such a simple human connection felt.

  Need swamped her overriding common sense and the nagging voice warning her to put the brakes on when he leaned in and sucked the base of her throat while palming one of her breasts. “No condoms,” she said, raising her arms and letting him tug her pullover up and off, tossing it to the floor.

  “You’re positive?” Tammer asked, sliding one of her bra straps down then lifting her breast out of the lacy cup and dipping his head, tugging her nipple between his lips.

  “Yes,” she hissed, her nails digging into solid muscle when she clutched his arms, leaning back when her bra hit the floor and he found her other breast with his mouth. “I’m sure.”

  Nina would have thought when this opportunity presented itself, the moments would have been harried, but they weren’t. When Tammer came up and peppered her shoulder with open-mouthed kisses, she reveled in his slow touch, hungering for more of it. And when he looked up and stared her straight in the eyes then backed away, toeing off his shoes and unbuttoning his fly, she stepped out of one clog then the other before her fingers fumbled with her own jeans.

  As the unfamiliarity of what should have been familiar swept over her, her first time came to mind and that delicious sense of knowing she was about to do something she really shouldn’t be but would anyway crept across her soul. When Tammer’s boxers fell and he stepped out of them, Nina’s jeans stuck at her knees as she stopped undressing to gape, aching at the sight of him, rigid and contracting.

  How the hell could she want a man so badly that she wasn’t in love with? Wasn’t pledged to for life?

  Unable to move, she blinked then looked up at him to find he stared equally as hard at her. She almost asked him what was happening between them, but before the words could leave her mouth, he swept her up in his arms and put her on the bed them proceeded to finish undressing her in a few swift, fluid motions. Once she lay completely naked, he pushed her legs apart and his head disappeared between them, the pad of his tongue hitting her clit with a bone-melting swipe.

  God help her, desperation never looked good on anyone, but desperate was exactly the condition she found herself in when Nina grabbed the back of Tammer’s head with both hands and fisted his hair. Apparently taking it as a cue he’d found her button, he tended it with the utmost care and with more leisure than she’d have liked, setting her ablaze with a fire which burned slowly until she found herself in another state which she’d never found entirely becoming but Doms seemed to love. Nina resorted to begging.

  “Please, please, Sir,” she managed as her chest heaved with the effort of drawing enough air. “Please, I want to come for you.”

  Tammer not only ignored her request but drew back affording her one drawn out lick at a time as she writhed beneath him, every muscle twisted into a tight knot clear to her feet. Just when she wanted to scream as much from the frustration of him holding her at bay as from the pleasure of being held there, he lifted his head, slid up between her thighs, and sank into her, stopping after his initial invasion. While they lay panting that way, his arms trembling as he held himself still over, he touched his forehead to hers and groaned.

  “Please, Sir,” Nina breathed against his lips which nearly skimmed hers and she once again had to remind herself not to touch.

  Nodding, he began to move with the same guarded reserve he’d exercised with his mouth. With painstaking patience he coaxed Nina over the edge of reason and a wave of contractions tore through her. But where her instincts demanded she wrap her legs around him and draw him closer, hold him inside, with a frustrated growl, Tammer pushed off her so quickly Nina lost her sense of space until she realized he was upright on his knees and sticky warmth ran down her thigh.

  Not often had she felt as incomplete as she did in that moment.

  Disoriented, feeling cheated, and still struggling for air, she rolled to the side of the bed, leaving it for her bathroom. She flipped the light on and shut the door behind her before leaning on her palms on the counter and looking herself in the mirror, willing the tears threatening to erupt to stop mid-stream and retreat.

  “Nina,” Tammer said softly, knocking on the door. “Sweetheart, you okay?”

  “Uh, yeah,” she stammered, standing up and wiping away the stray tear or two that betrayed her and escaped anyway. “Just cleaning up a bit. I’ll bring you a warm cloth in just a second.”

  After washing her face and her leg, Nina got a fresh cloth and wet it before returning to her room to find Tammer propped up in bed. He’d turned on another lamp in the corner, something she wished he hadn’t done. Too much light afforded him to see her features and him seeing her doubting and out of sorts was the last thing she wanted.

  “You’re lying,” he said flatly while she busied herself cleaning him off and avoiding his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “Probably the same thing that’s wrong with you, but I doubt we should say it out loud. If we do it might mean you never come back,” Nina she snapped, throwing the cloth down and turning away from him. “Or you never leave. I don’t think we should do that again. Playing fine, because that’s what My Liege wants. And just so we’re clear, I do love My Liege and I want to make him happy.”

  “I know you love him, but what about what makes you happy?” Tammer said. “If me being here makes you unhappy, I can tell your Liege I can’t do this anymore.”

  “No, God damn it. Your presence doesn’t make me unhappy,” Nina shouted and spun to face him. “Your presence does just the opposite and it scares the fuck out of me.”

  “You’re afraid of being happy?” The man looked stunned. “Why would you fear happiness?”

  “No, I’m not afraid of being happy, I’m afraid of being happy with you. I’m not sure I know how to do th
is,” Nina admitted. “Make him happy and ride the fine line he’s drawn. I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t one of his mind fucks gone awry to test me. To see if I can truly be faithful to him with him wandering in and out like a damn drifter.”

  “Have you considered maybe he’s not testing you, but himself?” he asked, sitting up and letting one leg dangle off the side of the bed. “I can’t imagine this has been the easiest thing for him, but it’s something he clearly recognized you need and he’s willing to bow to. I understand he’s shared you before under orchestrated circumstances, but never like this. Don’t you imagine it’s testing his boundaries as much as it is yours?”

  Before Nina could answer, the front pocket of Tammer’s discarded jeans lit up and his phone rang. She bent and retrieved it to see he had an incoming message.

  “Speak of the devil,” she mumbled, tossing the device at him and moving to sit with her back to him on the end of the bed.

  “He couldn’t get you so he messaged me. Wants to know if you’re okay. Where is your phone exactly?”

  “Downstairs on the catch all.”

  “Note to self, buy a damn chain to tie Nina’s phone around her neck,” Tammer said. “What would you like me to tell him?” When she didn’t answer, the mattress lifted and Tammer came to stand in front of her, holding his phone up the screen flashing with Joel’s words. “What would you like me to tell him? Answer me.”

  “That I’m fine,” Nina said lifelessly. “He never knows anything other than that. It’s not safe for him to think anything’s wrong. Distracted men make mistakes.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Tammer seemed to force out, his fingers flying with his reply. In a matter of a few seconds, his phone buzzed again. “If you want me gone, now’s the time to speak, Nina. I can put a stop to all this right now. The choice is yours. Make it.”

  Nina’s heart clutched at the thought of never seeing Tammer again and again at the thought of not pleasing Joel. As miserable as she knew she’d be playing pretend in this game of charades, she could only concede to one answer. “I don’t want you gone,” she said, bowing her head and running her hands through her hair, acknowledging the truth.

  After a few more exchanges between the two men, Tammer closed his text function and after placing his phone on the dresser, he came back and held his hands out toward her. “Come on. Come to bed. He told me I could spend the night. All night.”

  “He what?” he clipped, running her arms under her breasts and glaring at him. “Why would he do that?”

  “Because I didn’t lie for you. I told him you weren’t feeling quite up to par and he told me to stay with you.”

  “Do you realize what a bad idea this is?” Nina asked, scowling.

  “Yeah, I do and I’d be lying to you, myself, and my maker if I tried to deny what you’ve decided we can’t say out loud. But I know what I want. I want you. In my arms. All night. Even if I can’t kiss you or make love to you completely, I can hold you. Your Liege just broke rule number three for me so I can do just that.”

  “You must be fucking shitting me. Is there no regard for the truth or is that one of the golden rules you choose to ignore?”

  “I just said I didn’t lie. And I didn’t ask to stay with you. That was his suggestion and if the cards falling the right way makes me a bad man, well, sweetheart, guilty.”

  “You know this will never be enough,” Nina said, climbing into bed then curling up on her side while Tammer shut the lights off then climbed in behind her and pulled her against his chest. “The longer we pretend it is, the worse it’ll be when…”

  “Let me worry about what happens when. And just so we’re clear, that’s not a question, it’s an order.”

  Chapter Ten

  Could anything possibly feel more right and at the same time be so damn wrong? Tammer hardly believed he loved Nina, hardly thought it was feasible to grow to love anyone so quickly. But if love was something that just happened then he couldn’t fully deny the plausibility of what his heart pointed out every single time she invaded his thoughts, every time he laid eyes on her. He also couldn’t deny that what was happening was as foreign to him as Chinese so he couldn’t be certain where the line became shady and more than liking someone turned into an emotion he’d never held for anyone in his life. Why the hell now? More importantly, why did his heart have to think it was perfectly acceptable to initiate the scariest feeling he’d ever felt for his friend’s wife, who was off limits in that department?

  There were rules.

  Rules. That was a joke. When had Tammer ever been one to walk a completely straight line anyway? Never. In his former and current line of work, there was a gray area in which people played around with the rules, bent them, found loopholes, read into them whatever it took to be able to use the rules to one’s advantage. They used people, places, things, and assets to get what they needed and stay alive when it came down to it.

  But Tammer wasn’t in the field. He was in his friend’s house in his friend’s bed with his friend’s wife and the harder he tried to convince himself he could walk a straight line where she was concerned, the harder it became to believe it.

  While Tammer could argue with himself all day long that Joel had put him here and Joel knew the risks, the fact remained this was a business arrangement. One he could have turned down upon request. Or was it? The truth was, Tammer erased a line of his own from the beginning by refusing payment from Joel. They were friends. How did he even begin to label this thing at all? And who did he really have to blame for what was all too evidently transpiring between he and Nina, the very vulnerable woman who’d fallen asleep in his arms not minutes after finally succumbing to the fact Tammer wasn’t going anywhere.

  He couldn’t blame Joel for her state because the man hadn’t neglected Nina on purpose. The Corps was an evil mistress who’d been forcing men to make a less than savory choice for over two hundred years. Tammer didn’t know a single marine he’d come in contact with and had a significant other who’d not struggled at one time or other with putting their career above a spouse or lover. It wasn’t an easy decision to make and as a result, the Corps was responsible for more military divorces than any other branch of service. It was because he realized what Joel went through and had walked that mile, Tammer couldn’t let himself believe he was some savior sent down to pluck Nina from a bad situation. Yes, he’d been asked to help, but he’d not been asked to steal someone’s wife.

  But Tammer also realized he had other choices now and could offer Joel more of a choice than he’d initially conceived of. Tammer was no longer owned by the government and the choices he found himself toying with had him questioning his honor as a man and a friend. And as he lay awake listening to Nina breathe and watching her facial movements as she slept, he wondered how strong a friendship had to be to share something as sacred as a woman.

  The bigger question was how he kept Nina happy, managed to not allow her to push him away, and maintained the boundaries until he figured it all out. Seeing her miserable while a silent pissing contest went on between him and Joel was the last thing Tammer wanted. Joel thought he knew what was best for his wife, but Tammer had a feeling his continued absence jaded his opinion and while he didn’t want to trample on ten years of marriage and a lifetime of love and devotion, being directly involved lent to a perception not visible from ten thousand miles away. Tammer knew without a doubt when he broached the subject, a pissing contest was exactly what he’d start.

  Although Tammer had a hard time believing the thought of something more permanent hadn’t at the least crossed Joel’s mind at some point. He had to be almost half-way home with the concept if he was willing to hire a friend and not a total stranger. It seemed to him a total stranger might have been the easier choice.

  He wasn’t sure what time he finally fell asleep, but when he woke at just after seven to discover he was running late, Nina was gone and from the coolness of the sheet he figured she’d been gone a while. After borrowi
ng some Scope and washing his face, Tammer pulled his clothes on and made his way downstairs wondering where she was so early. Surely speech writing didn’t start until a decent hour.

  It didn’t take him long to determine where she’d gone. Half-way down the stairs the dull, rapid thud of footfalls echoed from the back of the house telling him Nina was on the treadmill and apparently practicing for not just the female PFT but the male version. He was fairly certain she was running about an eight minute mile and when he rounded the corner, he discovered she was barely winded. He knew she couldn’t hear him because she had ear buds in and her eyes were closed as her lips moved in a mantra only she heard. So he leaned into the door jamb and watched her, ponytail bouncing with every step, sweat running down to fall off the end of her nose. The smell of adrenaline made him want to jerk her off the damn thing, rip her baggy shorts off, and fuck her into next week.

  Boundaries. They taunted him at every turn.

  It wasn’t until she opened her eyes and reached down to reset her iPod that Tammer approached her, touching his ears so she knew he wanted to talk.

  “What?” she huffed out, jerking one ear piece out and never missing a step.

  “I have to go,” Tammer said, placing his hands on the front of the machine.

  “’Kay. Have a…good day,” she managed between breaths.

  “Stop this thing or I will,” Tammer said, realizing she was blowing him off and not liking it one damn bit.

  Her forehead furrowed as she hit the reset button slowing the equipment a bit at a time until it stopped altogether. “What?” she asked, grabbing a hand towel off the hand rail and running it over her face.

  “Just how long have you been at this?” Initially he thought she was just getting her morning run in, now he believed from her curt attitude she wasn’t just exercising but exorcising.

  With a shrug, she consulted the Garmin device on her wrist which he could see was flashing her heart rate which was remarkably low and steady. “Almost an hour. Why?”