Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

She was beautiful, with light hair that matched her brothers and the same eyes. I scanned the information: when she’d last been seen, who her friends and boyfriend were, what they had done to find her. While of course technology hadn’t been as good then, they’d still exhausted all avenues. Tracey Ann Hartwell had essentially disappeared without a trace. She’d been gone now over twelve years, and still there was no lead on where she could be or what could’ve happened.

  “Where did you go, Tracey?” I tapped my finger on my mouse, moving back and forth through the information. I had so many questions, but I knew I couldn’t ask them yet. I wondered about their parents and what were the events that led up to her disappearance. Had she been in trouble? Had she run away? Was there abuse in the home?

  I never wanted to be a private investigator. My whole childhood, as I watched my dad work eighty hours a week or more building his business, I swore I’d do something else. I’d be a teacher, spending the day surrounded by children. I wouldn’t travel and leave my family to investigate someone else’s family. I wouldn’t find cheating spouses, or dig up dirt on employers.

  That wasn’t me.

  Andrew’s path was set from birth. His dad, now the retired police chief in our town, drilled the police life into Andrew’s head. That was his destiny and where he knew he was headed. College for criminal justice was a definite. Being a year behind him, I followed him to a local college and found myself stuck.

  My dad and Andrew teamed up and convinced me, despite my misgivings, to get my degree and work for my dad. He wanted someone to eventually take over and since I was smart and his only child, I was a shoo-in.

  I’d worked for him for six years now full time, and I was the most sought after investigator he had. Andrew said it was because of my looks since not many PI’s were young, attractive blond women, but I disagreed. I did my job to the best of my ability. It was the only place in life I felt like I had complete control.

  I still didn’t like it. I dreamed of teaching, little faces surrounding me ready to learn. But that was a pipe dream—it was too late to go back and do that now. Plus, my dad and Andrew would never go for it.

  Every time I met with a potential client, I hoped it wouldn’t be a cheating case or a custody issue. Those were the worst. I felt like a spy for the Jerry Springer show. Nine times out of ten, if a client suspected someone of cheating, it was true.

  I sighed, pushing away from the desk. Thoughts of Tracey swirled through my head, followed closely by her brother. I knew I had to find some answers for him, but it was late, and my head wasn’t in the game. I felt like something had shifted off its axis, and I wasn’t sure it was a welcome feeling.

  I’d never admit it to Andrew, but I liked him working nights. That meant I left for work by the time he came home, and it gave him little time to find something to be angry with me about.

  It hadn’t always been like this. There had been a time when I thought he was my dream come true, and even now there were times I saw the man I fell in love with. Our friends always envied us, saying we were the perfect couple. For years, they grilled us about getting married and starting a family. I was all for it; Andrew, not so much. He had his agenda and timeline and didn’t like me questioning it. I learned years ago not to mention it.

  He was determined not to have a family yet, despite our healthy sex life. He made sure I took my birth control pill daily, and he still used protection. He didn’t want any “accidents” to screw up the plan he had in his head.

  I walked into our shared bedroom and went through the motions of getting ready for bed, my head still back in the conversation with Tanner. What the hell were the odds anyway? I still couldn’t believe the man had burst into the hotel room and beat the hell out of Andrew. Or that he’d found my address and come here.

  Andrew and I had been there because he presented new procedures and techniques the police department used to apprehend suspects using technology to a group of rookie cops. I was there because Andrew insisted on it. I would’ve loved to be at the concert watching Jaded Regret, but that would never happen.

  Andrew had been livid when we’d gotten back to the hotel, saying I’d flirted with several of the cops when we went out to eat after class. He said I wanted to spread my legs for them, and I made him look bad. It made things worse that he’d had a few drinks when we went out.

  None of it was the truth, of course, but this was the way Andrew was now. I often wondered what had happened to make him so mistrusting of me, but I didn’t dare ask. I’d never so much as thought about another guy since being with him.

  Tanner’s face immediately filled my thoughts, and guilt assuaged me. If Andrew knew I still talked to Tanner, I didn’t know what he’d do. Spending the night in that man’s hotel room had been the stupidest thing I’d ever done, and I was still paying for that. I hadn’t meant to, but once he’d taken care of me and laid me down, I felt so comfortable and safe that I went right to sleep.

  The first time Andrew hit me was five years ago. I remembered every second of that argument like it was yesterday. It, too, had been about a guy flirting with me. Right after, he’d gathered me in his arms, and we both cried. He promised he would never hurt me again and explained that he loved me so much it made him a little crazy.

  But he did do it again. Only worse.

  He said he loved me, but he threatened to kill me and ruin my dad if I ever left him. Right after he threatened me, he professed his love. I didn’t put it past him to follow through on his threats, but it didn’t matter.

  He made it impossible to leave. Even if I wanted to. Because he was the only one that loved me.

  I flipped the light switch off and climbed into bed, the coolness of the sheets making me sigh in relief. I reached over and plugged in my phone, the urge to call Tanner again almost overtaking me.

  No, Mackenzie, I admonished myself. You can’t get attached to him. Mac. He had no way of knowing how important that nickname was to me, but hearing his low, throaty voice say it to me over and over made me want to continue our connection if only to relive the memory the name brought back.

  I once had a best friend. Her name was McKenzie. When we met in elementary school and realized our names were the same just different spelling, we’d become inseparable. She decided I was Mac since my name was spelled that way and she was Kenzie. We were two parts of the same whole our entire lives. Whenever you saw one of us, you saw both of us. It was a running joke with everyone who knew us. Since neither of us had a sister, we’d been family to each other.

  I hadn’t been called Mac since Andrew decided McKenzie was a “bad influence” after high school and forbid me to talk to her anymore. The last I knew, she moved away for college and never came back.

  Not that he cared.

  I closed my eyes, the darkness of the room soothing my frayed nerves. Thoughts of Kenzie, Andrew, Tanner, and Tracey swirled through my confused head. I had to be up in mere hours, but all I could think about was calling Tanner back. For what, I didn’t know.

  I glanced at my phone, the internal battle warring in my head. Call him, or don’t call him. I knew he was in his bunk on his tour bus. He’d showed it to me through pictures before. It was small and not luxurious. Hottest band in rock music or not, he slept in something the size of a cot.

  I clicked “Tania” on the phone and hovered my finger over the screen. What would I say if I called him again? We’d already talked twice today.

  I could ask him more questions about Tracey.

  But he didn’t want to talk about her.

  Put the phone down, Mackenzie. Go to sleep.

  I put the phone back on the nightstand and stared at the ceiling until exhaustion finally claimed me.

  * * *

  “Mackenzie?” Kassie, my secretary, spoke through the speaker on my desk.

  “Yes?” I sat back in my desk and contemplated the computer screen. Despite having cases coming out of my ears, I’d been consumed with Tracey the entire day. I wasn’t sure what
to do with the information I’d uncovered about Tanner’s family, and it made me sick to my stomach. I knew he wouldn’t want me to bring it up to him.

  After getting less than four hours of sleep and drinking enough coffee to fuel a whole army of men, I’d been jittery and unfocused ever since I read the information I knew Tanner wouldn’t want me to know.

  “Mr. Fitzgerald is on line one for you.”

  I groaned audibly. I detested this man. He was one of “those” cases. He suspected his wife of infidelity, and he was rich as all hell. She was wife number ten or something ridiculous like that. He was in his fifties, and she was twenty-five. Hmmm...wonder why she married him.

  Kassie laughed. She’d been with me since she got out of high school three years ago, and she seriously saved my life on a daily basis. “I know, I know.”

  My cell phone buzzed, and I glanced at it. Tania. My stomach flopped. “Kassie, tell him I’ll have to call him back.”

  “Mackenzie…”

  “I know, but I have a call coming in that can’t wait.” I disconnected my office phone and hit answer on my cell phone. “Tanner.”

  “Hey, Mac.” His voice was light and friendly. I could hear commotion around him, and I wondered where he was and what he was doing.

  “Where are you?”

  “We’re about to practice for our show tonight.” That meant his entire band was there, and he was calling me.

  Don’t read anything into it.

  “That’s awesome!”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Working. You saved me from an annoying client, so thank you.”

  Tanner laughed. “So glad I can help. I’m not sure what time we’ll be done tonight, so I wanted to call and say hey before my day got crazy.”

  The thought of not talking to him later made my stomach clench. He was already such a normal part of my daily routine. “Knock ‘em dead, Tanner. Or, lift your shirt and show them your abs and they’ll fall over. You know, after they throw their underwear at you.”

  He laughed so long and hard I couldn’t help but join in. “Mac, what am I going to do with you?”

  “I think the question should be, which one are you taking back with you tonight? I’ve seen the posts. The chicks are bedazzling their bras with their phone numbers for you.”

  “Bedazzling? What the fuck is that?”

  “You know, when you get those jewels and put them all over everything.”

  He continued to laugh. “I’m not interested.”

  “Please.” I stood and walked to the windows of my office. My dad spared no expense for this place—it overlooked the ocean. It was the best part about working here. “Don’t pretend on my account.”

  He stopped laughing. “I’m not pretending, Mac.”

  I rolled my eyes. The man was the biggest player I’d ever seen. “Okay, Tan. I’ll ignore whatever posts I see from your women for the next few weeks then so you can continue playing that game with me.”

  “You know not everything you read on the internet is true, right?” His voice still carried some laughter, but he was much more serious than he had been a few minutes ago.

  “Really? And here I thought it was Gospel.”

  Tanner chuckled. “You’re a spitfire, Mackenzie Shepard. I’m telling you not to believe everything you read, okay? Especially in the next few weeks.”

  I wanted to bring up what I’d found out this morning, but it didn’t seem to be the place or time. However, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. “Tan? I found out something this morning.”

  His laughter died off, and I no longer heard commotion around him. “What do you mean?”

  “I–I started researching information about Tracey.”

  “What did you find?” I could hear the tension in his voice.

  “Nothing yet. Like you said, she essentially disappeared. I read through the case files from her disappearance, and I’m going to put out some feelers to some colleagues in Tennessee. But I—”

  “You found out about my family.” He interrupted me. It wasn’t a question. “I knew you would, Mac. It’s going to get uncovered during this whole thing.”

  “I won’t tell anyone, Tan. I need to investigate the rest of the story.”

  “About my parents?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why? She’s dead and he’s locked up. What else is there to know?”

  “If I’m going to investigate what happened with Tracey, I have to exhaust all options. That means getting into that, too. Are you okay with that?”

  Tanner said nothing for a beat too long. I could hear his labored breathing, but nothing else. Just when I was about to tell him I didn’t have to go any further, he spoke. “I trust you, Mac. Do what you have to do.”

  “Call me tonight,” I heard myself saying. “No matter what time it is. I’m going to work late on this.”

  “Is he working again tonight?”

  He didn’t have to say Andrew’s name; we both knew who he was referring to. “Yes. He’s on overnights for a while.”

  “You’re sure? It could be late.”

  I watched the waves lap at the shore, the seagulls spreading their wings as they soared over the water, waiting for something to snatch up. I knew I shouldn’t want him to call me. I knew Andrew would never understand because I certainly didn’t.

  But now “Tania” really was a client.

  “I’m sure, Tan. Good luck tonight. If you’re too…busy to talk tonight, I’ll understand.”

  A low growl came over the line. “I’ll talk to you later, Mac.”

  When the line went dead, I stood for longer than I cared to admit, replaying every second of our conversation. I gripped the phone like it would come to life in my hand and run away from me. I stared out the windows until my office line beeped again.

  “Mackenzie? Mr. Fitzgerald again.”

  I swore under my breath and went back to my desk. “Damn, that man is impatient.”

  Kassie chuckled. “Yes, he is. He says it’s an emergency.”

  I dropped my cell on the desk and picked up my office line, steeling myself for the conversation I didn’t want to have about his gold-digging wife. What do you expect? I wanted to scream at him.

  When his booming voice came over the line I only half listened, my thoughts still on the blue-eyed player with a sad past.

  * * *

  The sun had gone down what seemed like hours ago, yet here I sat, surrounded by the information I’d spent all afternoon gathering.

  My door swung open, and my dad stood there. His face crinkled in the same smile he always gave me. He stuck his hands in his trouser pockets as he surveyed my work area.

  “Someone’s busy.” He pulled out the chair across from my desk and sat down, unbuttoning his jacket as he did. My dad always looked dapper and put together, no matter where he was going or who he was with. He hadn’t built the best private investigation firm in the south by being lazy and unprofessional. While we were still “home base,” he had many satellite offices throughout the state.

  “Yes, I am.” I sat back in my chair and smiled at him. “That’s what happens when you overload me with cases, Dad.”

  He laughed, the lines around his eyes deepening. “That’s because you’re the best, Mackenzie. That being said, you do need to go home. Isn’t Andrew expecting you?”

  If there was something my dad was, it was traditional. While he would’ve preferred that Andrew made a decent woman out of me before living together, in his opinion, Andrew was the perfect guy. He loved him like he was his son.

  The son he never had.

  I often wondered if he would’ve rather had Andrew than me, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. He loved me and did anything for me.

  He had no idea what had gone on with Andrew for years, and I’d never be the one to tell him. The only reason my dad still worked was because he was a control freak and wanted to make sure I had time to be a mom and a wife before taking on the stress of
running a company. If only he knew neither of those things was in the cards for me anytime soon. I had my suspicions that he wanted Andrew to take over the company instead, but I knew Andrew had no desire to do P.I. work.

  It had been just my dad and me for so long. My mom had skipped out on us when I was a few years old. I knew where she was, but I was forbidden to contact her. While my dad built his business, I’d been raised by my aunt—my dad’s sister—who passed away a few years ago.

  “Andrew’s on overnights this whole month.” I regarded the pile of papers on my desk. Article after article highlighted the case against Tanner’s father, once a successful attorney, now serving a life sentence for killing his wife.

  Tanner’s mother.

  “Ah. That’s too bad. Hard on a relationship, too. Make sure you’re taking the time to keep him happy, Kenz.”

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. This from the man who’d never remarried and preferred “woman friends.” He insisted on calling me Kenz now, too, even though I hated it. The men in my life didn’t care what I liked. Tanner’s face flashed into my mind. Tanner cared what I thought. I still didn’t understand why, but for once, I felt like someone of the opposite sex wanted to know me for who I was.

  “Dad.” I pushed my chair back and stood up, gathering the papers I’d been working on. I would do the rest at home. “Andrew and I are fine.”

  He smiled, standing up to follow me out. “That’s great to hear. I’d love to see a ring on your finger soon and a bun in that oven.”

  I bit my lip to keep from being short with him. “Dad, that’s not up to me, you know this.”

  He slung his arm over my shoulders as we made our way out of my office. Kassie was long gone, as was everyone else with any sense. “I think it may be time for me to have a man-to-man with him. He needs to make a proper woman out of my daughter. You’ve been together forever. What’s his hold up?”

  We reached my car, and I tilted my face up to look at my dad. “He has a plan; you know this. He refuses to deviate from it. I learned long ago to stop expecting it.”

  He kissed me on the cheek, and I slid into my car. “Sometimes plans need to be changed,” he said, closing the door.