Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  I shrugged. I wasn’t going to explain why I wanted to talk to Chloe. Let them think I wanted to fuck her. The thought of it made my stomach turn. I hadn’t seen my sister in years, but there was something that nagged me about Chloe—if her name was actually Chloe.

  I walked down the dark hallway to my dressing room. Flinging open the door, I ripped my shirt off and grabbed a clean one. I paced the room, waiting. Would AJ be able to get her back here? I knew we had limited time before I had to make my appearance with the people who had backstage passes, but I had to know.

  The door swung open and bounced against the wall. AJ’s large frame filled the doorway. I stopped and looked around him, hoping she was there. He nodded, stepping to the side so Chloe could walk in.

  She wrung her hands nervously as he shut the door, no doubt to stand outside of it so no one could get in. This was his usual role when I wanted to have my way with one of them. I wanted them to think that was exactly what I was doing.

  Chloe bit her lip between her teeth and scanned the room, no longer making eye contact with me.

  “Please.” I indicated the small couch in the room. “Have a seat.”

  I forced myself to sit down and wait for her to make her decision. When she finally walked over and sat on the edge, I took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I want to ask you something, okay?”

  Chloe nodded. She hadn’t said a word since she came into the room.

  “Where are you from?”

  “Here.” Her voice was so small; I barely heard it.

  “New York? You’ve lived here your whole life?”

  She nodded again. “Born and raised right in the heart of New York City.”

  I stared at her, wondering if I should continue this questioning. All I needed was someone to catch wind of why I asked this perfect stranger who she was. “You’ve never lived in Tennessee?”

  She shook her head; her gaze fixed on mine. “No. I’ve never been there. What’s this about? I thought…” She let the thought trail off. I knew exactly what she thought, but that wasn’t happening.

  “How old are you?”

  She licked her lips while her hands fidgeted in her lap. “Twenty-four.”

  The hope I had while I stared at her for the last few hours deflated, crashing to the ground and splintering like shards of glass. Chloe wasn’t Tracey.

  “I’m sorry.” I reached my hand out and covered hers. “I…”

  What should I say? I thought you were my long lost twin sister? I stared at you because I thought maybe you came here to surprise me?

  “Don’t be sorry.” Chloe scooted closer to me on the couch. A small smile played on her lips. “While we’re here…” Gone was the scared and intimidated girl. She removed her hand from under mine and put it on my chest, pushing me backward. Before I could respond, she straddled me. Her blond hair fell in front of her face, and she ran her hands down my arms.

  “Chloe.” I had to stop this, and now. It was…weird. Much too weird. Just moments ago, I thought she might’ve been my sister. Now, she straddled me. She didn’t know that, of course, but I wasn’t doing this with her. Not now. Not ever.

  I lifted her and set her back next to me on the couch. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “I have to get ready for the backstage party.”

  She smiled. “I can’t believe you asked me back here. I’ve read that you like to take girls home from the concerts, but I didn’t throw my bra on the stage. I never knew you went into the crowd to get who you wanted.”

  I didn’t. I knew I would get hell from Bex for the stunt I pulled tonight, but she didn’t need to know the truth.

  I stood and pulled her up with me. “Come on. Be my guest in the backstage party.”

  She smiled and twined her fingers with mine. “Let’s have our party afterward.”

  I sighed, not answering, as I led her out of the room and down the hallway. This one wouldn’t get to my hotel room at all. I couldn’t pretend to sleep with her, and I had about two hours to talk my way right out of her going back with me.

  Before we walked into the backstage party, an idea hit me. Instead of getting her drunk, I needed to get drunk. Sloppy, needing to be carried drunk. It would wreak havoc in the press and with my band, but it would get me out of this situation.

  Chapter Eight

  Mackenzie

  Six weeks. That’s how long ago Tanner and I met, just before he went out on tour. I tapped the pen on my desk. I hadn’t concentrated for one second today because I knew he was about to get home…directly across the state from me.

  I talked to him so much over the last six weeks; I honestly felt I knew him better than I knew most people. Especially since Andrew kept me so much to himself. The only time we got out was with his friends to do whatever he wanted to do.

  My thoughts went back to Kenzie, and I made another mental note to do some digging on where she could be. Work had kept me so busy that I spent whatever spare moments I had searching for Tanner’s sister.

  There was nothing.

  It was frustrating because it seemed unlikely that anyone could up and disappear off the grid like that, especially at her age.

  Something wasn’t right about the whole thing, and I suspected she may not be alive. Though I hoped for Tanner’s sake that wasn’t true and we could find out that she changed her name, and she was alive and well.

  Though I assumed she’d know who Tanner Hart was if she was still alive, because there wasn’t a woman alive that didn’t know that name. Or that face.

  I wanted to talk to Tanner about where I could go from here, but I was afraid of his reaction to my suggestion.

  Though he hadn’t spoken much about his father at all, I suspected many answers lied with him.

  I wanted to see him in prison.

  I had to convince Tanner to give me the go-ahead.

  Things were decent between Andrew and I. He was back on days, which was bad for me. It meant I didn’t have any free time anymore after work because he demanded I come straight home and cook dinner and spend time with him.

  I’d finished a few cases and hadn’t taken on any more because I’d felt run down the last few weeks. I hadn’t mentioned it to Andrew or my dad, but I had felt exhausted. I chalked it up to stress, but with less time at work I wasn’t feeling any more rested.

  I checked my phone again. Nothing from Tanner. We talked a few hours ago, so I wasn’t sure why I was so antsy. Plus, it wasn’t like I couldn’t call him and talk to him. We sometimes talked five or six times a day.

  Of course, he’d made his regular appearances in the rags and on tabloid shows, a new woman walking into his hotel room at every stop. His killer smile and blue eyes, coupled with a body that just didn’t quit and amazing talent with those fingers on the strings, and I could see why he was on every eligible bachelor list from here to kingdom come.

  It didn’t bother me. I wanted him to have fun and be happy. Hell, I told him to let me handle things with Tracey and to be the playboy rock star he was.

  I also lied through my damn teeth.

  But I had no claim to Tanner Hart.

  He was my friend.

  And I was taken.

  Very taken.

  I stared at my empty ring finger. Not that taken, the space on my left hand reminded me.

  I shut down my computer and grabbed my purse. It was time to head home. On tonight’s menu was takeout from our favorite place near the house. I didn’t have the energy to do much more than that. At least that was acceptable by Andrew, since as long as he didn’t have to cook it, it was good enough to him.

  By the time I got home with the takeout, I felt queasy. Probably haven’t eaten enough, I thought. I hadn’t eaten much in the last few days, and I knew I wasn’t taking good enough care of myself.

  Andrew wasn’t home yet, so I turned the oven on warm and stuck the food inside. He liked—no, demanded—that I wait for him to eat. I walked to the bathroom and stared at my reflection i
n the mirror. I looked exhausted. Dark circles under my eyes overshadowed the other features on my face. I was pale despite the blush and lipstick I wore.

  My phone rang in the other room. I assumed it was Andrew, so I hurried to pick it up. He also didn’t like it when he called me and I didn’t answer. He always said we had smartphones for a reason and since mine was always attached to my hand, there was no reason not to answer when he called.

  But it wasn’t Andrew.

  It was Tanner. Excuse me, Tania.

  Every time we talked or texted, I deleted the record of it. So far, when Andrew checked my phone like he did at least once a week (just to see, he said), my explanation appeased him. I had many clients in there he didn’t know. But no men. He forbade me from having any men on my phone other than my dad and him.

  I guessed I understood that. I wouldn’t want him to have other women on his phone, either.

  “Hey! Did you make it home?” I walked to the front window and peered out. I could only talk to him until Andrew pulled in. I hoped he would take his time.

  Tanner sighed. “I don’t think I’m going to leave my bed for a week.”

  I laughed. The vision of Tanner stretched out on his bed made me blush. I knew his type, though. He was a player and always would be a player. Plus, he didn’t see me the way he saw those girls he slept with. I was his friend. Which was a relief since being friends with him at all made me feel extreme guilt.

  How would I feel if Andrew had a female friend he lied to me about?

  I already knew that answer.

  I knew I shouldn’t continue this with Tanner, but yet every time he called me I lurched for the phone. He was the only real connection I had anymore. He was the only one that really knew me.

  “I don’t blame you. Six weeks is a long time to travel.”

  “You got that fucking right. And in a tour bus for most of it, too.”

  “Except when you paraded groupies in and out of your hotel rooms,” I teased. “You’re going to need your own tour bus next time so you can keep up your lifestyle.”

  “Mac.” Tanner’s voice held an edge of warning. I wondered if I upset him by saying that.

  “I’m totally kidding.” I glanced down the street, happy when I still didn’t see Andrew’s car. “You’re young, successful, and very single. You should live it up.”

  “If you want me to be honest,” Tanner began. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “Do what?” My heart lurched into my throat, and I felt the shame wash over me like a tidal wave. Mackenzie Shepard, what is your problem?

  “Have that reputation.” Tanner’s voice was so quiet I almost didn’t hear him. “Be a whore.”

  I sucked in a breath, almost choking on my spit. I cleared my throat before talking. “Then don’t do it anymore.”

  “I haven’t been.”

  In what, two days? Please. I’d seen the countless photos and stories of his conquests talking about what he could do with the impressive package he sported.

  “Well, that’s a start. You can put that lifestyle behind you if that’s what you want to do. If you want to meet someone and settle down.”

  He snorted. “I didn’t say that.”

  So he didn’t want to sleep around but also didn’t want to commit. Wasn’t he an oxymoron. “Well okay then, Tanner. Whatever.” I laughed, and he followed.

  “How have you been feeling?” He knew that I felt tired and run down.

  Right on cue, a wave of nausea rolled through my stomach, and I gagged. I walked to the bathroom, thinking I may need to let him go. “I don’t feel well. I’m exhausted and nauseous.”

  “Mac.” I knew that tone. It was the same one he used when Andrew hurt me. Tanner was quiet about me leaving Andrew—almost too quiet. He told me he would wait for me to decide for myself, but that I knew what the right choice was to make.

  I did.

  But I couldn’t find the strength.

  Andrew was the only one who loved me. Truly loved me. He’d been there for me and supported me.

  “You need to go to the doctor.” His voice shook me out of my thoughts. The nausea passed for the moment, and I walked back to the front windows to watch for Andrew.

  “I’ll work from home tomorrow and see if I feel better.”

  Tanner groaned. “That’s not the doctor, Mac.” He knew how I was about the doctor—I didn’t like to go. Andrew didn’t like me to go, either.

  “If I don’t feel better after tomorrow, I’ll go. Okay?”

  “Thank you.” I heard Tanner shift, and I tried hard not to picture him lying in that bed once again. “Hey, I have a question for you.”

  “Anything.”

  “Do you think you could come over here for our concert? Remember the one I told you about?”

  My mind raced, thinking about my schedule and Andrew’s. “When is it again?”

  “In a few weeks.” I made a mental note to find out Andrew’s upcoming schedule. A few weeks may give me enough time to make a plan to get away.

  “Let me see. I’m not sure. I’m going to try, though, okay? I promise.”

  “I hope you can. It would mean a lot to me.”

  I saw the reflection of Andrew’s car turning into the driveway. “I have to go. Andrew is home.”

  Tanner sighed. “Take care of yourself, Mac.”

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “One more thing,” Tanner said. “I know we aren’t talking about the elephant always in the room, but if he hurts you…”

  Andrew stepped out of the car and walked toward the door. I had to hang up now, or he’d see me on the phone, and the twenty questions would begin. “I know, Tan. I know.” I hung up without another word and slipped the phone into my back pocket just as Andrew opened the door.

  “Hey, babe.” He kissed me quickly and walked past me to the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”

  “I got Mexican takeout. It’s staying warm in the oven. I’ll get it ready now that you’re home. Was it a busy day? You’re home late.”

  Irritation crossed Andrew’s face. “I had work to do, Kenz.”

  “It’s fine; I was just asking.” No need to start with him. I wanted a peaceful evening. I stepped up to him and pressed my lips against his again. The key to Andrew’s heart was sex, and I knew it. He stood stiffly for a moment until he caved. Andrew pulled my body to him, intensifying the kiss.

  “To hell with dinner.” Andrew lifted me and began walking to our bedroom. “I’m hungry in a different way first.”

  * * *

  I awoke, turning my head back and forth at the nausea bubbling in my stomach. I guessed it wasn’t a good idea to eat Mexican takeout at almost midnight and go to sleep, but after Andrew and I had spent a few hours wrapped in each other’s arms, we finally ate dinner before crashing for the night.

  My stomach didn’t like me right now.

  Andrew didn’t move as I slid out of bed. I walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind me, willing the nausea away. I sat on the toilet and relieved myself, holding my head in my hands. Maybe Tanner was right, and I should see a doctor.

  I stood, the room spinning slightly as I righted myself. I turned just in time and lost my dinner, my body finally succumbing to the nausea. Afterward, I washed my mouth out and stared at myself in the mirror.

  Maybe it isn’t just stress. What if something is wrong with me? I could Google my symptoms, but that often turned into a scary diagnosis. A tumor, or some irreversible disease. Plus, my phone was in the bedroom.

  I scanned through my memory, trying to remember how many days ago this all started. I pulled out the drawer, searching for my toothpaste when I saw the pack of my birth control pills.

  The empty pack of my birth control pills.

  Cold dread spread through my veins like snow in a blizzard. I simultaneously felt sweat prickling my forehead as I felt a cold chill seep down my spine.

  How many days had it been now?

  How many days ago
was I supposed to start my period?

  My hand shook as I lifted the empty pack of pills. I hadn’t opened the new pack.

  How had I missed that I never started?

  Stress. That’s what it was. That was also what could make me late. Yes, that’s it.

  I couldn’t shake the feeling of doom hanging over me like a cloud. I had to know, and right now.

  Andrew would never understand. He would think I did this on purpose to force him to do what he wasn’t ready to do.

  I opened the bathroom door and stepped into the bedroom, careful not to wake Andrew as I put on the first thing I saw. I had to go to the drug store. I had to find out right now.

  Once I got to the store, I stared at all the options. I’d never bought a pregnancy test before. Why were there so many options? Didn’t you just need one to tell you yes or no? I finally grabbed whatever one was right in front of me and went to the register. The young woman who rang me up eyed me but didn’t say a word.

  I shoved the bag into my purse and walked toward the door when I saw the restroom. I had to know now. I ducked inside and shut the door behind me. I shook so badly I could barely open the box. After dropping the box a few times, I finally got the directions out.

  The small print was too much to bear, and I cried out. I needed someone to tell me how to do this. I couldn’t focus on directions. I pulled the stick out of the box and stared at it, then back at the directions. Step one. Remove test from the box and pull the cover off test strip. I did what it said, my hands trembling.

  Finally, I had it ready. I hovered over the toilet and completed the task. I had to wait how long? I put it on the back of the toilet and paced two steps side to side, the only space I had in the small stall.

  This wasn’t happening to me.

  I wanted it more than anything, but Andrew didn’t.

  I would lose him over this.

  Tanner’s face popped into my head. I needed a friend. Despite the fact that I knew he wasn’t a morning person, I knew he would answer if I called. I rummaged in my purse, searching for my phone. After a minute of moving things around and cursing to myself, I remembered.