Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  “In here! Hang on! I’m coming!” He was in the garage. Of course. If he wasn’t playing his guitar, he was in the gym. Not that I minded. Both things were aphrodisiacs. Tanner was the most shredded guy I’d ever seen.

  He opened the door and stepped into the kitchen, wiping his face with a towel. He lifted the corner of his shirt and pulled it off, throwing it into the laundry room from where he stood.

  “You shouldn’t do that to me just before I walk out the door,” I teased.

  “Do what?” Tanner wiggled his eyebrows up and down. “Oh…this?” He indicated his bare, glistening chest. “Sorry. I was hot.”

  I laughed. The flirtatious banter was normal for us these days. “Uh huh. Must be great to look like you.”

  “I could say the same to you.” He frowned at my suitcase behind me. “Time for you to leave?”

  “Yes. It’s only a few days. I’ll be back before you know it. You may decide you like it without me here all the time.”

  Tanner seemed appalled. “What? No way. I’m going to starve to death and be so lonely. Do you have to go?”

  The man could cook so I knew it wasn’t about my cooking. “I’ll miss you too, Tan.”

  “Are you sure I can’t go with you?”

  I shook my head. “No. First of all, Bex would have your nuts in a vise if you left. You have that interview with Rolling Stone this week. Second, you’d be bored to tears at the conference.”

  He sighed and reached for my hand. “Okay, okay. You’re right. But I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.” And I hope to come home with answers for you. I stepped forward and captured his lips with mine. He growled into my mouth as he fisted my hair, intensifying the kiss.

  When we finally pulled apart, he groaned. “You kill me, Mac. Kill. Me.” He swatted my backside and grabbed my rolling suitcase. “Come on. Let me walk you to the car so I can take a cold shower and alleviate my problem.”

  I laughed and followed him out the door to the waiting taxi. “I could’ve had AJ drive you,” he said.

  “Not necessary.” Tanner threw my stuff in the trunk and turned back to me. “You look gorgeous as usual. Kick ass and take names, Mac. I can’t wait to hear all about it.” He kissed me again before he opened the car door and let me in. “Be safe.” Just before he was about to shut the door, he stuck his face back inside the cab. “I’m proud of you.”

  Those four words shot straight to my soul.

  * * *

  I stepped out of my rental car and straightened my pantsuit. I was overdressed, but I wanted to be. I didn’t know what to expect walking into a correctional facility that housed murders, rapists, and the like. In the years since I started being a PI, this was my first trip inside the walls of a prison.

  My long hair was wrapped up in a bun, and I wore little makeup. I picked up my briefcase from the backseat and slung it over my shoulder. In it was all the information I gathered so far, which wasn’t much.

  It took forever to get through the metal detectors, the screening process, and the identification checks before I finally sat down in a small room to wait for Thomas. My stomach knotted with apprehension. What would I find out here? What would he tell me?

  Would I go back with any answers for Tanner?

  Finally, a door buzzed and in walked an older version of Tanner. Granted, prison wasn’t kind to him, but you could see at one time he was a handsome man. He wore ankle shackles and handcuffs. The officer unlocked his handcuffs and then cuffed them back to the table in the middle of the two of us.

  The officer nodded at me and stepped back to the doorway. Relief spread through my body. Good. He wasn’t leaving me.

  “Who are you?” Thomas Hartwell had a southern accent, and I wondered absently if Tanner talked like him at one time and then retrained himself.

  “My name is Mac Shepard. I’m a private investigator.”

  His eyebrow lifted and then he whistled. “Damn. You’re fine as hell. What ya investigating, sugar, and what does it have to do with me? I have been locked up in here for a long time.”

  I nodded. “I know. I’m here about your daughter, Tracey Hartwell.”

  His head snapped up, and I knew I had his attention. “Who is investigating her? It’s been twelve years.”

  I didn’t want to tell him that it was his son. “Some cold cases that the police didn’t solve are being investigated.” It sounded plausible enough, right? “Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?”

  “You aren’t from around here.” Shit. My accent.

  “Transplant.” I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. I tucked my hands under my legs so he wouldn’t see me shaking. This guy killed his wife after abusing her their whole marriage.

  This could’ve been Andrew and me. Except I got out. And I would stay out.

  “Is my piece of shit son behind this?” He leaned back as far as he could go and eyed me. I forced my face to appear blank.

  “I don’t know what you mean. Your son?”

  “Yeah. He and that girl were joined at the hip. He never was the same after she was gone. Then, a few months later, he disappeared. I never saw him again. Have you talked to him?”

  Such a shame.

  “I haven’t talked to anyone but you so far,” I lied. “Like I said, sir, I was hired to investigate the disappearance of Tracey because it was a case that was never solved. Could you tell me about the day she disappeared? Any details you can remember would be helpful.”

  He smirked. “Why would I want to help you? What’s in it for me?”

  I looked over at the officer. He stood at the door, his arms crossed in front of him.

  “To help find your daughter, sir.”

  “I’m sure you know what I’m in here for. What would make you think I’d want to help find my daughter?”

  This was more difficult than I anticipated. “To get closure on the situation? To do the right thing?”

  He laughed, a big, hearty laugh that echoed through the bare room. He sounded almost maniacal, and a shiver went down my spine. I wished Tanner were here, holding my hand. But I knew that wasn’t possible because Tanner would never be in the same room as his father again.

  “When you talk to my son,” he said, leaning forward and steepling his fingers together. “You tell him he’s lucky he left when he did.”

  My mind reeled with his words. What did that mean? I sure as hell wouldn’t tell Tanner any such thing.

  “Could you tell me about the last day you saw Tracey?” I tried to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand and forget about Tanner. I didn’t want to talk to him about Tanner.

  “Sure thing, honey. Ain’t no one asked me about her in a long time. You know I killed my wife. Bitch had it coming for years. Could never learn to do what I told her to do. She was always screwing something up. I had to put her in her place all the damn time.”

  Bile rose in my throat at his words. This was Andrew’s mentality. Like they were justified for what they did because somehow we “deserved” it.

  Thomas shrugged. “Anyway, I never had a trial. Went right for the deal. Life in prison without the chance of parole.” He glanced at the officer and then leaned closer to me. I thought I might pass out; I felt so sick.

  I shouldn’t have come here.

  “You know why I did that?” He paused for a moment and when I didn’t respond, he continued. “Because if I went on trial they’d ask me questions about why I killed her. Do you know I’ve never told anyone why I killed her? The only thing I said was she deserved it, and I admitted to doing it. But since you, pretty lady, are here asking about Tracey, well, I might as well tell you.”

  “Mr. Hartwell,” I interjected. “I just—”

  He slammed his hands on the table, making me jump out of my seat. The officer rushed over, but I held up my hands. “I’m okay.”

  “Do that again and this is over.” The officer waited to make sure he was calm and then went back to his station.

  “
This is exactly what’s wrong with women,” Thomas said, his voice so eerily void of emotion it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “You never know when to shut the fuck up and listen. Now, as I was saying. The reason I killed my wife—” I decided right then and there that Tanner was nothing like this man in front of me because he was pure evil. “—is that she found out what I did to Tracey.”

  The room spun, and I had to bite my lip—hard—to keep myself from passing out. Get it together, Mac. He’s not threatening you. He can’t do anything to you. You’re here to find answers for Tanner. Take a deep breath, get your head in the game, and solve this case. For once and for all.

  “And what was that, Mr. Hartwell?”

  “The night before, my wife and I were having a fight. My daughter decided to intervene, but before I could put her in her place, my son took over. So I put him in his place instead. Those fucking kids had to be taught a lesson. They had no place sticking up for their mom. She was weak, and so was Tracey. I saw a spark in Tanner. I knew he could grow up to emulate his old man. But not Tracey. She’d be as worthless at her mother.

  “That morning, I told Tracey I would take her to school. Tanner had something before school, so it was perfect. I drove her out to the lake and taught her a lesson. I taught her what happens when she crosses a man like me. I taught her the kind of lesson that lasts a lifetime.”

  My stomach lurched and I thought for sure I was about to lose the contents of my coffee and muffin breakfast. He killed her. He killed her and then his wife found out, so he killed her, too. Oh, my God.

  “What lake?”

  He smirked. “My wife found out about it years later by coming across Tracey’s necklace in my office drawer. You would think she would’ve forgotten about that dumb child. I took care of her. It was me she should be happy with. When she confronted me, I stuck her body in the car and pushed her in the lake with her daughter. I had two weeks of fucking bliss until a fisherman found the car. They never found Tracey. Idiots.”

  I didn’t understand why he told me all of that information. Didn’t he realize, as an attorney, that he could be tried again for her murder? He admitted it to me with an officer in the room. I thought back to the information on how they found his mother. What was the name of the lake? I made a mental note to look in the file again because Tracey’s body was there.

  My stomach hit rock bottom. Oh, God. Tracey was dead. I was no longer searching for someone who may have changed their identity or forgotten who they were because they were abducted and brainwashed.

  It would destroy Tanner. His father not only killed his mother, but he killed his sister, too. He readily admitted that had Tanner not run away, he more than likely would’ve done something to him, too.

  He was the only survivor of the worst kind of abuse.

  We were both survivors now.

  “I know what you’re thinking. What did I tell you all this for? Am I some sort of bumbling idiot? The answer there is no. I’m not an idiot. I know that admitting what I did could add time to my sentence, but let’s face facts. I’m not getting any younger. I’m going to die in here. So if they sentence me to death, I’ll welcome the reprieve.”

  By the time I stumbled out of the prison and made it to my rental car, I fell into the seat and slammed the door behind me. Sobs wracked my body, and I leaned over the steering wheel with my head in my hands.

  Why did this have to happen? Why did some guys think it was their right to put their hands on someone else?

  Why did I have to be the one to break Tanner’s heart, when he was the one that had mended mine?

  Why?

  My hands trembled as I dialed Dr. Mia’s number. She told me to call her if I needed her. She was a godsend. The second she answered, words failed to come out, and sobs took their place.

  “Take a deep breath, Mac. You’re okay.” Her soothing voice continued talking until I could control myself. “Are you safe?”

  “Yes.” A wave of exhaustion came over me. I wanted to go home.

  Home to Tanner.

  But I knew going home to Tanner would prove more difficult than I could imagine. I was now going to be responsible for shattering his dream of finding his sister alive.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tanner

  I waited in the blacked-out Escalade for Mac to text me that she was here. AJ stood outside the vehicle, his arms crossed in his normal “don’t mess with me” stance. This was one of those times that I wished I could walk into the airport like a regular person and grab my girl and kiss her. But, alas, I couldn’t. Well, I could, but it would create a pandemonium I didn’t want to deal with today. Not to mention thrust Mac in the public eye, which I didn’t want to do yet. She had enough to deal with. So I had to wait for her inside the vehicle while my bodyguard helped her with her luggage. There was no public chivalry when you were a well-known rock star.

  Though it was annoying to many times have to forgo doing things that used to be normal, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  Well, that may not be entirely true anymore.

  I might trade it all for Mackenzie. The thought made me squirm in my seat, but I accepted the feeling as true. Being without her showed me many things.

  I didn’t like how I felt over the last few days without her.

  I wanted her as part of my life.

  Permanently.

  I thought that might scare the shit out of me to admit, but it didn’t.

  She was extremely busy over the last few days and only had time to text me a few times. I missed hearing her voice and seeing her gorgeous face. I missed her wrapped in my arms at night. I couldn’t wait to hear how it all went.

  My phone vibrated at the same time I saw AJ step forward. She walked out the glass doors, her hair blowing behind her. My heart squeezed at the sight of her. God, she was beautiful. She wore a pair of tight jeans, a Jaded Regret T-shirt, and a large pair of sunglasses. There wasn’t anyone else that could hold a candle to her. The faces of countless groupies scanned through my memory and shame washed over me. Why did I do all that for so long? What did I get out of it?

  Nothing. That’s what you wanted. To feel nothing. To be nothing. For no one to care about knowing you. I lived for years, content with mindless sex with strangers. “When you find that person, it’s all worth it.” Johnny’s words all those months ago rang through my head. I always thought he was full of shit.

  Now I grinned like a fool when I thought of Mac. I felt bad for all the incessant teasing I gave my bandmates over the last few years, not that I planned on telling them that.

  AJ took her suitcase and walked around to the back of the SUV. I waited impatiently for her to open the door and slide in because I needed her in my arms like yesterday. She laughed at something AJ said, the sound melodic. She didn’t understand how much she affected me. Well, that wasn’t all the way true. She knew she turned me on, but it was so much more than that.

  After what seemed like an eternity, AJ opened the back door for her, and she slid in. As the door closed behind her, she lifted her glasses and stuck them on top of her head. Mac grinned as I slid over on the bench seat, immediately closing the space between us.

  “Mac.” I engulfed her in my arms, reveling in the feeling of having her back where I wanted her. “God, I missed you.”

  Her arms wrapped around me and she rested her head on my shoulder. She fit against me perfectly, like we were made for each other. She smelled like the floral perfume I now knew she wore every day. It was so familiar I almost couldn’t remember a time when my house didn’t smell like her.

  “Hey, Tan. I missed you, too. So much.” Her voice sounded thick with unshed tears.

  I pulled back, studying her face. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded. “Yes. I am now. I’m so glad to be home.”

  Home. I brushed my lips against hers, and she responded immediately. That was the end of talking.

  * * *

  “I promise sometime I’m going to tak
e you out for a proper dinner.” I sat back and stretched my arms behind my head, my belly full of takeout Thai food AJ stopped and got us on the way home. Two empty beer bottles sat next to my plate.

  Mac pushed her food around her plate. “It’s not a big deal, Tan. This is fine.”

  I watched her for a moment, trying to read what vibe she put off. “Mac, are you okay?” I thought back to the car ride that we spent lost in each other. Nothing seemed off with her then. Had I done something since we ate dinner? I thought about our small talk, mostly about the interview with Rolling Stone.

  We’d been on the cover before right after we first hit it big, but it never got old that the top magazine in music wanted us again. Between that and practice, the days she was gone had flown by, though coming home to an empty house sucked.

  Maybe she was upset I hadn’t asked about her trip? Duh, Tanner. You spent the last hour talking all about yourself. You’re an idiot.

  “I’m sorry, Mac.”

  She lifted her head. “For what?”

  “I talked and talked the whole time we ate and never asked you how Atlanta was.”

  She averted her gaze from mine and fidgeted with her napkin, but she didn’t respond.

  “I didn’t mean to be an asshole. I’m so excited to have you back that I just kept talking. I want to hear all about your conference. Did you learn a lot? Network with some people? Make your dad some new connections?”

  When she finally glanced up at me, the expression on her face made my heart stutter. Her eyes were red around the edges, and her face was pale. She looked like she may throw up or pass out at any second.

  “Mac? Are you okay?” I stood and walked over to her side of the table. Despite how hungry I was, I noticed she barely touched her food. I crouched next to her. “Are you sick?”

  Her lip trembled, followed by her chin. It was enough for me to realize she wasn’t sick. She was upset.

  “Baby.” I pulled a chair directly next to her. “Please talk to me. What’s wrong? Did Andrew contact you?” I swore to God if that man started with her again, AJ and I would jump in the car and take care of him once and for all.