The Dark Lord Cecil

by Wade Adrian

  Lady Aldora pointed at the skeletons. “We should divide the remainder, half in front and half behind. Those out front will frighten those in our way while those behind keep us from suffering surprise attacks we can not defend against.”

  “Yeah.” Cecil nodded and pointed at three of the skeletons. “Okay, you guys out front, and the rest follow close behind. Make sure no one stops us. Just yell ‘boo’ or whatever it is you do, but don’t hurt anyone.”

  The skeletons divided and started moving. Cecil had to jump to keep up and not get kicked along.

  Lady Aldora tilted her head slightly as they descended the stairs. “I’m not sure telling them to avoid violence is best. It may get around that they’re less threatening than they appear.”

  “I’m hoping all of this goes away without getting me killed, or imprisoned for the rest of my life. Leaving a trail of dead people would cement one or the other.”

  “I don’t see it that way. You have power. Control. As long as you have that, it will be difficult for anyone to threaten you.” She cast a glance aside at him. “How are you controlling them, anyway?”

  “I fell down a well and found a crown. When I was trying to climb back out I put it on. Poof, skeleton army.” He shrugged. “Honestly, I’m a little surprised you’re so okay with this. I mean, I was freaking out for a good while. Who knew skeletons could walk?”

  “Opportunity rarely knocks, Mr… Seesil, wasn’t it? You have to be ready when it does.”

  “Sess-ul, actually. And I guess I understand. I mean, I tried to get myself a plot of land to farm, but that’s about as far ahead as I ever thought. That’s why I came to you.”

  “Because of my extensive knowledge of skeletons, hmm?”

  “No, noble stuff.”

  The kitchens were abandoned when the skeletons pushed the doors open. Stove tops and ovens still burned. Cecil frowned and walked on by, turning everything off. He didn’t know how long before anyone would come back, and he didn’t want the place burning down on his account, even if it meant supper would be a little late.

  Lady Aldora stood at the back door. “I believe I heard a carriage stop out back.” Her face scrunched up a bit as she looked over at him. “I’m sure the staff can handle that.”

  “They might be in the next county by now. Besides, isn’t your father still staying here?”

  “Mmm.” She nodded. “And what a tragedy it would be if something untoward happened to him.” The loving and dutiful daughter cracked the door open. She sighed. “I suppose it will have to do.”

  “What’s the problem?” Cecil joined her at the door, pressing it open.

  A wagon waited outside. It was loaded down with barrels and crates, and had a tarp covering most of the back. Murray sat at the driver’s seat, reigns in hand. “Ahoy the inn! Time to go, I think. Unless there’s a great sale going on torches and pitchforks, I think there might be a mob forming.”

  Lady Aldora glowered at him. “Hardly a fitting conveyance.”

  “And yet,” Murray’s red eyes turned skyward as he held a finger against his chin, “what with the angry mob and all, I thought maybe the stealth angle could make a return.” He pointed at the back of he wagon. “So hop in. We’ll toss some of this junk out, hide inside, and Cecil can drive. Nobody will look twice at him.”

  Cecil nodded. “Good thinking.”

  Lady Aldora shrugged. “One… supposes.”

  They filed out one by one. Cecil moved a crate in front of the door, just in case anyone inside decided to follow. There might still be guards in there.

  Murray got the skeletons moving things off of the wagon while Lady Aldora climbed up onto the front seat and gave a sour look at the back. “It smells.”

  He looked up at her. “Does it? I seem to have misplaced my nose. Could you describe it to me?”

  A high pitched scream caused everyone to turn and look.

  Bonnie stood at the mouth of the alley holding a broom. She was still as a statue.

  Cecil waved at the wagon as he passed by. “Keep working.” The skeletons resumed their work while Cecil approached Bonnie. “Hey, so, as I was saying before…”

  Bonnie stared, not so much as blinking.

  He waved a hand in front of her face. “Hey, you okay?”

  Her eyes shifted to him. “Cecil?” Her voice was a raspy whisper.

  “Yeah. Cecil. Don’t worry, no one is going to hurt you. They’re…” he glanced back at the skeletons, “economical labor. Nothing dangerous, I assure you.”

  “What?” She tilted her head and looked past him. “What are they doing?”

  “Umm. Making room. Oddly enough we’ve gotten some dirty looks so we figured we’d leave town a bit less conspicuously. Wouldn’t want anyone hurting themselves on our account.”

  “Why would they do that?” She squeaked.

  Lady Aldora was staring down at Bonnie from the drivers seat of the wagon. “You know this person, Cecil?”

  He nodded. “She’s with the kitchen staff.”

  Bonnie’s eyes cut back and forth. “Actually, I resigned a few minutes ago. This is my last shift.”

  “Oh, well. Job offer is still open with us.”

  Bonnie’s eyebrow raised at the skeletons. “Is that the dress code?”

  “Ha, no.” Cecil shook his head.

  Lady Aldora’s eyes narrowed slightly. “What job offer?”

  “Kitchen staff. Providing for, well, everyone that isn’t a skeleton.” He pointed at himself, Lady Aldora, and then at Bonnie. “What do you think?”

  Lady Aldora’s expression softened. “A capital idea. I suggest you accept, young lady.”

  Bonnie’s voice was barely a whisper. “And here I was trying to get away from them…” Her eyes shifted about. “What’s in the wagon?”

  Cecil shrugged. “I honestly have no idea.”

  Murray’s head popped up from the back of the wagon. “Looks like food stuffs, but not food. Ingredients.” He opened the top of a barrel and pulled something red and stringy out. “At least, I think. First wagon I found unattended.”

  Bonnie slipped around Cecil, moving closer to the wagon. “Is that saffron?”

  Murray tilted his head. “I dunno. Is it?” He held his hand out, red stuff held between his bony fingers.

  Bonnie took it without hesitation. She rolled it around between her fingers and took a whiff. “Saffron. Wow. I’ve always dreamed of working with ingredients like saffron. I’ve been making nothing but bread and cheese for years.”

  Lady Aldora rolled her eyes. “That was you? Perhaps we don’t have an opening.”

  “Nonsense.” Cecil shook his head. “I can’t cook anything but gruel and stew, so I say we let her try. If she accepts.”

  Bonnie glanced back and forth between Cecil and Lady Aldora. Then she looked at Murray. “Could you… put some of the stuff back on the wagon?”

  He sighed. “I mean… I guess. If we’re quick about it. But we need room for skeletons and the incredibly conspicuous noble lady in the back. I guess you can ride up front. You look country enough to pull it off.”

  Bonnie nodded. “Then I accept. Let me see what we’ve got here…” She set to opening the crates and barrels.

  Lady Aldora watched her with a level expression.

  Cecil climbed up and sat on the drivers seat. “Well, food. That’s handy.”

  “Indeed.” Lady Aldora didn’t take her eyes off of Bonnie. “As long as her responsibilities are only to the kitchens.”

  “I doubt she is interested in much more.”

  “We shall see.” So sweet of her to be concerned.

  The wagon was moving a few minutes later. Murray had to slap Bonnie’s hands off a few barrels more than once as he was arranging the tarp.

  Lady Aldora seemed quite displeased to be hidden away, but she didn’t object to the idea either. “I will be free of this tarp once we leave the confines of the city.”

  Cecil nodded. “Sounds fair to me. The rest of you might need
to stay back there.”

  Murray let out a yawn… somehow. “No arguments here.”

  Bonnie had pockets stuffed with pinches of different spices and materials. She was oblivious to the world as she tasted things, rolled them between her fingers, and occasionally held them out to Cecil. “Here, smell this.”

  He only coughed once. It was very strong garlic.

  Murray’s angry mob wasn’t hard to find. The torches were a dead giveaway. Fortunately they were deeper in the city and the wagon was departing with all the haste the pair of old farm horses could muster. Which was to say, about half again as fast as Cecil could walk. Still, it was more inconspicuous than the skeleton marching band.

  “Oh my. I think this is sumac.”

  “Great.” Cecil tried to look disinterested as he rolled the wagon by spooked locals. They were babbling about ghosts.

  Bonnie kicked her feet and wiggled in her seat.

  Cecil frowned. “What, is there a spider?”

  “Juniper berries!”

  He sighed. At least someone was happy.

  The town faded to nothing shortly after they left the wall surrounding the largest buildings. The only ones outside were mostly inns Lady Aldora would never frequent and places fishmongers, hunters, and the like lived. Even the markets were inside. Not far outside the walls the first farms sprang up, but no one would be out and about at this hour. Lights in the houses, sure, but it was too dark to do anything of purpose outside.

  Lady Aldora climbed out of the back of the wagon, throwing the tarp down on top of Murray and the other skeletons as she sat on the bench between Cecil and Bonnie. “We shall have to acquire a more appropriate means of conveyance.”

  Bonnie was almost giddy as she held a hand out in front of Lady Aldora. “It’s kokum!”

  “Delightful.” She turned her eyes to the young woman. “It’s a bit crowded up here. Why don’t you get some rest in the back, dear?”

  Bonnie stuffed the spice back into a pocket on her apron. “But the man said you stand out.”

  Lady Aldora nodded. “I suppose I do. Perhaps we should swap attire for the time being.”

  Cecil choked on the air in his throat, letting out a little cough. He tried to keep his eyes on the road.

  Bonnie tilted her head a little. “I’m not sure I’ll fit into that. Besides, someone would see.”

  “Then we’ll exchange clothing under the tarp.”

  Murray’s muffled voice rose from the back. “I am behind this idea one hundred percent.”

  “You’ll be getting out.”

  “Because I can just stroll down the street, no problem. Is this the skeleton district?”

  Lady Aldora made a face at the tarp. “Perhaps I was mistaken.”

  Cecil cleared his throat. “I’m sure there won’t be many prying eyes this time of night. We can all ride up here.”

  Lady Aldora let out a soft sigh. “One supposes.”

  Bonnie held out her hand in front of Lady Aldora. “It’s long pepper! Long pepper!”

  The lady sighed.

  11

  The tower being lit up was kind of a surprise. Cecil had expected they’d have to locate it by moonlight. Or yelling.

  It hadn’t taken as long to make it back as he had feared. The path was rather familiar, having just followed it the day before, and there wasn’t a speck of traffic to speak of at this hour.

  “Huh. Lights.”

  “Looks like they’ve been busy.”

  Cecil found Murray sitting in the back of the wagon on top of the tarp when he glanced back. Lady Aldora and Bonnie had both moved back to sit more comfortably and had fallen asleep. Cecil had been having a little bit of trouble staying awake himself. The wagon had a rhythmic gait to it. Even the horses seemed woozy.

  “Who told them to do that?”

  “Free will, boss. They’re doing their best for you. That probably means they’re trying to make the place homey, too. Lets just hope a few of them understand modern furniture and decorating. Back in the day it was all pelts, stone, and fire. Intimidating sure, but not comfy.”

  Cecil glanced over at the sleeping ladies. They seemed to be out for the moment. Good. He didn’t want to share any of his recent burdens more than he had to. “Murray, how do I stop being the Dark Lord?”

  The red lights inside Murray’s eyes turned to him. His voice was level and it was difficult to read the skull’s expression. “Why?”

  “Well, like you said, I’m no good at it. I’d prefer to just be Cecil the not-particularly-good farmer. It’s what life up until now has prepared me for.”

  “Hmm.” Murray tapped a bony finger against his chin. “Well, there’s only one way I know, boss.”

  “Oh? Well, what is it?”

  “Die.”

  Cecil frowned. “I’d honestly prefer to avoid that.”

  “Yeah, me too. But here we are.” The skeleton shrugged. “That’s how I lost it, and that’s how everyone before me is recorded as having lost it. And yet that doesn’t really let you off the hook, obviously.” He pointed at himself. “More of a demotion than a career change.”

  Cecil sighed. “Great. Just great.”

  “Aww, buck up, chum.” Murray punched him in the shoulder. It hurt. “I’d say you’re getting the hang of this. Got yourself a little immortal army, a fortress, even a stocked kitchen and a solid start to your harem.”

  Cecil rolled his eyes. “They’re not a harem. Lady Aldora is my adviser and Bonnie is head of the kitchens.”

  “Suit yourself boss. I would have started a harem by now.”

  The lights extended beyond the tower itself. Lanterns lined a path leading up to it, and some larger fire pits had skeletons gathered around them as they rolled on by.

  Cecil raised an eyebrow at that. “You can’t tell me they’re cold.”

  “No.” Murray shook his head. “But they remember being cold. People get cold, and they used to be people. People get scared of the dark, too. People like fire. Hence, that’s where they gather. They think they’re supposed to.”

  Cecil frowned. “That’s rather… sad, really.”

  “Maybe it has something to do with that whole, ‘cold down to my bones’ saying. Perfect opportunity to warm them up, eh?”

  “Is it just me… or are there more of them?”

  “The power is in the crown, not you. It merely existing and having a lord is calling up skeletons. It would do it a lot faster if you said to, though.”

  “Yeah, no. Not doing that.” Cecil shivered under the eyeless gazes following him a they passed one of the fires.

  He drove the wagon up to the front of the building. Enough of the dirt and rocks had been cleared away that there was a set of doors now. The fact that the doors were on a balcony with a railing around it kind of implied that this still wasn’t the bottom of the tower, though. At least it gave him a place to tie up the horses.

  It took a few moments for Cecil to climb over the railing. When his feet hit the stone balcony the doors flew open and rows of skeletons filed out, their hands raised in salutes. Cecil watched for a moment.

  “Ahem.”

  He blinked, turned, and helped Lady Aldora over the railing while Bonnie climbed under. Murray leaned on it. “Well this is new.”

  Cecil glanced back at him. “You didn’t do this?”

  “Nope.”

  “Good evening my lord.” Two skeletons carrying tall sticks with black banners hanging from them emerged from the doors. They flanked a skeleton wearing a breastplate over a black coat. He had shining red eyes like Murray. “I am Lord Egerton, former Dark Lord.” He marched up to Cecil, his feet rising and falling perfectly in time. He bowed low, the loose breastplate clanking as it shifted about. “It is my honor to serve the new Dark Lord.”

  Cecil waved. “Nice to meet you.”

  “The honor is all mine.” Egerton stood tall. Taller than Cecil. The skeleton seemed to notice and slouched a little so that was no longer true. “I was awoken after your
departure. I await punishment if you deem fit, but I believed the proper course of action was to make the Dark Citadel presentable and livable once more. It’s seen better days, but I maintain that its best are still ahead.”

  Cecil blinked a few times. The guy made Murray look like a slacker and a hooligan. “Oh. Well. Thank you. You’re doing a great job.”

  “My lord is too kind.” Egerton bowed again.

  Murray rolled his eyes. “They always said Egerton was a blowhard.”

  Egerton’s red eyes turned to Murray. “Muireach. I am overjoyed that I was not roused for your… unique reign.”

  “Oh, yeah. You missed out, buddy.”

  Egerton dismissed him with a twist of his chin, his attention returning to Cecil. “I believe you’ll find the accommodations more to your liking. I had your followers scour the nearby lands for suitable furnishing and cleaning implements. As unobtrusively as possible, of course. We’re not yet at a strength where we can repel invaders, so it’s best to avoid notice. We’ll procure more… suitable things as soon as possible. Trade was always a specialty of mine.”

  Lady Aldora’s eyebrows climbed a bit. “Well, well. You seem quite the gentleman, Lord Egerton. My fears about this organization have been somewhat assuaged.”

  He bowed once more, his attention turning to the lady. “Nobility joins our cause so soon? Lord Cecil’s reign is truly a momentous one. What curious times are these.”

  Lady Aldora curtsied slightly. “Truly. Yet times are not so different, I suspect. I simply know an opportunity when I see one.”

  “Ah, yes.” Egerton held his head high. “Glory shall be ours. Ever are the eras of Dark Lords cause for celebration.” His eyes cut to Murray again. “Well, usually.”

  Murray rolled his eyes and opened and shut his jaw repeatedly. “Blah blah blah. They really made people more talkative back in the day, didn’t they?”

  Bonnie shrugged. “Noble sounds like noble to me.”

  She cowered under the combined gaze of Lady Aldora and Egerton.

  “I mean…” she stammered a bit, “only that I can tell from the sound. It’s so… eloquent?”

  Egerton nodded. “Undoubtedly.”

  Lady Aldora was slower to release Bonnie from her stare. She turned her attention forward once more a few moments later. “I should like to see these accommodations. It has been a long night, and we require rest if we are to begin our true work on the morrow.”