No Love Lost

by Lexi Blake

  She wanted another baby. She shouldn’t. She was too old, right? Her life wasn’t exactly settled.

  “She is. Luckily she takes after her mom,” he said wistfully. His gaze hardened. “Are you going to the club with me tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then there’s no reason to stay away from me tonight. Come to my bedroom.”

  She hesitated.

  He stared for a moment and then took a step back. “All right. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  This was what had been bubbling under his surface. He’d had a day and he needed sex. He needed the control that came with his kind of sex. He needed her to submit to him and let him know she trusted him.

  She might have been able to turn him away if he’d simply needed it from any woman, but he needed her. Only her. He’d been faithful even when he’d had no idea where she was or what she was doing.

  They had a horrible past, but through it all this desperate need had always been between them.

  Because she needed him, too.

  At least now she knew how long she could hold out.

  She crossed the distance between them and let her hands find his chest, glorying in the warmth of his skin. “I don’t want to be alone tonight either. I’m sorry. I’m nervous. It’s been a long time for me.”

  His fingers sank into her hair. “Exactly the same time for me. Except you had a nice man who touched you and caressed you and brought you to orgasm a couple of days ago.”

  He was staring at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world, and she started to relax. It would be good. Sex between them had always been good, and she needed the release. She could hold herself apart. She could get what she needed and not give too much up.

  “It wasn’t enough.” Those few moments in Sicily hadn’t even been close to enough. “It was good, but I wanted more.”

  His fingers tightened, pulling lightly at her scalp. “I can give you more. Do you remember the rules?”

  She liked the rules. The rules reminded her that they were different now. They weren’t the same dumb kids who’d fallen into bed and never wanted to get out. “Yes. I obey you for as long as I like, and I can stop you at any moment.”

  It was true. She was in control, but what the exchange did was give Beck permission to put everything on the table. He didn’t have to hesitate to ask for what he wanted because they’d agreed to talk about all of it.

  The kids they’d been certainly hadn’t done that.

  “Yes, but let’s emphasize the ‘you obey me’ part and just know the rest of it is there if you need it.” He stopped short of putting his mouth on hers. “You might need it. I feel restless today.”

  She felt certain it wasn’t only today. “I’ll let you know if it’s too much. But seriously, Beck, I hadn’t even kissed anyone until I kissed you a couple of days ago. I don’t know...I’ve had a baby since you saw me last. I’ve changed.”

  Her body had scars she didn’t have before, and he was still the gorgeous man she’d dreamed of at night.

  She was older, a little heavier.

  He tugged on her hair. “You’re still the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever known. You still make me crazy just thinking about getting my hands on you. I want you to walk into that room and take your clothes off for me because I’m going to think you’re sexy as hell. I want to look at you. I want to study you and memorize you all over again. I want to touch and kiss and lick every inch of you, and when I’m done I want to fuck you until I forget we were ever apart.”

  It would be dangerous to forget, but she wanted everything else he’d promised. She especially wanted to feel sexy again. Her skin was already starting to heat, to tingle wherever he touched her. “Yes.”

  “And then tomorrow night we’re going to drop Roman off with my friend Kai and his wife, and we’re going to a club where we’ll check everything at the door. All that will matter for four hours is that we are Dom and sub. We’ll spend the whole time indulging in everything we can’t all week long.”

  Sex. Intimacy. Each other.

  It scared the hell out of her, but she couldn’t tell him no. She’d agreed to this deal. It wasn’t fair to back out.

  She might be out of practice when it came to the spy stuff, but damn, she was up to date on self-deception.

  He finally brought his lips to hers and brushed them in the sweetest kiss. It was over altogether too soon, and he stepped back, releasing her. “Go to my bedroom and take off your clothes.”

  It would be so much easier if he ripped her clothes off. She wasn’t even fond of the blouse she was wearing.

  He turned and walked down the hall, the opposite direction of his bedroom. She glanced back and he stopped at Roman’s bedroom, looking in on their son the same way she had.

  It made her heart feel too tight. She forced herself to walk away, to move down the hall and into Beck’s bedroom with its king-sized bed and carpet her feet sank into. She’d only been in this room once when he’d given her the tour of the house. It was a comfortable room, but there was very little of Beck in it. There was a small dish on the dresser where he could put his wallet and a charger for his cell. Other than that, it was utilitarian, and that was a shame because there was so much room.

  It needed a comfy chair for reading and something other than the one sad lamp on a plain nightstand.

  She glanced in the mirror and caught sight of herself. She wasn’t bad. Her cheeks had taken on a rosy glow and her hair was mussed. She looked like a woman who’d recently been kissed.

  She didn’t look like a woman who’d uprooted her whole life and her son’s and who might still be in danger.

  “I want you to take a deep breath,” Beck said from the doorway. “I want you to acknowledge a couple of things for me starting with the fact that our son is all right.”

  She turned back to him. “I know. I’m sorry. I was looking around and I didn’t follow orders.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I understand. I can completely forgive you not being naked. Now I want you to obey me and take me seriously. I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath.”

  This was stupid, but she got the feeling if she told him so, she might be in actual trouble. She let her eyes close and forced her shoulders down from around her ears. She filled her lungs and held the breath there for a moment before letting it out.

  “And another.” He sounded like he was closer to the big bathroom now.

  She forced another breath, though she felt herself relax slightly.

  “This time I want you to know that our son is sleeping and he’s happy and he’s eager for tomorrow. He’s not afraid. He’s not in pain. He’s a resilient kid and he knows he’s loved.”

  He was not going to make her cry. She took a deep breath. “Okay. Roman’s okay.”

  “This time I want you to know that Ezra is safe. He’s got two bodyguards staying the night with him, and Sanctum has a lot of security. He’s okay.”

  She knew how much it took for him to add his brother in what was essentially nighttime prayers. “Ezra’s okay.”

  This time the breath felt cleansing.

  “And you’re okay. Whatever happens between us, you are okay, and I will ensure your safety and comfort. I’ll take care of you.”

  She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was standing there, his gaze on her. “I’m okay. You’re okay, too, Beck.” How did he do this to her? Two minutes before she wasn’t going to acknowledge anything but the sex. “I’ll make sure that you’re okay.”

  The sexiest smile crossed his face. “How are you going to do that, baby?”

  She could think of exactly how she wanted to do that. He was good. Far better than he used to be. He’d settled her fears so she could focus on herself for once. On them. On him.

  It would be so good to focus on him.

  But first she was going to prove that she could obey when she wanted to. She started to slowly unbutton her blouse. “I seem to remember you asked me to touch you.
I could start there.”

  He’d put something on the nightstand while her eyes had been closed. It was a tray, and she couldn’t see what was on it. “That would be an excellent place to start. Where will you go from there?”

  She set the blouse on the dresser and went to work on her slacks. “I’ll take you in my hand and I’ll stroke that big cock of yours until it’s hard and thick and long. I’ll think about what it’s going to feel like to have you inside me.”

  His eyes closed briefly, and a low groan came from his mouth. “You don’t need to touch me to get me hard. I’m hard as hell right now, baby.”

  She could tell. His flannel pajama bottoms had tented admirably, and she hadn’t lied at all. She truly was thinking about what it would feel like to have that big cock penetrating her. Her nipples had peaked, and it had nothing to do with the air conditioner. She folded her slacks and reached behind to undo the hooks of her bra, deeply grateful that Charlotte Taggart apparently didn’t believe in plain cotton undies. There had been a week’s worth of outfits hanging in the closet, and several bags of underwear, bras, socks, and pajamas, all in her size.

  The undies were a pearly color with lace adorning the sides, and suddenly she felt sexier than she had in forever.

  “After I finish stroking you, I’m going to get on my knees and I’m going to lick your cock, Beck. It’s been so long. I want to taste you again.”

  He grimaced. “Baby, it’s been so long that if you keep spitting those dirty words out of that sweet mouth of yours, I’m going to show you how good my imagination is. I’m close right now. I’m close because we’re in the same room and I can see your beautiful body. There were nights I sat up and wondered if I would ever see you again.”

  She shook her head. She couldn’t do this part. “Please. Can we stay in the moment?”

  “We can for now, but my whole past is wrapped up in loving you. I want a future, too, but I took that from us and I have to earn it back. So we’ll stay in the present for now. Take those panties off. I want to see every inch of you, and I want everything you promised me.”

  She could give it to him. This was exactly what she needed—to sink into what they could give each other in the moment. In this room there was no future to worry about and no past to drag them down. They were Kim and Beck—a sub and her Dom.

  She hooked her thumbs under the waistband of her lacy panties and shoved them off. Then she took every bit of knowledge she’d gleaned from romance novels years before and sank to her knees, spreading her legs wide. It was a vulnerable position, but it did something for her. It made her feel incredibly sexy to open herself physically to him.

  He moved in front of her and his hand came down to tip her chin up. “I dreamed about this every single night.”

  “Beck,” she started.

  He shook his head. “Sorry. That was the last of it. You are gorgeous and I’m going to be so proud to show you off tomorrow. Are you going to have a problem walking around the club showing off how gorgeous you are?”

  “I would have said yes, but I feel pretty good right now.”

  “I intend to make you feel fabulous.” His hands went to his hips. “I think you should undress your Dom.”

  There was nothing she wanted more than to see him in all his glory. She felt a deep sense of power as she reached up and began to slowly drag the pajama bottoms down. He wasn’t wearing boxers so his cock sprung free quickly, and she was reminded how thick it was, how it barely fit in her hand, and how it would make her jaw ache the tiniest bit when she deep throated him. She helped him out of the pajamas and settled back. “You’re still gorgeous, Beck.”

  “Touch me. God, I’m going to die if you don’t touch me,” he said, his voice deep.

  She sighed and reached for his cock. He smelled like soap and that delicious musky scent that let her know he hadn’t lied. He really was ready to go off, and she hadn’t touched him yet. It wouldn’t matter. They had these hours to do whatever they liked, and she intended to spend them with her hands on him. He’d said he wanted to relearn her? She would do the same. She would caress every inch of his skin, kiss every scar, make memories for when they were apart again.

  His cock was still lovely and the moment she touched him, a thousand memories shot through her of all the nights they’d lain together. She’d missed this so much, and yet she hadn’t been able to bring herself to have this level of intimacy with anyone else. He was the only one for her.

  “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? You know I won’t rush you so you’re going to make me ache for it.” He said it with a smile on his face.

  But hadn’t they both ached enough? She took him in one hand and gave him a long, slow stroke. Breath rattled out of his body, and she watched a shudder run through him. Pleasure? Or relief? He looked like a man whose longing had finally been realized. Like he knew he would finally get what he needed.

  Her.

  His hand found the top of her head, and slowly he tangled his fingers in her hair, getting a gentle grip. “You know I can come and still take care of you a few minutes later. I promise.”

  She knew. He would take care of her one way or another, and there was nothing she wanted more than for Beck to use his hands and mouth to throw her over the edge before he sank his cock inside. “You should tell me what you want me to do in great detail. Like I said, it’s been a while for me, and I might not remember clearly.”

  It was a lie, but a playful one. She remembered every moment with him, knew exactly how he liked to have his cock sucked, but she wanted to hear him.

  His eyes were narrowed as he tugged on her hair, urging her forward. “I want you to put that gorgeous mouth of yours on my cock. I want you to use your tongue to make me crazy. I want you to cup my balls and suck my dick until I can’t see straight, until the only thing in the world that matters is how soft and hot your mouth is around me.”

  She leaned forward and licked at his cock, thrilling in the way it jumped at her touch. She sucked him lightly behind her lips, giving the head of his cock a brief twirl of her tongue before releasing him again.

  “Oh, that’s good. That’s so freaking good,” Beck breathed.

  She gripped the base of his cock and leaned forward again, giving him exactly what he wanted. She licked every inch of his cock, paying particular attention to the super sensitive underside of the cockhead. There she flattened her tongue and caressed that bit of skin while sucking gently.

  “I knew you were going to kill me.” Every word out of his mouth was accompanied with a panting breath.

  She settled in to the job at hand, sucking and stroking and reveling in the power she had over him. She might be in the submissive position, but she had the power right now. It would be an exchange because she got the idea once he’d come in her mouth, once she’d swallowed him down and he could breathe again, he would take the power right back and she would be the one shaking and begging.

  “That’s it. Just a little more,” he said as his hips started to pump.

  She sucked him deeper with each pass of her mouth, rolling her tongue around him as best she could. When she gave him the barest hint of her teeth, he hissed, and she felt his balls draw up tight against him as he began to fill her mouth.

  She drank him down, her heart thrumming in her chest and every inch of her skin feeling alive as he softened in her mouth.

  She sat back, licking her lips as she looked up at him.

  It wasn’t more than a second before he was lifting her up and lightly tossing her on the bed.

  “I make this mistake with you every single time. I know we need to work through things, but I can’t stop myself.” He gripped her ankles and tugged her down until she was in the perfect position for him to drop to his knees and get his face right in her pussy.

  She was about to point out that they were living in the moment, but the first swipe of his tongue took her breath away. He didn’t play around. He started eating her pussy like the starving man he was.


  His tongue plunged deep as he parted the petals of her pussy and his thumb found her clit.

  She clutched the soft comforter and bit back a cry, spreading herself open so he didn’t miss an inch of her pussy. She didn’t think about the fact that she was wetter than she’d been in forever, that she could smell her own arousal. All that mattered was Beck groaning against her sensitive flesh and the long luxurious licks of his tongue.

  Her eyes closed as pure sensation took over, rushing across her skin and making the blood thrum through her as she moved closer and closer to orgasm.

  He pressed down and pleasure washed over her, sweeping away all her cares and worries. They were gone in a wave of heat and satisfaction, the thrill heightening her senses.

  Beck rose to his feet, staring down at her. “Now I think we can really get started.”

  She caught the gleam in his eyes and knew he was far from done for the night.

  * * * *

  Beck stared down at the woman who’d always been the center of his universe, and a feeling far more satisfying than any orgasm flowed through him.

  He had another shot with her. She was here. She wasn’t running. Oh, he knew he would have to deal with some bullshit about how much better they would be apart in a couple of months if he didn’t prove to her how they’d changed, but he had no intention of failing at that.

  He reached to the small tray he’d place on the edge of the bed before she’d gotten naked. While he’d been leading her through a personal inventory, he’d brought this little kit out and set it where he could reach it easily.

  What he hadn’t told her was he’d gone through the same exercise while he’d taken a shower. He’d closed his eyes and told himself that Kim was safe, that Roman was safe.

  That his brother was safe.

  The day had been rough. He knew the cop could have been honest in his reasoning for pulling them over, but he doubted it. He didn’t believe in coincidence anymore. He had to think that Levi now knew Ezra was alive. And then there was that mysterious note Kim hadn’t mentioned to him. She’d brought it to Tag. He’d had to let that go, too.