No Love Lost

by Lexi Blake

  He had to earn her trust back.

  But she was here, and he left behind the worry of the day because he’d promised her they would spend this time in the now.

  And the now included making her scream for him again.

  “I want you to kneel on the bed for me.”

  Her eyes came open. “What? Beck, come on. I’m good. You can go for it.”

  How quickly she forgot. It was time to show her that he meant business. He gripped her ankles and easily flipped her over so he had access to her gorgeous ass. She’d barely gotten out a minor shriek before his hand came down in a short arc. It wasn’t more than a light crack against her cheek, but it made her gasp.

  “I said I want you to get on your knees for me.”

  “I already did that,” she shot back like the brat she was.

  He’d only ever dealt with perfectly submissive partners for the simple fact that he wasn’t going to touch one of them sexually. He was strictly a service top at Sanctum. He spanked subs and whipped them when they wanted. He always used a chair and St. Andrew’s Crosses. He rarely ever used his hand during a spanking.

  Because it was all for her. All for this mouthy brat who’d held his heart in her hands more years than he cared to admit.

  He slapped her ass again. “You remember your safe word?”

  Her head turned slightly, and she wrinkled her nose his way. “You think I need a safe word for that baby tap, Beck? You forget who I am.”

  He wasn’t the one who’d forgotten she was a Valkyrie glorious bitch goddess he worshipped with his whole heart. He gave her a harder smack, one that got her skin pink. “I know exactly who you are.” He spanked her again. “Do you know who I am? Because I can spank you all night.”

  He gave her another three, each slightly harder than the last, and she was breathless when he finished, but she got up to her knees.

  “Happier?” she asked, apparently unwilling to stop the saucy replies.

  “Yes, because you’ve given me new ways to punish you.” He grabbed her from behind, dragging her back against his chest and getting his hands on those magnificent breasts of hers. He cupped them and let his fingers find her nipples. He gave her a hard tweak that made her wriggle against him. “See. I can pull and pinch all your sweet parts like this.”

  Her head fell back against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Beck.”

  He should tell her to call him Sir, but he didn’t want that. He liked his name coming from her mouth. For so long he’d denied himself the name he’d grown up with. Hearing her say it with that breathy plea in her voice brought him right back to the moment when he knew they were meant to be together.

  She’d believed it even when the world had fallen apart. She’d had faith.

  It was time to repay her.

  His cock was coming back to life rapidly. He rubbed himself against the seam of her ass, nestling himself lightly there. “I love you.”

  She stiffened in his arms. “No. You told me we would stay in the moment.”

  “I love you in the moment,” he whispered in her ear. “Right here. Right now. I love you.”

  He didn’t mention that he’d loved her in the past. He would love her in the future. He would love her long after they’d passed from this earth and their son lived on.

  “That’s not fair.”

  He tweaked her nipples again. He’d never promised to play fair. “It’s true. As true as this is.” He flexed his pelvis and slid his cock along her backside. “Are you going to be good for me now or do we need to continue with the spanking?”

  “I like the spanking, but I want you inside me.”

  At least she could be honest with him in this space. He planned for a lot more honesty tomorrow night. Tonight he was going to give her what she wanted. As much pleasure as she could handle.

  “I want you to come for me again.” Because he likely needed to sleep with her a couple of times before he would last as long as he wanted to. But he’d planned tonight’s session out carefully. He wasn’t getting them in trouble the way he had the last time. If she got pregnant, it would be because she wanted to.

  Because she trusted him enough to share a pregnancy with him, to share their kid’s childhood.

  He reached over and picked up the small wand he’d bought earlier in the day. It was sterilized and ready for her. He flicked the on button and a low, unmistakable hum started.

  A breathy moan escaped from Kim and she rubbed back against him. “Seriously?”

  He nipped at her earlobe. “Seriously. You’re going to come for me and then I’ll get my turn. But I want to hear you, want to feel you come.”

  Her hands came back to cup his hips as though she knew she would need something to hold on to. His left arm was around her, just below her breasts. He had no intention of letting her fall.

  He brought the vibrator against her pussy. “Tell me when I hit the right place.”

  He didn’t need words. Her whole body started to move against the wand in his hand.

  “That’s it. It feels so good,” she whispered. Her hips moved, bumping her ass against his cock and getting him harder than he’d been before she’d used that sweet mouth of hers to swallow him down.

  He moved with her, cupping her breast and holding the wand against her so she could find the perfect spot to send her into bliss. It wasn’t long before she shuddered against him, and he felt every muscle in her body relax.

  He eased her down on the bed and set the wand on the tray. There was the sweetest smile on her face. He remembered that dreamy expression. It meant he’d done his job well.

  He reached for the second item he’d put on the tray. He watched her as he rolled the condom over his cock. Her blonde hair was spread across the comforter and she looked so fuckable it hurt. She’d been worried about the changes in her body, but she’d only gotten more gorgeous. He’d loved her body when it was in peak physical condition, when she’d been a weapon. He loved her body like this, too. Softer.

  He accepted that he would love her no matter what. Her body was beautiful because it housed the soul that completed his own.

  “Beck?” She was staring up at him, a bit of the dreaminess fleeing.

  He was pushing her too hard, too fast, but he couldn’t help the way he felt. He needed to keep some of it to himself. “I was thinking of how beautiful you are.” He moved between her legs, spreading them wide. She needed this to be hot. She wasn’t ready for his emotion yet. He hooked her knees over his elbows, making her utterly vulnerable to him. “I was thinking about how much I want to fuck you.”

  Her pussy was still wet from the orgasms he’d given her. She was slick and hot, and he couldn’t wait a second longer. He surged inside her and his eyes rolled from the pure pleasure of her tightening around him.

  He thrust in and pulled out, letting himself off the leash for the first time that night. All day this was where he’d needed to be. He needed to end every night inside her and wake up with her in his arms.

  He let her legs slide down and pressed his body to hers, kissing her in long passes as he fucked her hard. Her arms and legs wound around him, surrounding him with her silky heat.

  It was more than pleasure that struck him as he came. It was the feeling of being home and safe. It infused him with a vibrant joy as he started to come down from the high of his orgasm. He let himself drop down on top of her, sighing at how good it felt to be close. He would have to get up in a moment, have to deal with the condom he didn’t want to wear, deal with the fact that they were only really together in these moments.

  But for now he was going to revel in her.

  She hugged him close. “We’re in the now, right? Just right this moment.”

  He was going to spend the rest of his life trying to convince her they had a future. “Yes, baby.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “I love you, too. Just for now.”

  He kissed her again. He would take it.

  Just for now.

  Two hours late
r it was almost midnight and he watched as Kim slipped out of the bed and grabbed one of his T-shirts.

  “You could stay, you know,” he said quietly. He’d made love to her twice more and they’d rolled around in the bed like they were young and just learning each other’s bodies. But when she’d started to get tired, the mood had changed.

  She was back to being wary.

  Their time—for tonight—was done. He watched as she gathered her clothes.

  “I don’t want to confuse Roman.” She turned back to him. “This is how it has to be right now. I understand if you don’t want it.”

  He managed to not roll his eyes. Instead, he got out of bed and walked to her. He stopped in front of her and cupped her cheeks. “I told you I’ll take what I can. Tomorrow I’ll get you in Sanctum and we’ll play for a couple of hours. Then we’ll get our son and come home and I’ll tuck you both in bed. I’m looking forward to it, and Roman is definitely looking forward to the party on Saturday.”

  A smile crossed her face. “Yeah, a party will be fun. I’m eager to see what Big Tag thinks a family celebration looks like.” The smile faltered. “I should go to bed.”

  She needed to run away but she wasn’t going far, so he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Kim.”

  She stepped back. “Good night.”

  She practically ran out of the room and he realized he wasn’t going to be able to sleep. He took a quick shower, grabbed fresh pajama bottoms and his phone.

  It wasn’t fair but he couldn’t sleep, and his brother was part of the reason.

  He’d thought about Ezra all afternoon. Since they’d been pulled over it had run through his head a thousand times. He could lose his brother again.

  He dialed the number and in seconds a groggy voice came on the line.

  “What? Is something wrong?” Ezra asked.

  “What was Roman like as a baby?”

  Ezra had offered earlier in the day. Now Beck found he needed to listen.

  If Ezra was upset it was after midnight, it didn’t show in the tone of his voice. “He had the fiercest cry. When he was hungry everyone knew it.”

  Ezra started to weave his tales and Beck started to forgive his brother.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kim took her seat at the conference table and tried not to think about how nice the morning had been. She’d woken up to the smell of bacon cooking and the sound of her son giggling. Then she’d heard Ezra’s voice, and for a single moment she’d feared she would open her eyes and be back at the fort, back in her tiny room looking out over the Mediterranean, and it had all been a dream. Finding Beck, coming to the States, being free.

  For that moment, she’d felt a panic that still echoed through her brain hours later.

  And that wasn’t good.

  “Hey.” Charlotte slid into the seat across from her, a mug of coffee in her hand. “I heard Beck had one of the bodyguards pick up Ezra and drive him over to your place for breakfast. At first Ian was worried Beck was going to murder Ezra and bury him in the backyard, but I saw him earlier and he looked alive.”

  Ezra had been sitting at the breakfast table laughing with Roman when she’d walked out, and Beck had placed a mug of coffee in her hand. He’d been standing at the stove, turning bacon and looking so handsome in the early morning light that her heart had done a stupid flip-floppy thing.

  She was in serious trouble. “Apparently they talked last night, and they seem a little better. I don’t know. Part of me doesn’t trust it. Beck’s always been so angry. It has to be somewhere in there waiting.”

  “I don’t know. He’s done a whole lot of therapy in the last seven years,” Charlotte countered. “Almost all of it centered around dealing with his anger. Men are weird. Women are taught to handle their anger from a young age. Men are taught to punch things.”

  “Punching things used to work for me.”

  “Shooting things used to work for me,” Charlotte replied with a chuckle. “I think Beck is into breathing now. I drink a lot of wine. And it helps to not be so angry. How are you dealing?”

  “Well, I’m hoping we find something that leads to Levi dying in prison.” She’d thought about the mysterious Reva when she wasn’t thinking of how much better it would have been to sleep wrapped around her husband. And he wasn’t her freaking husband anymore, which was precisely why she was in trouble. “And not like he dies of old age, if you know what I mean. I’d like for him to be hard-core shanked and die in a puddle of his own piss.”

  “We all want that. Though I suspect Ian would like to do the shanking.” Charlotte glanced back at the door as though trying to make sure they were alone. “I wasn’t talking about being angry with Levi. That’s easy. The anger you must feel toward Beck has to be harder.”

  “Why would I be angry with Beck? He’s apologized. He’s been good with Roman. What more should I ask for?”

  Charlotte’s eyes went wide. “Kim, he upended your life not once, but twice. Some might even argue it was three times. He divorced you.”

  She shrugged and shoved the emotions that threatened to well down deep. That was where it all belonged. “Yeah, well, I was lying to him. I hid his brother from him for years.”

  “According to Ezra that was the only reason he didn’t hurt himself,” Charlotte pointed out. “He didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. You saved him. You got him in touch with people who could help him and put him on a path he seems to genuinely love.”

  “Well, he helped me out later. I wouldn’t have gotten through my pregnancy without him.” Any anger she’d felt at Ezra, she’d dealt with a long time ago. She’d made her choices and she lived with them.

  “I doubt that seriously. I think you’re one of the most capable women I’ve ever met. But that’s another point. He left you alone to raise a child.”

  Kim wasn’t sure why Charlotte felt the need to grill her, but it made her antsy. The night before and this morning weighed on her. Not because they’d been bad, but because of how comfortable she’d been. The truth of the matter was she was waiting for it all to fall apart, and there was a piece of her that wanted it to, wanted to get it all over with so she could move on. “I left him. I didn’t give him the chance to be Roman’s dad.”

  “Yes. You fled in the middle of the night while a psychopath was looking for you. That’s not the actions of a pragmatic operative. That tells me he did something awful that night.”

  “He said some words. He was angry.” Those words still echoed in her mind. She heard them every single time she worried she wasn’t a good mom.

  “Words can hurt way more than punches sometimes. Especially when they come from someone we love. I should know. I did a lot of things to Ian I’m not proud of. In the beginning, that is. I hurt him quite badly. I thank the universe that my husband is actually pretty good at expressing himself and processing his emotions. Oh, he’ll tell you it makes him vomit, but he’s good at it. We had a shot because he let us work it out, and not just in bed, though there was a lot of that. He let me apologize.”

  “I told you, Beck apologized. We both did bad shit. Some marriages aren’t supposed to work out.” That was precisely why she was so antsy. She believed that. They’d been through too much to start over. She was done being angry with him, had let go of that emotion altogether, and it was good to feel…numb. God, was that what she was afraid of giving up? The safety of the cocoon she’d woven around herself? She wanted to get up and walk out and not talk about this another second. Instead, she forced herself to smile. “There’s no need to worry. I’m good. Beck and I are in a good place. And I’m glad he’s talking to Ezra again. Now if we could solve our Levi problems, I think we could all get on with our lives.”

  “What does that involve? I ask because if you’re planning on staying here, I can give you information on the best schools,” Charlotte offered and sat back. “The elementary school close to your house is fabulous.”

  An image of her and Beck walking Rom
an to school whispered across her brain. “I’ll keep that in mind if I decide to move here. I’m pretty established in Europe.”

  “Ah, so I should start thinking about who can take Beck’s place,” Charlotte mused. “It’s been nice having him around. He doesn’t mind traveling and he doesn’t mind working with different partners. You wouldn’t believe how rigid some of our guys have become. And by guys, I mean Erin.”

  “Why would Beck quit?” It was a dumb question. He’d already said he would, but she felt the need to ask it, to force an answer from someone else. It was illogical for him to uproot his life since they weren’t going to be together.

  “He’s going to want to be with his son,” Charlotte replied. “He can’t do that from here if you’re back in Malta. I was hoping offering you a job here would tempt you to stay, but if you’re taking Roman back, I know Beck will go, too.”

  “It’s not as easy as that. He can’t simply move to Europe. There are a lot of hoops to go through.” She knew Beck had said he would move if she forced the situation, but she hadn’t truly believed it. Except he seemed to want to be a dad.

  If he wanted to be a dad, then he shouldn’t have pushed her away. He didn’t get to waltz back in seven years later and dictate what happened in her life.

  Damn it. Maybe there was some anger down deep.

  Charlotte was looking at her like she wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t think a bunch of red tape will deter him. He’s been searching for you for seven years. He’s not going to let his lack of proper paperwork keep him away from his son.”

  The door opened behind her and Charlotte’s face lit up as her girls strode into the room. Tasha was carrying a couple of packets of creamer in her hand. She placed them in front of Charlotte. “I found some in the storage room, Mom. I refilled the break room, but I knew you would miss it.”

  “Thanks, sweetie,” Charlotte said, patting her oldest daughter’s hand.

  “Mom, there’s something wrong with Mr. Kent’s brother,” one of the twins said with a frown on her face. “He’s weird.”