Hitting Bottom

by Ryan Scott

  I don’t know how long I’m hanging when this damn black attendant sees me and cuts me down. When I open my eyes, he’s blowing his bad breath into my mouth. I can’t stop him so I just let him blow.

  The next morning, two white attendants escort me to a room with a lot of equipment. After they make me lie down on a table, they tie me down with straps, but when they start sticking electrical wires to my head, I ask them what they’re doing.”

  “We’re going to make you feel better,” one of them says.

  When they’re through, they leave the room. Suddenly I feel a million hot needles shooting through my body. I scream and buck back and forth against the straps. Then it stops.

  I hear someone say, “He needs a little more, and then the shock hits me again. Thankfully, I pass out. I didn’t know Otis could be so cruel.

  I wake up in a hospital bed, no longer depressed. My mind is clear.

  A nurse comes in and asks how I feel. I tell her I’m all right.

  “That’s good. We kept you here to make sure you’ve recovered from the electro shock therapy. You can go back to your ward this afternoon.”

  When I’m back in the dayroom, I take my usual chair. Jackson walks over to me and says, “Well, I see your escape was about as successful as mine. Did they try to electrocute you?”

  I tell him it was awful.

  “Well, young man, you better settle down for the long haul.”

  Days past, months past and then years past. I get through each day by letting my mind go numb and shutting down.

  About ten years later, I get a letter from Otis. He tells me our father died, but he used up most of his money treating his cancer. “After everything was settled, I put your $20,000 share of the inheritance in a bank. You can access the funds whenever you are released.”

  That’s a laugh. It looks like I’m stuck in this hell hole forever, but a couple of days later, I happen to see this attorney on TV. He says he’s good at getting people out of difficult situation so I call him.

  “I’m not cheap. How much money do you have for my fee?”

  When I tell him I have $20,000 in the bank, he says he’ll be right over.

  When I tell him I want out, he tells me he can pull the right strings, but he will have to arrange for a review of my case. The next day some people ask me a lot of questions. I think one of them is a judge. I’ve learned to not complain about things, follow the rules, don’t say what I’m feeling and pretend I’m happy. When I see the lawyer, he says, “Congratulations Mr. Barge, you are a free man. Your brother is waiting for you in the lobby.

  Chapter 9

  I’ve been in this stinking jail for six weeks. I all ready told the judge I’m innocent, but he don’t do nothing. The Jew asked him about my bail, but he denied it.

  The old black man says they’re just waiting for the opportunity to stretch my neck. “You all better be hoping that man you stabbed don’t die. Then they be getting you good.”

  I tell him to shut up, but he just laughs.

  The blind man came to see me a couple of times. The last time he came, he brought me $20, jeans, shirt, underwear and sneakers. He acts like he wants to help me, but I still don’t trust him.

  A jailor unlocks the cell and says, “Ok Clyde, come with me. Your lawyer wants to see you.”

  When I see the Jew, he’s grinning. “Guess what Clyde; the man they thought you stabbed regained consciousness and has cleared you of all charges. He said it was his partner who stabbed him. As soon as they process your release, you can walk out a free man.”

  When I’m out on the street, I go straight to a bar and order a big pitcher of beer. I take a big gulp. Ah man, I’ve been needing this.

  A fat woman carrying a tiny dog in her arms comes into the bar. That makes me think about Dog. When I finish my beer, I walk to the hunchback.

  When I get there, he says, “I’ve been wondering about you. Your dog is ready to go home.”

  When Dog sees me he acts all happy, barking, wagging his tail and licking my hand. I scratch his back and say, “Hi dog. Are you ready to go?”

  When we walk towards the park, I notice he walks with a limp. “Hey Dog, let’s stop and get something to eat.”

  When I bite into my hamburger I remember how good non prison food taste. Dog gobbles his right down. I’m still hungry, but I’ve spent all of my money.

  When we get back to the park, I check to see if my private spot is still there. It is. Dog begins to bark and scratch at a garbage can. When I look inside, I find four freshly barbecued steaks, but they’re a little burned on the bottom.

  “Good work Dog,” I say and pat his head. The little bit of burn on the bottoms don’t matter, and we eat them all.

  When Dog finishes his steak, he brings me a stick and wags his tail.

  “Do you want to play?” I say and throw the stick. He runs after it and brings it back. After I’ve thrown the stick about twenty times, I quit.

  A young woman comes jogging through the park and stops by me. “Can I pet your dog?” she asks.

  “Go ahead.”

  While she scratches his back, Dog wags his tail real hard. She looks at me and smiles. “Thanks,” she says and continues to job.

  A pretty woman hasn’t smiled at me in a long time. I pat Dog. “Good boy.”

  That night, when he snuggles next to me, I put my arm around him and feel his soft fur. I smile, but my eyes begin to moisten.

  The next morning I decide to go down to Town Lake. Lots of people eat their lunch there so the pickings are good. I start to walk out of the park, but Dog comes running after me with my shoes in his mouth. I stop and put them on. “Good boy, you saved them from the Mexicans.”

  As soon as we are on the trail by the lake, Dog begins to sniff the trash cans. At the third can, he barks and scratches. Sure enough there is a bag with three pieces of fried chicken. I give him half, but I don’t let him have the long bones. That was how poor Lucky died.

  Dog walks to the edge of the lake and puts his front paws in the water and drinks.

  “Here boy, fetch the stick,” I yell and throw the stick in the water.

  Dog jumps in the lake and retrieves the stick. On the fourth throw, he jumps back in the water, but he swims after some ducks. They’re too fast and swim away so he begins to swim in circles and chase his tail.

  An old man on crutches stops by me and says, “That’s a mighty fine looking dog.

  “He’s Ok,” I say and stretch out on the lawn under a big oak tree and fall asleep. When I wake up, I hear Dog yelping. Some guy has a rope around his neck and is dragging him to a van.

  “Hey, let that dog go,” I yell.

  I’m taking him to the pound. He doesn’t have a license and he’s off leash.”

  “I don’t give a shit! You better let him go!”

  “If you want him, you will have to come down to the pound and pay the fine.”

  “How much is the fine?”

  “Counting everything, about seventy five bucks,” he says and throws Dog in the back. Dog looks at me and howls as the man drives him away.

  I have to raise the money in seven days to get him out, but how? I go to different stores and tell them I’ll do anything to make a little money, but everyone sends me away. I ask the Goodwill manager if I can have some money to save Dog, but he just laughs. I knock on the blind man’s door every day, but he’s not there. I’m afraid to ask the man with the Rottweiler. I join the hippies on the drag where I beg for money, but I have only $15 after six days.

  In desperation, I finally call Otis and say, “I need $60 to get Dog out of the pound. Could you lend me the money?”

  “Listen Clyde, I have tried to help you for years, but you have always rejected my help. I’m through with you and don’t call any more,” he says and hangs up the phone.

  Now, there’s no hope for Dog. I walk back to the park and sit on a bench and just look at the ground. My shoulders begin to tremble and convulse. Tears begin to spill. A choki
ng sob comes from my throat. “I’m sorry Dog. I’m sorry. I tried, but I’m sorry.”

  Chapter 10

  I wake up and reach for Dog, and then I remember he’s been out of my life for two weeks. Because I miss the little guy, I don’t feel much like eating.

  While I’m sitting at a picnic table in the early morning sun, I hear the tap tap of the blind man’s cane. He comes over to me and says, “”Hello Clyde, I just got back from my vacation and I have good news. You remember I said I was going to try to get you on SSI? Well, all the paper work is done. All we have to do now is to have a psychiatrist certify that you qualify.”

  “I ain’t going to no damn psychiatrist”

  “Listen Clyde, it will only take an hour in his office. My friend and I will help you get there. If there’s any funny business, you can immediately leave.”

  I think about his offer for several minutes. Finally, I ask, “Is this that deal where I get free money?”

  “Absolutely,” he says.

  I decide to take a chance. “All right I’ll go.”

  “Good, tomorrow morning we’ll pick you up here at the park at 9.”

  I’m sleeping under my bush when someone nudges my leg. “Wake up Clyde, We’re here to take you to see the psychiatrist,” the blind man says. He’s with that pretty young woman who like Dog. The blind man says her name is Kim.

  “Hello, where’s your dog?” she asks.

  I look away. “They killed him at the pound, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “She touches my arm. Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s terrible. By the way, do you know there’s a piece of dried dog shit stuck to the back of your shirt?”

  The blind man says, “Leave it there. It’ll help to convince the doctor.”

  When I get into a big fancy red car, the girl rolls all the windows down. “I’m sorry Clyde, but you don’t smell very good.”

  Fuck her! I think, but I don’t say nothing.

  We ride up an elevator and get out at a fancy office where two ladies look at me and move to the other side of the room. The blind man tells the lady at the desk I’m here to see the doctor. When he comes out, he takes one look at me and says, “Give me those papers and I’ll sign them right now; just get him out of here.”

  The pretty woman drives me back to the park. The blind man tells me he will let me know when the Social Security makes their final decision.

  “Where’s my free money,” I ask.

  He looks guilty. “If you are approved, it will take a couple months before you get your first check, but you will be paid retroactively.”

  I knew that bastard was lying. He took me to that fucking office just so he could laugh at me. I turn my back and walk away.

  Three days later I see him again. “Hey Clyde, you’ve been approved. I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll rent this little room by the campus for $100 a month, buy certain essential things for you and give you thirty dollars every three days. When you get your first check, I’ll repay myself from those funds. By the way, I have agreed to be your official payee.”

  I decide to take the money. What have I got to lose?

  “All right Clyde,” he says. “Kim and I will be back for you in one hour.

  I’m surprised when he comes back with the girl. While she’s driving me to the room he talked about, she says, “Clyde, we bought you certain essential things like soap, tooth brush etc. We also picked up bedding and a little red TV.”

  The blind man says, “The TV was my idea. I think you will feel more connected to the world if you can watch it.”

  They show me a small room with a bed, a chest of drawers and a chair. The blind man gives me thirty dollars. “Here’s your first installment. I’ll be back in three days,” he says.

  As soon as they leave, I go to a bar and drink whisky and beer. When all the money is gone except for one dollar, I’m pretty drunk, but I manage to get back to the room and pass out.

  When I wake up, I feel like shit, but I’m hungry. I notice the TV watching me so I decide to take it to a pawn shop and sell it. While I’m on my way, I pass the Steak and Egg restaurant and go in for a cup of coffee.

  A fat waitress yells at me. “You stink! Get out of here!” She holds the door open. “I mean right now!”

  She pisses me off. I hold up the TV to hit her, but when I lift up the TV, my pants fall to the floor. I ain’t wearing no underwear so I put the TV down and pull up my pants. When I try to hit her for the second time, my pants fall down again.

  The waitress screams, “Get out! Get out or I’ll call the cops!”

  I don’t want to me messing with jail so I pull up my pants with one hand and run out holding the TV with the other. The man at the pawn shop gives me $25 for my TV. I’m real hungry now so I go to Church’s Chicken and buy six pieces of fried chicken and French fries.

  When the blind man comes again, he’s not so friendly. “Clyde, you’re still wearing those filthy clothes, and you haven’t showered yet. Before I give you the money, you’ll have to bathe and put on those new clothes Kim bought for you.”

  I want to tell him to fuck off, but I want the money so I do what he says. When I leave the towel on the bathroom floor, he yells,

  “Clyde, other people use this bathroom. Pick up your towel and also make your bed. And by the way where’s your TV?”

  I tell him it was broken so I threw it out. I don’t think he believes me, but so what?

  “Clyde, it’s inconvenient for me to come here so from now on, come to my house each week, and I’ll let you have $70. “

  That suits me fine. I’m tired of his bossing me around. A week later, I pick up $70 and get drunk as hell. After three days, I’ve spent all the money, but I don’t care.

  The other people who live in the same building are bitching at me so I tell them to fuck off and move back to the park. I go on this way for several weeks.

  When I see the blind man again, he tells me he’s received my SSI check.

  He says, “I’ve made arrangements with the Bank of America. I’ll deposit your check there each month. Every week you can collect $100 at the drive-in window.”

  “Can I get it now?”

  “Yes, it’s just waiting for you to pick it up. Just tell them your name.”

  I go there, and just like he said, they give me the money. Maybe I can trust him after all.

  Chapter 11

  I have a good time eating steak and oysters every night. I buy the people at the bar a round of drinks and some of them slap my back and tell me I’m a good guy. Every day I get drunk, but after three days, I’m broke so I go to the bank and demand the rest of my money.

  “I’m sorry Mr. Barge, we are not authorized to give you any more money for another four days,” the teller says.

  “Who says so? It’s my money!”

  “According the Dr. Ryan, we are unable to give you any more money at this time.”

  “Fuck him, and fuck you,” I shout real loud. I want my money you cock-sucking fucking bastards.”

  The manager comes to the window and says, “Mr. Barge, you’re disturbing the peace. Dr. Ryan has not authorized us to release funds at this time.”

  “You son of a bitch! I’ll come in there and wreck your God damn place if you don’t give me my money.”

  “Mr. Barge, please calm down. I’ll call Dr. Ryan and see what he wants to do.”

  “All right, but you better give it to me!” Cars have lined up at the window and people are staring at me, but I don’t care. Fuck them.

  The manager comes back and hands me an envelope. “Here is $587.23. This is all of your money. Dr. Ryan said to tell you there won’t be any more money until the first of the month. You are not to come back here anymore or I’ll call the police”.

  I grab the envelope and walk away. Now I’m rich, but I thought I could trust the damn blind man. He’s probably with Otis.

  For the next three weeks, I live like a big spender, getting drunk, setting up rounds for my new friends a
nd eating whenever I want, but my money runs out four days before the end of the month. I go back to looking in garbage cans for food.

  On the first of the month, I wait by the blind man’s house for the postman. When he delivers the mail, I pound on the door and demand my money.

  The blind man comes to the door. “Clyde, the bank and I were trying to help you to stay on a budget, but you screwed it up. From now on I’ll give you your check each month, but it will be up to you to handle your affairs. Here’s your check and good luck.”