So we decided, or I decided, “You need to think about this some more, if it’s what you really want – ”
“It is, woman – ”
“ – and I need to think about it, too,”
“Okay, then.”
I stared into his eyes, searching for a sign this was real, this was gonna work, I wasn’t going to be hurt anymore…
Unfortunately, I couldn’t see the future in his eyes.
“Call me, okay?” I finally said.
“Every damn day.”
And he grabbed me, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was beautiful. I needed more of it, to salve the pain he’d caused, but at the same time, I needed distance from the guy who can hurt me so damn easily.
My bed, oblivion, ‘Moonlighting’ and pink champagne are the only things easing my pain right now.
So Ever tried to deepen the kiss and get me undressed, but I wouldn’t let him.
“I’m feeling very vulnerable and not confident right now – ”
He wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed me, hard. “Give me half an hour and I’ll make you confident again.”
Why does that give me delicious shivers now, just thinking about it??
Cause I’m mad for the fucker.
I left soon after that.
God, I’d love nothing more than to finally have him, really HAVE him. I’ve waited so long for this night, to hear those words from him…
And now I don’t believe him.
At one point he said he swears he will never say the stuff he said to me last night again. The horrible stuff. “I seriously could not bear how much I’d hurt you,” he said, his voice catching, reaching out to scrunch his fist in my hair.
Oh, go on then. Grow a fucking heart now why don’t you. Just to mess me up further.
Graham emailed me today at work. He sent me a picture of himself and the boys on a ride at Seaworld. Like I’m his girlfriend or something. Kind of disturbed me.
Work was SO BORING today.
Me, Nat and Jules pissed ourselves stupid at some stage over Dan’s constant drinking of pineapple juice in the hopes Nat will give him a blow job.
(pineapple juice – according to Dan – makes the guy’s semen taste better apparently. EW. Dan does walk around the house constantly skulling from a pineapple juice bottle. Now I know why, and wish I didn’t)
Julia and I were particularly hysterical over it today, acting out scenarios, pretending to be Dan.
“Hey Dan, whatcha drinking there?” I’d ask.
“Pineapple juice, he he he, so my woman will, YOU KNOW, get busy down there!!” Julia would reply in a deep man’s voice, double winking salaciously.
Then we’d double over in hysterics.
So funny.
Joy and I had a heart to heart over the cubicle walls about Evvy and what I should do.
She thinks I should just jump right in, give him a chance. Give love a chance.
She would think that!
Saturday 14 October 2000
7.15pm
I’m sipping a glass of pink spumante (spew madly), eating chocolate, I’ve just had a shower and got in my pj’s, and I’m curled up in bed with Giz, a beautiful breeze blowing in through the open windows. The night is balmy, like summer already.
I watched videos in bed all arvo – ‘Drive Me Crazy’
(with Adrian Grenier – yum!!! Can’t wait till Hollywood sees what a star he is),
then ‘The Thomas Crown Affair,’ which we all know is my fav ‘new’ movie.
(Goonies will forever be number one, of course!!)
Dan came home from soccer last night, clutching a bottle of Astin Martini
(the only champers he will drink, and kinda our thing now, we always drink it together)
and jumps into bed with me, and we settled back for a coupla hours of drinking and gossiping.
About Evvy, he said very little. All he would tell me was that Evvy mentioned I was going to watch Graham bowl today (Saturday). He wouldn’t tell me what else was said.
Damn him. Since when does he keep his mouth shut??
Then they’ve all gone camping today, so I have the house to myself. It’s so nice. I’ve forgotten how nice a house to myself feels!!
Evvy actually rang and invited me to go camping with them all, but I already had plans.
Plus I did not feel comfortable going. What if he acted like he normally does around everyone and ignore me?? I would officially die and lose some more of my pink shit.
So I said no.
So first thing this morning (like, 10.30am), Nat, Dan and I went to Indro, got some stuff for their camping trip
(we ran into Beth and her sister there),
then came home and I had to race to get to Graham’s bowling finals at Greenslopes. I stayed there till 2pm, then went straight to Mum’s, took her to the shops, helped her with her shopping, then came home, got changed, went to the gym. Made it there at 3.45, and slogged away till 5.15pm.
I needed to sweat!!
Josh and I had texted and arranged to meet there, so that was good, having him there to chat to and laugh with. He’s inherently a good guy, you know??
(how could he not be, we share the same birthday!!)
As I was watching Graham today, I wondered. Could he be my boyfriend? Do I care enough?
He’s a really good bowler. I had no idea. Not that that has anything to do with boyfriend potential.
All I see is Evvy though.
After all he said, he’s only rung ONCE, to invite me to camping.
But seriously, what was I really thinking?? I know him by now.
And I know he can’t do it.
Sunday 15 October 2000
9.14pm
Well, I’ve been to Evvy’s. I’m not confused anymore.
I love him, I can’t help it. I’m totally GONE. Lost to reason.
(wasn’t I always?? Reason is always trying to find me)
And tonight has just shown me it doesn’t matter what he does or how he acts, I’m going to put up with it, because I want him so damn much.
I got there about 5pm, and we made love like straight away, which was SO HOT and nice…then we played around naked in bed for awhile, rolling around, teasing, kissing, tickling, cuddling. I gave him a massage while he groaned the whole time
(what must his mum and sister think of us!!!!),
then we laid together, still and serious and cuddling for ages.
Was heaven.
Then he got up suddenly
(okay, hours later, but sure felt abrupt…we went from love cuddles to him jumping up out of bed, it was all over)
and got dressed, so I decided it was time to go home, cause I know ALL the signs from Everard now – him getting dressed means love time is over. Stubborn asshole is about to appear.
Plus I checked my Barbie watch and knew ‘Moonlighting’ was about to start.
(I’m seriously OBSESSED with that show)
So yeah, I was disappointed our time was over, but happy to get home too, but I think THE IDIOT mistook my next words as criticism and flipped his fucking lid.
All I did was get up, get dressed, and say, “Give me a cuddle,” and the freak completely lost it. He totally flipped.
He got so crabby, said, “I’ve been cuddling you ALL NIGHT, NO!!!!!”
Then I flipped out, too, over how he had just reacted, we had this BIG FIGHT, which I think was just both of us releasing our frustrations out on the other, both of us fighting against being controlled by the other.
I seriously don’t see why he would flip the fuck out like that over me asking him to cuddle me goodbye, and I said
(screamed)
exactly that at him, multiple times.
Words were said, and I went to leave, except Evvy’s mum stopped me, and insisted on making me waffles and icecream, and you know me and food – anyone stops me to fed me, I stay!!
So me and Mrs Everard talked for half an hour, just about life and everything in gene
ral, and it was really nice. I haven’t really bonded with Evvy’s family, and I love bonding with people.
I especially love bonding with people that belong to people I stupidly love.
Her stupid son kept coming out, stomping out into the kitchen, where I refused to look at him, checking to see if I was gone yet, then stomping back to his room and absolutely SLAMMING the door shut.
Evvy’s mum didn’t even flinch, not once.
He seriously did this about 20 times. The stupid fucker.
It’s actually funny, thinking back on it now.
He’s such a child!!!
So before I really left, I thought I’d better go check on the big baby, even though I SHOULD HAVE just left – there’s something very satisfying about imagining him coming out for the 21st time and seeing me gone. But I checked on him, came into his room and said, “Was all that door slamming for me??”
“YES!!!!!” Ever screamed.
“Aw, thank you baby, that makes me feel special – ”
And Evvy went OFF, AGAIN!!!! I’ve never seen him that mad!
He was so pissed.
“I’ve been SO FUCKING GOOD, SO FUCKING GOOD!!!!! And the ONE THING I DO, you BLOW OUT OF FUCKING PROPORTION – ”
“I just asked you to cuddle me THE FUCK GOODBYE, cause I was LEAVING, YOU ASSHOLE – ”
I can’t even remember all that was said. It just went on for SO LONG. Over a fucking cuddle!
I must admit, he looked SO GORGEOUS when he was all worked up.
There’s something about Evvy angry…he’s just so hot all worked up!! And there’s no fear of him beating you or anything…he’s the type of (good) guy you still feel safe with, even if he’s furious with you.
There’s something kinda heartwarming to me about that.
“I’m glad you’re upset for once!” I said, egging him on.
(I can’t help myself. Forever trying to dig it into men)
“This is the FIRST TIME you’ve ever really PISSED ME OFF, made me this angry!!”
“Get over it, dude.”
“WHY DON’T WE JUST END IT OVER A FUCKING CUDDLE!!” he yelled.
“Is that what you want??”
“No!” he cried, picking up pillows off his bed and thumping them down in frustration.
“I’m tired of all this,” I declared.
“So you end it!”
“You’d like that, WOULDN’T YOU!!”
“NO!! I FUCKING WOULDN’T!!!”
We just kept going round and round in circles, neither of us just willing to just end the never ending fight, and I finally said, “This is like the world’s biggest fight over a fucking cuddle!! All I wanted was a fucking cuddle GOODBYE – ” and I broke then, defeated, sad, over all this up and down shit, and I choked back a sob.
This look came over him then, soon as he saw me near tears, this, like, LOOK OF LOVE. Regret that he’d hurt me. Love for me. Was heartbreaking, the look on his face then. He seemed to break at me breaking.
Ever said, “Come here,” and opened his arms to me, and he looked so fucking gorgeous and in love with me in that moment that my heart ached, it positively THROBBED, and I stepped into his arms, where he cuddled me like he truly does care. He stroked my hair, held my head, kissed my hair, and growled, “I’m sorry.”
GOD. The way he held me, the way he said sorry. I’ve never felt anything that heartfelt before.
He meant it, he truly meant it.
(no way was I fucking saying sorry. For what???)
I muttered into his shirt, “I don’t know what you want,” and he just held me tighter to him.
“This is ALL I want. Just you,” I half cried, half spluttered.
He kissed me softly, and I pulled away, said, “I’m going, before there’s another fight over something stupid,” and I walked out.
I didn’t want to, the moment was just beautiful. Like something from a movie…
But I was missing ‘Moonlighting.’
Chapter 13
YOU CAN SWING ME ROUND ANY TIME YOU LIKE,
BUT DON’T DROP ME, BENNY!!!
Wednesday 18 October 2000
8.15pm
I’ve been so busy. I had this seminar after work Monday, didn’t get home till 9.30pm. Then last night I went over to Evvy’s again.
I had a lovely night…no fights, just a beautiful night together. He cuddled me, kissed me, had fun with me, watched tv while cuddling me, made love to me.
He’s acting like a boyfriend now!!!
Today I did another ten hour day, so I’m stuffed right now. Renee gave me a ticket to the RAQ Fashion Awards, so I’m stoked about that.
Nick rang me tonight. He’s nice, I like him, but all I want is Evvy. I still don’t believe it or won’t believe it, that I have him.
Seems too good to be true.
Friday 20 October 2000
11.58pm
I just got home from the RAQ Fashion Awards.
Today was the best day and night!! Oh my God!!!
The bosses put on this HUGE day for us all at work today.
We had a BBQ lunch with EVERYONE, no one (namely me and Nat) being left on the phones upstairs. Answering machine went on during the work day for the first time ever, and we all had like a two hour BBQ lunch.
AND Daryl and John had hired a dunking machine and a jumping castle, there were water balloons and water hoses!!! Was like a fete in the carpark. So much fun.
No other employer would do that for their staff!! DY and John are like the Gods of Fun and Debauchery.
They sell shampoo based on sin!!!!
(literally!)
(God, I love it!)
So while we were eating, we had seen the guys from the warehouse filling up a giant DRUM of water balloons, so us girls were trying to devise a plan over lunch on how to steal them from the boys.
So I stole a box of them, and hid them. After eating however, Paul snuck up behind me and just lobbed one at me, soaking me!, as I was walking out the kitchen.
So I decided, with no ammo on me, to make a run for the giant drum FILLED with water balloons, and started grabbing them out, and firing them onto the boys, one after the other, like PEW PEW PEW –
But water didn’t deter the boys
(especially Benny!),
and as everyone came out of the break room, they’re cheering my brave move
(stupid move),
but then ALL the warehouse boys reached me, and they all picked up this giant drum and dumped like SIX HUNDRED water balloons over my head.
My God, I was drowning.
Everyone was laughing so hard, even me…God, it was funny. So funny!
Then Benny picked me up, with I’m sure the intention to do something even worse to me, except I was so wet and slippery
(and he’s so stupid),
and he was laughing so hard, he DROPPED ME!!!
I narrowly missed landing on my head, cause he had me upside down, just dangling me, me squealing and laughing hysterically and trying to keep my skirt from showing everyone EVERYTHING
(Daryl Agnew joked, “Pinky almost showed her pink bits!!”)
but I landed on my arm instead.
I’m lying on the ground then, looking like a drowned rat, laughing hysterically, and so was Benny inbetween saying “I’m so sorry, Pinky!!” then laughing madly some more, before he picked me back up.
Was kinda hot
(not the dropping me on my head bit),
the way Benny can just swing me upside down like that, then sweep me back up off the ground.
(after he fucking drops me)
He’s so TALL, and manly like that –
Anyway, FOCUS. Just as I was drying off a bit in the sun, John Cash comes over all innocent and trustworthy like, then sweeps me up into his arms and throws me into the dunking machine!!!
Everyone was just laughing so hard at me.
“Sorry Pinky,” John Cash laughed. “You’re the only one who will let me get away with that!! All the other gi
rls would have a tantrum!! You take things so well and laugh at everything that comes your way!”
“On ya, Pinky!!!” DY yelled, beer in hand (he was seriously drunk). “You’re a champion!!”
“Oh shut up, the lot of you!” I yelled and laughed, trying to get out of the dunking machine. “I can’t fucking get out!!”
Die laughing some more. Was seriously the funniest thing ever, me trying to climb out and falling back in. DY eventually took pity on me, and lifted me out.
“Pinky gets first call of who goes in the dunking machine – ” John Cash called out.
“Other than her!” DY joked.
I pointed at HIM. “Benny!!!” I yelled. “I want HIM!!!!”
“Oh, do ya, Pinky,” Benny joked, as I grabbed onto him and dragged him to the dunking machine. “You’ve got me, you don’t need to yell it!”
We laughed and laughed. Was just so damn funny. Benny and I have these really fun moments together where we just fall about laughing.
He climbed into the seating area
(not the water area, where I’d just been swimming, fully clothed),
and I was like, “Back off, everyone, I’VE GOT HIM!!!”
Shampoo Page 22
