Mark: “When are you just gonna admit you’re fucking mad for her, Evvy – ”
(dear God, do not give me any more hope, I just can’t stand any more)
Josie: “Yeah, and start treating her right – ”
Evvy: “Oh just FUCKING SHUT UP, the lot of you!!”
(I secretly love when he snaps and loses it. Love when he loses his precious self-control)
Tom: “She should be here with us. SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND.”
Evvy: “Back to closed up, face set, stubborn silence.”
Mark: “I worry about her with Raylene’s friend, too.”
(aww. Fucking so sweet I can barely stand it)
Straight after that, they all started calling out to me.
Mark: “Pinky!!”
Dan: “Kerry!!!”
Tom: “Pink Bits!”
Nat: “Karina!”
(Original, Sister of Mine)
Even Evvy: “Woman!!”
I heard my name
(in all forms),
and called back, “WHAT???”
(you motherfuckers, for leaving me for half an hour!!)
I peered over the back of the seat. Various arms were waving for me to hurry up and join them.
“Sorry,” I said to my new friend. “I’ve been summoned.”
The guy looked seriously crestfallen. Aw!
(least somebody fucking cares)
So I joined them, where Tom pushed me next to Evvy, photos were even taken of the two of us together
(remind me to burn them later, while cackling madly and freeing myself from him),
but it was like Evvy couldn’t stand it much longer, his freak out clock was ticking, and he made about seven minutes of sitting next to me before he jumped up, looking madly about for some excuse for jumping up and abandoning me.
(if he can’t find one, he’ll just make one up)
I wanted to cry then, but hung on to my sanity. Hung onto it all damn night.
So here’s the thing: I actually DID have fun, a great time, actually, with everyone, despite Ever’s best efforts.
We went club to club, club hopping, staying an hour or so at one club before moving to the next. We went to Melba’s first, then Shooters, then my fav, Cocktails and Dreams, which was the place we went out to when we all stayed down here a while back.
Plus I just love Cocktails and Dreams for its title, and being a movie reference. The best of everything references movies or books.
Ever’s brother
(wait, so since Ever and his brother share the same last name, what do you call his brother?? Is he Everard too?? Everard 2? Everard 1? I’ll just call him Everard’s brother)
and his girlfriend, Casey, were very sweet to me all night, and seemed to know who I was before Tom and Mark went, “This is Karina,” and double pointed over my head, while Evvy just stood there with this odd look on his face.
Again, he didn’t contradict the statement, or illusion that I was his girlfriend.
(yet. He didn’t YET. Still plenty of time for that!)
I drank, I danced, I partied, I laughed with everyone…
I just barely saw Evvy.
And I was even okay with that, or told myself I was. I figured just get through the night, and sort it out later. Just making it
(still standing. No Benny here to pick me up off the floor and hold me up)
till I was back in my own bed was the goal.
I seemed to be doing okay, too, I got through quite a few hours with no incident, nothing but his abandonment and neglect to upset me…
(but hey, I’m used to that!!)
And then it happened.
That moment you’ll remember the rest of your life, playing back in your head at random times, to make you think FUCK!! Why did I stay so long and put up with that???
(like I needed another one of those moments to remember forever more. I’ve got so many of them, all crowding around in my head)
The moment that officially breaks your heart.
Evvy’s brother’s girlfriend and I had been getting on famously all night. She loved me.
(so did Evvy’s brother, I could tell)
We had a connection.
So Casey was talking to Gibbo’s girlfriend, and Casey just offhand said something like, “Evvy’s girlfriend is here tonight,”
(my ears pricked up from nearby them)
and Gibbo’s girlfriend said, “Where?”, looking around.
Casey turned and pointed to where I was standing with the Scooby Gang. “There. The one in pink. That’s Ever’s girlfriend, Karina.”
Gibbo’s girl raised her eyebrows, shot me a look
(evil WITCH),
and replied, “No, that’s not his girlfriend. She’s just some girl he’s fucking.”
I don’t think I even need to comment, do I??
That line, all on its lonesome, is enough. Enough to pack a wallop.
And yet, THERE’S MORE.
(the fun’s not over yet, Folks!!!)
I was so hurt and shocked and EMBARRASSED at being described this way to his brother’s girlfriend.
My heart just broke. I wanted to run and hide, but I was stuck in Surfers Paradise
(normally my favourite place to be stuck),
on a crappy, glitzy fucking party bus, surrounded by near-strangers, with no way to get home.
I tried so hard to shake it off, just let it go and have fun, but I was hurting. Badly. I was done. There is no going back from that hurt and humiliation.
Later in the night, Evvy came up to me in Cocktails and Dreams this one
(I repeat, ONE)
time, and I told him what Gibbo’s girlfriend said to Casey, and he immediately replied, “You’re not my girlfriend.”
(why??? WHY???? Why is he so fucking hurtful to me??? Why would he FUCKING SAY THAT)
He may as well have stabbed me in the heart in that club. It would have hurt less.
He had pure evil in his eye when he said it to me, too.
I couldn’t even formulate a response, I was so fucking hurt by this stage, and trying to pick my heart back up off the floor. I just stood there, stunned, looking up at him like some blinking fish, and then
(TRIPLE WHAMMY!!!)
he said, “You’re too drunk, I’m not fucking talking to you like this,” and he stormed off.
(hello!! It’s a party bus pub crawl!!! I’m SUPPOSED TO BE drunk)
I will never forgive him. That was brutal.
The bus didn’t get back to Brisbane till 5am. Hoffy came and sat next to me on the bus, and I fell asleep on him.
Depression does that to you. Mixed with alcohol and your heart being ripped out your chest by the guy you stupidly love.
Sunday morning, 5am at Richlands in November was surprisingly cold. Freezing, actually!! Was some kind of odd November cold snap
(for some reason , that makes me think of frozen peas)
and I was in that skimpy dress.
(fat load of good it did me)
Everybody scattered pretty quickly, except for me, Nat, Dan, Tom, Hoffy and The Asshole Who Shall Not Be Named.
Tom kept me warm while we waited for his dad to pick us all up. He kept rubbing my arms and wrapping his arms around me.
Evvy stayed away from me. I refused to look at him. Would like to NEVER LOOK AT HIM AGAIN for the rest of my life.
I didn’t even take my dress off when we got home. I just fell into bed.
I slept five hours, then went over to Tee’s and saw the 4.25pm session of ‘Better than Sex,’ at Sunnybank.
It was actually a bit disturbing, seeing that movie with your best friend.
(or with anyone, I imagine)
I know ‘sex’ was in the title, but I went a bit blind, watching that much gratuity.
We went back to Tee’s, swapped cars, and I drove us to the cemetery at Norman Park. We parked my baby, put the stereo on loud, and danced around madly, laughing and falling over.
(poor dead people. Hey, maybe they like
music)
Then we went for a walk through the cemetery, IN THE DARK, clutching each other and freaking each other out.
“What was that?”
“I don’t know. Some noise.”
“That was helpful!”
“Holy shit!”
“What!!”
“What IS that?? Up ahead?? That fucking SHADOW – ”
“WHAT IS WHAT, KARINA????”
“THAT!!”
‘’WHAT!!”
“FUCKING THAT, STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF US – ”
“OHMYGODICAN’TDEAL AAAAARGHHHH – ”
Tee went running off, screaming, back down the path to the car.
“I was kidding!!!”
Oh my God. Too funny. She just about whopped my ass back at the car, she was so terrified. She was hysterical and screaming and practically crying.
I was doubled over, in fits.
We grabbed Coke on the way home at the servo
(I LOVE how we always do that…I treasure that),
and Tee made me dinner back at her place. Then we lazed about drinking Coke and talking and eating dessert she’d made.
(Mars Bar cheesecake, oh my GOD, to die for. To fucking die for)
We had a deep and meaningful while we stuffed our faces with enough sugar for twenty people. I’d told her about Ever and the fateful party bus the night before, and she was all, “Oh, honey. You’ve survived much worse than this. Remember your twenty-first birthday?”
(always. Till my dying breath)
Tee was determined to talk about it though. “That’s why I pulled away a bit there, honey. Was so hard to think of you and what you’d gone through. It broke me a bit.”
(broke her? Imagine what it’s done to me then)
“Aw, hon. I’m sorry,” I replied, on a sob. Sorry to everybody, for all the destruction I’ve ever caused. Sorry my loved ones have had to go through hell just because I’m fucked up.
“All that blood,” Tee murmured. “Ugh, the smell. I can still smell it.”
(me too. Especially when I close my eyes at night)
“Turns out noses REALLY GUSH when you break them!!” I tried to crack.
Tee did laugh though. She sobered up quickly. “What’s worse is that you weren’t even WITH HIM then. You were on a date WITH ANOTHER GUY. It should have been considered assault. Fucker should have gone to jail.”
“I know. Just cause he was an ex, he can get away, UNDER THE TERM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, with near killing me. The law needs to be changed.”
“I’m so sorry for you, honey.”
“Don’t be hon. It’s over.”
(is it?? Is it ever over??)
“You know what? When the zombie apocalypse comes, I want you there, on the front lines. You and that right hook of yours. You gave it back pretty good. You walloped him right back, honey.”
“Fucking oath. The motherfucker!!”
We fell about laughing. “You and my sister,” Tee laughed. “You can go to war for us, I’ll be back at the camp, cooking.”
“Sounds like a plan, honey.”
“Your poor hand, remember that? Was so broken and fucking blue and completely mangled, and all you could think about was your pink shoes ruined.” Tee was hysterical now. “You were in the hospital, covered in blood, you were black and blue, and all you were crying about was your fucking pink shoes!!!”
Oh God, we were both hysterical.
(now THAT’S HOW YOU COPE. Turn everything into something funny)
“I really fucking loved those shoes!” I cried.
“I could tell. So could all those lovely emergency room doctors as they tried to fix you.”
Stitches. We were in stitches.
“At least we can laugh about it now, hey?” I spluttered.
“Oh, honey,” Tee laughed. “I love ya. You’ve got some fight in you.”
I pulled into a dark house at midnight. I felt sad over Ever and what had happened on his stupid party bus outing, and relieved Nat and Dan were already in bed.
I wouldn’t have to talk to them about it.
Chapter 17
IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE OVER
8.30pm
I’ve spent an hour lying in bed, reading Linda Goodman’s Star Sign book on Scorpio and Pisces, my heart in tatters, Giz in bed with me.
That book is so damn romantic I can barely stand it. I also love it too damn much.
10.00pm
I was wallowing in my depression, almost asleep, when Jules rang. She’s sick, so now I have to get up at the crack of dawn and do both our shifts.
I really hate Dawn’s Crack. And 12 hour days.
And I haven’t slept from the weekend.
All I can think about is Ever.
He rang me at work today. 4.35pm.
(fuck our fucking special time!)
And acted all normal and nice!!!
(God I hate him)
He (claimed) had no idea why I was upset.
“Are you kidding me?” I said, typing invoices in furiously while sending fury through my headset at him.
“Look, come over and talk about it tonight.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it ever again.”
“Well, that’ll be a first – ”
“Shut up, Everard.”
He laughed. “Come over, woman.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know you want to.”
“You know sweet fuck all – ”
“Save your outrage for when you get here, woman.”
“Ugh! I’m not coming over!”
“Really??”
“Ugh. No. I’m coming over.”
Why. Why why why why fucking why.
Stupid me drives all the way over there straight from work, and it was heartbreaking.
I dumped my bag in its usual spot, my heart in ruins, him in bed watching his wall-sized tv as usual.
I launched into it straight away. I was not there to make nice. No pussy-footing it around by me!
“You told me, TO MY FACE, ‘you’re not my girlfriend’ – ”
“I’m sorry, I SHOULD NEVER have said that – ”
“YOU THINK!!!! What about Gibbo’s girlfriend, saying that to YOUR BROTHER’S FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!!!!”
“What?? What did she say???”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What! Tell me!”
“She told Casey, ‘no, that’s not Ever’s girlfriend! That’s just some girl he’s fucking!’” I picked up a pillow and threw it at him.
Ever caught the pillow, a half-laugh escaping. I swear he fucking loves it when I throw fits. “My mates and I NEVER would have said that about you!! FUCKING NEVER – ”
“BULL. SHIIIT!! Where the fuck did Gibbo’s girlfriend get that from then???”
“I DON’T KNOW!! But it wasn’t from me or my mates – ”
“Oh, FUCKING SURE, Evvy!”
“My mates all FUCKING ADORE YOU, WOMAN, they beat my head in that I’m a fucking idiot for how I treat you, THEY FUCKING LOVE YOU, THEY WOULD NEVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOU!!”
“It doesn’t explain away YOU THEN FUCKING SAYING THAT TO ME, TOO!!!! And for telling me off for being drunk!”
“Karina, I’M SORRY – ”
“WHAT THE FUCK was that about anyway!! So I wasn’t allowed to be drunk at your fucking twenty-first?? When EVERYONE ELSE WAS?? I had to BE FUCKING SMASHED, JUST TO SURVIVE THE NIGHT!”
“I’m sorry, woman, what more can I say?”
“You’re right! There’s nothing you can say that will take this hurt away from me right now. Or ever again!”
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t do this anymore!”
“What are you saying? You want to end it?”
“According TO YOUR BIRTHDAY, I’m just some girl YOU’RE FUCKING – ”
“YOU KNOW, that’s NOT TRUE!!”
“Oh yeah, cause you make me feel so fucking secure and stable in your love!!! NO I DON’T FUCKIN
G KNOW IT – ”
I was standing at the end of his bed, pacing up and down. I stopped to stare at him. “I CARE about you Evvy! You must know this! And you hurt me EVERY WEEK, EVERY DAY with this shit!”
Oh God, the way he looked at me then. With longing and pain, and, yes, LOVE, in his eyes. He was burning me with those eyes.
“Say something, Everard!”
“What can I say? You won’t believe me anyway.”
“I can’t DO THIS anymore. So please, I’M BEGGING YOU, just say something.”
“I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to leave here.”
But what else could I do? He was killing me.
I picked up my bag, turned to leave. He looked torturous.
Shampoo Page 27
