Monday 5 February 2001
So Friday was a great day. I got to be in my baby’s arms.
I think that might just be my favourite place on earth. I find myself just always wanting to be wrapped in his arms.
Love is very addictive. You just want more and more.
I don’t remember EVER feeling like this before.
At work I, hahaha, caused a bit of a stir.
I’d bought new killer heels in pink and a teeny, tiny pink skirt the other day, and finally felt brave enough to wear them.
I walked into the warehouse, and Matt took one look at me and dropped the box of shampoo he’d been holding.
“Holy shit, baby,” he gulped.
He looked VERY uncomfortable.
(adorable and hot and like I wanted to jump him is how he looked)
“Aha, what the HELL are you wearing?” he asked.
Lachie and Benny started wolf whistling and falling about laughing.
“It’s just a skirt,” I laughed, trying to pull it down a bit.
“Ah, THAT’S not a skirt. That’s HALF a skirt.”
“Did you forget your bottom half today, Pinky?” Benny cracked. I whacked him in the gut.
“PINKY!” Faye gasped, once she spotted me, clutching her heart.
Oh God, that skirt was a bad idea.
It just got worse as the day wore on.
I walked into the office, and Jules started wolf-whistling and falling about laughing.
Joy squealed in delight. “You got it, you flaunt it!”
Nat rolled her eyes.
“Pinky, I think you left your skirt at home!” Gerry yelled from his office.
“I’m not saying anything, cause I don’t want to be busted for sexual harassment in the workplace!” John Cash called out.
Out of the three offices lined up together, it was just DY left to deal with. “When’s the stripper pole arriving, Pinky?” he shouted.
Dear Lord. It’s like having three fathers at work all day.
Or really dirty uncles.
THEN, oh my God, this is the most embarrassing bit…
(I am so burning that skirt)
Of course I was up and down the warehouse steps a few times, fixing orders, getting stock, etc..
Renee then came back in from the warehouse and sat down at her desk and said, “Pinky, you can’t go down the back stairs anymore today. Go down the front stairs from now on and through the salon.”
“Why?”
“Because the boys are acting like caged animals. Every time you climb the back stairs, they all stop what they’re doing and stare. Right up your skirt.”
“What skirt?” cracked John Cash.
“Matt is just about to kill all the guys,” Renee said. “He’s down there screaming at them now. I had to break up a fist fight between him and Benny.”
The whole office was laughing.
At 5.15pm, Matt and I walked to our cars.
“Here, you walk in front of me,” he said. “Give me a chance to enjoy this skirt finally.”
Then we drove our cars back to Matt’s. I kept roaring off on him, but he wouldn’t play. He worries about me, hooning around. He wasn’t going to encourage me.
We pulled up side by side at a set of lights, when he’d finally caught up with me.
“Will you stop flooring it!” he demanded.
“Never!!”
“You gotta stop this hooning around you always do.”
“Threatened you can’t keep up, baby?” I teased.
“I’ll show you keeping up, baby. When we’re back at mine.”
We both checked the lights, and saw it was about to change.
“Don’t do it – ” Matt warned.
I can’t help myself. I roared off, spinning my tyres, and left him in my burn off.
Matt finally pulled his finger out on his parent’s street. I heard the roar before I saw him in my rearview mirror. He came screeching round the corner, behind me, and overtook me, flying past me.
I tried to keep up, but came in behind him at the curb.
Matt got out his car. “Now THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE! BOO YEAH!”
I laughed, shutting my door. “Finally, you found the accelerator, Grandpa!”
He pulled me to him.
(how I love when he does that)
“Time to take this skirt upstairs.”
We practically ran up the stairs, Matt dragging me behind him. Soon as his door was slammed behind us, Matt’s hands were up under my skirt and squeezing my (almost) bare butt. “I’ve been waiting to do this ALL DAY,” he growled against my mouth. “You’re leaving the skirt on and heels on.” He pulled my top off though.
The way he loves my body. God.
I could get used to this.
We went to his cousin’s 18th that night. I had such fun drinking with his parents. I really love them.
They laughed so hard when I went to sit on Matt and slipped right off him and hit the floor.
(lucky I was wearing jeans by this stage, and not that damn skirt)
They seriously laughed till they cried. So did Matt. I stayed on the floor and asked someone to bring me my spumante. They just laughed harder as Matt’s mum handed me my drink while I stayed on the ground.
We all stumbled home drunk together, and Matt made love to me over and over.
I don’t know how he does it. He must drink A LOT of water.
I am so not complaining. Showing me his love with his body is just about the best thing ever, I think.
Then Saturday morning, Matt continued our love fest, and kept refusing to let me go.
I finally left and drove straight to Tee’s. I’ve missed her so much!! I’m so busy with Matt and work
(really, Matt),
it’s been AGES since I’ve seen her.
(I’m a terrible friend)
She made me her special pancakes, in her normal GORGEOUS vintage outfit
(she gets EVERYTHING from the op shops),
looking so pretty in lavender kitten heels that looked like they were from the fifties, and this lace, frilly, old lady ensemble that somehow works on Tee. She makes it look sexy and classic.
She is true vintage.
After pancakes, she then made me a spaghetti toastie, but instead of using an actual jaffle maker, she pulled out this weird camping like toastie maker with long handles, that you put your sandwich inside, and hold over open flames.
She seriously gets EVERYTHING at an op shop.
(it actually was incredibly jealous. Best toastie I’ve ever had)
Then we went shopping at Carindale, made our way to Balmoral, had lunch at a coffee shop on Oxford Street, then saw the 2.40pm session of ‘Bedazzled.’ We ran into Lachie and Melinda as we entered the cinema.
“Hey lady, are you stalking me?” Lachie asked when we all spotted each other.
We joined them for the movie, which was SO FUN!!!! Love my friends.
Saturday I managed to fall asleep at 8, with Matt letting me have a night to myself.
(he hates being by himself. I find it so adorable)
(tonight I find it adorable)
Matt and I went to Dad’s for dinner Sunday arvo, then came back here and stayed in bed together all night.
I love how we stay in bed for hours and hours, loving each other, and being in each other’s arms.
I love it. I can’t convey how much I love it.
Tuesday 6 February 2001
9.03pm
I fall more in love with Matt every day. Everything is so perfect. HE’S so perfect. How I’ve always wanted a guy to be with me.
I so did not want this to happen. I feel like I’ve done everything possible to sabotage my life and done stupid things like pick the wrong guy on purpose, over and over again…I’ve fought for this NOT to happen.
And yet there is Matt. Right there with me, and truly loving me.
Saturday 10 February 2001
9.35pm
Been at Matt’s all week. Las
t night was particularly awesome. It’s beginning
(beginning?? Beginning????)
to overwhelm me. I love him so damn much. Not sure how to really handle it.
And God, I love his mum so much, too.
This is so different from any relationship I’ve ever been in.
He makes me happy!!!
This must be what love actually is. RETURNED love, not just me loving and wanting, and the guy not loving me properly.
Matt actually loves me and wants me!!!
It’s an incredible feeling.
Matt’s mum had the pink champagne out for me
(God, I could get used to how she dotes on me – Matt too. Nobody has ever DOTED on me. Dad raised us to be independent)
and she’d bought me pink pants and a top that I JUST LOVE!!
Then Matt was too excited, and made me try on his Valentine’s present.
His mum is just like him. She was so excited for me to try on my present from him, too! She was all like, “Yes, we need to know if it needs resizing or not. We want you to wear it straight away on Valentine’s Day.”
They are so damn funny and cute.
The present is a beautiful, GORGEOUS diamonte bracelet, very sparkly, very vintage like, very Elizabeth Taylor. I love it!!
Then me and Matt’s mum sat around and drank pink champagne together while Matt cooked dinner! Ha ha! The way it should be!
She is fast becoming my number one pink champagne drinking partner.
Then the whole house suddenly emptied out, and Matt and I ate dinner together, then went straight to bed for our snuggle and ‘romantic’ time.
We made love over and over. And over. Making love with him is beautiful, fucking with him is beautiful…
Matt and his family left early today for Boonah, for some family celebration I was invited to, but I just didn’t feel up to.
Then I mooned about all day, missing Matt.
Nat was all, “Karina, I’m not used to you being underfoot all day. You’re either never here, at Matt’s, or you and Matt are in your room.”
“Hmm.” I followed her around like a puppy dog.
“You’re annoying me!”
“I miss him.”
Nat just about fell over. “You MISS HIM??”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t think you’ve ever missed a guy in your life.”
“I know.”
“You like throw a party as soon as your boyfriend turns his back.”
“I know.”
“You push them away and start fights just for a night to yourself.”
“I know.”
“You go out clubbing with them arm and arm, then ditch them to go dance on a table somewhere.”
“Thank you, SIS, I’ve got the picture, thanks! I know how I am with a boyfriend!”
“That’s a first!”
“Yeah, tell me about it – ”
“Did you ever miss Ever? When you were together?”
(all the time. Every damn day. Still do, deep down buried within)
I didn’t answer. It wasn’t the same thing. Ever kept me permanently away from him. Matt and I are just TOGETHER. All the time.
We’re like glued at the hip.
Nat suddenly started laughing at the look on my face. “Oh, this is funny – ”
“Whatever!”
“FINALLY, you’re back in the game – ”
“Hmpf.”
“And it being Matt?? Of all people? I never saw that one coming!”
“Neither did I!”
“Why don’t you go do what you normally do? Go write or read?”
“I feel a bit lost. Don’t feel like doing my usual things.”
“Oh, you’ve got it bad! You can help me clean the house then, I need the bathroom done – ”
“Okay, I’m outta here! Ta ta, must go do that urgent thing I’ve suddenly remembered – ”
“Karina!!!”
I went and fed Rex, since Dad’s in Adelaide, then stopped at Target at Buranda on the way home, bought Matt, Nat and Tee all Valentine’s Day cards, and Matt a bottle of scotch.
Then tonight I made dinner
(“Oh, you’re home, Kerry!” Dan cried when he spotted me in the kitchen. “I’ve forgotten what you look like! You’re never here! There’s nobody to drink spumante with! Your sister won’t drink it with me.”)
and played on the net for hours.
Soon as I disconnected from the net, the phone rang. Matt, calling from Boonah, to tell me he loves me and misses me.
He makes me feel so wonderful. I am so in love.
Sunday 11 February 2001
5.11pm
About to go over to my baby’s house. Oh my god, I have so fallen.
Feel like I have so much to look forward to suddenly. Valentine’s Day this week, my birthday next week.
God, my birthday last year. All that blood.
I was destroyed after that. I didn’t think I’d ever recover from it. I was broken.
(still am. But the parts seem to be coming back together)
But this year…this year it’s kinda dreamy.
Feel like I’ve come so far, and I have so many people I love so much in my life: Matt, Tee, Julia, Lachie, Melin, Benny, Rich, Joy, Graham, oh my God, the list goes on.
I can’t wait to go out to dinner for my birthday. I need new memories to overtake the (horror) old.
Will be nice to have Matt there beside me. A loving guy, FINALLY.
Monday 12 February 2001
7.33pm
Last night was great. I love Matt and his family. I love being there with them all.
All of us sat outside, drinking and chatting, and had a BBQ together.
Then Matt and I came upstairs and made love forever. Was beautiful. We were teasing each other, trying to see how long we’d last, then we rolled right off the bed and onto the floor and kept making love there.
We were cracking up laughing.
“Matt?”
“Yes, baby?”
“I am so happy.”
“I know, baby. I can tell. I told you we could be.”
Chapter 26
NOPE, SPOKE TOO SOON…
EPIC FREAK OUT UP AHEAD
Tuesday 13 February 2001
7.46pm
Matt’s had to work the last two nights for his mum, at the florist for Valentine’s Day.
Isn’t that just so romantic??? It’s like everything about Matt is romantic.
Lachie shaved all his hair off at work, so I gave him shit all day for it. Was so fun!!! “Romper Stomper!!”
Joy says she has major goss to share with me, but is holding it over me until I finally come over for dinner.
I’m brewing some sickness again too, and my mood is plummeting. I can actually feel myself getting all overwhelmed and irrational and emotional.
Matt rung last night and I fell apart. I was just missing him, overwhelmed by love, sick, tired. Then he woke me this morning, going, “What’s wrong, baby? What’s going on?”
“I just get emotionally needy when I get like this.”
“I am here to give you whatever you want, baby. I love you.”
(oh God he’s perfect. Fucking perfect. I kinda rail against it. Like I’m in some nice prison)
“You give me everything, Matt. It’s me. I’m not good in relationships.”
(now that’s the fucking understatement of the year!!! Of the century!!)
At work today, Matt followed me into the kitchen, looking worried. Fluttering around me, like he was just WAITING for the crazy to emerge, and he was gonna try very hard to stop it and stamp that crazy out.
Or love that crazy out of me.
When I get like this, I just need bed and no talking to anyone. But how am I ever going to make a relationship last if I don’t change??
At the end of the day, we walked to our cars together, and Matt said, “You scared me last night.”
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Don’t f
reak out on me now, baby. Not when we’re so fucking happy. I won’t be able to bear it.”
I stepped into his arms by our cars. “I’m not going anywhere, Matt. I’m so in love with you I can barely stand it.”
We hugged and kissed against my car.
(who gives a fuck about work now???)
He had to work with his mum again for the florist world’s biggest night of the year.
Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I am so excited.
Thursday 15 February 2001
7.45pm
Valentine’s Day was dreamy.
The first time I’ve been in love, OR LOVED, on Valentine’s Day in years.
I normally spend every Valentine’s Day in a state of excitement, absolutely sure I would get SOMETHING, but when nothing arrives, I then sob my fucking heart out.
I arrived at work to a GIGANTIC bunch of the most beautiful pink flowers you can ever imagine. I knew Matt’s mum had made them, saving all the best pink flowers, I bet.
(God I love his mum)
There was a card sticking out of them, with my diamond bracelet attached to it.
I just squealed, and ran downstairs. Matt was laughing as he saw me run across the warehouse, then I jumped into his arms and kissed him.
Faye started laughing and crying at the same time, like this was ‘An Officer and a Gentleman,’ and all the boys started wolf whistling and calling out.
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