Optimistically, I told the driver to leave when I exited in front of Grace’s building. Each step felt like climbing a mountain. My nerves were getting the best of me. I didn't do nervous, and I never did regret. This was a whole new me.
I probably stood in front of the door for five minutes before I got up the courage to knock. Of course, it was Faith who answered, and she didn't look at all happy to see me.
“What the hell, Logan? I was pretty clear that you needed to figure your shit out before you came here, right? It’s been like two hours, there’s no therapist alive who could cure you that fast.” She eyed me.
“I want to see her.” Even to me that sounded lame.
“It’s nice to want things. Try harder.”
“I need her, Faith. Don't you get that? I fucking need her in my life. I can't be without her,” I screamed. “Is that what you wanted?”
“Better. But I don’t know that she wants to see you. Besides, she’s sleeping.”
“No, I’m not,” a small voice said from somewhere behind Faith. “Let him in.”
Faith glared at me before standing aside to let me in. My heart fell when I saw Grace. She looked broken, defeated. Her eyes were red and puffy.
“Can we talk?” I asked gently.
“I guess.” She turned and shuffled back in the direction she had come from. I followed her.
She sat on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest, unwilling to meet my eyes.
“God, I’m so sorry I did this to you, Kitten.” I sat next to her and went to pull her into my arms, but she resisted.
“No, no. I can’t let you hug me right now. I want so badly to jump into your arms and bury myself in your scent. I have to protect myself.” The pillow was her life raft, like if she let it go she would drown in her own sadness.
“I never meant to hurt you. This is killing me to see you in pain like this.” I sat on my hands to keep myself from reaching for her again.
A tear slid down her cheek. “This is killing you? How do you think I’m feeling? I wish I had never come to find you.” She shook her head.
“No, you don’t.”
“To not feel this way, you bet your ass I do. This fucking sucks, Logan. I was okay before you. I could have kept being okay.” The words came out in a choked sob.
“No. You were living a half-life, just like I was. We can fix this.”
“How do you think we can fix this? Are you going to give me the answers I want?”
“I can’t promise you that. I want to, but I can’t.” My grip on sanity was slipping.
“Why did you even come here then?” She sounded tired. We were talking in circles.
“I need you.”
“Go to hell, Logan. If you really needed me, you would never have let me leave New York.” She got up and stalked around the room.
“I never should have let you leave.”
“I feel like you say that a lot, and you never really mean it.”
When did she get so cold? She was so angry, and I didn't know how to make this better.
“Grace, Kitten. Please just listen to me.” I got up and held her shoulders to keep her still.
“Fine. Talk then.”
I didn’t let her go. “I can’t be without you. okay? Do you understand that? I fucking can't. Something died in me when you walked out my door. I’m not going to promise I won’t screw up again, because I know myself well enough to know that I will. But I need this to work. I need you.” I loosened my grip long enough to grab her waist and pull her against me. My lips were on hers before she could protest. There was nothing sweet about this kiss. Her arms wound around me and pulled me closer for a moment before shoving me away.
“No.” She stepped back. “I’m not doing this.”
“Tell me what you need.”
“Annabelle.”
I sighed and walked to the bed again, letting myself sink down before answering. “Annabelle isn’t someone you need to worry about, and it’s not only my secret to keep.”
“What does that even mean? And why does Fiona know about it?”
“You’re going to have to trust me a little bit.”
“I’m trying to, but you’ve made it kind of hard. This has been a shitty day.” She slid her back along the door and sank to the floor.
“I’m so sorry I put you through all of this.”
“Will you ever be able to tell me all of your secrets?”
“I want to tell you everything now, but some things are not mine to tell.” I hoped the sincerity I felt was conveyed well enough.
“What now?” she asked.
“I’m here, Grace. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Here, as in Chicago, or metaphorically?”
“Both? My stuff will be here sometime in the next couple of days. I’m moving here. I refuse to give up on this. Please tell me you feel the same way?”
“I do, or I want to. I’m scared.”
“Of me?”
She nodded. “You terrify me. My heart is already bashed up, and we’ve barely begun whatever this is. I don’t know if being with you is the smart choice.”
“Screw smart.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“I’m scared, too. This is uncharted waters for me. I have never been in a relationship with anyone other than Fiona, and we both know that wasn’t a healthy one. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I can’t watch you walk away from me again.”
“I want to believe you. Everything in me is screaming to hug you and never let go.”
I got up and stood in front of her. “I’m right here, Kitten. Right here.” I held out a hand, praying that she would hold it.
DAMN HIM. HE HAD TO show up and look way too hot when I’m covered in tears and snot and in my rattiest pajamas. Did I want to forgive him? Did I have it in me to see this through?
He stood in front of me, asking me to trust him, holding his hand out for me to hold. Could I take it? Take what he was offering me?
“Kitten,” he choked out. He was begging me, he had laid it all out.
I stopped thinking and reached out, our hands almost touching. That was all the encouragement he needed.
In a split second, I was in his arms. His scent surrounded me like a cloud. I couldn’t think, all I could do was feel.
“Are you sure about this?” His voice was hoarse.
I nodded, incapable of speech.
“Come with me tonight?” he murmured into my hair.
“Where? Don't you want to stay here?”
“Grace. I’ve just flown in a rush to see you and make this right. I don’t think I want to spend the rest of the night making amends with your sister right down the hall.”
The look on his face was so pure Logan. Like he just couldn’t believe I would ask the question.
“Give me a minute.” I slipped out of the room to find Faith.
She was in her room reading. “So?” She arched a brow.
“He’s forgiven, for now.”
“For now?”
“I’m not sure about all of it. I still don’t know any more than I did when I left. Nothing has changed.” I was bordering on panicking. Just the nearness of him made me rethink why I left to begin with.
“Honey, let me take you to school for a minute.” She patted the bed for me to sit. “You can't keep this up.”
“What?”
“Leaving. Logan’s a grown man; he’s bound to have amassed a few skeletons in his closet. You have your own secrets, too. He’s going to get tired of chasing you.”
“So, what? I have to just blindly forgive?”
“No, I didn’t say that. But you need to find a way to convey your feelings without leaving the state.”
I shot her a look.
“He’s here, isn’t he?” she asked. “He came for you. When you told him it was over, he came for you. That speaks volumes.”
“Yeah. But he also let me leave.” The words spoken aloud were my fears. He always seemed
to be okay with letting me walk away.
She shrugged. “You both needed some space for a bit.”
“How do you know all this?”
She smiled. “I have my ways.”
“Smith,” I said.
She nodded. “He’s one hot piece, isn’t he?”
“Why am I not surprised about this?”
“He popped by the hotel the night before I left.”
“I am so not ready for this conversation. I was coming in to tell you I’m going with Logan for the night.”
“I figured you would be.”
“Enjoy your book.” I kissed her cheek and went back to my room.
Logan was sitting on my bed on the phone. He smiled when I came in. “Great, we’ll be downstairs in five.”
I walked to my dresser to find something else to put on.
“Still good to come with me?” he asked hesitantly, like he was afraid Faith would have talked me out of it. It’s not like he should worry, Faith was totally on his side.
“Yeah. Were you afraid she would have talked me out of it?” I grabbed the first pair of jeans I laid my hands on and stepped out of my pajama pants. I didn’t miss the hungry look in Logan’s eyes as I pulled the jeans on.
“A bit. But I know Faith likes me.”
“Yeah, her and every other woman on the planet.” I rolled my eyes.
“Be nice.” He got up and hugged me. “I may have played around a lot, but I’m happy to be a one-woman man as long as you’re the woman.”
I didn’t want to start another fight, but part of me was still pissed off and I was lashing out. Maybe it was the fact that my own sister was taking his side that brought out my inner bitch. “I know you’re trying. I’m sorry.”
He pulled me down on the bed next to him. “This is all new for us. We don’t know how to be around each other right now. It’s going to be weird and awkward at times. But you’re worth it to me, we’re worth it.” He kissed me gently. “Let’s go, the car’s downstairs waiting.” He went out into the hall while I finished up.
I threw on a t shirt since I had no intention of leaving in my ratty pj top.
Faith was standing in the hall talking to Logan in hushed tones when I finally walked out.
“Remember what I said.” She gave him a stern look and blew me a kiss as we walked to the door.
“What was that about?” I questioned as we rode the elevator down.
“Nothing. Just Faith being a good sister.” He pressed a hand to the small of my back as we exited the building and slipped into the car.
I don’t know why I felt so anxious. He was the same guy I was ready to jump into bed with five hours earlier. An angry voice in my head was still screaming that I had let him off too easily. I tried to smother it with thoughts of how good he was going to make me feel once we officially made up.
“What are you thinking about?” He hooked an arm around my waist and slid me closer to him.
“Nothing. Everything. I don’t know,” I sighed and leaned against his shoulder. “I just want this to be easier.”
“Stop thinking so much. Just feel.”
“Easier said than done,” I grumbled.
“Is it? Tell me this, do you want to be with me?” He stroked a finger along my jaw.
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Then why is it so hard for you?”
“Trust. I don’t know who you are. It’s hard for me to give myself to someone who won’t trust me with who they are. This isn’t about the secret, I don’t even really care about that. This is about me feeling like you don’t trust me.” I fought the urge to cry. I desperately wanted him to understand me. To really get where I was coming from. Secrets were no good for a relationship.
“Kitten.” His eyes flashed something I didn’t quite understand.
“I’m here, Logan. That needs to be enough for you right now.” I tipped my lips up for him to kiss. I needed the connection.
“But I want more. All of you. I won’t settle for less.” He brushed his lips against mine.
I wanted to tell him that I wanted that, too. That I wanted everything. But I didn’t. Instead, I turned away and stared out the window. I was scared, this was real and messy. It was no longer the fantasy I had built up in my head. He was a real person, a real person with baggage.
“What are you so scared of?” His tone was soft.
“So much. Everything. You have your past, and I have mine.” I couldn’t bear to look at him. He always seemed to cut me to the core with just a look.
“Tell me.” He ran a finger along my cheek.
“My last relationship before you wasn’t exactly easy. Too many lies, not enough truth. I can’t go through that again. He cheated, a lot. I found at the end he was only with me because I looked good on paper. He told me I was boring, plain vanilla, and men like him needed more excitement in their sex lives. I don’t even know how many women there were.” The sadness returned, as if it was only yesterday and not two years ago. Scott had ruined me, made me hate myself. I didn’t want to bring that into this relationship, but it was hard not to.
“I’m not like that. I would never cheat on you. Never.” The strength in his voice made me want to believe him. But I had believed Scott once, too.
“How do I know that?” Tears welled and I wiped at them before they could fall.
“You’re just going to have to trust me,” he said gently.
I jerked at the word trust. You had to earn trust. I looked out the window, trying to gather my thoughts.
“Don’t pull away. At least for tonight, just let me hold you. I need to feel my arms around you. You can go back to being pissed tomorrow.”
I made the mistake of turning back to look at him. My heart almost stopped. This man, this captain of industry, was begging me to let him in. His smile was a punch to the gut.
“Just for tonight. Then we really figure this all out. I’m tired of fighting.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore at all. I just want us to make a fresh start here. I don’t want to keep secrets from you. I’ll do everything I can to be as honest as possible.”
It felt like we were going in circles. He wanted me, and I wanted everything. I would give him tonight.
I leaned into him again and let him put a Band-Aid on my worries with his softly spoken words and kisses pressed to my skin.
IN THE COLD LIGHT OF day things looked bleak. I wanted to hold on to the night we had just spent together. It felt like a goodbye. One last ride before leaving. The more I held on, the more she pulled away. God, was this what it was like to be a chick? I was the one who pulled away, the one who needed space. I was thrown for a loop.
“I have to go home and change for work.” Grace pulled her jeans on.
“Can I give you a ride?”
She shook her head. “I’ll take a cab.”
“Grace.” I gave her a look that clearly said that was not happening.
“Fine, give me a ride then.” She huffed out a breath and searched for her shoes.
I got changed quickly and found her waiting by the door, an impatient look on her face. Gone was the sadness from the night before, and in its place was anger. I was ill equipped to deal with either.
The drive was awkward, neither of us knew how to be around each other at the moment.
“Will I see you tonight?” I asked when we pulled up to her building.
“I don’t know. Depends on how my day goes. I wouldn’t count on it. I’ve got a ton of work to do.” She was very noncommittal, very me. Our roles had reversed at some point in the night. I was the needy one, greedy for her time and attention.
“I’ll call you tonight. I’m going to be looking at apartments and office locations today. I’d like you to come, but I understand you have a lot on your plate.”
She moved to get out, and I snagged her arm before she was out of reach. I crushed my lips against hers, wanting her to remember this, remember us, all day long. “I’ll call you. Have a good day,
Kitten.”
She smiled weakly and slid out of the car. I watched as she disappeared into the building.
Before the car left the curb, the other door opened and two women slid into the seat across from me. Faith I knew, the other I assumed was Hope; she had the DeLeo eyes.
“Faith, what can I do for you?” I was tired, and I didn’t want to have a heart to heart with the women sitting across from me.
“We’re going to breakfast. We have a lot to discuss. This is Hope, by the way. If you have any shot at keeping Grace, she needs to be in your corner. You have the morning to plead your case.”
Hope studied me from across the car, her mocha eyes calculating. “Tell me about yourself, Logan.” She crossed her arms.
“Think of this as a job interview,” Faith chimed in, a grin on her face.
“What do you want to know?”
“How many serious relationships have you been in?” She looked me square in the eyes.
“One, two counting your sister.”
“How old are you?” She cocked her head to the side.
“Thirty-five.”
“And you’ve only had one serious relationship?” she shot back.
“Never really wanted one. I like things simple. Relationships aren’t simple, they’re work.” I shrugged.
“Why Grace? What does she have that the rest didn’t?” Faith asked.
“You want to know why? I’ll tell you. She challenges me, makes me laugh, she’s everything I never knew I wanted until I met her. There was always something missing, something I was looking for. She was it. Once I saw her in the bar, heard her laugh, tasted her lips, it was over for me.”
“You were right.” Hope grinned and shoulder bumped her sister.
“Did I pass?” I smiled hopefully.
“Too soon to tell.” Hope chewed her lower lip, a habit Grace had.
We pulled up in front of whatever restaurant they had chosen. It looked like a family run diner. I looked up at the sign and groaned. It read DeLeo’s.
“You aren’t pulling any punches, are you?” I said wryly.
“Nope. You coming?” Hope held the door open and waited on the sidewalk.
“Wouldn’t miss this for the world.” I squared my shoulders and prepared to enter the lion’s den.
Never Let Me Go: The Complete Set Page 11
