Knowing Me Knowing You

by Mandy Baggot

  ‘God, what did I do? Don’t tell me, we got the IHT refund on the Whitchurch case,’ Kate said, putting her jacket on the back of her chair and admiring the decorations.

  ‘Nothing to do with work, as you well know. I’ve been telling everyone who wasn’t at the Peterson Finance dinner, about your amazing performance on Friday night in Knowing Me Knowing You,’ Miranda spoke, coming out of her office and standing with the group, toying with the ends of her hair.

  ‘Oh, that, hmm,’ Kate replied not really liking all the attention.

  ‘She was marvellous, and so was her partner, the lovely Joel. I have to say I’m an incy bit jealous of you Kate, having bagged a gorgeous hunk like that. Honestly girls, you will not see a more honed pin-up, not even on the cover of Men’s Health and he was such a gentleman too,’ Miranda explained.

  ‘He snores and he leaves the lid off the toothpaste,’ Kate said hurriedly, smiling at her workmates.

  ‘Anyway, we just wanted to say well done Kate for your success and for getting into the next round. If there’s enough interest we will arrange transport to the next show in Bournemouth and we just know you’re going to do equally well there,’ Miranda spoke in her well practised head of department tones.

  Everyone clapped, much to Kate’s embarrassment.

  ‘Right, perfect, back to work everyone. And Kate, when you’ve got a minute could you come through,’ Miranda asked in a serious tone.

  ‘Yes, of course, I’ll just clear some balloons,’ Kate said, pulling out her chair and making confetti fall on the floor.

  Miranda saying ‘when you’ve got a minute could you come through’ always filled everyone with dread. She didn’t tell you what it was about, and because she didn’t tell you it made you think of all the awful things it could be, like getting your P45, having her point out a mistake you had made on something that was too late to rectify etc. And she knew this, which was why she didn’t elaborate; it was all about power and control. Miranda loved nothing more than control.

  Kate knocked on Miranda’s office door and waited to be summonsed.

  ‘Come in,’ she called, like a high court judge directing barristers to enter Chambers.

  Kate opened the door and offered her boss one of her ‘yes I’m absolutely fine thanks for asking’ smiles.

  ‘Would you like to sit?’ Miranda offered, saying it like an order rather than a request.

  Kate sat down and her eyes were immediately drawn to the file on Miranda’s desk which had red pen scrawled all over a set of accounts.

  ‘I was just looking at the Prestwick file,’ Miranda said and she ran her manicured fingers over the spreadsheet on top of the file.

  ‘Oh yes,’ Kate replied, racking her brain and trying to remember the details of the case.

  ‘I have to say Kate, the accounts you supposedly finalised for me are very shoddy,’ Miranda stated.

  Kate didn’t know how to respond. The words hung in the air. She was sure she had checked the Prestwick accounts thoroughly, even for space between columns, full stops in the right places, underlining. All of which were usually more important to Miranda than the numerical accuracy.

  ‘They don’t even balance,’ Miranda added.

  ‘They do,’ Kate snapped back immediately and slightly unexpectedly.

  If there was one thing she knew it was that they would balance. She sweated blood over every set of accounts until they were right to the last penny. She’d never presented an unbalanced set to Miranda in her life.

  ‘I’m afraid they don’t, see for yourself,’ Miranda spoke and she passed Kate the file for her to look at.

  Kate could feel Miranda’s eyes boring into her as she checked her figure work. Miranda was right, the accounts didn’t balance. She couldn’t understand it. She had spent hours on them, everything had been perfect. She was certain they had been absolutely faultless the last time she looked at them. But maybe she was wrong. She had been distracted lately, not on top of her game, maybe she had missed something.

  ‘Now I know things haven’t been easy for you lately and I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is to bring up Bethan without a father there, but you really have to start paying more attention to your work. Perhaps, now your personal life is on the up we can expect a little more dedication?’ Miranda said mockingly.

  Bitch.

  ‘Miranda, I don’t know how these accounts got like this. They were finalised, they balanced, I did the memo and put them in your tray,’ Kate tried to explain, feeling desperately inadequate.

  ‘Yes, I have the memo; it was attached, to these haphazard unbalanced accounts,’ Miranda replied.

  ‘Well, I just don’t know what to say.’

  ‘There’s no need to apologise, I’ve called the client and explained the delay. Perhaps you could prioritise them for today, together with the Lawrence papers, I need those by lunch time,’ Miranda said with a smile that could advertise Max Factor.

  Kate looked at her boss, not knowing how to respond. And then Miranda tossed her hair backwards and for a brief second all Kate could think of was whether or not the blonde mass of hair really was a wig. She knew she was staring but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t know whether it was her turn to talk, she was too focused on the follicles.

  ‘I’ll leave it with you then,’ Miranda said, making it clear their conversation was over.

  ‘Yes, OK, fine,’ Kate replied, getting to her feet and turning to the door.

  ‘Perfect,’ Miranda ended, turning her back on Kate.

  Kate stepped back into the main room and let out a deep breath as she hugged the Prestwick file to her chest. She wasn’t relishing looking at the accounts again, they had taken her long enough to sort through in the first place. Plus she hadn’t started on the Lawrence papers yet. Since when had they become urgent?

  ‘Everything OK?’ Lynn Charles asked, stopping opposite Kate as she took another deep breath hoping to force in oxygen and force out the realisation she was going to be looking at figures for the rest of the day.

  Lynn was Kate’s secretary. She was a young, slight blonde who was extremely efficient in everything she did. It was Lynn’s organisational skills that had got Kate through the trying time when Matthew first left. She had screened all Kate’s phone calls, arranged only the most urgent appointments and taken on anything else she could to help. Despite being an excellent secretary and a reliable friend Lynn did tend to talk the back limb off a mule usually around the water cooler where the whole world could hear. Discretion was an unknown entity to her.

  ‘Yes fine - well actually no,’ Kate admitted turning to head back to her desk.

  ‘What’s the Lady Dragon said now?’ Lynn questioned in a loud whisper, following Kate.

  ‘Sshh! Don’t call her that, someone else will hear you and you’ll get in trouble and then I’ll get in trouble and then we’ll both be in big trouble,’ Kate spoke her eyes wide as she looked around to check no one had heard.

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Do you remember the Prestwick accounts? You did the memo for me?’ Kate asked, showing Lynn the file as she put it down on her desk and splattered more confetti on the floor.

  ‘Yes I remember, they were thirty seven pages long - took me ages to photocopy because the Lady Dragon can’t have even a hint of a paper crease on them,’ Lynn responded.

  ‘Yes, well, these thirty seven pages weren’t the thirty seven pages I finalised, I’m sure of it,’ Kate told her, passing the information over.

  ‘I can easily check, I save a copy of everything I do in a separate directory. So even if the main directory has been changed I’ll be able to compare the two,’ Lynn said.

  ‘Oh Lynn, you’re a life-saver, could you have a look? I mean it could be that I’m imagining I ever finalised them but I’m sure I spent at least three hours of my life staring at these figures.’

  ‘I’ll have a look, the Lawrence file is there by the way, the Lady Dragon said you’d need it,’ Lynn spoke.

 
‘Great,’ Kate answered sarcastically.

  ‘So, I hear you have a new boyfriend,’ Lynn commented.

  ‘Sshh!’ Kate exclaimed, looking over her shoulder at her colleagues in the hope they were all too busy working to pay any attention to Lynn’s loud voice.

  ‘I think the Lady Dragon is bristling about it. Word in the office is that Colin Sykes is dating one of the trainees,’ Lynn spoke in slightly more hushed tones.

  ‘Really! Now that will have got her back up for certain. She’s been sniffing around him since he became a partner.’

  ‘Mmm, so expect a foul mood for a few weeks, until she sets her sights on another victim. My money’s on Andrew Kent,’ Lynn said, speaking of one of the other partners in Randall’s and touching her nose with her finger.

  ‘Isn’t he married?’ Kate enquired.

  ‘Wife left him last summer, watch this space.’

  Eleven

  Highbridge Leisure Centre was only five years old, built between the Princess Diana, Queen of Hearts memorial garden and the BMX ramps. It had a leisure pool, a twenty five metre pool, a large sports hall and, as Kate was finding out, it had state of the art gym facilities with giant flat screen TVs all across the walls, some showing European football matches, others blaring out the latest hits on MTV.

  Getting a message to Joel through Elite Escorts had proved to be a fruitless task. The receptionist insisted that she couldn’t give out any personal information and in fact the only thing she could do was book an appointment, which required immediate payment. So here Kate was, in her lunch hour, in the middle of a gym, somewhere she hadn’t ever set foot in, feeling awkward and out of place amongst the fit individuals around her.

  It was so noisy she could hardly hear herself think and she couldn’t see Joel anywhere. This was definitely where he worked, he’d told her. She couldn’t find anyone else to ask, they were all busy running or stepping or cycling ridiculously fast, especially the twenty or so people pedalling and being yelled at by a psychotic woman wearing a headset. She was just about to give up when she saw him, at the side of the room, doing sit-ups with a pretty dark-haired girl.

  She took a deep breath, trying to run over in her mind what she was going to say to convince him to help her. But as she moved closer, seeing how fantastic he looked in a very tight top and shorts, all her carefully thought out plans went out of the window. He was never going to agree to this - why would he? It was a mad plan.

  Before she got too close she turned abruptly and found herself walking into a luckily unoccupied rowing machine. She banged her shin; the pull bar unfastened and made a loud clank as it hit the metal frame.

  Joel and the woman he was working out with both sat up and Joel quickly came to her assistance.

  ‘Are you OK?’ he asked, arriving at her side.

  ‘Fine, thank you. Hello, again,’ she greeted her cheeks reddening as she turned to face him.

  ‘Kate,’ he replied surprised to see her.

  ‘Don’t worry, I haven’t come to join the gym or to stalk you or anything. I just wondered if I could talk to you, for a minute, in private. I have - a proposition for you - it’s nothing illegal or dirty or anything like you think, I don’t think. But if I could just ask you, I…’ Kate began.

  ‘Sure, I’m intrigued to know what it is. Susie, do another twenty and I’ll be back with you in a minute,’ Joel called to his training companion.

  He led the way to the end of the room where the water cooler was positioned. The electrical hum of the equipment lessened. He filled a plastic cup with water and offered it to Kate. She shook her head and Joel took a sip.

  ‘I should have remembered, all but allergic to water aren’t you?’ he spoke with a smile.

  ‘Hmm, look, about Friday night - first of all, I want to apologise for whatever happened then. I don’t really remember all of it, well the getting home part mostly, that’s very blurry and I want to say sorry if I did anything or said anything that was insulting or rude or in any way inappropriate,’ Kate began, sweeping her hair behind her ears and trying to avoid Joel’s huge eyes.

  ‘I think it’s the taxi driver that needs the apology, not me,’ Joel responded with a smile.

  ‘God really? I don’t want to know any more. Anyway I’m sure he’s had much worse on a Friday night, at least I wasn’t sick in his cab. I wasn’t was I?’

  ‘Well…’

  ‘Stop! Enough! OK, right, the thing is, I have a bit of a financial problem at the moment and things with my husband - my ex-husband - are a little bit difficult. Basically I really need to find a whole lot of money so that I don’t have to rely on him any more,’ Kate started, shifting from foot to foot as she tried to say what she wanted to say. This was so difficult!

  ‘I see,’ Joel replied.

  ‘OK, good. Right well, I know Friday night was a disaster and I know I wasn’t the easiest of dates, but when I thought about how to get a lot of money easily and quickly without robbing a bank I thought about Knowing Me Knowing You. I know, it’s crazy, it was the most terrible thing I’ve had to endure but I just thought I, that is, we, shouldn’t throw away the chance of winning that money,’ Kate blurted out as best as she was able.

  ‘I’m sensing there’s a “but” coming on,’ Joel spoke, drinking more of his water.

  ‘No, well, yes, maybe. The thing is, I can’t do it without you can I? I mean it was us who got through to the next round, Kate and Joel - I can’t really do it alone. I’m sure they don’t allow for break ups in the rules and answering questions on your own wouldn’t really work with the format would it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Look I’ll just say it. I can’t do it without you but I can’t afford to pay you for your time - you know - like dates and stuff. So I thought maybe we could strike a deal with the winnings. If we win, which we probably won’t and then neither of us will have got anything out of it, but I thought and eighty/twenty split in my favour - seeing as it was my connections with Frank Peterson that got us into the game show in the first place.’

  Joel didn’t reply.

  ‘Look, I know you don’t really know me at all and I know that there’s absolutely no reason why you should give your services free of charge to someone you barely know, but I’m not asking for me - I’m asking for my daughter. This is all for her and I’m just being a mum and trying to do all I can to give her the best I can,’ Kate spoke her eyes welling up with tears.

  ‘Sixty forty in your favour and I’ll do it,’ Joel replied.

  ‘You’ll do it?! Sixty forty? Well - how about seventy thirty in my favour, I mean…’ Kate began, trying not to sound too elated as she bargained.

  ‘Sixty forty is my only offer, there’s no guarantee we’ll win and remember, you can’t do it without me,’ Joel reminded.

  Kate hesitated, mulling the idea over in her mind. She hadn’t expected him to agree to do it; sixty thousand pounds would go a long way to lightening her current financial burden and Joel could end up not getting anything out of it at all. There was only one answer she could give.

  ‘OK,’ Kate agreed and she put out her hand to him.

  Joel leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, which immediately made Kate blush. She still had her coat on and the gym suddenly felt very warm.

  ‘We’re supposed to be dating. If this is really going to work you’re going to have to stop trying to shake hands with me,’ Joel told her with a smile.

  ‘Sorry, it just feels a bit strange - but I can work on it,’ Kate insisted with a determined nod.

  ‘Good. I’d better get back to Susie or she’ll be completely crunched out,’ Joel said, reminding her he had a client waiting.

  ‘Oh OK, yes. Um, do you want to come round for dinner or something, I’ll cook, well, I’ll try to cook and we can talk about a strategy,’ Kate suggested awkwardly.

  ‘Sure, when?’

  ‘Um, I don’t know. Are you free tomorrow night?’ Kate asked.

  ‘Tomorrow’s fine,’ Joel sai
d, heading away from her.

  ‘Good, right, well about eight? Wait! Don’t you need my address? It’s…’ Kate began, trying not to shout too loudly.

  ‘Thirty one Waverley Road. You really don’t remember the taxi ride home do you?’ Joel commented, smiling at her.

  ‘Apparently not,’ Kate answered.

  ‘I’ll be there, eight o’ clock,’ Joel answered and he joined Susie and encouraged her off the floor and onto a treadmill.

  ‘OK, good,’ Kate said to herself.

  She watched him as he spoke to his client and got onto the treadmill next to her. And then she turned away and headed for the door, smiling gleefully to herself. He had agreed to her plan - things were looking up.

  Twelve

  ‘He said yes,’ Kate announced to Hermione that evening.

  ‘Who said yes?’ Hermione asked as she tried to loosen a stamping Cyrus from her skirt.

  ‘Joel,’ Kate said, picking Bethan up and swinging her around.

  ‘God! No! He said yes?! For no fee? Cyrus Sweetie, could you stop doing that? Mummy will be here in a minute to pick you up. Would you like a breadstick or some raisins?’ Hermione offered the boy.

  ‘Chocolate,’ Cyrus whispered so quietly it was barely audible over his loud drumming feet.

  ‘No chocolate Sweetie, we don’t have chocolate here do we? You could have an apple, how about that?’ Hermione bargained.

  ‘Chocolate,’ Cyrus whispered again his large black eyes glaring at Hermione.

  ‘Chocolate isn’t very good for you Cyrus, it’ll give you spots and make your teeth fall out,’ Kate offered helpfully.

  Cyrus let out a high pitched screeching noise and fell to the floor. He rolled up into a ball and began to sob.

  ‘There there, come on now, come and see what we’ve got in Hermione’s cupboard. How about an organic flapjack?’ Hermione offered.

  Cyrus got up off the floor and sniffed, as if deciding what to do next.

  ‘They eat these at Hogwarts,’ Hermione said, holding the flapjack out to him.