Quests for Glory

by Soman Chainani

  Tedros looked at him, his mouth quivering. “I’m dreading going back, Rhian.”

  “Tedros—”

  “You don’t understand. I hated Lancelot after he took my mother away. I wanted him to die. But in the end, I learned to love him like my own dad. My mother won’t be able to live without him. Lance was her whole life. And to watch her stand there at my wedding alone . . . I can’t do it. I just can’t. I don’t know why she made Lancelot come with me into the Woods. I’m not enough for her—”

  “Yes, you are,” said Rhian. “You said it yourself. She knew the risks of sending Lancelot into the Woods. But you’re worth those risks to her. Or she wouldn’t have made Lancelot go with you.”

  Tedros sniffled, dabbing at his eyes quickly. “So you don’t just save kings’ lives, you talk sense into them too.”

  “All part of a knight’s work.”

  “Is dying part of a knight’s work too?” said Tedros morosely. “Because every knight I have ends up dead.”

  “I’ll take my chances,” said Rhian. “My duty as a knight is to protect you, with all the risks that incurs.”

  Tedros looked at him, wiping his nose with his shirt. “Where were you when I was at school? You could have saved me from . . . you know . . . girls.”

  Rhian laughed.

  Behind the tree, Agatha spied on them, conflicted. On the one hand, she was so relieved Tedros had someone to talk to after such a terrible loss. On the other hand, she was envious that he wasn’t sharing these feelings with her. She couldn’t remember a time when he’d been this open with her during the last six months. Or ever.

  “Seriously, how could the School Master not take you?” Tedros asked.

  “Beats me,” said Rhian. “I’m from Foxwood, which sends more boys to the School for Good than any other Ever kingdom. And I tried to be a Good boy growing up. But on kidnapping day, I didn’t get a Flowerground ticket. Sometimes I think my mother hid it. She never wanted me to go to that school. But I also wonder if I’d be here today if I’d been in your class at the School for Good. Out in the Woods, I could prove myself to you by being there when it mattered: fighting the Snake at the Four Point or riding across the Ever and Never lands, beating back the Snake’s thugs, and saving your friends’ quests. At school, I would have just been another Everboy trying to curry your favor. At school, there’s no real way to prove that you can be a good knight.”

  “Or a good king,” said Tedros.

  “Or a good son,” sighed Rhian.

  Tedros raised a brow.

  “From what I know of your story, we have a lot in common,” Rhian explained. “My father died too. My relationship with my mother is . . . difficult. And when neither parent is a comfort, you live haunted by their shadows instead of finding your way out from under them. But hearing The Tale of Sophie and Agatha showed me a path. Camelot has a divine duty to unite the Woods in times of crisis. That’s why I idolized your father over mine. His power transcended Good and Evil and made both sides look to him as a leader. Maybe he didn’t always use this power the way he should have, but he was more than a king. He was a legend. And that’s why I’m here to help you. Because I realized it’s my destiny to make sure the one true king rules Camelot and that you and your queen earn your rightful place.”

  Tedros took this in, silent for a moment. “So you risk your life . . . you risk your name . . . you put everything on the line . . . for me?”

  “For you. And for Camelot.” The young knight cracked a smile. “And for Sophie.”

  Tedros burst out laughing. “Now we have the truth! Be a knight to me and my queen and you can snake your way to the queen’s best friend! Of all the girls in the Woods . . . Sophie!” He thumped Rhian on the back. “Godspeed, friend. You’ll learn your lesson in time.”

  “Unlike you, I know how to handle her,” Rhian ragged, tripping him.

  “Only one way to handle her. Hide in a cave until she’s gone,” said Tedros, booting him in the behind.

  Both boys bent over, cracking up; fairies careened out of the young king’s hair.

  Tedros’ laughter ebbed. His expression changed. “Fitting, isn’t it? Lancelot dies and you appear,” he said quietly. “As much as I loved Chaddick, I wasn’t bonded to him like my father was to Lance. I never had that kind of knight. I never had a brother. At least not one I knew about. Perhaps I resented Sophie so much because of how close she was with Agatha. And I never had something like that with a boy—or at least nothing that ever lasted. Maybe because I never could fully trust one after what happened between my father and Lance. . . . But you’re different than all the rest. It feels like I finally have my own Lance.”

  Rhian smiled. “A Lance that isn’t after your girl.”

  The two boys gazed at each other.

  “Want to get dinner?” Tedros asked. “I’m famished and Marian’s Arrow has a back room that actually serves decent food—”

  Rhian grinned. “If it was any other night . . .”

  “You dog! You have a date with Sophie!” Tedros said.

  “At Beauty and the Feast. Dot helped me use Camelot’s courier crow to make reservations before I came here to check on you. Turns out Dot’s heading there for a date too.”

  “Beauty and the Feast! Where a piece of bread costs more than a new carriage? Where a cook once killed himself because he served a gold-truffle-coated steak two shades overdone?”

  “Have to make an impression, don’t I? Bring Agatha. We can all sit together.”

  “First things first, I’d rather go on a date with Hort than sit at dinner with Sophie. Plus, getting Agatha to go to Beauty and the Feast would be like trying to get a cat to swim. She’d spend the whole meal ridiculing the place. Besides, we shouldn’t be wasting what little money Camelot has. You and I can do dinner another time. Especially since you’ll be my knight at Camelot for a long while to come.” Tedros hesitated. “If you want to come home with me, that is.”

  Rhian locked eyes with the king. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He put his hand on Tedros’ shoulder. “And if you need someone to stand by you when you first see your mother . . .”

  “Thank you, Sir Rhian . . . but I’ll have Agatha with me,” said Tedros softly.

  Rhian straightened. “Of course, Your Highness.”

  “You better go get changed for dinner,” said Tedros, buttoning his shirt. “They won’t let you in looking like you’re going to the gym. Or Sophie won’t, at least. . . .”

  The knight rocked back on his heels. “Trust me. I’ll be taming that girl long before she tames me. Should we walk back?”

  “Think I’ll stay out here a bit longer,” said the king.

  “See you later, then.”

  “See you later.”

  The two boys parted. Tedros watched Rhian go.

  He stood at Lancelot’s grave for a long moment, fairies detonating around him, before he turned to leave—

  “Hey,” he said, surprised.

  Agatha treaded uphill towards him. “Was worrying where you were. I’m starving.”

  “I was about to head back,” said Tedros.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “You were gone awhile.”

  “Lost track of time. You know, just thinking a bit . . .”

  “By yourself?”

  Tedros batted at a fairy hovering around his ear. “I need a shower. If you wait for me, we can grab a quick dinner at the Arrow,” he said, jogging past Agatha—

  “Tedros?”

  He stopped and turned.

  “Can we go somewhere else for dinner?” Agatha asked. “Somewhere, you know . . . nice.”

  Tedros stared at her. “Nice?”

  Less than an hour later, Agatha and Tedros arrived at a boxy cottage deep in the Forest, with dark-green brick walls and a terra-cotta rooftop. Dressed in a tight red dress that wasn’t her own and standing next to Tedros, who wore a borrowed blue tuxedo with a gold bowtie, Agatha blinked skeptica
lly at the dumpy-looking house.

  “I put on a dress . . . for this?” she said.

  Tedros knocked on the door.

  A slit opened and two dark eyes glared through. “Reservation time?” said an oily voice.

  Tedros steeled himself. “We don’t have reservations.”

  The slit slammed shut and high-pitched cackles echoed behind it.

  Tedros knocked again.

  The slit reopened. “Reservation ti— Oh. You. Surely you know that Beauty and the Feast is both the most sought-after meal in the Endless Woods as well as the recipient of ‘Best Restaurant’ from the Everwood Gastronomical Society for the last 265 years straight. Even with the Snake crippling the Woods, we haven’t lost a single reservation. Reservations that must be made months, if not years, in advance, though we made an exception tonight for Sophie of Woods Beyond, a diva, icon, goddess, and personal hero of mine, and her date, a gorgeous new knight of Camelot—all of which is to say, we do not have room for stragglers off the street. So please take you and your poorly tailored clothing and vacate the premises before I call the dogs.”

  The slit slid closed.

  Agatha knocked.

  The eyes reappeared, about to combust—

  “I’m Sophie’s best friend,” said Agatha.

  “I’m the King of Camelot,” said Tedros.

  “And I’m the Queen of Bazoo,” the slimy voice said.

  “No. Really,” said Tedros, staring hard at him.

  The eyes looked at him. Then at Agatha.

  “Mamasita!” the voice gasped.

  The door flew open and a man appeared, his skin caked in bronzer, his thick, black toupee crowned with gold feathers, and his tall, lithe body wrapped in what appeared to be a fur kimono.

  “Welcome, welcome, welcome!” he said, seizing Agatha by one arm and Tedros by the other and dragging both through the door into the restaurant, whirling with color and motion. “I’m Masha Mahaprada, Master of Dining and Chief Visionary Officer of Beauty and the Feast! Tonight’s theme is ‘Through the Looking Glass: Our Bodies, Our Food, Ourselves. . . .’”

  Agatha scanned the place, wide-eyed. Tablecloths made of peacock feathers lay across gold-legged tables, heaped with chicken liver fondue, samphire tempura, pheasant wing confit, crab escabeche, vegetable towers, and chocolate waterfalls. . . . Evers and Nevers dined in proximity, clad in the most lavish outfits—luminescent dresses, swan-feather hats, sequined saris, crog-skin suits, stymph-bone jewelry (even the trolls were dressed up)—with any enmity between Good and Evil transcended by the shared experience of an extraordinary meal. Red foxes in crisp black tuxedos took orders, magic carpets brought and cleared plates, and hummingbirds swooped in and swept away breadcrumbs. Mini-chandeliers over tables dripped magical gold at the start of each course while fireworks exploded upon the completion of desserts, and a neon cricket symphony surfed the restaurant on discs of white-chocolate ganache, playing a love serenade.

  “Now a few simple rules of dining,” Masha confided, clutching Agatha and Tedros tightly.

  A chorus of lovebirds, each a different color of the rainbow, landed on Agatha’s and Tedros’ shoulders and sang a jingly song—

  Beauty and the Feast

  Beauty and the Feeeeast

  Where boys bring girls to give them rings

  And a kiss or two at leeeeast

  Girls, wear your best dresses

  Let the boys take all your stresses

  They’ll order for you and make all of you

  Feel like the very best princesses

  Girls, don’t talk too loudly

  Boys, don’t talk too brashly

  And both of you—this includes me too —

  No politics, they’re ghastly

  So enjoy your meal

  Please try the veal

  Don’t slurp or burp or splash or gnash

  And most important of allllllll . . .

  ALWAYS PAY IN CASH!

  Tedros and Agatha looked at each other.

  “It’s very . . . sexist,” said Agatha.

  “It’s very . . . expensive,” said Tedros.

  “Sherwood Forest, darling. Chi chi chi chi chi!” said Masha, pulling them ahead.

  Agatha held her breath, soaking in the spectacle. At one table, a boy and girl kissed over a smoking chocolate volcano, shrouding them in red mist, before it erupted with strawberry mousse. At another, two giants shared an appropriate-sized mountain of rabbit and fennel linguini, while at a side table, two old fairy godmothers waved their wands to extinguish a crepe that had been over-flambéed.

  “Agatha!” said a girl’s voice.

  Agatha turned to see Dot rushing towards her in a sparkly, flower-print dress. “We just finished eating and are headed to the Arrow! Oh, Tedros, you look so handsome and you know I never say that, because I don’t want to blow up your ego since it’s already past capacity. Eek, there goes my date,” she said, pointing to a tall boy in a brown cap ahead of her, already opening the front door. “Meet us at the Arrow later!”

  Dot hurried off as Masha propelled Tedros and Agatha forward. “Come, my loves, I’ll show you your table. . . .”

  Agatha noticed Tedros squint back at the front door, frowning.

  “What is it?” she said.

  “That boy she was with,” said Tedros.

  “Is your place as the Fairest One of All threatened?”

  “Pssh, no . . . I mean, that’s not what I meant. . . .”

  But now they had to part ways to let two waiters hurry through, toting a pepper-roasted goat on a spit—

  “I’ll put you at the second-best table, right next to Sophie and her knight, so you can all be together,” said Masha, taking hold of them again. “I was saving it for myself in the hopes that I could join Sophie for dessert, but you, of course, have priority. . . .”

  Tedros, still peeking back at the front door, suddenly whipped his head forward. “Wait. Next to Sophie? No no no no no—”

  But it was too late. Sophie and Rhian were already up and out of their seats as they saw their friends coming towards them, with Rhian in his blue-and-gold suit, freshly cleaned, and Sophie perfectly matched in a shimmering blue-and-gold gown.

  “Aggie, darling! Who knew you even ate in restaurants,” Sophie teased, kissing her on both cheeks. “And you’re wearing a dress! And lipstick! Without my help! We really are in a fairy tale. Oh, you look marvelous, darling! I messaged Brone to bring my dress all the way from the ship to the Forest, even though the poor thing has a broken leg. But I just had to wear Camelot colors alongside Camelot’s newest knight—” She finally glanced at Tedros. “Oh. Hello, Teddy.”

  Tedros barely smiled. “Hi,” he said before quickly turning to Rhian.

  Sophie nuzzled up to Agatha. “Aggie, isn’t Rhian a hunk? I can see why Teddy wants him as a knight. With Rhian behind him, he’ll look a bit more regal, won’t he? Don’t give me that look. You know I love you both. While we’re on the subject, we should talk about the wedding. It’s only a few weeks away and now I have a date! But let’s focus on you. For the cake, I’m thinking . . .”

  Agatha tuned out, trying to hear Tedros and Rhian next to her.

  “How’d you get your suit so clean?” Tedros was saying to him.

  “Fairies! Moment I took my shirt off, they came fluttering into my treehouse, offering to help,” Rhian chuckled. “Boy crazy, that lot . . .” The knight saw Agatha watching them. “Hi, I’m not sure we’ve really met,” he said to Agatha, cutting off Sophie midsentence. “I’m Rhian.”

  “Sorry, we didn’t mean to intrude on your date,” Agatha said self-consciously.

  “Not at all. Let’s pull our tables together,” Rhian insisted, about to bridge the gap between them. “We just finished ordering—”

  “No, a little distance is just fine,” said Tedros, pushing Agatha into a seat and jumping into one of his own. “Please, don’t let us distract you.”

  “Won’t even notice you’re there,” Sophie s
aid tartly to Tedros, before winking at Agatha and sitting back down.

  Tedros reclined into his chair and exhaled. Before Agatha could speak, a handsome fox appeared with two menus. Agatha read hers in the chandelier light . . .

  BEAUTY and the FEAST

  Special Menu for Sophie & Friends

  APPETIZER SAMPLER

  Sophie’s Dewy Skin Cold Soup:

  Pureed sea cucumber infused with fairy-churned sparkle butter and egg-white fireworks

  followed by

  Callis’ Forest Herb Salad: Kyrgios pea shoots, enchanted mushrooms, and a poached golden goose egg with magic-bean dressing

  followed by

  Wish Fish Crudo: Delicate mermaid pearls and royal lily pads swirled with jellied sunshine and served in a pirate treasure chalice

  followed by

  Doom Room Dumplings: Savage Sea urchin shells stuffed with white-swan gold caviar and peacock egg-cream

  CHOICE OF ENTREE:

  1. “Edgar and Essa” Duo of Lamb: Emerald-dusted lamb shank embossed with foamed pixie’s breath and a mahogany-smoked lamb pillow with a wood-nymph essence reduction

  2. Agatha’s Gold Fingerglow Fondue:

  Sumptuous yak cheese aged in a siren’s cave, melted and served with spheres of stardust cream and okra foam meringues, in a levitating leprechaun gold pot

  3. Dean Dovey’s Deconstructed Chicken Pot Pie:

  An arrangement of silk-fed roast chicken cubes dipped in rainbow glow and topped with moon-glimmer gravy

  DESSERT SAMPLER

  Evers’ Snow Ball Mousse: Ethereal clouds of white chocolate enriched with opal tapioca, topped with Frostplains crystal snow tuiles

  followed by

  Hester’s Gingerbread House Brûlée: Altazarra buttercream pudding crusted with petrified blood orange and sprinkled with eau de white rose

  followed by

  No-Ball Dancing Jelly: Bewitched hazelnut gelatin mold with a princess-pea granita and sweetened dragon-fire beads

  FLAT PRICE:

  20 gold pieces per person