Patchwork Dreams

by Laura Hilton

Daed sat, but he didn’t have the usual twinkle in his eye. His typically jovial attitude seemed to be missing. Instead, he frowned at the table, his shoulders slumped as if he carried the weight of the entire Amish district on his shoulders. Becky studied him, hoping for some clue as to what ailed him, but he avoided her gaze. She hoped he didn’t think she’d gone and invited Jacob in the night before. Maybe the lateness of the hour when she’d snuck inside disturbed him. But then, wasn’t he the one who’d arranged the date in the first place?

  Perhaps he hadn’t realized she and Jacob would stay out so long.

  Of course, she never would have dreamed that, either, nor that she would have such a good time.

  She’d try to get out to the blacksmith shop later. Maybe Daed would tell her what bothered him.

  Breakfast was eaten in near silence, then Grossmammi retired to the dawdi-haus to work on her quilts. Katie, Ruth, and Abbie set to work doing the dishes, as they always did before school, and the men returned to the blacksmith shop or the barn. Becky needed to do laundry. She headed for the gas-powered washer but had barely started work when she noticed Mamm standing there, observing her silently.

  Becky began to feel a bit uneasy. “Did you need something?”

  Mamm shook her head. Frowned.

  “You’re scaring me.” Becky dropped the pair of pants she’d been holding into the laundry basket.

  Mamm laid her hand on Becky’s arm. “I’m not sure what is going to happen. Amos Kropf didn’t take your leaving very well at all. He got nasty with your daed and threatened to send the deacon out.”

  “I don’t want to make things difficult for you and Daed.” Becky swallowed. “I don’t want to marry him, but if it means—”

  “Ach, Becky. Nein. You mustn’t think that. We’ll weather whatever comes. There is no way your daed would allow anyone to bully him into giving you up to that man. There’s talk of some Amish moving to Arkansas for cheap farmland. If need be, we’ll go, too.”

  Becky nodded. At least she knew what was wrong with Daed now.

  Mamm pulled Becky into a hug. “I need to run to market. I’m taking Mary with me today.” She started to move off, then hesitated, her eyes searching Becky’s face. “Did you have fun last night?”

  Did she hear a bit of hope in Mamm’s voice? Heat rushed to Becky’s cheeks. She didn’t give an answer. But then, Mamm didn’t really expect one, anyway. Details of courtship were traditionally kept secret.

  Not that she and Jacob were courting.

  He had a girl. He’d said he wanted friendship.

  Sure, he’d said he would be asking Susie for a break, but that sounded a lot like what Kent had said when she’d gone to tell him about her pregnancy and caught him with another girl: “Surely, you didn’t think you were the only one I was seeing!”

  And then, he’d insisted she was the one who was loose. Except he’d used a much harsher word.

  She’d made a horrible mistake.

  She wouldn’t make it again.

  The laundry had been hung out to dry before Becky remembered the note Jacob had given her that morning. She pulled it out of her pocket and settled down on a porch step to read it.

  The note was on a fancy piece of stationery, not the plain white paper Mamm used to write letters to distant family. And the handwriting matched the address on Susie’s envelope yesterday. Extremely feminine.

  Why would Jacob give her Susie’s letter to read?

  She scanned the message quickly, then started over to read it more slowly. Ach, Jacob must be heartbroken, having been dumped by his Susie like that. But the closing sentence and the “I love you” in the signature confused Becky. Why would Susie sign it like that after breaking up with him? She seemed flighty. It sounded like she wanted to keep Jacob dangling.

  Becky turned the page over, searching for some clue as to why Jacob would have given his letter to her.

  Bex, I thought you should know. You aren’t coming between us.

  Jacob

  She stood up and refolded the letter, sliding it back inside her pocket. Maybe it was time for that visit to the blacksmith shop. Daed and Jacob would surely enjoy a cup of coffee and a couple of cookies.

  ***

  Jacob’s mind was not on his work. Instead, he tried to imagine Becky’s reaction as she read Susie’s note. Would she understand what he was trying to say? He reached to pick up a rod but jerked his hand back immediately after touching it, dropping the hot metal. It fell to the ground with a clatter. He’d forgotten to put on his work gloves.

  Daniel appeared at his side instantly. “Let’s see.” He reached for Jacob’s palm and studied it. “Probably need to get on up to the haus and get some burn salve on it. Doesn’t look too bad, though. Here, dip your hand in this cold water for a bit to soothe it first.” He pointed to a bucket of rainwater standing in the corner, then flexed his own hand. “You need to be careful out here. Did I tell you I lost most of the feeling in my hands because I’ve burned them so much?”

  “Nein.” That didn’t sound too pleasant. Jacob plunged his hand into the water, not liking the idea of being unable to feel Becky’s soft cheek when he touched it.

  “Have your mind on something else today, Jacob?” Daniel’s voice held a teasing note.

  Jacob swallowed. He glanced at Daniel and gave a brief nod.

  Daniel smirked. “Need I ask what? Or who?”

  Heat surged up Jacob’s neck, and he answered in Englisch instead of Deutsch, “No, sir. You don’t.”

  Daniel opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the shop door opened. For a moment, the person in the doorway stood with her face in the shadows and the bright sun behind her, but Jacob recognized the dress Becky had been wearing that morning. A moment later, she headed in their direction, and he noticed she carried two cups of coffee and something wrapped in a napkin.

  “Daed? Is everything okay?” Becky handed a mug to her daed, then glanced at Jacob, her gaze sliding to his hand submerged in the bucket. Her eyes widened. “Did you get burned?”

  Jacob frowned. “Not bad.” He pulled out his hand and fluttered his fingers but couldn’t hold back a wince.

  “Kum to the haus. I’ll put some salve on it, jah?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  Becky set down whatever was wrapped in the napkin on an anvil and placed the other mug beside it. In the next moment, she stood beside him, reaching out for his hand. “Let me see.”

  He didn’t want to appear wimpy in front of Becky, but the truth was that the burn hurt worse than any pain he’d ever experienced, except maybe her rejection. He started to pull away, but her soft hands cradled his before he could. Jacob’s breath hitched. He hoped she hadn’t noticed.

  Too much to hope that her daed hadn’t. Jacob saw the smirk deepen on Daniel’s face.

  “Take him on up to the haus and get him taken care of, Becky.” Daniel turned away as the crunch of tires sounded outside of the shed. “Jacob, as soon as you’re bandaged, kum back out. There are still things you can do. Maybe this time, you can keep your mind on the job.”

  Jacob nodded and moved away from Becky. He strode over to the still open door and stood aside long enough for an Englisch man to come through, then headed toward the haus.

  Becky hurried ahead of him. “I’ll get everything ready. Just wait in the kitchen.”

  “Jah.” Jacob watched her skirts swirl around her ankles as she dashed away.

  The kitchen was empty when Jacob arrived, so he sat down at the table. A few moments later, Becky bustled in and set a shoe box on the table. “Hold out your hand and rest it on the table,” she said gently. Then, she went to the windowsill, where an aloe plant sat in a ceramic pot, and snapped off one of the long, pointy ends.

  A few seconds later, her free hand grasped his trembling fingers, holding them still as she squeezed the gooey stuff out of the plant and onto the burn. Next, she wrapped a gauze bandage loosely around it. She dropped the roll of gauze back into the box as Jacob s
tood. “Danki, Bex.”

  She backed up a step. “Jacob, I…I read Susie’s note.”

  “Jah.” He’d wanted her to.

  “I’m sorry. That must hurt.” Her forehead wrinkled a little.

  Jacob shrugged. “Not so much. I told you I would be asking her for a break.”

  “I thought you were just saying that.”

  “I never just say things.” Jacob reached out with his unburned hand and let his fingers slide over her cheek, down to her chin, touching the corner of her mouth along the way. “I wanted to think about things before I committed to anything.” He’d said that on their date, but it needed repeating.

  “What things?” There was a definite catch in Becky’s voice, but she didn’t pull away from his light touch.

  Jacob grinned. “You. Me.” He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Us.”

  Chapter 19

  Becky’s fingers rose to touch her cheek as she watched Jacob stride from the room. He didn’t look back, not even as he paused to close the door behind him. Maybe now she’d find out what it was like to be courted by Jacob Miller.

  Once, when she was at the home of an Englisch friend, they’d watched a movie on the television box that sat in the corner of the living room. In the movie, after a boy kissed a sixteen-year-old girl on the cheek, the girl had squealed. Becky wished she could squeal like that. Maybe it would let out some of her bottled-up emotions as an alternative to tears.

  The door opened again, and Jacob stepped back inside. “Hey, Bex. What are you doing Friday night?”

  Becky blinked, pulling her hand away from her face. She hoped Jacob hadn’t noticed her childishly touching the place where he’d kissed her. “I don’t know. Reading, maybe.” She’d recently bought a new book but hadn’t started it yet.

  “There’s a frolic at your cousin Ben’s haus. I’ll take you.”

  Becky sucked in a breath. “Ach, nein. Jacob, I…. Nein.” She would not go there. Not even for Jacob. So much for finding out what it would be like to be courted by him. That was a quick death of that dream.

  Jacob advanced toward her but stopped a couple of feet away. “Why not, Bex? I know Kent lied about you, and your reputation suffered a beating, but sometimes the best way to get past that sort of thing is to face it with your head held high. You know, as the Englisch say, ‘Don’t let them see you sweat.’ I’ll be there; I’ll stay right by your side. Promise.”

  “Jacob, maybe you don’t know what goes on at some of Ben’s parties.” Though he should. He’d been to one already.

  His mouth quirked. “I know. Trust me. But this one is supposed to be nothing more dangerous than a bonfire with hotdogs and s’mores, and maybe a volleyball game. It’s Ben’s birthday.” He hesitated, his expression softening. “And if it does turn out to be something you’re uncomfortable with, we can leave.”

  Becky thought for a moment, tempted. But then, memories flooded back from the last time she’d gone. “No one will miss us, Becky. Kum. We’ll be back before they even know we’re gone.”

  She hadn’t stayed around to hear that version of what Kent had said. It had taken everything for her to keep from slapping the boy who’d whispered to her. Would she ever get over this embarrassing nightmare? Wasn’t it enough that she’d shamed herself and her family? Did they have to force her to relive her mistake every time she ventured out?

  Becky shuddered, forcing her mind back to the present. Her attention focused on the man tempting her now, and she straightened her posture. “Nein.”

  Jacob sucked in a deep breath as a wounded expression flitted across his face, then disappeared so fast that she wondered if she’d imagined it. He spun around and headed for the door, making no move to touch her or tease her. She almost wished he would.

  Over his shoulder, he said, “No need to give your answer now, Bex. Take some time to think on it first.”

  Thinking on it wouldn’t change her answer. Jacob might not be Kent, or any of the other boys who looked at her with lustful eyes, but he was still male, and his smooth talk rivaled Kent’s, for sure. She would not be lured into his trap.

  Becky moved to the window to watch Jacob stride back to the shop, and she turned away only after he disappeared inside. What had she been doing before Jacob had come in and confused her emotions? Her gaze landed on the boxful of medical supplies. Ach, had she really been so bold as to go out to the shop in search of Jacob, carrying coffee and cookies as an excuse?

  Had she expected him to pour out his hurt and dismay over being dumped by Susie for this Timothy and cry on her shoulders? He’d hardly do that. But still, poor Jacob had been upset enough to reach for a piece of hot metal and burn himself. And Daed had told him to keep his mind on the job. He didn’t know that Susie had just broken his heart.

  Never mind that Jacob had turned on the charm after she’d bandaged his hand, saying he wanted to think about “us.”

  And he’d kissed her cheek.

  Warmth washed over Becky again, and she almost smiled.

  Almost.

  Instead, she frowned at the realization that swept over her. She snatched up the box and marched out of the room. Ach, Jacob was just like all the buwe. He had to have a girl on his arm. And if it couldn’t be his Susie, then, for now, the next best thing was Becky.

  Because, after all, who did Becky have?

  Nobody.

  And that was the absolute truth of it.

  Maybe marrying Amos Kropf would not be such a bad thing after all. Even though her parents had offered to move the family so she wouldn’t have to, she would hate to disrupt their lives.

  Tears welled in her eyes. Impatiently, she wiped them away with her knuckles. She would grin and bear whatever was best for her family. And for her daughter.

  ***

  As Jacob strode back into the blacksmith shop, he caught Daniel’s wink. He wasn’t sure if it was directed toward the man he’d been chatting with or toward Jacob because he had spent a few precious moments alone in the kitchen with Becky.

  She’d actually seemed receptive to him—at least, until he’d brought up the idea of attending her cousin Ben’s party. Then, that solid barn wall had been erected so fast, it’d crushed his toes, as well as scraped his heart. Would he ever get past her defenses?

  Pain from more than just a burned hand ate at him. Becky was a master of rejection, and it still stung him, even though he’d experienced it every day since coming here. What would it take to get her to open up to him, to accept him? For her to agree to be courted by him?

  Still mulling over his questions, Jacob picked up the cup of coffee Becky had left on the anvil, took a sip, then set it aside, out of the way of his work. The bundle wrapped in a napkin still waited there, too, so he picked it up, and the contents shifted in his hand. He peeked inside. Cookies. Four of them. They appeared to be oatmeal raisin. Jacob didn’t know when Becky had baked them, or even if she had. Perhaps they had been one of Leah’s baking projects yesterday.

  He set the cookies down next to his coffee, then moved over to the crank to get the fire going again. Daniel was spending less time telling him what to. Must mean he was catching on. And he actually found himself enjoying the work.

  It’d be something he could do to support Becky, if their relationship went that far. He glanced out the open door toward the fields. How far did Daniel’s land extend? Did he plan to give a portion of it to Becky when she married?

  Not exactly questions he could ask at this point. He and Becky were hardly ready to discuss a future together. The present was uncertain enough.

  He shook his head and grinned. And he’d thought nothing would ever come between him and Susie.

  He’d need to take this relationship slow and steady. Make certain that Becky would be his one and only.

  The trouble was, did he have time? With the bishop and Amos Kropf pushing for Becky to marry now, would he and Becky be forced into a decision neither one of them was ready to make?

  The fire burning
fiercely now, Jacob reached for the project he’d been working on. The customer left, and Daniel wandered over and watched Jacob work for a few moments, then gave him an approving clap on the shoulder and disappeared out the door.

  Several minutes later, Jacob heard the familiar clip-clop of a horse coming down the lane. Putting down the hammer, he peeked out the window to see the man Daniel had referred to as the bishop. He might be there to have some work done, but since he came so close on the heels of the failed dinner with Amos Kropf, Jacob doubted it. This wouldn’t be good.

  He wiped his unburned hand on his work apron and headed outside to look for Daniel. To his relief, he spied the older man coming back from the house.

  “Welkum, Bishop Sol. What can we do for you today?” Daniel approached the bishop, shooting Jacob an indecipherable glance.

  The bishop looked at Jacob, his expression dismissive, then turned his gaze back to Daniel. “Can we talk?”

  “Jah.” Daniel didn’t invite the bishop to walk or ask Jacob to leave. But when the bishop remained silent, he nodded toward Jacob.

  Jacob took that as his cue to disappear. For a second, he stood there in indecision. Should he go for a walk, get back to work, or head up to the house? Since he’d just come from the house a few minutes ago, he didn’t figure that to be such a good idea.

  Back to work it was.

  Inside the shop again, Jacob took another sip of his coffee, now lukewarm. He eyed the cookies but didn’t think they would agree with him, his nerves in a tangle the way they were. If only he dared creep to the doorway and eavesdrop on the two men. He suspected they would be talking about Amos Kropf and the date that hadn’t happened with Becky.

  Knowing he’d probably get caught, he went back to work, trying the method Daniel had shown him to curve the end of a piece of metal.

  After a while, he heard buggy wheels crunch over the gravel, and Daniel returned to the shop. Jacob eyed him, wondering how the talk had gone but not daring to ask. Judging by his expression, it hadn’t been too bad.

  Still, Daniel didn’t seem inclined to share what they had discussed. Instead, he busied himself looking at the work Jacob had accomplished. “Ser gut, but you need to smooth it out a little bit. Here, let me show you.” He headed back to the forge.