Patchwork Dreams

by Laura Hilton

  Jacob impatiently raised his eyebrows and trailed Daniel to the fire. “The visit from the bishop…?” Maybe a gentle prod would do the trick. More like a broad hint.

  As he waited, thunder rumbled, and the skies opened up. Rain pattered down outside, and inside the shop, water started dripping from a few holes in the roof.

  “I guess I need to fix the roof. A job for tomorrow, ain’t so?”

  “Jah.” Jacob tapped his foot on the blackened floor.

  Daniel nodded toward the lever, indicating Jacob should stoke the fire. “The bishop, he didn’t realize our Becky had other options. He’s willing to wait a bit before marrying her off.”

  Jacob’s heart soared, relieved he’d have time to try to win Becky over. But then he shivered with a sudden chill. From the rain? Probably not. Other options—that meant him. And if that didn’t work out…. Ach, he wouldn’t think that way.

  There was no reason why it shouldn’t.

  ***

  Becky immersed herself in greenhouse work in an effort to keep her mind off both Jacob and Amos. She destroyed spiderwebs with a broom and began to clean up for spring planting. She loved working out here, especially on rainy days, when the sound of water hitting the glass panes overhead seemed much what she imagined an Amazon rain forest to sound like. Mamm had ordered the seeds they needed, so their work would begin in earnest as soon as the package arrived.

  When Becky’s stomach rumbled with hunger, she squared her shoulders and headed for the kitchen. Time she started lunch, not that she was in a hurry to see Jacob. But Mamm and Mary should be home soon, and Mamm would be expecting to find the meal under way. Maybe Mamm would be home by the time she finished peeling the potatoes.

  After she’d made her decision to marry Amos Kropf, her heart had died, the direct opposite of how completely alive she felt in Jacob’s company. Now it was just numb. Accepting, but not happy.

  If she wouldn’t be allowed to stay with her parents as a maidal, then marriage to Amos Kropf would solve everything—if she could resign herself to the emotional prison. She pushed a nudge of doubt to the background. She’d be out from under her parents’ roof, Emma would have a daed, and her parents would no longer bear the shame and disgrace of having a daughter who was an unwed mother. The unmarried men who had lustful thoughts about her would be forced to look elsewhere. What could possibly be wrong with that picture?

  Other than the fact that she’d be married to a man as old as her daed. A man who had a son almost as old as she was. A man who was believed by most to have abused his former wives, maybe even killed one of them. The last one had died falling down a set of stairs. Suspicious, as far as Becky was concerned. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

  He was a man she didn’t love.

  Tears burned her eyes. She angrily brushed them away.

  She would not cry.

  After all, she could find things wrong with Jacob, too. He frequented parties—well, at least one—and hung out with her cousin Ben. Granted, nobody had told him about the singings where the good Amish teens went. Becky was so far out of the loop, she didn’t know, herself.

  If Ben had called the upcoming gathering at his house a “frolic,” then maybe it would be safe. And maybe Jacob was confused about where to get acquainted with people. After all, he was new to the community.

  If Mamm didn’t need her, she’d run down to Annie’s house after school let out and see if Annie could tell her where the legitimate singings would be held. In case Jacob would like to know.

  And Becky could find out if Ben’s get-together would be a true frolic, or if he was just calling a party by a different name.

  Chapter 20

  Jacob pulled his watch out of his pocket and glanced at the time. Almost five o’clock. Someone should be ringing the dinner bell soon. He strode to the shop door, glad to see that the heavy rain had lightened to more of a drizzle. When they’d sloshed through the mud to the house for the noon meal, Daniel had joked about it being fine weather for ducks. Leah had put a large plastic tray by the back door where they could leave their shoes. His mamm did that back home in Pennsylvania, especially during the winter and early spring. Homesickness struck. He missed Mamm’s daily hugs. He didn’t get any hugs here, but he should have expected that.

  The rain had transformed the Ozark world even more. When he’d arrived in Seymour, the trees had been bare and broken, coated in ice, but now they were turning green, with leaves a little bigger than a squirrel’s ears. Wild jonquils were beginning to bloom along the roadsides and scattered in the yards, and wild violets made a beautiful ground cover. Both were sure signs of spring.

  The transformation amazed him. Even more amazing was the dramatic transformation his own life had undergone—from pursuing Susie to pursuing Becky, and with greater passion; from hating the blacksmith trade to thoroughly enjoying the work; from harboring bitterness toward his daed for sending him here with duplicitous intentions to fully forgiving him.

  Jacob’s stomach rumbled, and he glanced toward the house, hoping somebody would appear soon and summon them to dinner. But then, he caught movement out by the road. It was Becky, scurrying home through the light rain from wherever she had been.

  An image came to mind of Susie dashing away from his buggy after he dropped her off down the lane from her house. Was Becky running home after a date with a bu?

  His heart clenched with unexpected jealousy, and, without thinking, he stepped out of the shop and started running toward her. Surely, she hadn’t gone out with Amos Kropf. Daniel had made his opinion known about that match. At least, to Jacob. And either he or Leah certainly would have spoken to Becky about it.

  His stomach churned. But, as he neared her, he forced what he hoped would be a happy expression onto his face. He didn’t want to scare her. “Bex.”

  She looked up, rain running down her face in rivulets. The black bonnet she wore over her kapp was soaked, but then, so was the rest of her. Mud coated the bottom third of her dress.

  “Ach, you’re going to get sick.”

  She waved his concern away. “I’m fine. I went to visit with Annie. She told me it really is a frolic at Ben’s. And the singing will be held at her haus on Sunday night.”

  Relief filled him. She hadn’t been with another man. And she’d been able to get the information on where the singing would be. Not another party. He didn’t intend to go to another of those; he’d finished with that scene. “Does that mean you’ll go with me?”

  She frowned.

  Jacob stepped nearer and cupped her chin with his hand. “You know, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.”

  “I’ve heard that before.” Becky shrugged. And didn’t smile. “I don’t know, Jacob. No one would expect me there. And I really don’t fit in. Never have. You’d be so much happier without me along. Really.” She stepped out of his reach, causing his hand to drop away. “Not to mention, you’ll meet some nice girls. My friend Annie….”

  Jacob edged closer, reaching out to touch her upper arm and gently tug her toward him. “Are you saying you aren’t interested in me?”

  Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at him. “Nein, I…uh….”

  “Then, you’re interested in being courted by me?”

  She dipped her head, but not before he saw the blush staining her cheeks.

  He moved his hand to trace the curve of her cheek. “Please go with me, Bex.” His hand slid around to the back of her neck. “Please?”

  She shivered under his light touch. Or maybe it was from the chill of the rain. He wasn’t sure. “Jah. I will.”

  Jacob smiled. “Gut. Danki, Bex.”

  With one finger, he raised her chin, then wiped some of the rainwater away, not that it did much good. Her tongue peeked out and licked the moisture from her lips. Jacob’s gaze fixed on her mouth. She must have noticed it, because she leaned ever so slightly toward him, as if offering an invitation. An invitation he certainly wouldn’t refuse. He edged closer and gently bru
shed his lips against hers before she had a chance to reconsider her actions. Or maybe she hadn’t realized what she’d done.

  He pulled back and stared into her eyes, searching, then lowered his head again just as the dinner bell rang. Confident they were out of view of the back porch, Jacob didn’t step back. Gently, he tugged her the rest of the way into his arms, deepening the kiss. A few seconds later, he broke the kiss and wrapped her in a hug.

  “That was amazing.” He sucked in a breath. “You’ll have fun. At the frolic, I mean. I promise.”

  ***

  Emotions churned through Becky so fast and hard, she could barely sort through them. She wanted to pull Jacob back and kiss him with all of her pent-up longing, but at the same time, fear that he could be another Kent gnawed at her. Was this just a different approach to get the same thing?

  How badly she wished she could wrap her arms around him and hug him back, but she didn’t dare. Instead, she stood there in the shelter of his arms while her thoughts and feelings warred within her. Wishing he’d kiss her again and never stop. Wanting the strength to pull away and run. Ach, she was so confused.

  Jacob’s embrace felt so strong, secure, and even safe. Something she’d never felt when Kent had held her. But then, had he ever held her just because?

  After the too-brief cuddle, Jacob pulled away, ending their moment of closeness. “I heard the dinner bell, I think. But now we’re both soaking wet.” He grinned at her. “We should sneak in the front and get changed, ain’t so?”

  “Jah, for sure.” She moved toward the house, then stumbled when she noticed Daed standing in the doorway of the blacksmith shop, watching them. Shame coursed through her. Would she never learn her lesson? What must Daed be thinking? He’d be ready to put Jacob on the next bus out of town.

  Jacob caught her hand, steadying her. “Are you alright?”

  She glanced at him. “Daed,” she whispered.

  He looked toward the blacksmith shop, then raised his hand in a wave. To Becky’s dismay, Daed waved back. So much for pretending he hadn’t seen.

  Becky trembled, and Jacob’s grip on her hand tightened. “It’s okay, Bex.”

  “Nein. After Kent…I shamed him. I’ve given up the right to liebe.” Ach, she hadn’t intended to say that.

  And she’d used the word love in relation to him. How could she have been so dumb?

  That might explain why Jacob seemed to be taking his precious time in responding. Maybe she’d stolen his voice away.

  “Not that ‘Ich liebe dich.’ I mean, uh….”

  “Careful, Bex. You’re going to hurt my feelings.” He drew in a breath. Exhaled. “There is only One with the authority to deny the right to love. And He refuses to do so.”

  Becky blinked at him. She couldn’t think of a thing to say in response to something so profound.

  They’d reached the house, and he led her around to the front. For a charged moment, they stared at each other. Jacob’s gaze flickered to her mouth, lingering for an eternity, then moved away. “Go on, now. Get changed. I’ll see you in the kitchen.” He grinned at her, then headed toward the dawdi-haus for his own fresh set of clothes.

  Was it bad that she wished he would have kissed her again?

  ***

  Jacob whistled as he took off his muddy boots and left them in the tray by the door of the dawdi-haus, then headed upstairs to his room.

  He couldn’t believe Becky had allowed him to hold her—not only hold her, but kiss her, too. And that kiss had been knee-weakening. He’d be dreaming about it at night, for certain. It had taken only a second or two for her to respond, and then she’d returned his kiss with a passion and abandon that had surprised him.

  Even though the dinner bell had been rung, Jacob decided to take a shower. If he made it quick, he wouldn’t be all that late. That rain was cold, chilling him to the bone. And Becky had been out in it longer than he had.

  He was on his way back downstairs, his body clean, his hair towel-dried, when he remembered that Daniel had stood by the shop and watched him make a move on Becky. Would he find a bus ticket on his breakfast plate the next morning? He hoped that the cues he’d picked up from Daniel so far were accurate—that he was, in fact, matchmaking. And that the kiss they’d shared would be a major step forward rather than a strike against him.

  After all, Daniel certainly hadn’t come charging at him like an angry bull seeing red, leaving Jacob bruised and battered three counties over. Nein. He’d just stood there.

  Still, Jacob wished that Daniel had gone back inside the shop, because his spying had certainly made Becky uncomfortable. And the knowledge that someone might be watching from inside the house had been the only thing that had kept Jacob from kissing her again on the front porch.

  He raked his fingers through his damp hair. Courting a girl he practically shared a roof with could get very awkward. Their relationship would not have the usual degree of secrecy, for sure.

  But then, he wouldn’t have to go very far to pick her up for a date, either. And he could see her almost as often as he liked. Definite benefits.

  Only Becky hadn’t agreed to a courtship. All she’d said was that she’d attend the frolic with him. But she hadn’t denied her interest in him, either. Plus, she’d blushed when he’d mentioned courting. That had to mean something, right?

  Jah. And he would take what he could get.

  He would do his best to make sure that the frolic was an event she’d never forget.

  If only he could get her to smile.

  Seriously, what would it take?

  Chapter 21

  As the time neared for Jacob to take her to Ben’s frolic on Friday, Becky’s stomach roiled. She must have been out of her head to agree. Obviously, Jacob had caused her brain cells to pack up and leave for vacation, because she never would have accepted his invitation if she had given it serious thought.

  Maybe getting sick would be a good thing, because then she would have an excuse to stay home. After all, her sister Naomi Joy had come home for a brief visit, brought by a driver she’d hired, and it would be nice to talk with her this evening. If Becky claimed to be sick, well, it wouldn’t exactly be a lie. After all, Mamm had even commented that she looked a little green and had sent her out to sit on the front porch to get some fresh air. She planted her bare feet solidly against the warmth of the wood porch to still the porch swing so that it wouldn’t cause her queasy stomach to be even more upset.

  Maybe Jacob would notice that she didn’t look so well and would go without her. After all, he’d have more fun if she wasn’t there. He certainly didn’t need her to hold his hand. And even though he had kissed her—just once, at the beginning of the week—when it came down to it, she was used goods, and he would never want to marry her.

  But oh, that kiss. She shut her eyes and inhaled, reliving the pressure of his lips on hers. Wow. That was almost enough to make a girl believe in miracles and second chances.

  God might still work miracles today, but Becky had never seen any, except for when Emma was born. And she didn’t think He’d want to waste His time and abilities on her. What did God care about an Amish girl who had made a mistake, gotten herself shunned, and then had been accepted only grudgingly after she’d repented and joined the church? Did God hold the same reservations toward her that the rest of the community did?

  Jacob’s comment about God not withholding love made her wonder. She wished she knew where to find answers, which book of the Bible to search.

  Whistling warned her of Jacob’s presence moments before she heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. She opened her eyes.

  He stopped before her. “Hey, Bex. Your mamm said I would find you here. I’m going to get cleaned up, and then I’ll be ready to go.”

  “I’m not feeling so gut.”

  “Nerves, ain’t so?” Jacob nodded without waiting for her reply. “Your daed said not to let you talk me out of it.” Something about his smile looked sympathetic. Maybe it was his eyes. />
  Becky frowned and stared at the porch floorboards. “You go without me. Maybe I’ll go next time.” Most definitely not next time. Or ever. Ach, if only Daed hadn’t told him not to allow her an out.

  Jacob gazed at his work-blackened hands. “I’d really like it if you’d go. I can’t make you, Bex, but…please?”

  That “please” conveyed a mountain of unspoken feelings. Becky almost cried at the longing and loneliness she thought she’d heard. Was Jacob beginning to feel isolated here, so far away from his friends and family, not knowing anybody? That was enough to make her reconsider. Maybe he did need her, or he at least wanted the familiarity of a friend.

  “Jah. Nerves.” She took a deep breath. “Just nerves.” That might have been the truth; she just wasn’t completely sure.

  “Gut.” Jacob backed away, then hesitated. “I’ll be praying for you to feel better.”

  “Danki.” She set the swing in motion with her big toe, then curled her weak-kneed legs into the swing.

  Jacob eyed her bare feet. “You should get ready too, ain’t so?”

  “Jah.” She would. In a minute. When she could find the strength to make her legs work. Right now, they felt as if they were made of rubber.

  Jacob nodded. His gaze flicked toward her lips, then away. “Listen. I…um, I should probably apologize for, um, kissing you without permission the other day.”

  She sucked in a breath. He was sorry for kissing her? And here she had just been thinking about how amazing it had been. Tears burned her eyes.

  “I mean, I know I don’t have the right to kiss you without a promise being made. But, well…. The intent is there.”

  The intent for a promise was there? Becky struggled to wrap her mind around his words. If only she could believe that.

  But then, why shouldn’t she be able to? Kent had never made such promises.