Playing Ball

by Kerry Freeman

  The phone went quiet again and Ruben braced himself for accusations that he had no defense for. “Was he the one you left me for?” She didn’t sound upset, more reflective. Ruben supposed that the years since he dropped the bombshell and her happiness with her new marriage had mellowed her hurt.

  “No. Not in the way you think. I was in love with him, still am, but we’re not together. He’s not interested in me like that, though there are times when he’s given me hope. You’d probably get a kick out of watching me pine. I left because I was living a lie and you deserved somebody who could give you everything.”

  “Damn, Ruben, you still know just what to say, don’t you?” Karen said with a light laugh.

  “Not always.” Ruben glanced at the playpen as Matt stirred. “I’ll call you tomorrow about coming down after I talk to Alan tonight. What do you think about them staying later in August too? They can come back the week before school starts.”

  “A week? Back-to-school shopping is our big thing. We make a long weekend out of it.”

  “You mean you’re not going to do a shopping extravaganza while you’re in London?”

  “Well….” Ruben heard the smile in her voice. “Maybe, but that’s not going to get them set up for school. I suppose we can split the back-to-school shopping this year. How’s that?”

  “I think that works,” Ruben said, tucking the phone under his ear as he got up. Matt yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Thank you for being so understanding.” They both wanted what was best for Jessica and Jonah, and that was having both of them in their lives. He should’ve known she would work with him instead of letting his disappointment build up false anxieties in his head.

  “We’ve both said and done things we regret. I know this last year has been crazy, but we both need to make some sacrifices, right?” Karen replied.

  Matt pulled himself to his feet with a little whimper and silently held up his arms to be picked up. “Hey there, big guy,” Ruben murmured and gathered him up, smiling as Matt burrowed into his arms. He was always a cuddle bug when he first woke up. “We do. Thanks again, Karen.”

  He hung up the phone, then kissed the top of Matt’s tousled head. “I think we need to change your diaper and go find your dad.”

  Matt pulled his thumb out of his mouth and patted his damp little hand against Ruben’s mouth. “No. Hush.”

  Ruben chuckled and shifted Matt in his arms. “What? I’m not allowed to talk to you, sleepyhead?”

  “Talk bad. Bad. Bad, Unca.” Matt blinked sleepy blue eyes up at him and continued to pat his mouth in an unmistakable gesture that Ruben should shut up and let him enjoy his drowsy state. Ruben considered tickling him and then decided against it as he sat back down behind the desk and pulled up the budget program. He knew very well that moments like this ended too fast as kids grew up.

  Chapter 5

  ALAN could not concentrate on the movie. The house was silent, the boys long since asleep. He was enjoying the intimacy of the quiet time with Ruben, both of them relaxed at the end of a long day, the comfortable familiarity of having Ruben near, that was all, nothing else.

  To be honest, the only reason he was watching the movie at all was because it had been Ruben’s turn to pick. If his friend could tolerate Alan’s comedies, then he could return the favor, even if this was another Bogart film. Alan was beginning to suspect Ruben had an ongoing mental lovefest for the man. He crossed his arms as a little pang hit him. He didn’t get what was so sexy about a man in black-and-white anyway.

  It was a little harder to concentrate tonight, though. They were both stretched out on opposite ends of the wide couch, their legs tangled together, and Ruben kept rubbing his palm along Alan’s shin. Every time he felt the hand move, Alan’s thoughts scattered and his body stirred. Ruben seemed to be unaware not only of what he was doing, but the effect it was having on Alan as well. Instead, Ruben was watching the screen as if Bogart was a godsend.

  It was irritating.

  Alan nudged him in the side with his big toe. “What is the Maltese Falcon, anyway? This isn’t going to be another one of your weird endings, is it?”

  Ruben kept his eyes on the screen, but he quirked his lips in a smile of anticipation. “Just watch and see. You talk too much, Hartner.” This time he moved both of his hands along Alan’s foot, and Alan was hyperaware of every bit of skin those long fingers touched.

  A few more minutes passed and Alan shifted, turning his body alongside Ruben and draping an arm over his legs. His thoughts drifted to the conversation they’d had after the scrimmage, more specifically to Ruben’s last statement. He didn’t plan on being alone… that could mean one to two things. Either he was interested in someone or he was considering moving away.

  Alan wanted to ask if Tampa was on his mind, but was afraid of the answer. He couldn’t fathom what kept Ruben in Vermont. He caught a lot of flak from fans in the area who had long memories of his defection. Friendship was one thing, being uncle to Alan’s kids was another, and the business… but none of those were really reasons to stay.

  Alan shifted through possibilities until his mind settled on one that irritated him even more than Bogart did: Stuart, with his super cool trendy looks, metrosexual suaveness, and the hot eyes he gave Ruben whenever he came to the batting cage on some excuse or another. There was no reason for him to lurk other than he was trying to hook up with Ruben. Now that he thought about it, the two of them had been hanging out more often.

  “That guy came around when you were holed up in the office on the phone today,” Alan said.

  Ruben stole a quick glance at him and then went back to the movie. “That guy? I need a little more to go on.”

  “You know, Mr. Cool, your new buddy.” Alan reached for his beer bottle and drained the last of the contents. He considered getting up to retrieve another round, then decided against it. He was too comfortable sprawled out with Ruben.

  “You mean Stuart?”

  “Yeah, he mentioned something about heading to Burlington to see some new indie film.” Alan hadn’t heard of it, though he was sure it was something Ruben would probably enjoy. He didn’t see what Ruben got out of the friendship; the other man didn’t even like baseball. There had to be something seriously wrong with him. “I told him you had plans for tonight. I meant to pass along the message but I forgot.”

  Ruben looked at him with what looked like a laugh playing about his lips and raised his eyebrow. “Was this before or after you sicced your kids on me?”

  “After, thank you very much. Besides, you had plans even before I sent in Mikey.” Alan poked Ruben with his toe between his ribs, where he had that one ticklish spot. Ruben grabbed his foot and moved it onto his lap.

  As Ruben turned his attention back to the movie, the need to know if Stuart and Ruben were heading toward domestic bliss clawed at Alan until he couldn’t remain silent any longer. “So are you two seeing each other?”

  Ruben hit pause on the remote and swung his head around, his eyes wide. “No, just friends. It’s nice to talk to someone else who’s also gay.” Ruben’s gaze lingered on Alan’s face. “He’s way too young. I’m not looking for that.”

  There had to have been some lovers over the years since Ruben and Karen split. Sometimes Alan wished he could tell his brain to shut up and stop wondering. So what if Ruben had had some hot flings. He was entitled. He wasn’t a monk, for God’s sake.

  There had been rumors since Ruben came out, occasionally with his name linked to one man or another. Most often, though, the rumors centered around Alan and him. Alan had shrugged off the gossip and focused on his sons instead. Hell, the rumors had been flying even before Ruben came out. If there was one thing Alan had learned while in the majors, it was not to let the media eat him up. It could be an out-of-control machine, and addressing it often only fueled the issue.

  Now that he thought about it, Alan hadn’t heard of Ruben dating in the past couple of years. He’d never heard Ruben’s name connected with another man’s
other than his own. And in a town like this, where he was a minor celebrity, that was no small feat. But there had to have been others.

  The thought brought with it a surge of irrational jealousy that Alan had never experienced in all the years when they’d both been married and struggling with the emotions raging between them. Odd, now things had quieted, that it should bother him so.

  “I’ll call Stuart when I get back into town,” Ruben said and unpaused the movie.

  Alan frowned, took the remote, and stopped it again. “What do you mean when you get back?”

  “I’m taking a few days off to see Jessica and Jonah before they head to London.” Ruben furrowed his brow and stroked Alan’s skin with his fingertips. “I was going to see if you’d take me to the airport. It shouldn’t be a problem, should it? I didn’t see any other events planned at the batting cage.”

  “When?” Alan asked, left with the stunned, unsettling feeling that he’d been hit by a fastball. It was just a visit, and not the first time Ruben had visited Tampa, but Alan was certain there was more to it than that. Ruben had been so down lately, like he was only going through the day-to-day motions. He only seemed to liven up when he was coaching or to relax on nights like this, when it was late and they were both feeling mellow.

  “At the beginning of the week. I want to give Laurie a chance to take the lead the next practice so I’m not leaving her feeling like I dropped the ball.” Ruben searched Alan’s face and cocked his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to helping you rein in rug rats soon.”

  Alan’s frown deepened as that touched on one of his uncertainties. “I know I lean on you all the time with the boys. I don’t want you to feel obligated to—”

  “Hey, no, don’t be an idiot,” Ruben cut in and reached down to touch Alan’s hand. “I was talking about work, not about the boys. I love them. They’re not an obligation in any way. I like helping out with them, even when they make me miss my own troublemakers.”

  “Okay.” Alan reached for the remote again. “I just worry sometimes.”

  “Don’t.” The movie flicked back to life, but Ruben’s attention remained on him. “How about you? It’s been a couple years now… have you thought about dating?” Ruben asked, looking back at the TV, though Alan got the sense he wasn’t really paying attention, it just gave him something to watch other than Alan.

  The question caught Alan by surprise. So much had been going on, he hadn’t really considered dating. He’d been wrapped up in making sure the boys felt centered and secure, getting the batting cage off to a strong start, and reconnecting with Ruben. The time had kind of flown by.

  “I… no, not really.” Brett’s teacher from last year was hot and single. She had hit on him a couple of times, and they’d almost hooked up one night, but Alan hadn’t really been into it. “I don’t know, it would have to be someone pretty special. It’s not just me anymore, it’s my boys too. I’m not looking to bring a bunch of women in and out of their lives. Maybe if I find the right person, but I’m in no rush.”

  “I’m in no rush either. I know what I want and I’m really not interested in chasing after anything else.” Ruben squeezed his foot and turned his attention back to the movie, leaving Alan to ponder his words and the disappointment he thought he’d seen in Ruben’s expression.

  Alan knew what he wanted too. He wanted a partnership, a friendship, not just somebody to lie next to. He wanted somebody his kids could love too, someone they trusted. Somebody who gave them the attention, and sometimes discipline, they needed, the way Ruben did. It also left Alan wondering about what Ruben did want, if there was a certain kind of guy who pushed his buttons.

  The movie continued, but Alan had completely lost track of what was going on. His brain wouldn’t let him relax, which was probably a good thing. He could almost fall asleep right here on the couch, curled up next to Ruben. That had happened a few times over the past several months, and he really needed to put a stop to it before the boys got confused or came to expect Uncle Ruben at the breakfast table.

  “So I was thinking about what you said, about why I got so bent out of shape the other night,” Alan said, giving Ruben another poke. This time Ruben stopped the movie altogether. Alan’s heart jumped when he looked at him with those oh so serious dark eyes. Sometimes it was very hard to concentrate when Ruben looked at him like that, like all of his attention was focused on him.

  Ruben cocked his head and stilled his hands. “You mean about Cassandra?” he asked, his voice cautious.

  “Yeah.” Alan fiddled with the drawstrings of the thin cotton pants he’d put on before they started their movie. “What you said made me think about why it bothered me so much.”

  “And?” Once again Ruben stroked Alan’s ankle in a light caress that made him feel all wobbly inside.

  “It bothers me because it meant more than it should’ve. I mean, it was just a kiss and a little fooling around. Stupid guy stuff when your adrenaline’s up and you’ve had a few too many beers, right?” Ruben’s gaze became shuttered and Alan felt a little panging ache in return. He sat up straighter and leaned toward Ruben. “So if it was just that, I should’ve been able to let it go and move on, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was continuing to betray her long after we fooled around, because I had a hard time not thinking about it.”

  Ruben sat up too, untangling his legs. Alan still couldn’t read his expression, and he was afraid Ruben was about to leave without a word. He should’ve kept his fat mouth shut instead of stirring the pot. There was a reason they hadn’t talked about this. “Wait. Don’t go.”

  “I’m not.” Ruben turned to face him and something in his gaze made Alan’s pulse skip a couple beats. “I think a part of the problem is that when I kissed you it was so sudden, there was no warning, it came and went like lightning and you were able to dismiss it.”

  He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Alan’s hips as he moved into his space. Alan’s breath came a little faster as he sank back against the cushions, feeling a little light-headed. “And the second time?” Alan asked.

  Ruben curved his lips in a secret smile as he hovered over Alan. “If I recall, the second time, both of us were too pissed at each other to think straight. I was actually expecting you to punch me when you showed up at my hotel room, not kiss me.”

  “Well, that had been the plan.” Only Ruben had opened the door only in his boxers, with a defensive look in his eyes Alan had never seen directed toward him before, and all of his intentions, his plan to demand answers, had crashed to the floor as they’d reached for each other with bruising hands and lips.

  “Instead you kissed me,” Ruben said. “Both those times we’d buried it, we’d rationalized it away and we’d focused on our commitments. This time it’s going to be different.”

  Alan kept flitting his gaze to Ruben’s lips, the sexy way his mouth formed words. His heart was doing a running-man dance in his chest, complete with crazy flips. “Because neither of us is involved?” Alan managed to say as Ruben closed the distance between them too slowly.

  “Yeah, that, and because this time you know I’m going to kiss you.” Ruben smiled in a way that made it hard to think. “So if you don’t want it, you’d better tell me now.”

  Alan slid his hands up Ruben’s arms and felt the strength in his biceps, the heat of his body. This was a mistake. This would open up closed doors and bring in a whole other dimension to their relationship that Alan wasn’t sure he was ready for. Yet he couldn’t voice any of those excuses. “What are you waiting for? Kiss me, already.”

  Alan lifted his head as Ruben came down, and they met in the middle. At first it was just a brush of lips that made him tingle and seek more. He pressed his lips to Ruben’s, and they moved, nibbling, exploring without the devouring insanity that had poured through them both before.

  Ruben cradled the back of Alan’s head in his hand as he slanted his mouth and parted his lips in a silent invitation that left Alan dizzy. Alan curled his
fingers into Ruben’s arms as he accepted without hesitation and deepened the kiss, aching to taste him again. This tender exploration was so different from last time, and still so damned good.

  Alan breathed him in as Ruben’s hard weight settled over him. He stilled his tongue and wrapped his arms around Ruben, memorizing the incredible sensation of feeling muscle against muscle. He had not fully appreciated the difference last time; he’d been in too much of a frenzy of frustration and need.

  Ruben skimmed Alan’s side with his fingers, where he had gone a little soft over the past two years. Before Alan could start to feel a little self-conscious about that, Ruben stroked his tongue over Alan’s and all he wanted was a little more of everything.

  He tightened his arms around Ruben and turned them both so they were side by side and Ruben was trapped between the back of the couch and Alan’s body. He made a sexy sound, like his breath was caught in his throat on a groan. He made Alan crazy, set him on fire inside and out. He drove his tongue into Ruben’s mouth as he pushed his knee between Ruben’s legs and slid it up until it rested between his thighs.

  Ruben broke away and groaned, “Damn, Alan. You can kiss me like that anytime you want.”

  Alan closed his eyes, touched his forehead to Ruben’s, and slid his hand along Ruben’s leg, hiking it higher over his hip. His hands would’ve been trembling if he wasn’t touching Ruben. He’d never felt this shaky before and it didn’t help his state of mind to feel Ruben’s slight trembling in return. He breathed in Ruben’s scent as he pressed closer, fitting against his friend like he belonged there. His groin ached and Ruben’s own arousal was unmistakable as he circled his hips and ground them against Alan’s.

  They were both panting as if they were in the middle of a race. Alan slid his hand under Ruben’s T-shirt, running his fingers over smooth, lean muscle. Ruben turned his head, and the scrape of his stubbled cheek on Alan’s skin made him shiver with excitement and the ache for more ramped up. He tugged Ruben’s shirt off and then shifted so Ruben could do the same to him.