False Perceptions

by Michelle Heard

  There’s nothing wrong with finding Emilie attractive as long as I keep it in my pants and don’t let it interfere with the mission.

  ‘Can you even get it up, old man?’ It’s something Dave would’ve said if he were here. The thought cuts through me, leaving me breathless.

  “Hayden, are you okay?” Emilie asks with concern all over her face. For the first time since we’ve met, she reaches out, placing her hand on my bicep.

  “Yes,” I say, my voice low with the ache left behind of thinking of Dave.

  “For a second there it looked like you were in pain. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I force a smile to my lips. “I’m sure.”

  “Okay,” she whispers, giving me one last look before she turns her attention back to the shelf in front of her.

  When we get home, I help Emilie carry everything inside.

  “The bench should be dry. Will you help me bring it down to the lake?” I ask once we’ve packed everything away.

  “Sure,” she replies, following me outside.

  Peanut starts to chase Jelly around the yard as we walk to the barn.

  “Is there a story behind their names?” I ask as we pick up the one side of the bench.

  Emilie picks up the other side, and I make sure I’m the one walking backwards to make it easier for her carrying the bench.

  “Not really. They were both already here when I moved in. They kinda came with the house. I named him Peanut because he likes peanut butter. It was just dumb luck that she was already named Jelly. A match made in heaven.”

  “Sure looks that way,” I say. “Why did you move out here?” I take a chance asking her a question seeing as she’s in a talkative mood for once.

  “I actually got a flat tire right in front of the property, saw the for-sale sign and bought it on the spur of the moment.”

  “Spur of the moment?”

  As we place the bench under a tree, she says, “Yeah. I instantly fell in love with the place. It’s nice and quiet out here.”

  Emilie moves back, standing on the edge of the lawn where it drops a little before it hits the lake, and admires the bench.

  “It’s perfect, Hayden. Thank you.”

  I’m so stunned to hear my name on her lips that I’m caught off guard as Peanut barrels past me and straight into Emilie.

  She falls back into the water with Peanut on top of her. I move the second Peanut’s head pops above the water, but not Emilie’s.

  CHAPTER 37

  EMILIE

  He slams my body into the hard floor with a dull thud, and before I can blink through the pain tearing through me, Bearded-Man straddles my hips and pins me down. Pressing his left forearm against my throat, he cuts off my air supply which immediately makes me gag for air.

  He covers my mouth with the wet rag, then barks, “Pass me some water.”

  I hear hurried footsteps, and I try to see what the other men are doing, but with Bearded-Man’s arm against my throat, I can’t see anything but his face hovering above me.

  Distressed, I try to get air into my lungs. With numb fingers, I claw at my captor’s arm. I struggle to lift my hips from the floor so I can get the man off of me, but I’m unsuccessful.

  “Faster,” he barks again.

  Someone shoves something at him. A jug of water.

  My eyes widen as he starts to tip it over and then freezing water hits my face. I try to turn my head away from the waterfall of ice, but hands keep me in place, forcing me to gasp and gag. Unable to get precious air into my lungs, all I can do is cough as I breathe water.

  “Emilie!” It sounds like his voice is coming from miles away as my lungs start to burn and my chest feels like it’s imploding. Terror erases all logic from my mind as my heart slams against my ribs. My body starts to convulse, and it’s only then that the water stops.

  “Fuck!” I hear the harsh word through my terror. “I’ve got you now. You’re safe.”

  “I’ve got you now. You’re safe,” Eagle repeats low in my ear.

  “Eagle,” I whisper hoarsely, but before I can say more, I start to cough up water.

  Eagle places me on the ground, then helps me to sit so I can get all the water out.

  He’s here. How is he here?

  Keeping my eyes shut, too scared he’ll disappear if I open them, I grab hold of his arms as I suck in air.

  I cough once more, then emotions throw my world upside down, and for the first time since I’ve last seen him, I let a cry escape.

  I pull myself up and wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold on as tight as I can.

  “Don’t leave again,” I beg, my voice rasping from all the coughing. “Please.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he says as his arms fold around me, and he presses me tightly to his body.

  Feeling the strength of his arms around me shatters me and puts me back together all at once.

  In his arms is the only place I’ve ever felt safe.

  Oh God, I don’t want to wake from this dream.

  “Are you hurt anywhere?” he asks.

  I shake my head and press my face into his neck.

  “Don’t let go,” I beg, not ready to return to a reality without him.

  He moves and slipping his arms under me, he picks me up.

  I feel every step he takes deep inside my bones.

  When he sets me down on something soft, I’m jarred from my dream. My breathing speeds up and the loss of the moment hurts.

  “I’ve got you now. You’re safe,” Hayden says.

  The words sound all too familiar. Confused, I glance up. Memories shudder through me as our eyes lock. What he smelled like. The way he moved. Those words.

  I never saw his face. I never knew what he looked like until now.

  “You,” I whisper, terrified that my mind is playing tricks on me.

  CHAPTER 38

  HAYDEN

  Using both my hands, I wipe the wet strands of hair away from her face.

  Fuck, I almost had a heart attack. That was too close.

  “You,” she whispers, and for the first time, her eyes lock on mine. I see the recognition in them, and I know there’s just no way on God’s green earth that I can lie to her now.

  “I wanted to tell you sooner,” I say.

  Shock flashes over her face. “It’s really you? Eagle?”

  “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you when you were talking about the nicknames –”

  My apology is cut short when she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me with a strength I didn’t know she had in her slender body.

  When she pulls back, she smiles at me through her tears.

  “Why are you here?”

  “It’s supposed to be an undercover mission just to make sure nothing happens to you again.”

  I hold my breath as I wait for her to process what I just said.

  Her eyes widen, and just like that the fear is back.

  “Am I in danger? Are they coming for me again?” The tremble in her voice makes me reach out to her. I hate seeing fear on her face.

  “No, it’s just a precaution. You’re safe, Emilie. I’m here until the election.”

  “You’re really here,” she whispers as the realization hits her again of who I am.

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not retired?”

  All the questions are good. It shows that she’s coping.

  “Not yet,” I answer.

  “Is your name really Hayden?”

  I let out a chuckle. “Yes, ma’am. Hayden Cole.”

  “Ma’am,” she breathes, all the while her eyes haven’t left mine. “I knew it sounded familiar.”

  “I’m sorry –”

  Again, she cuts my apology short. “The others. Your team. Are they here too? Nearby?”

  It feels as if I’m dunked in ice water.

  “My team,” I whisper as the ache spreads through my body.

  “Yeah. Falcon, Buzzard, Owl, and Hawk. Those are their nickna
mes, right?”

  I stand up from the crouching position and sit down next to her on the couch.

  Closing my eyes, I force their names over my lips.

  “Max, Dave, Mike, and Axel.”

  CHAPTER 39

  EMILIE

  I can’t stop staring at him. Finally, I have a face for the man who saved me.

  My world has been turned on its head, but I don’t care because he’s real. He’s not just a figment of my imagination.

  The brave men who came for me are real.

  “Max, Dave, Mike, and Axel,” he whispers, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  Max. Dave. Mike. Axel. I finally know their names.

  “Which one is Buzzard?” I ask wanting to know more about them.

  “Axel.”

  I lean forward so I can see his eyes. When I see the pain reflecting in them, a new fear rattles through me.

  “Axel Harrison.”

  “Falcon?” I can barely get the word out, terrified of what the look of torment in his eyes might mean.

  He clears his throat, and taking a deep breath, he says, “Dave Slater.”

  “Owl?”

  “Mike Warren.”

  I place my hand on his arm, needing to touch him as I ask, “Hawk?”

  “Max Perry.”

  I close my eyes knowing in my heart something bad has happened. I can feel it – the sorrow surrounding Hayden like a dark cloak.

  “Are they okay?” I force the words out.

  My men. God, let my men be okay.

  “Max is recovering from surgery,” Hayden says, then he looks down as he links his hands together, his elbows resting on his knees. “Axel, Dave, and Mike are gone.”

  “Gone?” I breathe, but then the meaning hits. God, it hits so hard, I have to wrap my arm around my waist, so I don’t double over. “As in… dead?”

  He nods, not able to say the words.

  Slowly, I stand up.

  Three of my men are dead.

  Buzzard, Falcon, and Owl are gone.

  I cover my mouth with a trembling hand to keep the sob from escaping.

  They kept me sane for seven months.

  “When did it happen?” I ask softly.

  “It’s been six months.”

  I hear Hayden move, but I don’t turn to look at him as tears spill over my cheeks. He places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a comforting squeeze.

  They were so strong. They had so much courage.

  Why?

  Why did such selfless men have to die?

  Why do monsters get to live while the few good men get taken from us?

  “How? What happened?” I ask, dreading his answer but needing to know.

  “It was an op that was a no win. We tried. We fought hard, but we were outnumbered.” He lets out a deep breath. “Axel thought the op was cursed from the start. We should’ve listened to him. Then they’d still be here.”

  Not being able to hold myself back, I close the distance between us and hug Hayden. It takes a second before his arms wrap around me.

  “I’m so sorry, Hayden,” I say, having no words to express the loss I feel or to comfort him with.

  I can’t believe they’re gone.

  CHAPTER 40

  HAYDEN

  When I’m done showering, I head back to Emilie’s house.

  After I gave her the news, I told her we should first get out of our wet clothes; then we could talk some more.

  I don’t know what to expect when I knock on the back door and step into the kitchen.

  “You don’t have to knock,” Emilie says as she gets up from where she was sitting at the kitchen table.

  She looks nervous as her eyes sweep over me.

  “Do you want to talk about my being undercover?” I ask, offering her an opening line into the conversation we’re bound to have.

  “I understand why you didn’t tell me at first who you are. You have a job to do. I get that,” Emilie says, her lips tipping up in a sad smile. “Can I make you coffee?”

  “Please,” I say as I turn one of the chairs a little so I can stretch my legs as I sit down.

  When she places a steaming mug in front of me, she sits down, so she’s facing me. She holds the mug with both her hands and then looks at me from under her lashes.

  “I’m sorry. I’m a little stunned,” she says, looking awkward. “So much has happened, and after you and your team rescued me, I clung to the memory of you.” She scrunches her nose, dropping her eyes to her coffee. “That doesn’t sound creepy at all,” she mumbles before taking a sip.

  I let out a chuckle. “I get what you’re saying. It happens, Emilie. What you went through… there’s no easy way to say it. You lived through a nightmare, and we were the ones who got you out. It’s normal that you would rather cling to the memory of being saved than the memory of being held captive.”

  Her eyes find mine again, and I swear I can see some relief in them.

  “It’s good to know I’m not losing my mind,” she jokes.

  We sit quietly for a moment as we drink our coffee, then Emilie leans forward on the table and stares at her half empty cup.

  “I can’t believe they’re gone,” she says, her voice soft and filled with sadness.

  I’m surprised when she wipes a tear from her cheek, giving me a watery smile. She didn’t know my brothers, yet she’s crying for them.

  “These past few months I’ve thought so much about them that they each have a special place in my heart. Can you tell me anything about them?”

  Hearing her say that makes a smile tug at my lips. That would mean that I have a special place in her heart as well.

  “You would’ve loved them, Emilie. They were larger than life. Axel, he had the biggest heart.”

  Even though a tear slips down her cheek, she still smiles at hearing that.

  “Mike.” I clear my throat before I push through. “He was going to be a dad. His wife had their son six weeks ago. She named him Michael.”

  Emilie covers her mouth, and I watch as the sadness weighs down on her. I’m humbled by how much she cares about my team.

  “Dave. He was my best friend. He was like a son to me.”

  Her hand darts across the table, and she lays it on my forearm, giving me a comforting squeeze.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

  I place my hand on top of hers and breathing away the ache that will always accompany memories of them, I smile at her.

  It feels good talking to her. I’m glad I don’t have to hide who I am anymore.

  CHAPTER 41

  EMILIE

  “Axel’s favorite story to tell was the time we all had to climb down a shit hole.” Hayden lets out a deep chuckle as he tells me more about my men.

  I can’t tear my eyes away from Hayden. My hero is sitting right across from me. How insane is that? I can reach out and touch him.

  My eyes drop to his chest. I can still remember what it felt like having all that muscle pressed to my back as we waited for the helicopter to come pick us up after they had rescued me.

  “Emilie,” Hayden says as he reaches across the table, placing his hand on my forearm.

  I blink, my eyes returning to his face as I’m pulled from my memories.

  “Sorry,” I apologize for zoning out on him.

  “Where did you go?” he asks, his mouth lifting at the corner in a sexy smile. “You had a peaceful look on your face.”

  I contemplate making up a story, so I won’t have to admit that I was thinking about him, but then my conscience wins.

  “After you rescued me when we were waiting to be picked up, the guys formed a circle around us.” A wave of sadness hits just thinking that three of them are gone. “You were behind me.”

  His smile turns soft while his eyes never leave me. I’ve never had someone give me their undivided attention the way Hayden does.

  “It made me feel like I mattered,” I whisper the truth.


  Hayden’s eyes turn fierce, and my heartbeat instantly speeds up.

  “You don’t feel like you matter?” he asks.

  I stand up and grabbing our mugs, I start to make more coffee.

  “Never like that,” I say. “None of you knew me yet you were all willing to take a bullet for me.” Feeling that I’m going into deep waters with this conversation, I force a chuckle over my lips. “I don’t think there are many people out there who would give their lives for a loved one, never mind a stranger.”

  “Wouldn’t you give your life for a loved one?” Hayden asks. The question is direct and firm.

  “I’ve never been in a situation like that so I don’t know what I’d do under pressure.” I think back to when the kidnappers were trying to get me to divulge information about Father. “The closest I’ve been to something like that was when the kidnappers wanted information on my father.”

  I force myself to focus on stirring the cream into the coffee instead of letting my mind go down the dark tunnel of torture.

  “Did you give them the information they wanted?” Hayden asks.

  “No,” I say as I turn and place his mug in front of him.

  I take my seat again and wipe away a drop of cream from the rim of the mug.

  “It’s the same thing, Emilie. You knew they could kill you for not complying, right?”

  “Yeah, but what was I going to do? I couldn’t betray my father just because I was scared.”

  “Yes, you could. Many people have. Damn, soldiers have caved under pressure. You didn’t, and it’s exactly the same thing as taking a bullet for someone.”

  I think over what he just said. “But he’s my father. I’m nothing to you and your team.”

  Hayden frowns darkly as he leans both his forearms on the table, which brings him closer to me.

  “Why would you think you’re nothing? You’re an American, right?”

  “Yeah, but –”