It's All Coming Back To Me

by Michelle Marra

  “Where are you taking me, love?” I ask, “Hopefully not somewhere to kill me and hide my body. You know I have a very unfair disadvantage.”

  She laughs and shakes her head, “Well now there’s an idea…however, I’d rather not. I was hoping we could have a lovely brunch by the river.”

  I smile and turn my attention back to the road in front of us. How romantic. Then my thoughts turn on me, and I’m thinking about the picnic Sam, and I had in this park on Spring Break. Wine, cheese, fruit and these fabulous finger sandwiches she had my mother make for us. The weather was warmer than usual with a slight breeze, I remember the sun beating down on us. I couldn’t believe how hot it was and despite the fact the sun was so cruel, we curled up on the blanket feeding each other grapes. I still remember the look in her eyes. It always pulled me in, made me putty in her hands. That same fucking look in her eyes five days ago and the same look she had when she was crying, telling me she loved me. Ugh…I slightly cringe at the fact that my thoughts are betraying me again. I don’t want to think about Sam. PERIOD.

  If she thinks I’m just going to fall for those eyes again, she’s dead wrong. It was only six weeks after that picnic she was breaking my heart. Now she thinks I’ll fall for it again knowing what I know. No fucking way…not in a million years.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” Lily says as she pulls off the road into a remote spot I know so well. Apparently, this is the only place to have a romantic picnic. I’m hoping she’s brought wine, champagne…anything and lots of it. If I have to endure a romantic picnic with remnants of a ghost haunting me, I’m going to need to drink.

  “Are you okay? You look like you want to kill someone.”

  I shake my head at her and just smile. “Oh, I’m okay. I’m just thinking about my therapy today. I’m up to twenty-five steps right now. Well, they’re still assisted, but my legs are getting stronger.”

  “That is wonderful. How about we go dancing when you’re walking on your own?”

  I look over at her smiling face, and I reach for her cheek, “I’m not sure I’ll be ready to cut a rug anytime soon.”

  “Maybe not cut a rug.” She giggles at the retro term. “How about just slow dancing…at my place…and naked.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  She stops the car and looks over at me with a questioning gaze, “What are you looking at?”

  “Your mouth, it looks amazing,” I say with a grin.

  “Really?” I can see the blush start to color her cheeks, which I’m finding so adorable.

  “Yes, really. Is that lip gloss flavored?”

  She doesn’t say anything, just nods with as a broad smile spreads across her face.

  “Mind if I find out what flavor?”

  “Sure,” she says in a whisper.

  I lean closer to her and lick my lips. I so want to capture that sweet mouth into a kiss. But the kiss is fleeting, as soon as I try to push my tongue into her mouth, she sits back in her seat and winks.

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she says, right before she exits the car. “Now sit tight and let me get everything set up.”

  “Not fair…have no choice but to sit tight,” I yell out, and I hear her giggling while she’s pulling stuff out of her trunk. I lick the sweet remnants of her lip-gloss from my mouth and smile wide as I whisper to myself, “Strawberry.”

  I sit here in her car for what seems like an eternity before she’s finally back with my chair and assisting me into it. “I don’t appreciate being held captive.” I look up at her bright smiling face and all I want to do it make out. Which I’m hoping is also on the menu.

  I follow her on a narrow path, which is proving difficult to push my chair on without steering into the high grass. There are too many sticks and rocks to effectively get the wheels to roll right. So now I’m stuck in the tall grass and flustered when she sees me. Not looking annoyed or losing the smile on her face, she saunters to where I’m trying to rock my chair loose.

  “Here, let me give you a hand. This rough terrain isn’t chair friendly.” She’s acting so nonchalant about this…like it’s no big deal like this happens to her every day.

  We break free of the path and into the opening where the grass here is much shorter, and I’m able to push my chair. The picturesque view is beautiful, and the mountains across the river are breathtaking. There are boats on the water, mostly sailboats…seems the wind was much stronger over the water. As I scan the surroundings, I’m in awe of Mother Nature. Beautiful blue sky, warm sun rays, cool water breeze, and…my thoughts come to a stop when I see our picnic set up. A blanket is spread out inside of what looks to be some type of pop-up canopy.

  I see the wine chilling alongside a basket which I can only assume is filled with delicious picnic cuisine. There was only one problem, my chair. I glance up at her with a questioning look.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” she says.

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “Yes, you’re thinking how you are going to get in there without your chair. Well, I’ve been checking out some videos on YouTube and with the assistance of this…” Lily pulls this padded stool out from the canopy. “It looked simple…well to me. But I can show you if you want.”

  The smile on my face only widens as I watch her demonstrate, “Where the hell did you come from?” I ask her when I take her hand and pull her down. She sits on my lap and gives me the kiss I was so eagerly in search of.

  “I just wanted you to be comfortable. Well and also to take complete advantage of you.”

  “Darling…I think we would be quite the spectacle.” I point at the water and all the vessels.

  “Don’t worry…no one will be able to see.”

  She walks over to the canopy, unties a panel, and it drops down giving the enclosure a veil. The top portion of the panel is screen mesh, the bottom part has what looks like a beach towel sewn on. The look on her face cements her intentions, and suddenly I’m feeling shy and insecure, but at the same time, the area between my legs throbs with excitement. Then images of Sam spread out on a blanket begins to invade my brain again. I don’t need this right now. Why couldn’t we just have had brunch at her place? Somewhere I didn’t have a memory of Sam haunting me, threatening to ruin this amazing day, with this beautiful girl. She is so beautiful, and she sees me, not my chair, not Dr. Laurel the celebrity…just me.

  “Hey,” she says as she kneels next to my chair. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look like the world is ending.”

  I set my gaze on her green eyes and smile, “No, love…everything is okay. This is really sweet of you to go through all this trouble.”

  “Eh…no trouble at all. What do you say we get you down on the blanket and open a bottle of wine?”

  She rolls the panel back up and sets the stool on the edge of the blanket. I align my chair with it and ease myself down and sit against a half-chair contraption. Lily hands me a glass of wine as she busies herself with the basket of food.

  About an hour later I’m sipping from my third glass of wine with her head is in my lap, and we are watching what appeared to be an impromptu sailboat race.

  “I guess there is a race this morning.” Well, it’s not really morning anymore. I think it’s past noon. I haven’t checked my phone. It is still on silent, and I can imagine that Cammie is freaking out.

  “See, I told you.” She winks at me and turns back to the picturesque view while popping another grape into my mouth. Only twice did she miss, one was a poke to the eye and the other a press to the nostril. I can hear her giggle every once in a while, and I know she is thinking about me yelping in pain when she stuck her finger in my eye.

  “So, I told my friends I’m seeing Dr. Laurel. Well, I guess since it’s only been a few dates I can’t call it ‘seeing’…maybe just dating. They’re all jealous.”

  I take a long sip from my wine glass before saying, “Really?” It had been so long since I’ve been in the spotlight, I had forgotten. Not that my
agent and the show’s producer haven’t been blowing up my phone daily. Mostly they want progress reports, but also they want me to consent to an interview, have a crew come in and televise my therapy. They want to sensationalize my recovery for my fans. Obviously, it is not something I have any interest in at the moment. I’m not even sure when I’ll get the full use of my legs back and be able to walk, and I didn’t want my disability to be exploited.

  I guess I’m enjoying being off-grid, and not having anyone nipping at my heels. It’s been so nice to be back in Maine, back to the charming town of Camden…my hometown. I’m really enjoying the peace and quiet. Something I won’t have if a camera crew starts following my every move.

  “Yeah, really. They so want to meet you. But I told them, no way.”

  I let out a snort, “And why is that?” I stroke her hair with my left hand as I finish off the remnants of wine in my glass.

  “Well, I know them. They’re all dogs and will try to steal you away from me and since you’re known for…”

  Suddenly she stops talking, I guess realizing what she was about to say and afraid it might offend me. “Since I’m known for being what? Easy, a cheater, womanizer, whore…”

  “No…no,”

  “Lily, don’t worry. I’m well aware of what the media says about me and what stories magazines print. Dozens of men and women telling their story to every rag out there.”

  “Doesn’t that bother you?” She sits up and grabs the new bottle in the bucket of ice and pours us both half a glass.

  “Not really. I’m used to it, most of it is speculation and exaggeration.”

  She is quiet for a moment. My guess is she’s gauging her thoughts and choosing her next words carefully. “I read your book right after you were shot. I mean, I’ve always been a fan of yours…watched your show religiously. I even saw The Viewpoint live when you kissed Sara Pines…that was awesome by the way.”

  I smile at the memory. Seeing the utter shock on Sara’s face was priceless. But I don’t think of that often or of the applause girl I fucked in my dressing room. Hmm…guess I am easy. But each time I do remember that day, the memory of the bullets entering my body hits my brain like a wrecking ball. The pain, the fear, the panic. I close my eyes and shake my head to will the thoughts away.

  “Did you see the shooting?”

  “No, I was at work when that happened, but I did see it when the news replayed it.”

  “I’ve never seen the footage,” I say, and my hand starts to shake as I put the glass to my lips. I can remember every detail like it was yesterday and sometimes like it’s just happening.

  “I can imagine it was traumatic.”

  “Humph…that it was.” I’m tired of this small talk, and I want this woman out of her clothes. But sitting on the ground is starting to annoy me, besides being quite uncomfortable…plus I’m sick of seeing ants all over the blanket and having Sam in my head.

  Our eyes lock, “I want you, but can we get off this ground.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  A n hour later, I roll myself into the therapy room to see Cammie, and she is looking none too happy. Her hands are firmly planted on her hips, and her foot is tapping the floor in a very aggressive manner. I know she is pissed off at me for missing last night’s session and for being late today, but I was awakened by the lips of an adorable redhead who thought it was a good idea to press her tongue between my legs, then take me on a brunch picnic. Who was I to argue?

  I see Cammie’s eyes flick to my right noticing that I’m not alone, maybe thinking she should temper her anger a bit. But that thought quickly fades when she begins yelling at me like I’m a child.

  “Where the fuck have you been, Laurel? I have better things to do with my time than wait around for you.”

  I hear Lily behind me, “I think maybe I should go.”

  I reach for her hand that is on my shoulder, “No love, please stay.” Then I roll my chair closer to Cammie.

  “Lower your voice please,” I say as I look back at Lily who seems very uncomfortable. “I’m not that late, so get off my back. Oh, and…where the hell were you the other day? I had to do my workout routine alone.” I still hadn’t given her shit about ditching me, but now that she has opened the can…I’m ready to give as good as I’m getting.

  “I left Sam in charge, she was supposed to oversee your exercises. Make sure you did them.”

  “Well, I did them, and she was nowhere to be found except for when I needed to take my steps. I don’t appreciate you ditching me and sticking me with her.”

  “Get over yourself…she is a trained physical therapist. She and I have worked together on many my cases.”

  “Oh…I’ll bet you have,” I say in a sarcastic tone.

  “And what does that mean?”

  “You very well know what that means.” I look over at Lily, and she is trying to busy herself by exploring the room. I think she is trying not to listen to this petty argument.

  “I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but nothing is going on between Sam and me. We are just friends.”

  “Mmhmm, sure you are.”

  “Oh my God…you’re ridiculous. If you must know, even if I weren’t straight and came on to her, she would still turn me down. She’s in love with you.”

  My mouth hangs open for a moment, and I realize that Sam must be telling Cammie about her feelings, which probably means she knows about us having sex. But I try to play it off like it’s nonsense.

  “Get real. Sam only loves one thing…herself.” My face is starting to heat up because I see Lily has her attention on us and must have heard what Cammie just said.

  “No Laurel…you’re not blind. I know you know.”

  Yes, I do know. I’ve seen the look in Sam’s eyes, I’ve seen the passion on her face and on her lips, and I heard her utter those three stupid fucking words.

  “I don’t care,” I say then spin my chair around and push it toward Lily. “I’m going to get changed, we need to get started.”

  As I’m changing into a pair of shorts and a sports bra, I see Lily checking out my bed and the apparatuses I need to assist me getting in and out of it. I feel the heat begin to rise in my neck threatening to expose that I’m feeling flustered. I don’t want her to see me and wonder what I’m hiding. All I can think about Sam and me in that bed, writhing…screaming…coming.

  “So, who’s Sam?” she asks without looking my direction while she’s still fiddling with something by my bed.

  “Um…she is my ex from college.”

  Lily turns on her heel with her mouth agape, “Oh my God…she’s the one from your book.”

  I inwardly sigh, “Yes…that’s her.”

  “She’s still in love with you?”

  I push my chair slowly, she is now sitting on my bed. “So she says.” I pause trying to gauge my next words as I chew on my lower lip. “Look, it’s ancient history. I wouldn’t go down that road again…that ship has sailed.” I look at her, her eyes are downcast watching herself twist the rings on her fingers.

  “Do you need another idiom? I’m sure I can come up with another one.”

  She giggles and her eyes meet mine. There is a glint of insecurity or maybe uncertainty. But I’m not offering anything up, and I’m trying to keep a poker face. But then I think, maybe I should tell her. After all, it’s not right to keep her in the dark about this, this relationship is just casual. We’re not a couple.

  “I think she has a lot of nerve not only being here but telling you that after what she did.” Lily finally says after a few long uncomfortable minutes of silence.

  I smile as Lily’s face contorts into a pouty frown. “I thought so too, and I told her as much…but she is hanging on for whatever reason.”

  Lily plops herself in my lap, “So I don’t have to worry about her?”

  “No…of course not,” I say. I want to remind her that this is just a casual thing, but I can feel this girl is getting too attached, and now with two of t
hem, I’ll be wanting to run for the hills.

  Lily kisses my ear and whispers, “Good.”

  “Now don’t be getting all jealous,” I say before I kiss her lips and begin to push my chair to the therapy room.

  When we break the threshold, Lily is still sitting on my lap giggling because I’m spinning my chair around and doing wheelies. I see Sam over by Cammie, I’m sure they were deep into some conversation before we stole their attention. I wheel us over to where they’re standing and greet the blonde.

  “Hey Sam, this is my girlfriend…Lily.” I have no idea why I said what I said…maybe to piss her off or maybe to get her to back off…either would have been fine. But not in front of Lily, who is most definitely going to misconstrue the words to mean something I didn’t intend.

  Sam’s face falls as her eyes dart from me to Lily and back again. “I didn’t realize it was that serious. Um, I thought you were only dating.”

  “We were, but it kinda crossed over last night.” I grab Lily around the waist and kiss her cheek. “Hop up love…I need to get started.”

  Sam extends her hand to Lily, “It’s nice to meet you…guess you did something right. Excuse me, I have to go make a call.”

  Cammie watches as Sam hurries out of the room, then her eyes snap to me with a hateful scowl.

  “What?” I ask as I shrug my shoulders.

  “Just go get to work, asshole.”

  “Very uncalled for,” I say as I shake my head and push my chair over to the first machine.

  I can feel the sweat roll down my back as I’m counting off shoulder presses. I’m into my second set of twenty. I look over at Cammie and Lily again who have been too preoccupied with each other. I’m hoping Cammie is not spilling the beans about what happened between Sam and me. But I can only imagine she hasn’t because I would assume Lily would have said or done something…she definitely wouldn’t still be here. Unless of course, she’s holding onto it for later in which case I’ll be screwed…and not in a good way.

  Then I wonder why I care, this was supposed to be casual. This is why I don’t want to get involved, to have any type of feelings other than those of a carnal nature. Things begin to get too complicated. Will you call me? When can I see you again? Blah, blah, blah. These chicks all know going in, but some of them think they have the magic touch to win my heart.