by J. A. Howell
“Oh...sure.” He spoke softly, still slightly in a haze from his thoughts. Memories of his brother had been playing in his head. All those times his brother had asked what he was doing, why he was always leaving. Trey telling him to fuck off and mind his own business, only to storm out in his usual fashion. As Dillan walked out of the room to fetch her photo album, Trey tried to shake the memories away. Just another reason why I need to find out who did this, he thought. It would never make up for the past, but he needed to do it.
Dillan reappeared from the hallway with a large square photo album, making room on the coffee table before placing it down in front of them. Dillan's fingers curled around the edge as she opened the cover, gently wiping off the thin layer of dust that had accumulated on its green, satin fabric. A small smile formed on Trey's lips as he saw a picture of his brother, taken close to the time after they had been separated. His face was still very young.
It was on a strip of pictures from a photo booth; Dillan was holding onto Jamie with a big grin. Her hair, much longer than its current state, fell freely over her shoulders. Both their eyes beamed in delight as they made silly faces. In the last of the set, their lips met in a kiss, though big grins were still evidently plastered on both their faces . Jamie was such a contrast from the state he was in when Trey had last seen him. Dillan smirked as she stared at the pictures. Trey noticed and studied the pictures more closely. It took him a moment, but then he realized something odd about the pictures.
“Is that cotton shoved up my brother's nose?” He asked, his lips curling in delight as he laughed.
“Um, yes....That's the day we met. I may have hit him in the face. I tend to flail a bit in mosh pits.” A smile played on Dillan's lips.
“That's right...I think he mentioned that in one of his letters...” Trey smiled as Dillan flipped to the next page. Several photos were spread out. Some appeared to be taken near a college campus, a few others taken on a beach. It was so odd to see Jamie that young again...and so happy. It couldn't have been that long after everything had happened. Trey had always wondered why Jamie was able to write to him. He should have been furious. He should have disowned Trey. Yet he chose to stay in contact, and his letters were never depressing or sad. Now he knew why. It was because of Dillan.
Though he had read what Jamie had written about her, it hadn't sunk in until now how much this girl had played a part in his brother’s willingness to forgive him. As horrible as the circumstances that separated them had been, Jamie would never have met this girl if they had not occurred. He might have never gotten the chance to fall in love with Dillan.
“This is amazing. I wish I could show you pictures from our childhood. I unfortunately don't have any...but you would have liked them.” He said as he flipped to the next page, more cheerful memories of Dillan and Jamie staring back.
“Well, you know... you could just tell me about your childhood, and his. Sometimes stories are just as nice as pictures.” Her hazel eyes looked up at him, “It would be nice to hear about the Jamie I never got a chance to meet.”
“It’s a deal then.” He nodded, clinking his beer bottle against hers. The remainder of their evening was spent running over old photographs of Jamie that Trey had never seen, and recalling tales about Jamie that Dillan had never heard. It was a beautifully melancholy evening that stretched into the wee hours of the morning, fueled by beer and the occasional poignant moment as they both mourned and celebrated the beloved person they had lost.
CHAPTER NINE
The duct work running the length of the living room ceiling came into view as Trey opened his eyes. He was greeted by the early morning sunlight that shined through the windows. The harsh brightness caused a sharp pain like a needle being stabbed into his forehead. He then became aware of the soft weight laying on his chest, the mass of auburn hair that gently tickled his neck. A warm, spicy scent of ginger and vanilla emanated from Dillan as she slept, cuddling against him.
The room was relatively quiet except for her soft, slow breathing as she lay against him. Trey remained perfectly still, leaning his back against one of the soft plush cushions on the sofa. One of his arms was curled around Dillan, his hand resting right below her shoulder blades; the other was stiffly lying at his side. As pleasant as it was to wake up with someone as lovely as Dillan in his arms, he knew just how awkward this situation could be if she were to wake up.
He looked around the room, still cluttered with remnants from the previous night, their empty bowls still sitting on the coffee table along with several empty beer bottles.
Did we really drank that much? Yeah, the sharp pain above his eyes confirmed it. He looked back down at Dillan, her features were smoothed and relaxed, and every few seconds her eyelids twitched slightly as she dreamed. She turned her head, nuzzling against his chest, a few tendrils of hair falling over her face. This was growing more uncomfortable by the minute.
Moving slowly and fluidly, afraid of waking Dillan, Trey slid out from under her slumbering figure, then gently lifted her head as he quietly placed both of his own feet on the floor. Pulling her body against his chest, he slid one arm around Dillan’s back, as he carefully slid the other beneath her knees before lifting her off the couch. He studied her, making sure she had not been awakened from the movement. She was still asleep, angelic features still peaceful. Phew. He crossed the living room, carrying her through the dim hallway toward the last door on the left. The door was already slightly open, and he could see the edge of her bed through the gap.
With his shoulder, he pushed the door open further, hesitating slightly as he walked inside. A picture of her and Jamie stared up at him from the nightstand, watching him as he shuffled across the room. As he reached the side of her bed, Dillan's mouth brushed against his neck. Her breath tickled his skin, causing a visible shiver to run down his body. He lowered her to the bed and gently laid her limp form against the pristine white bedspread, taking care as he placed her head on the pillow. Standing back up, Trey watched her for a moment as she rolled onto her side.
“Goodnight Dillan.” He softly whispered before turning back toward the door.
“I love you too, Jamie.” The mumbled reply came from her as she slept. Her words hit his gut like a battering ram. He looked back, seeing her lying there next to the empty spot on her bed. The extra pillow that sat there, untouched. He quickly left the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He felt like a trespasser; he had stepped into someone else's life for a brief second, overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that weren't allowed to be his. He shook his head, as if it would help shake away the unnerving feelings that rushed over him. The only thing it accomplished was making his headache worse.
Walking past the clock above her entertainment center, Trey saw it was barely 6 AM, but he couldn't go back to sleep. He was afraid of what he would see if he did. Numerous horrors already haunted him while he was awake; they would surely multiply as he dreamed.
***
Dillan's eyes lit up as she rolled over in bed, bumping into Jamie as he laid on his side. He watched her with a loving smile, his eyes full of adoration. She lifted her head to his, savoring the feathery touch of his lips as they brushed against hers.
“What are you doing here?” Her troubled eyes searched his. He only smiled at her question, kissing her deeply as his fingers caressed her cheek.
“I live here, silly.” He whispered, playfully nipping at her earlobe then kissing her neck. She curled into him, pressing her forehead against his chest and feeling the warmth of his body through the white undershirt he was wearing. It has to be him, he feels like Jamie, he smells like Jamie...he sounds like Jamie. But that’s impossible... Her mind was racing.
“I thought you'd left me here.” Dillan's voice was full of anguish, her expression like that of a panicked child.
“Why would I do that...I love you Dill.” His index finger wiped tears from the corner of her eye as his other arm pulled her closer to him.
“I love you too
Jamie.” Her expression relaxed with the feeling of his embrace. She gave in, not thinking, not wondering how this was possible. It is Jamie. “God, I've missed you...” Her words trailed off as their lips connected, passionate and eager, their bodies pressing against each other. Jamie rolled onto his back, pulling her so that she was partially laying on top of him. Their legs entwined with each other’s as his fingertips lightly traced the contours of her lower back.
These feelings, these sensations were too real to her. Despite their absence, Dillan remembered the feelings Jamie awakened in her body. She knew it was him. Her lips kissed his as her hands explored his body, rediscovering all of the arches and valleys that were a part of him. If it was possible to survive forever staying in bed, she would never untangle herself from him again.
Dillan ran one hand over the ridges of his defined abdomen, then slowly up to his chest as her other hand caressed the back of his neck. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so content. This is real. This has to be real. The last year was just a stupid nightmare. A stupid, stupid nightmare. She reasoned with herself as she kissed him deeply, her fingers moving up the side of his neck, lightly tracing the angle of his jaw.
“Dillan.... your hand,” Jamie's lips jerked away from hers as he wiped at his cheek where her fingers had touched. She was baffled as she watched him. “Your hand! Are you hurt?!” His voice carried alarm as he stared at her hand. Confused still, she lifted her left hand, turning the palm to her view. A horrified shriek escaped her as she looked down to find it covered in blood, dripping down her arm.
“I don't know.... I don't think I’m hurt.” She sat up, looking at both her palms, then down at herself. There wasn't blood anywhere else on her. Where did it come from?
“Dillan... What happened?” Jamie's hushed words drew her attention back to him. His eyes were wide with panic, frozen as they stared down at his chest. Down at his chest where a bloody hand print was growing. His hands frantically pressed against the scarlet stain as it spread, the color deepening, growing harsher against the bright white fabric. His fingers clawed at the stain, desperate to stop it.
No....NO!” Dillan's hands pressed over his as the liquid enveloped them.
***
Dillan's eyes shot open, darting around the room as her heart beat wildly within her chest. Everything was undisturbed. She looked down at her arms still gripping Jamie's pillow, then at his side of the bed that remained empty. Dillan, get a grip. Hot tears immediately spilled onto the pillowcase as she sat up. The throbbing of her head from the night before only added to the ill feeling in her gut.
Of course it wasn’t real... She had known it even as she held on to that sliver of hope. She shook her head in disgust, sucking in a deep breath before wiping her face against the sleeve of her shirt. She needed to get herself together. Wearily lifting her limbs, Dillan slid up to a sitting position before getting out of bed. Some days, just accomplishing this much was hard enough, and today was starting off more difficult than usual. Perhaps the late night spent reminiscing about Jamie was a bad idea. Some part of her thought talking about him might help, that maybe it would bring about some sort of closure. She only now had found it just raised more questions, and even more doubts.
Why couldn’t Jamie tell me the stories that Trey did? Why didn’t he tell me about Trey? What else about Jamie’s past did he hide from me? A few more tears escaped before she could wipe them away. She looked around her empty bedroom, at her empty bed. The reminders of Dillan’s former life stared back at her. From the picture on her nightstand, to his clothes hanging in the closet, they suffocated her. She needed some fresh air. She needed to get out.
After hastily changing into clean clothes and washing her face, she walked into the living room. Trey had somehow managed to find her stash of coffee and was just pouring himself a cup as she walked in. Dillan forced out a smile as she walked toward him but it did nothing to mask the distress from her dream.
“Everything okay?” He studied her as he pushed a mug of coffee across the counter. He figured she needed it.
“Just a bad dream.” She sighed, then moved past him, grabbing cream and sugar.
“About?” Trey’s eyes fixed on her as he took a sip.
“I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” She mumbled into her coffee, waving a hand dismissively.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” He quickly retracted.
“You’re fine. It was about Jamie. I know you were just concerned. I just don’t want to keep thinking about it.” Dillan said as she turned the mug in her hand then took another sip.
He nodded, understanding her words. He had not been sleeping so soundly himself the last couple of nights.
"I was going to go for a ride," Dillan hesitated then looked up at Trey. "Did you want to come with me?"
"Sure...where you going?" He asked.
"I'm not sure yet," Dillan shrugged as she grabbed her helmet then nodded toward the hall closet. "Jamie's old helmet is in there, you should grab it." Trey followed her instructions then followed her out of the apartment. Jogging down the stairs a few steps ahead of him, Dillan fought the conflicting emotions that were surfacing at the thought of riding with Trey on Jamie's motorcycle. Maybe she shouldn't have invited him to come with her, but it was too late now. As they reached the bike, Dillan climbed on the front, then motioned for him to get on behind her.
Trey hesitantly put his hands around her waist as he straddled the seat behind her, his legs pressing against hers as he placed his feet on the footrests.
"You'll want to hold on a little tighter than that."She called back to him after the bike had rumbled to life. Her heart thudded awkwardly as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. She wished she could block out the noise in her head, and pretend for a moment that those were Jamie's arms. However, with Trey holding onto her and their bodies very much in contact with one another, she couldn’t subdue the awareness that it wasn’t him.
As they pulled onto the main road, Dillan did her best to ignore the noise, and the longing for Jamie that ached inside of her chest. He felt so close in her dream, but now all she had was this. Her eyes stared out at the horizon, breathing in the hot summer air as they reached the edge of downtown. She still wasn't sure where she was taking them, but she didn't care.
By the time they had passed the city limits and the buildings disappeared behind them, she wasn’t even thinking about the fact that it was Trey holding onto her anymore. Twenty minutes from downtown, the roads seemed to narrow as the greenery expanded and rose into a forest of evergreens on the hills ahead. The air felt cleaner out here, untainted from the constant pollution of the city.
Dillan's lips curled into a smile as everything transformed around them. Behind her, Trey felt a slight shift in the atmosphere as they headed into a more rural area. Although he couldn't see Dillan right now, he could feel her muscles shift and relax. He could sense that the tension she had been feeling that morning was leaving.
A few more miles down the road, Dillan turned, heading down a dirt road. The bike bounced on the uneven road, but Dillan only twisted the accelerator further as the wind whipped at her face. Trey’s grip tightened, unsure of the more exhilarating ride. Finally, to his relief, the bike slowed and Dillan placed her feet on the ground.
"Where are we?" Trey asked after she cut the motor off. Dillan pulled off her helmet, shook her hair out then pushed it out of her face.
"That was my grandma's house." Dillan looked past him toward a faded white two-story house.
"I thought you said she passed away." Trey raised an eyebrow, watching her.
"Yeah she did... I'm not coming here for that." She turned away from the house, then headed into the woods. Confused even further, Trey turned and followed her. Dillan walked along a path that only she seemed to know, cutting through the trees and brush. Her eyes were wide as she searched for something in the distance.
"Where are we going, Dillan?" He asked, picking up his pace
to keep up with her.
“You’ll see. I think we are almost there." Her gait slowed suddenly as the sound of flowing water grew noticeably louder as they moved past the trees. “Come on.” She waved for Trey to follow. The trees thinned out to reveal a small stream only four or five feet across, surrounded by large, moss-covered rocks. Trey stood there quietly, taking in the stream before him as Dillan walked towards it and sat down on one of the
larger rocks. This place looked like something right out of a fairytale.
“What is this place?” Trey finally asked as he sat down next to her.
“Whenever my grandmother and I fought, I would run out into the woods. I just happened to find this place one day.” She said quietly, with a thoughtful expression.
“I take it you two fought often?” Trey asked, picking up a pebble and rolling it around in his palm.
“She wasn’t very fond of me.” Dillan shrugged.
“I find that hard to believe.” He stated simply.
“Oh no… she let me know she wasn’t. She hated my mom for marrying my dad, and according to her, I was just like my mom.” Dillan said. She could still hear her grandmother’s harsh words in the back of her mind.
“She said that to you?” Trey’s eyebrows pursed together.
"She wasn't always that mean... I don't think," Dillan shrugged, "Just after my parents died."
"But weren't you just a kid?"
Dillan nodded, her eyes intently staring at the water as it swirled by.
"If it wasn't for me, my parents wouldn't have been on the road that night. My dad wouldn't have been driving." Dillan's eyes seemed to grow more distant as Trey watched her, listening intently. "They were going to my school's open house that night. It was really bad weather, but I'd told them they had to go because I'd painted something for them."
