Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  Turning the corner, my step faltered when I saw Alfie right in front of me. He was sitting on a bench by the pathway, guitar in his lap, surrounded by a group of girls. I smiled when I saw him and wondered whether to go and say “hi.”

  I decided against that and stood watching him instead. He was deep in conversation with the girls and had a captive audience. They appeared to be hanging on his every word.

  From what I could tell he’d affected them the same way he affected me yesterday. His easy conversation was keeping them interested, something that had attracted me as well.

  He was a feast to look at, with his stunning rock star appearance, great personality, and bad-boy charm. Sex appeal oozed out of him, and the girls were drawn to him like moths to a flame. As if he had sensed I was watching him, his head snapped up as he flicked his loose strand of hair out of his eyes, and he stared directly at me, holding my gaze.

  I began to smile at him, and he turned away, completely ignoring me. He turned his attention back to the girls and didn’t look back in my direction again. Alfie leaned forward and brushed his hand over the cheek of one of the girls who sat Indian style on the ground in front of him.

  I really didn’t expect that at all. I was mortified and needed a way out of this situation. I rummaged in my backpack as if I’d forgotten something and spotted my cell phone.

  I pulled it out and pretended to take a call, saying loudly, “Sorry, I didn’t hear you, it was on vibrate.” I turned away from him, throwing my head back, before I walked past him nodding as if someone was talking to me on the other end.

  I didn’t know what else to do except get away from him. I was horrified at how he’d treated me, and it put me in a funk for the rest of the afternoon, until I could get out of there.

  When I was safe in the privacy of my car after class, I couldn’t help but think about his behavior toward me today. What a contrast to the needy, funny guy I’d been with this morning.

  It was like I never even fucking existed. He did say no strings, but he never said anything about not acknowledging me in public. So what happened to the consideration he promised me?

  I switched on the radio and as if on cue, Adam Levine was singing Lucky Strike loudly at me. The words resonated in my ears.

  The song sounded too familiar to the situation I had put myself in last night and this morning. I was disgusted with myself and what I had accepted as ‘normal’ just so that I could do that with him.

  I needed to rethink the arrangement, and whether it would be enough to have sex with him with absolutely no connection outside of the bedroom. What the hell happened to friends with benefits? I was furious with his attitude. What happened to Alfie’s speech about respecting me?

  I rang Mandy, and Will offered to pick me up early and grab something to eat before the gig. He seemed like a lovely genuine guy, but after the way Alfie had dismissed me, I would prefer to rely on myself for a while.

  I told him that I may bring a friend with me, so I made my excuses around Saffy and told Will we’d meet him there. He sounded a little disappointed, but I reassured him that I was looking forward to getting to know everyone better and was looking forward to going to the bar.

  Saffy was excited about going out with me. She had resigned herself to a night watching Matt Bomer in an episode of White Collar.

  I teased that she was blowing him off to go out to have drinks, listen to music, and if she got lucky, a potential orgasm. She looked at me with a wry grin, telling me that my idea was a much better prospect, and was happy to swap her television boyfriend for a flesh-and-blood one. She set off to pamper herself, and I headed for the shower.

  I put a liberal amount of cleansing lotion on the cotton ball and rubbed it over my face. I blew my long dark brown hair dry, and straightened it tonight.

  Even I had to admit, I liked how I looked with my tanned skin, light blue eyes, and long dark hair. I looked different from the girl that arrived in Florida a few days ago. Then again, I was much less innocent now as well. My lips twisted wryly at myself in the mirror.

  I dressed in some black skinny jeans, a chic little raspberry red silk top, which hung off one shoulder with a black bra underneath. I slipped into some black patent stiletto ankle boots that gave me height and made my legs look longer.

  When I walked into the sitting room, Saffy gave me a low whistle. “Sexy girl!! Who’s the lucky guy?” She clapped, then frowned. “This effort isn’t for your new fuck buddy is it?” she said, wagging her finger at my outfit.

  “Nope, he won’t be there, I just feel like I need some attention tonight.” I shrugged and smiled.

  “Damn girl, you better pack a fly swatter dressed like that, especially with no man in tow,” she teased.

  Saffy flicked her hair back behind her shoulders. She looked adorably cute. Hell, she only had to look in the direction of a group of guys to have them all following her around, so my chances were increased for having her with me, not the other way around.

  We left home twenty minutes after we intended to and were soon headed up the highway with the music blaring. Smoke on the Water played and we sang along very loudly, but Saffy was so out of tune that we giggled and gave up.

  We didn’t get far into the ride when she turned her attention to me, sitting sideways in the front passenger seat facing me.

  “So?” she asks. I bunched my brow and darted my head to her before looking back at the road. I knew instinctively what she was asking. I also knew she was expecting me to dish the dirt, and I tried to play dumb.

  “So… what?” I said, trying to sound innocent.

  “Lily Parnell, come on, dish… and don’t leave anything out!” I tried so hard to look casual. My heart sped up at having to say out loud what had happened.

  “My ‘fuck buddy’, you mean?” I was still stealing from telling her.

  Saffy snorted at me, “You mean there are others, girl?” She raised her eyebrow, pretending to be shocked.

  “What do you want to know?” I tried to sound like there was nothing much to tell.

  Saffy gave me an incredulous look, and huffed. “Lily! Are you going to hold out on me? I’m your best friend for fuck's sake,” she explained, like this gave her rights to my every movement.

  I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath exhaling slowly. “Well… he blew my mind and then some. It was great sex, some of it a little rough, some not so rough, and I had some orgasms. He wasn’t selfish and took his time. Oh and did I mention I had some orgasms? Well, four orgasms to be precise, since last night. He also has a little surprise in his repertoire.” I sounded like I knew what I was talking about. I’d heard loads of girls talk like this before. Saffy looked at me puzzled.

  “What’s the surprise?” She stared me down. Her eyebrow raised, as she leaned forward listening intently.

  “He’s pierced,” I stated. “He has an apadravya piercing, which feels incredible. It added a little… spice. It was different, you know?” I tried to sound like I had experience.

  “Damn, I’m so jealous. That’s fucking kinky. I’ve never had anyone with an apa before.” She looked wistfully at me. “I hope I get some orgasms soon, I’m getting a tad frustrated. It’s been nearly a week since my truck fuck,” she mused, and we both laughed.

  Alfie definitely wanted to give me pleasure, but I think he got off on that as much as having actual intercourse. I was never in doubt that I was there because of his needs, though.

  I had felt fine about what happened at the time. I hadn’t really thought too deeply about what I was doing, just that I was doing it… with him. Maybe I had experienced the female equivalent of men thinking with their dicks.

  Alfie had made it clear that this wasn’t ever going to be a hearts-and-flowers relationship. It was just primal lust and a physical attraction. He had been honest with me going into it, but I was still angry about being ignored by a man who I had been so intimate with just a few hours earlier.

  I realized that Saffy was still looking at m
e.“I don’t know what to tell you, Saffy, he’s definitely very experienced.”

  “Is that enough for you? We hooked up, had great sex, I came home.” Saffy didn’t argue with me, she seemed contented with my answer.

  The bar wasn’t difficult to find, and it was already packed out. Will waved at us from the bar, and Saffy clocked him. “Fuck me. That’s the guy?” She was already staring at Will. I nodded as he wove his way through the tables to meet us. Saffy pulled me back whispering, “I’m calling first dibs.” My lips stretched to smile at her when Will grabbed my arm.

  He gently guided me back through the crowd to a table that was near the little stage area. Will put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it a little. “Glad you could make it,” he said as he pulled a chair out for me, and then Saffy.

  Will told us that this place was one of the main venues for statewide live rock artists and that Mandy and Neil were well on their way to being famous. There was a band named Bad Buzz already rocking out what seemed to be original material.

  Will shouted over the music, but I mainly read his lips because the lead guitarist’s solo was reverberating through the bar, stopping all conversation. I cupped my hand round his ear and shouted loudly, “Saffy, my roommate,” gesturing at her with my thumb to the side, by way of an introduction. Saffy already had designs on Will, and was peering seductively at him through lowered eyelashes.

  Will’s glance told me he wasn’t immune to her come-on either. With her track record, I wondered if I would be driving back alone, or waiting for her to crawl out the back of his car with just- fucked hair and a satisfied look on her face.

  The bar had a warehouse feel and was jam-packed with students. It felt great to be at a live music event.

  Mandy and Neil went on to do their set. They were great. At the end, I was in awe; Mandy’s range was amazing, and she is most definitely a rock chick.

  She aced everything that came out of her mouth and the crowd went nuts, hollering and cheering after each song. The girl could have made Happy Birthday sound amazing.

  CHAPTER 10: I’M STALKING YOU

  I sang my heart out, pleased that no one had a clue how much of a challenge it usually was for me to sing spontaneously. I was lost in the music, feeling a freedom here that I struggled with back home.

  No one knew me here, or what my hang-ups were. I was practicing my new approach to life. I was determined to be what I wanted to be, which included being comfortable singing.

  When their set finished Mandy came over, and I jumped up hugging her. “Mandy, wow! I want to be just like you when I grow up!” Mandy giggled. She looked amused by my comment and slightly embarrassed at the attention.

  “You and I are going to be great friends,” she said hugging me again. I hugged Neil and congratulated him, then excused myself to go to the restroom before the next set started.

  As I made my way back from the bathroom, I was looking around, taking in the venue, when I froze. Alfie was sitting near the back of the bar at a raised table area. He was with a beautiful, expensively dressed woman. She looked very sophisticated and maybe ten years older than him.

  From his body language I could see he obviously liked her a lot. I felt sick watching the level of attention he was paying her, given what he’d done with me this morning.

  I watched as he ran the back of his hand down her cheek, smiling at her. It made for quite an intimate scene. Shit! I pretended not to have noticed him.

  The lady seemed to be doing all the talking and he sat, smiling, and began flipping a white napkin over and over absentmindedly while he listened intently to what she was saying.

  I pushed myself forward and began to walk back toward our table, glancing back at him from a distance. I could see that although he was still dressed casually, his appearance was much more polished than I’d seen before.

  He was wearing a crisp, white button-down shirt, his ink hidden by long sleeves, and a red suit vest. He looked effortlessly handsome and very sexy.

  I silently willed him to stand, so that I could assess the complete effect of his attire on him. I was more than curious as to whom the woman was. More than that, if he was with her, why he had made a play for me, when he obviously has no shortage of female company?

  As I turned away, Alfie leaned forward to talk in her ear. His female companion threw her head back, smiled, then clasped her hand over his.

  I felt hurt and very ashamed that I hadn’t thought of any other dynamics around our relationship, and wondered how many others he might have the same arrangement with. My face must have been registering how I was feeling, because Saffy picked up on my mood immediately.

  “What’s the matter?” I shook my head.

  “Nothing, why?” I asked hoping I sounded convincing.

  “You look hurt. What’s wrong, Lily?”

  I laughed and hoped I pulled it off. “No, I’m not hurt, you’re crazy.” My voice came across as quite carefree. “I’m just a little tired.” Saffy’s furrowed brows told me she wasn’t convinced, her eyes searched mine until she was satisfied, and I saw her face relax.

  “I’m not tired at all, I have loads of pent up energy,” she said, pushing herself back in her seat and staring at Will again. “In fact, I feel as if I could go on all night.” Saffy’s last comment wasn’t lost on him. He smiled and bit his bottom lip and widened his eyes at her.

  I looked between them and giggled when she pretended to look embarrassed at this. Will and I both knew that Saffy’s comment wasn’t a Freudian slip.

  She knew exactly what had she said and what she was doing. By the time the gig finished, Saffy was draped all over Will, his focus completely on her, and it was clear that I was going home alone.

  Everyone had packed up and began to leave, so I made my way outside to my car after saying my goodbyes. Stepping into the warm air Alfie was right in front of me with the same woman he’d been with in the bar.

  His car was parked about ten feet from the door. They were standing talking; Alfie had his back against his red Mustang. He’d already seen me step out, so I had no choice but to walk past him to get to my car.

  I didn’t acknowledge him, nor did he acknowledge me. The woman with him looked even more attractive close-up, and although she was older than him, I could see why Alfie was drawn to her.

  I watched as he played the perfect gentleman for her. Settling her in his car first, he quietly closed the passenger door behind him. He walked around the hood. His eyes looked up briefly and darted in my direction. Then he slipped himself into the driver’s side.

  I felt dirty and disgusted with myself that I’d stooped so low as to sleep with him, and seeing how he was there in front of me, with her, I felt I really did need to revise my thoughts about him.

  Especially with the negative feelings he was evoking in me. I was invisible when I walked past him, and I felt less than nothing to him.

  During the drive back, I was ashamed at how far my moral compass had fallen in such a short amount of time. What the hell is wrong with me? I had guarded my V card vigorously until a week ago. Since then, I’d slept with not one but two guys.

  Worse than that, I wasn’t in a relationship with either of them, and I’d had sex with someone I’d only just met. I knew nothing about him at all, yet I’ve put myself at risk with him. Even more shockingly, I was thrilled with the whole dangerous situation.

  Alfie drove off first, and I sat in my car for a few minutes collecting my thoughts. I pushed the key into the ignition and fired up the engine.

  Driving home gave me the creeps because I was the only person on the road. After a few miles I saw another car up ahead at the intersection. It made me feel less edgy to know someone else was still on the road.

  I changed my mind as I drove past the intersection and recognize the familiar model was actually Alfie’s car. The sight of him made me furious. I must have seemed so naïve to him when he singled me out at the college.

  The way he did that, and how he’s behaved s
ince this morning, has made him seem predatory. Especially when I realized that there was actually someone else in his life.

  Alfie pulled out behind me and at first I thought he was just going the same way, until I turned into my condo building car lot. He had followed me home. My blood was boiling now.

  He got out of his car and his stride was aggressive as he approached mine. “Are you fucking following me, Lily?” His face was twisted in anger, and he spoke to me through gritted teeth.

  My jaw dropped at his audacity, so I pointed at him animatedly, completely pissed at his attitude and tone toward me. “Don’t flatter yourself. Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me like this? You were behind me, remember?” I couldn’t hide my rage as it laced my voice. “Technically, you were following me.” I stared puzzled, and I was sure my anger was apparent by this point.

  “What do you want?” I sounded worn out.

  He strutted around me and grabbed my arm, handling me a little roughly. His brows were bunched. “I thought you were cool with how this works.” I pulled my arm away in a violent movement and exhaled slowly, my hands went out in front of me pushing palms down in an effort to calm him.

  “Okay, you’ve lost me. I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but you’re scaring me.” He pushed his hair back.

  “You followed me tonight, didn’t you?”

  I sneered, laughing at him. My temper was getting right up there now at his cheek. Did he really think I’d follow him? “I did? I followed you to my friends’ gig you mean?” I snickered. “Damn, you’re an asshole Alfie. You’re so fucking self-absorbed, aren’t you?”

  I ranted on, “What time did you get there? Are you sure you didn’t follow me? Oh, no. Wait…you wouldn’t have done that with a woman in tow would you?” He looked sheepishly at me, his head briefly dropped, but he tilted it to make eye contact with me again.

  “You were really there by chance?” he asks quietly.