Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  His eyes raked me over, his anger diminishing and being replaced with desire as he took in my appearance. The hint of a smirk reappeared. I immediately wished I hadn’t worn my boots with the fuck-me heels or my tight jeans and this off the shoulder top.

  I had known it was a sexy outfit when I wore it, but I didn’t want to tease him with what I was wearing, especially when he was checking me out. I wondered if he thought I was stupid or just weak.

  “Lily, what the fuck are you doing to me? I can’t think straight around you. Do you realize how fucking turned on I am right now? You’re so fucking sexy when you’re mad.” He tried to saddle up to me. I couldn’t believe his complete shift of mood or his confidence.

  “You’re a shit, you know that?” I had to do something to put this Neanderthal in his place. “You’re a good lay, but you’re not that good.” He seemed to wince at my lie. “Did she blow you out Alfie… your date? Is that why you’re really here? Am I a bootie call?”

  I began to pace. “What? She wouldn’t put out like I did?” I strode inside my building and pushed the button for the elevator before folding my arms and willing it to hurry up. He followed me to the elevator before it arrived.

  When the car arrived, the doors opened, and he pulled me inside. I stared him down and pushed the button for my floor, leaning against the wall of the elevator. His hands landed on either side of my head as he turned, pinning me against the wall.

  “What you saw was a business meeting,” he started, staring straight at me. I laughed.

  “In a bar with live music, and all that touchy-feely stuff going on between you Alfie? More like the ‘kinky business’ you kept going on about earlier.” He bent his elbows bringing his face nearer, so that his lips were just a fraction from mine.

  He stared into my eyes, and I could feel his hot breath on my skin. The smell of his scent and his nearness stole my breath away. His stare was intimidating until his hair fell in front of his eyes, breaking the connection. He moved a hand to smooth it back.

  When he did, I could see him trying to control his feelings. His frustration was beating right there, in his temple vein that was visibly pulsating.

  I crossed my arms and stepped to the side of him. “So… obviously you owe me an explanation, for the crazy stalking and the bi-polar behavior.” I waved my hand in his direction, and he stood there silently until I spoke again. When he said nothing, I sighed. “I thought as much, you’re full of shit Alfie. Go home.”

  The elevator door bell dinged its arrival on my floor, and I pushed myself off the wall making for the door. Alfie grabbed a hold of my wrist, pulling me back into him. No one had ever handled me that way before. “We’re not done yet.”

  His jaw tightened and twitched again. “The hell we’re not,” I retort, my voice louder as I tried to pull away from him. His grip tightened, and he swung me around, looking intently at me,

  “Jesus, girl. Stop. Take a breath.” I was speechless.

  “M…me? You…” His face relaxed and there was a hint of a smile on his lips again.

  I took advantage of his momentary lapse, and used my free hand to swipe his from my wrist. I placed both my hands on his chest and shoved him out of my way walking quickly to my door. He began to apologize. “Aw, come on, honey…” I turned on my heels to face him.

  “I am not your honey. Go home, we’re done for today.” I opened my door and banged it shut with him on the other side.

  Alfie knocked softly on the door. “Don’t do this, Lily.” His voice was soft through the door. The guy was infuriating. He’d started all of this with his paranoia.

  “Go home. I’m not going to change my mind. If you don’t leave I’m going to call the door guy to remove you.” He didn’t knock again, but I could hear him sigh and what I imagined was his head knocking softly against the door, then nothing. I heard the elevator arrive, and when I looked out of the peephole, he was gone.

  I took my wrist in my hand where he’d gripped me. His touch no matter how brief, and even in anger, sent those familiar goose bumps coursing over my skin. My heart was still pounding rapidly in my chest.

  Holly was working tonight, and I knew that Saffy wouldn’t be home any time soon. Tears pricked my eyes and one escaped, streaking down my cheek. I sniffed and blinked, trying not to let the night end with me sobbing into my pillow.

  I felt desperately homesick, and I was about to ring Jack, until I remembered it was only 4am in the UK. I turned on my laptop and wrote a long, rambling email to him and copied it to Elle. I had just finished pouring my heart out to them when my cell beeped with a text alert.

  SEXPERT:

  I didn’t reply. Alfie had made me so confused about myself. I had loved spending time with him last night and this morning, but hated what had come next.

  Maybe I already saw things a lot differently from him, because all the fucked up stuff that’s followed since made me wish I’d never met him. I pushed myself off the couch and went to my room.

  Standing in the dark with just the glow of my laptop for light, I began to get ready for bed. I tugged at the hem of my top and pulled it off, the static electricity crackling loudly, making small bursts of light in the semi darkness.

  I was hot, the climate here made everyone get clean whether they wanted to or not. The shower was a godsend. I don’t think I’ve managed more than about seven hours without one since I arrived here. As I stepped under the shower my cell beeped again, so I quickly showered and rinsed off. I grabbed a towel, and sat down to read the text.

  CHAPTER 11: SPOONING

  SEXPERT: Don’t stay mad at me, Lily. Make-up sex is the best.

  SEXPERT: What are you doing? Are you awake? Please don’t stay mad, talk to me. 

  I was confused; what did he want from me? It didn’t seem like the carefree arrangement he’d proposed when we were at the college.

  Pink Lady: I’m taking a shower and going to bed.

  SEXPERT: Oh, sounds good to me… can I shower and have make- up sex?

  Pink Lady: Definitely not. I’m pissed off, and I have a headache.

  SEXPERT: #1 headache remedy 

  SEXPERT: Please, I don’t want to leave things like this.

  Pink Lady: I’m so angry with you, you need to redeem yourself.

  I couldn’t deny his ability to get around me, even if he was the cause of my low feelings. How could he be the cause and the cure? I was already mad at myself because I knew I was going to cave in eventually.

  I’d never felt more alone in my life, and I didn’t want to stay on my own tonight, but I most definitely didn’t intend on having sex with him.

  SEXPERT: How can I redeem myself with a door between us? I’d like to do my redeeming now.

  Pink Lady: Where are you?

  SEXPERT: PEEPHOLE?

  My jaw dropped, he was outside my door? I wrapped myself in a towel, and pulled on some boy short panties before going to check. As I looked through the peephole, my cell buzzed again making me jump.

  SEXPERT: Are you are objectifying me through the peephole? :ninja face.

  Although I fought it, a smile played on my lips. Even though I tried to stay mad, he was too cute for his own good. I was also aware that I was vulnerable to his charms. Sighing, I opened the door.

  He rushed to me, swung me around behind the door, and pressed his body flush to mine. His hand was instantly sifting my wet hair, while his mouth came toward mine.

  I put my hand up and stopped him, and he kissed my fingers. His lips brushed against my hand, and I pushed him back. “No Alfie, this isn’t a game; this isn’t one of your sessions. If you want to speak to me, stay. If you want more than that, then you need to go elsewhere. I’m truly not interested.”

  “Thank you,” he husked.

  “For… allowing you to apologize? For forgiving you for being a pig?” I sounded annoyed and exhaled out loudly.

  He nodded and smirked. “Okay, I deserved that.” His lips twisted to the side, then pursed before mo
rphing into a half smile.

  I turned to walk away, my temper rising again. I was too close to him and wanted some space between us so that I could think, but he caught the end of my towel, and I walked straight out of it. “Now, that’s better.” He grinned appreciatively. “But you need to lose the underwear, it’s obstructing my view.” He snickered.

  I grabbed my breasts. “You’re fucking unbelievable, Alfie.” I curled forward in an attempt to hide myself. He tried to reach out, but I batted his hand and took the towel back. “Stay there I’m getting dressed. I’ll be back. Come near me and you’re back on the other side of the door, you get me?” His smile was fixed, but then he realized I wasn’t playing and it slowly deflated until his lips were settled back into position.

  “Okay, I’ll behave,” he said, shaking his head low as if he knew he’d been defeated.

  I pulled on some sport shorts and a functional white cotton bra and finally a pink tank top. I went back to the sitting room. “You want something to drink?” I asked walking around the edge of the counter and opening the fridge.

  I reached in and grabbed myself a soda. “Water?” he asked. I pulled one from the door shelf and tossed it at him. He caught it in both hands and broke the seal, inhaling half of the bottle in no time.

  I was careful not to sit near him, choosing to face him at one end of the couch. I curled up, hugged my knees, and he smiled.

  I wiggled my finger between us. “What is this, Alfie? What are we doing?” His eyes searched up into his brow, as if he was looking for the answer up there.

  “Our arrangement?” he asked gnawing his bottom lip at the side.

  “What are you doing with me, why are you doing this?” I said bluntly and took a sip of water.

  “I don’t understand why you hit me up for our little arrangement when you’re dating already.” He shifted himself on the couch and looked uncomfortable.

  “I’m not dating her, and I never promised you anything, Lily.” This was true, he hadn’t.

  “Yeah, but Alfie, you did all that intimate stuff with me, and you are with another woman the same night? That’s just downright dog-like behavior.” I sighed. “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you go home? We owe each other nothing.”

  His eyes flicked to mine, and he moved toward me. “I didn’t fuck her, only you, and it wasn’t intimacy between us, it was sex.”

  I snickered. “That makes all of it okay? You didn’t fuck her? No? Why not Alfie… she wouldn’t let you? I bet that pissed you off. You bought her dinner and she didn’t put out for you. Makes me damn cheap, I only cost you an OJ.” He started to move along the couch, and I held my finger up to stop him. “Tsk, do you want to leave? Don’t come near me, I don’t want you to touch me.”

  He sighed. “It was business, and she paid for dinner.” I glanced at his body language.

  “Huh…so she paid, and you never got laid.” I giggled. “You don’t have the right idea about being a playboy do you?”

  He stretched out the tension in his neck by moving his head from one side to the other. His hand began rubbing one side of it to get the kinks out of his muscles. “Can we just drop this, please?” He looked a little tired, and his eyes were pleading with me. I sensed that I wasn’t going to get any answers tonight.

  “Fine, it’s late, I need my bed. You can stay, but I want you gone first thing.” He smiled and nodded. “Oh, and you’re definitely not having sex with me, do you understand?” The smile died on his lips for the second time. “You try it, and I never come near you again.”

  “Can I lie beside you? I haven’t slept with a woman in a long time.” I think back to his comment about him doubting that we’d sleep together, and smiled.

  “Yeah, sure, it’ll be a novel experience for you, I’m sure.”

  I brushed my teeth and changed from my shorts to some short PJs, climbing onto the bed. It was too hot for sheets or the comforter. I curled up with my back to the bathroom door, where he was getting ready for bed. He seemed to be in there for a long time, and my eyes began to droop.

  I saw the light streak across the room as the bathroom door opened. His silhouette briefly moved across the drapes. I turned, and he walked toward me wearing a towel low on his waist, before the light behind him went off.

  I rolled my head back in the direction I was facing as the sight and scent of him was too alluring, then I felt a deep dip in the mattress near me as he crawled into bed.

  He smelled incredible, and the cold, satiny skin on the back of his upper arm brushed mine as he settled himself down beside me. “Are you awake?”

  His voice softly echoed out in the darkness. I didn’t answer and tried to keep my breathing slow and steady so that he’d think I was asleep.

  “Shit, I’m sorry Lily, I truly am. I don’t ever want to hurt you,” he whispered softly. I lay pretending to be asleep until I heard his breathing becoming deep and even. Then, exhausted, sleep eventually washed over me.

  I could hear music when I awoke in the dull light of the room. The heavy blackout drapes kept most of the light out. Alfie’s arm was tight around my waist. He was spooning with me, and his erection was digging into my back.

  At first I just lay there, feeling his warmth around me, but I soon realized our thighs were actually stuck together with sweat.

  I tried to move and it felt like I was ripping a band aid off, slowly. He shifted and moved his arm, and I quickly rolled away from him. Softly bouncing off the bed, I stood and scooted into the bathroom, locking the door.

  The force of the water in the shower struck my hand as I turned on the faucet. I stuck my hand in to test the temperature and stepped in. Alfie was tempting, lying in my bed, but I was determined to fight my feelings on this.

  His looks, charm, and magnetism were a lethal combination with my inexperience. I had no defenses against him. Alfie was capable of making me do stuff I would have disowned friends for doing.

  I could’ve reasoned with myself why a guy like him wasn’t taken. Alfie isn’t boyfriend material. He did warn me that he didn’t do emotional relationships, and from what I saw last night, he was definitely a player.

  It’s a pity, because he’s a sexy, gorgeous mess for all his fucked-up-ness. But I was afraid he was getting under my skin. I opened the bathroom door and could hear music coming from the sitting room. Someone was home. I groaned inwardly as I watched Alfie lying on my bed, still sleeping

  I snuck out to the sitting room. Holly was sitting there looking washed-out after her night shift crunching on some toast. It smelled heavenly. “Sorry Lily, I didn’t think anyone was home. Saffy isn’t here, and I figured you had both gone somewhere last night after the gig.”

  My eyes flicked to my bedroom door, I didn’t want Holly to see Alfie. I spoke softly, hoping I didn’t wake him. “I know she hooked up with some new people I met at college yesterday.”

  “Yeah? Tell me more, I’m missing out on all this sex, working night shifts.” She smiled tiredly.

  “Well, really, it’s Saffy’s story to tell, but she’s with a guy called Will.” I told her about meeting Mandy, Neil, and Will yesterday and Mandy’s invite to the bar.

  “And?”

  I laughed. “Saffy was horny!” I said this like Holly didn’t need to be told anything else.

  Holly got up from the table and walked away muttering, “All these fucking orgasms.” She put on her thickest Texas accent and drawled, “I’m like Arizona here, hot and dry.” I giggled. “I’m off to bed, maybe I’ll get lucky in my dreams.”

  She disappeared through her bedroom door, and I saw her kick it closed with her heel. It made a loud bang, and my eyes darted to my bedroom door again. I needed to get Alfie out before she woke and before Saffy came home.

  I made some coffee and went to wake him. He was already in the shower. “Alfie, we need to move, I have to be on campus in less than an hour.” I pulled on a green skater dress over some functional underwear and matching pumps and was ready to leave when he came
back into the room.

  “You look beautiful. Can I see you later?” he asked.

  “Let me think about that. I’m not sure what is happening today.” I was expecting some resistance, but I think that Alfie knew he was on thin ice after last night, and he let it go.

  On the way to college, I was alone. He’d driven his own car. Something he said as we were walking to our cars made me think he wasn’t in the same year as me though. I had already thought he was a few years older, and maybe a mature student.

  I was going to ask him about it, and about ignoring me when we got to college, but a lawn truck shed a load of cuttings in front of me, and I got a fright. I was just glad to get to college in one piece.

  When I arrived there at the same time and parked next to him in the campus car lot, he got out, slammed his door, and locked his car. Without looking at me he said, “I’ll text you later,” and he was gone.

  I grabbed my guitar and rucksack from the trunk and headed off to find Mandy, who was sitting in the canteen nursing a coffee and a sore head.

  “You were fantastic last night Mandy, you are very talented!” Mandy’s face immediately brightened. “Thank you honey, I’m always pleased to get feedback from fellow musicians.”

  “Do you sing?” She looked at me in anticipation.

  I nodded. “Yeah, but I’m a bit worried about performing here, everyone I’ve heard so far are on a different plain from back home.”

  “Nonsense.” She smiled warmly at me. “Listen, how about we do some jamming at lunchtime?”

  “Writing and rhetoric is first up this morning, so I’ll be ready for some escapism,” I said, rolling my eyes and Mandy smiled, nodding her head in agreement.

  “It isn’t my one of my strengths,” she admitted.

  “I don’t think there is anything stronger than your voice Mandy.” I could see what I told her had meant a lot to her, and it was dawning on me that Mandy wasn’t as confident as she first appeared.