‘How about we agree to split the conversation and the bill 50/50?’ I smiled.
‘Conversation agreed, bill most certainly not. I may be gay but I still have chivalrous principles,’ he chuckled, making me laugh. ‘I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty if that’s ok with you?’
‘Perfect. Though I’ll look like a bloated whale with lunch and dinner out in one day.’
‘Nonsense. If anything you need to put on some weight. The first topic of conversation will be how you can afford to live in Pavilion Mews on the salary I pay you,’ he nodded.
‘O God, you’d better be prepared for a late night.’
‘Dancing?’ he enquired, with a hopeful look on his face.
‘Only if you take me to the most outrageously fabulous gay club you know, I’d love a carefree night where no one’s hitting on me,’ I grinned. He patted my hand before releasing it.
‘Girlfriend we have a deal, you’ll be my new fag hag,’ he exclaimed in his campest possible voice as he clapped his hands excitedly. I burst into a fit of girlish giggles at his stereotypical attempts to cheer me up. I doubted anyone would suss that John was gay and I couldn’t wait to hear his story. I returned to my office remarkably more cheerful, picking up a coffee along the way. I’d been working for a few hours when my phone rang.
‘Hi Natasha, who do you have for me?’ I asked. I was call screening in case Dan rang to check on me.
‘Brooke Hanson. She sounded rather put out when I asked who she was and what it was regarding. It’s best I don’t repeat her answer.’
‘God, I’m so sorry Natasha, I’ll have words with her,’ I sighed. I could only imagine Brooke’s response.
‘No need, I’m used to it and she actually made me laugh.’
‘Yes, she has a habit of doing that,’ I smiled. ‘Put her through, but knock on my door if you get any important calls for me as she may be on a while.’
‘Sure thing, Miss Baxter.’
‘Regardless of my job title it’s still Ellie,’ I reminded her. She laughed and hung up. ‘Good afternoon, Brooke.’
‘What the fuck was with the French inquisition?’ she demanded.
‘Spanish.’
‘She’s Spanish? She has a bloody cockney accent.’
‘That’s because she’s a Londoner through and through, it’s the Spanish inquisition, not the French inquisition.’
‘Whatever Miss “I’ve got a bloody degree in some arty fucking farty” … whatever.’
‘Did you get out of bed the wrong side?’ I asked.
‘I’m pissed with you. Again.’
‘What have I done this time?’ I objected.
‘Ermmm hello? You got back from Scotland last night and I’ve not had a damn update. I feel like I don’t even have a best friend anymore,’ she moaned.
‘Don’t be so melodramatic,’ I laughed. ‘I’m sorry, ok? Things … things didn’t go so well after I spoke to you yesterday and I just needed to try and get some sleep before this meeting today.’
‘How not well?’ she sighed.
‘As in it’s over, we won’t be seeing each other anymore and stop right there,’ I ordered as she went to interrupt. ‘I’m at work, I can’t deal with this now, ok?’
‘Want Molly and I to come around with wine, a takeaway, tissues, chocolate and ice cream?’ she offered.
‘Honestly? I’d love that.’
‘You need to talk to me babe, stop bottling it up.’
‘I know, it’s nothing personal Brooke, really. I’ve just been offloading on you for six damn months and I don’t want you getting fed up of me.’
‘You’ve had years of me offloading. So as I’m in a happy place for once, I’ll take whatever you need to dump on me, ok?’
‘Ok,’ I nodded. ‘You’re the best. Why are you ringing me at work anyway? You usually facetime.’
‘Someone’s obviously stamped on another iPhone to avoid Arsehole Three as you haven’t replied to the five times I’ve tried you,’ she scolded. I could just imagine her scowling down the phone.
‘No stamping, but I think I put it on silent for the meeting. Sorry.’
‘Apology accepted and you’d better apologise to the Spanish chick too as I gave her what for when she fired loads of questions at me.’
‘I’ll apologise to Natasha again for you don’t worry.’
‘You already apologised? Without my approval? Oooo you’re getting spanked later, babe,’ she laughed. ‘Anyway, isn’t Natasha a Russian name?’
‘Brooke, seriously, I love you for ringing me and all but I’m at work, I have deadlines to meet.’
‘Yeah, I guess I’d better go do Mr. Greedy’s back wax. Urghhh, the thought of his pale blotchy wobbly bloated flesh and all that hair makes me want to heave without even seeing it for real. You could plonk him in Borneo and a fucking gorilla would try and mate with him that’s how damn hairy he is. Ewwww, I think I just vomited slightly in my mouth at the thought of it.’
‘Right there with you,’ I shuddered. ‘Love you.’
‘You too, babe. Hang in there, only four hours to Brolly love.’
‘Brolly love?’
‘My idea, Brooke and Molly, Brolly. How cute is that?’ she giggled.
‘Precious,’ I laughed. ‘Better than Mooke I suppose. See you later.’
‘Ok, ok I can take a hint. So do you want Cantonese or curry? Peanut M&M’s or Chocolate Buttons? Champers or wine? O my God, we had the most amazing wine the other night, shall I bring three or four bottles of that?’
‘Obviously you can’t take a hint, Miss Rambler. You choose and I’ll go with the flow.’
‘Ok babe I’ll surprise you. I’m going to go now and let you get back to the scintillating world of marker pens on documents. Don’t forget I want first dibs on any seriously hot lesbian or bi erotica. Actually I don’t mind reading about cock too, just because I’m not getting any now, doesn’t mean I can’t read about it does it? Sorry, I know I’m going on, but I’m really trying to take my mind off the fact I have to do an arsehole bleach on him as well. I mean come on! That thing’s never going to see the light of day. The only time it does is when I bleach the bloody thing and last time he even farted when I was bending over trying to see what I was doing. I swear I nearly lost vision in both eyes it was that rancid. I’m traumatised for life. And Ellie?’
‘Please God, let that story be over,’ I sighed, as I laughed and shook my head.
‘Dan’s a bloody idiot for not trying to win you back.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. Love you.’
‘You too, now please go or I won’t be out until midnight.’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. See ya, babe.’
‘Bye, Brooke, I really have to go so I’m hanging up right now so don’t be offended, ok?’ I could hear her still talking as I put the phone down. I looked up at the photo of her and Molly on my desk and smiled. We’d taken it at Covent Garden, Molly had just stuck her ice cream cone in Brooke’s face and she was laughing while Brooke had a complete look of shock on hers. You could just see the love they had for each other oozing out of them though. It always made me smile looking at that. I took a deep breath before I looked at the other picture. The one of Dan in his boxers in the snow. I gulped and quickly put it face down. If he was going to torment me in my thoughts, he sure as hell wasn’t going to be in my line of sight as well. I turned my attention back to the manuscript I needed to finish before I left for the evening. The thought of a fun night with Brolly was all the encouragement I needed to crack on and lose myself in my job, instead of the painful emptiness of my heart.
Day Nine
Saturday 12th July ~ Year One
Dan
I touched down in London to find James waiting for me. He rolled his eyes when I carried my own case and loaded it into the open boot myself.
‘You can always become Logan’s full time driver if you’re going to keep rolling your eyes at me,’ I advised, as I gave him a friend
ly slap on the shoulder.
‘Surely Sir wouldn’t subject me to that? I still haven’t recovered from his “Filthy for the Night” fantasy appointment.’
‘Yes,’ I laughed. ‘He did tell me that he had to pay you a massive bonus for that night.’
‘He told you, Sir?’ James uttered, looking horrified.
‘Not the particulars, no. He’s very discreet. Just that he asked you to witness something that went against your moral code. Do I need to give you a raise? Are you struggling?’
‘Not at all, Sir. You pay me very well indeed. But the extra payment Mr. Steele offered coincided with our wedding anniversary, so I wanted to do something special for her.’
‘What did you do?’ I asked as I ducked into the car. He shut the door and climbed into the driver’s side.
‘I paid for a long weekend in Paris in a five star hotel, with dinner on the Eiffel Tower where I went on one knee and gave her a proper engagement ring,’ he beamed as he recalled the events.
‘A “proper” engagement ring?’
‘When I first proposed I couldn’t afford a quality one, Sir. With Mr. Steele’s money on top of your generosity I was able to buy her the ring she deserved. She was thrilled, though refused to remove the old one for “sentimental” reasons, which I just don’t understand at all. So my expensive ring is now being worn on her right hand. I’m not entirely sure I understand the female sex.’
‘You and me both, James.’
‘You seemed very sad the night I dropped you at the airport.’
‘I was. I am. Still.’
‘Miss Baxter wasn’t the lady for you?’
‘No, she’s definitely the lady for me. It seems I’m not the man for her.’
‘Please don’t take this as a signal of my attraction to you Sir, but why not? You’re a handsome well-built masculine man, you’re kind, generous and filthy rich. What’s not to love?’
‘Thank you, James,’ I smiled sadly. ‘She loves me, she loved me without even knowing I had money, which makes it all the more hard that she still can’t accept me.’
‘Because of Miss Moira?’
‘Actually no, she’s prepared to accept that situation on the proviso that I seek therapy with a view to one day making a decision,’ I replied. ‘The problem is … children,’ I sighed. Was I really talking to James about this? He knew my situation, but I didn’t really talk about it to anyone other than my parents, Magda and Logan. And Ellie now of course.
‘I see, Sir. You don’t need to say anymore.’
‘Do you think I’m crazy?’
‘It’s not my place to give an opinion, Sir.’
‘What if I promise not to fire you or reduce your salary?’ I enquired. What harm could it do to have another opinion? I hadn’t been able to come up with an answer to the crazy question myself since I’d left her.
‘I’m assuming that you love this woman?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed. How perverse that I could admit that to my chauffeur and not Ellie herself.
‘Am I also correct that you’re a …’ he coughed and hesitated for a moment, ‘dominant man?’
‘Yes,’ I replied cautiously.
‘My understanding is that a dominant man in love with his woman places her welfare and happiness high on his list of priorities. He wants to be everything to her, for her to need him and only him, to crave him. Should not giving that woman something she so desperately desires be part of a dominant’s role?’
‘Are these uncanny insights and observations inherent in your nature, or formed as part of your military training?’ I asked, as I looked at him in the rear view mirror. He’d just succinctly vocalised the very thoughts that I’d been having for the last few days. I did want to make Ellie happy, to give her everything she wanted, but the fear of losing her was still overriding all logical rationale.
‘A little of both,’ he smiled.
‘Thank you for your candour,’ I nodded.
‘Any time, Sir. You’re a good man. You deserve some happiness.’
‘So everyone keeps telling me,’ I sighed. If only I could convince myself of that fact. He insisted on carrying my case into the house when we arrived at my parents and I prepared myself for another grilling.
Ellie
I woke up with a serious hangover and aching feet. I’d had a simply hilarious and fun night out drinking and dancing with John last night. He’d definitely lost the nickname “Captain Cranky.” I had no idea he could be so funny. We’d enjoyed dinner then gone to a camp nightclub, with men performing on podiums in feathered head dresses and gold spandex shorts, where we’d knocked back too many cocktails. He’d coaxed a summarised version of my fling with Dan from me and told me that I was too fabulous to waste my time on a man who didn’t appreciate everything that I had to offer. He’d seen me safely inside at four a.m. and it was now eleven and I was face down on my bed, still fully clothed. I hadn’t even managed to remove my bloody shoes. I groaned and tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dehydrated. I needed serious amounts of water and caffeine, then a shower, then food. In that order. I spent the afternoon working at my desk, I’d finally polished my novel to a level that I was happy with. Now I had to let someone else run their professional eye over it to give me some critique. I felt sick at the thought of it and had a new found appreciation for how my clients felt handing their writing babies to me. I jumped at the door bell ringing. Damn it, Brooke was early and I’d wanted to finish some notes from another client’s book I was reading. I raced downstairs, clutching my head with every bounce on each step.
‘You’re early and why aren’t you using your key?’ I scolded as I flung the door open, only for the bottom to fall out of my world to be confronted with Dan.
‘I wasn’t aware you’d invited me,’ he replied, as his eyes raked up and down my body. I crossed my arms across my chest feeling self-conscious. I was only wearing a tiny pair of denim shorts and a ripped crop t-shirt. He was all dressed up like … like some bloody male supermodel in his jeans, waistcoat and a crisp white shirt looking all sexily fuckable. My stomach was doing triple axles as I willed myself to at least say something. ‘Speechless? Something I thought I’d never see,’ he smiled.
‘And I thought I’d never see you again. What are you doing here? I asked you to stay away from me, Dan. I couldn’t have been clearer on the matter. We said our goodbyes on Wednesday.’
‘No, you said your goodbyes, I didn’t agree to split up. I want you, Ellie. I’ve never bloody wanted anything more in my damn life and you don’t get to give up on me that easily,’ he bit back as he stepped over the threshold. I reached out with both hands to shove him back, no way was he coming in here again turning my world upside down. I’d got off that Merry-go-round and wasn’t prepared to get back on it again. He grabbed them and quickly pulled them behind me, anchoring them in the small of my back as he stepped even closer, his full body length pressing against mine as he backed me against the wall. I could hear him breathing fast, feel his erection swelling against my stomach, smell his manly spice aroma. Everything about him was intoxicating.
‘Stop, please,’ I moaned, as I desperately wriggled trying to break free. ‘You can’t keep doing this to me.’
‘If you tell me that you’ve stopped loving me I’ll walk away right now, Ellie. But you can’t can you? You know deep in your gut that you’ll never get over me, just like I’m never going to get over you. Stop fighting me.’
‘I don’t have any fight left, Dan. We want different things, it’s never going to work no matter how much we may want it too. Let me go, please,’ I pleaded. Every second in his presence broke me that little bit more. Made me forget the reasons why we couldn’t be together, but I needed to hold onto them, they were valid and I didn’t want to settle for less anymore. I’d wasted five years with Zac, I was done. I held my breath, my heart cantering as he lowered his face to mine, our lips almost touching. The heat of his heavy breathing mingling with my own.
‘You’re a
sking so much of me,’ he sighed, as his eyes penetrated mine. ‘Too much.’
‘Well if you think you can come here and I’ll be some good little submissive and bend to your will, giving up everything I ever wanted you can forget it,’ I bit. I was furious with him. Furious and turned on by the need for me I could feel radiating off him.
‘I can give you so much more in return,’ he murmured, as he let his lips meet the edge of mine and groaned. I snapped my head to the side as my chest heaved.
‘You could buy me all the jewels in the world, but none will ever make up for not having a baby,’ I moaned as he lay a soft trail of kisses up my neck, applying pressure in just the right place to ruin my damn knickers.
‘I deserve a chance to prove you wrong. Come back to Scotland with me, live with me in the house. I’d take care of you like no one ever will, Ellie.’
‘I know myself too well, I’d always have regrets and I don’t want to be the person who forces you to turn off Moira’s machine so you can marry me and give me the baby I desperately want. You’ll end up resenting me for backing you into a corner, that’s not the sort of relationship I’ve dreamed of,’ I moaned as some stray tears started to leech from my eyes. I felt my body starting to tremble as all the hurt I’d tried to squash down since he left a few days ago started to resurface.
‘God damn it, woman. I don’t want anyone else. Since the moment I saw your damn picture you’re all I can think about. Being away from you these last few days has been hell. I’ve booked a therapist, I’m really trying but you need to meet me halfway.’
‘No,’ I exclaimed. ‘It shouldn’t be this hard, Dan. From the minute we met it’s been so damn hard. My emotions are on a constant spin cycle with you and I can’t live like that every day.’
‘But we’re meant to be, Ellie,’ he groaned as he dropped his forehead onto mine and closed his eyes.
‘So were Romeo and Juliet and that sort of need for each other killed them,’ I whispered. ‘You’re killing me, every time we’re separated you take a piece of my heart with you. If you keep coming back soon there’ll be nothing left but the scars inside where your fingers clawed the last fragments out, and I’ll end up hating you. I don’t want to hate you. If I can’t have you the way that I want to, then leave me with some happy memories of you. Please,’ I begged, as I lost control and took in a pained gasp. I heard him swallow hard between my sobs.
31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) Page 14
