To Have and to Trust (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 1)

by Allie Palomino

  “Andie, I love ye.”

  She cried out, almost as if scared, and quickly stuck a hand out to his forehead again.

  “Greida!” she bellowed, fear gnawing in her gut. “Oh, Gavin, no…please doona be ill. Greida!”

  He smiled, understanding her. “Nay, Andie, I’m nay ill.”

  “Yes, ye are. There were times when ye were this lucid when ye had the fever. Ye canna survive another bout of that so soon,” she said in a strangeled whisper.

  He laughed again, which added to her worry that he was very ill.

  “Greida!”

  Still naked, he walked on his knees moving closer to her, and brought her within his arms. He rested his head on hers and breathed in her sweet scent, a mixture of lavender, herbs, and her own special scent.

  “I love ye, my heart. I’m nay ill, it just took me a long while to stop denying my feelings for ye,” he whispered gently, gliding his fingers up and down her spine as he felt her shuddering.

  “I’m a bastard a hundred times over. I had strong feelings for ye for so long now, and they scared me. I pushed ye away. I denied them. Then I thought ye hated me because ye grew ill when I’d speak to ye. I’m a fool, Andie. I’m a bastard who doesna deserve yer love. Can ye forgive me and my foolish thoughtlessness?”

  Andie’s eyes were wide, and she remained silently shocked.

  The door opened. “What is amiss here? Ye scared this old woman half to death, ye did!” Greida said, and then her mouth was agape as she saw them. Gavin felt the heat of Andie’s blush.

  “I apologize for alarming ye, Greida. Nothing is amiss, but thank ye nevertheless for yer quick attendance.”

  Greida stood there still with her mouth agape, but when Gavin finished his sentence, she quickly moved into the room.

  He thanked her?

  “Andie, let me feel his head. I’ll hurry down then, and order a cooling bath,” Greida said quickly.

  “I’m nay with fever,” he said laughing. “I’m nay modest, Greida, but if ye wouldna mind, I’m nay dressed for visitors.”

  “I see, hmm. Listen here, Laird, I brought ye into this world as ye are now and trust when I say, ye’ve nay anything I havena seen before.”

  He began to laugh, and Andie did too, realizing that he wasn’t sick after all.

  Greida looked at the two. It seemed as if the Laird had finally come around and that warmed her heart. “I’ll leave ye two alone now,” she said, and closed the door.

  Gavin pulled Andie back into his embrace and looked down at her. Warmth and completeness flooded through him. He’d never felt anything like it. He cupped her cheeks on both sides and looked deeply into her honeyed gaze, where emerald flecks were swimming, and said, “I love ye.”

  “Ye canna mean that, Gavin,” she whispered, not allowing herself to hope. Tears blurred her vision.

  He looked at her intently. “What have I done? Ye canna believe what I’m telling ye and ‘tis my fault. Aye, I love ye. Please, Andie, tell me ye love me. I doona deserve yer love, but please tell me that ye are mine because my heart already knows that I’m yers.”

  She was weeping, shaking her head. Her beautiful hair hung down around her shoulders. Her white nightgown and hair gave her an ethereal appearance.

  “I love ye,” she said shakily, finding it hard to believe everything he said.

  He helped her lie down on the bed and propped her head on pillows. He rested on his stomach, facing her. Slowly, he reached out with a shaky hand and touched her belly. As soon as his hand touched her stomach, the baby kicked.

  “Oh,” she said, smiling. She looked at Gavin’s face, which also mirrored her wonder. “That is the first time I’ve felt the bairn kick,” she said laughing.

  He lifted her nightgown and exposed her belly. It was very large for just being four and half months with child. He said as much to her, fearing she would take it the wrong way. She laughed instead.

  “Aye, I am large for four and a half months. My bairn’s father is a verra large mon, is he nay?”

  Emotion swam within him, so profound, he found it hard to breathe. He lowered his head to her belly, kissed it tenderly, and rested his head. Andie caressed him and combed her fingers tenderly through his hair.

  He was content to stay here the rest of the day. Since he was laird and entitled to do what he damned well pleased, he decided to spend the day with Andie. He noticed after a few moments that her hands stopped stroking him and looked up. She had fallen asleep.

  Gavin settled down on his back and brought her closer to him so that her head was pillowed on his chest. Though the morning sun showed itself through the window, he was in no hurry to begin the day. He wanted to be in bed with her as she took the rest she so needed. He looked down at her peaceful face. She was a little pale with dark circles under her eyes and he knew he was responsible for them.

  Of great concern to him was her delicate state. Andie was nay petite, but she wasna large, either. Though tall for a woman, she was tiny next to his large frame. He was concerned about her ability to carry the bairn and go through childbirth.

  He prayed that he would never feel a connection with her, but if a connection lay between them, he hoped that this bairn she carried was a girl.

  And after she had this bairn, he’d never get her with child again.

  He just couldn’t risk her life.

  “Andie!” Riley came in, shouting.

  Andie was breaking her fast with the food a thoughtful Gavin brought her. She had woken up to Gavin staring at her. He was passing his index finger down the side of her face and over her cheek, with an odd expression on his face. Her sleepy eyes had opened as she felt the feather-light caress. A slow smiled had formed on her face as she reached up to cup his hand.

  “How long have ye been awake?”

  “For some time now. Ye looked so beautiful and peaceful asleep, I couldna take my eyes off ye,” he said softly. He nodded to the tray of food, and said, “I brought ye food to break yer fast. I know ye must be hungry.”

  As if on cue, her stomach rumbled and they both smiled. Gavin brought the tray of food over to her and set it on her lap. The smell of the spicy porridge and fresh fruit wafted to her nose, making her mouth water. She began eating immediately and that was when Riley had barged through her door.

  “Is something the matter, Riley?” Gavin asked.

  Riley was clearly surprised to see his father in Andie’s room. “Papa? Ye’re in Andie’s room? Then ye must be wedding her- it is true. A bairn is coming.”

  He sounded a little disappointed and that stunned both Andie and Gavin.

  “Who told ye?” Gavin asked him, looking briefly over at Andie.

  “Uncle Gabriel said ye were. And Aunt Meghan,” Riley said. “The whole castle is talking about it.”

  Andie looked at Gavin. “What did ye do?” she asked Gavin in her sing-song tone.

  “I spread the happy news,” Gavin said, grinning.

  Riley’s face fell. Andie’s attention immediately went to the sad six-year old. “What’s the matter, Riley? Ye arena happy that yer father and I will be wed?”

  His lower lip protruded a bit and his eyes were watery. He shook his head. Andie leaned forward and placed her hand over his small ones.

  “Riley? What has ye so upset? Do ye nay like me?”

  Riley looked up at her suddenly, his eyes not able to hold his tears in. One slipped down, and Andie wiped it with her hand. Gavin sat back, seeing the woman he loved comfort his small son.

  “Tell us, Riley. Ye know ye can say anything to me, right?” she asked gently, as he nodded his head.

  “Ye willna need me anymore,” he whispered, his head down.

  “What nonsense is that?” she asked, her voice inflection high.

  “Ye will be wedding Papa and having a baby. I doona belong.”

  Andie handed the tray to Gavin, who was sitting there just as shocked as Andie was. Gavin took the tray and set it to the side.

  “Oh, Riley,” An
die said, reaching for him. She settled him between her and Gavin. “Ye are important, ye know?” She nodded her head as he looked up, surprised. “Aye. This bairn will need a brother and ye’re perfect. Ye’ll show the bairn how to do many, many things. And Papa? He needs ye. Without ye, the sun wouldna rise for him.” Gavin nodded slowly, as his son looked up at him questioningly. Gavin was touched by her words. “And see, Riley, without ye, I wouldna belong.”

  “Why d’ye say that, Andie?” Riley asked, clearly very surprised.

  “Because ye brought me here, remember? And then ye made me feel so welcomed. Ye made me feel good and safe when I was sad about the death of my family.”

  “But ye and Papa will wed and have another one like me. Another Riley.”

  Andie gave a soft laugh and brought his little chin up with her palm. “That is nay true, Riley Maitland, and ye know it! Why, who would I practice my bow and arrows with? Who will show me around the castle that I’ve yet to learn? Who will listen so attentively to my stories of Erik? Those are big shoes to fill, Riley, and nay one can replace ye,” she whispered tenderly, smiling gently at him.

  Gavin looked at Andie and winked.

  “Andie will be yer mother. Is that nay wonderful?”

  Hope lit in Riley’s brown eyes. Just as soon as the hope came, it deflated out of him. He sighed.

  “But I am not of her blood. My own mother didna love me.”

  Both Andie and Gavin were taken aback. “What do ye remember about yer mother, Riley?” Gavin asked, almost hesitantly. He had long believed that Riley hadn’t remembered anything about Sarah.

  “Only that I never pleased her, Papa. I wasna worthy of love.”

  Andie grasped his tiny chin and held it firmly. “Look at me, Riley Maitland.” She waited for him to lift his dark hazel eyes up to her honeyed ones. She held back the tears that formed when he’d said that he wasn’t worthy of love. “Ye are the most special little boy in the world. Ye are intelligent, funny, and caring. Everyone in this clan loves ye, but more importantly, yer father and I love ye. Doona forget that.”

  His eyes rounded in hope. “Ye really love me, Andie?”

  “Aye, I do,” she said, wiping away a tear that slipped down. More followed and she wasn’t able to control them.

  “Then why are ye crying? I am making ye cry!” he said, visibly upset.

  She smiled at him. “I cry because I am so happy. I have yer father and ye now. I have a family again. I will have a husband whom I love and a son that I always dreamed of having. And ye will be the best big brother for this bairn.”

  He was smiling. He clapped. “I’m excited to see the bairn, Andie. I canna wait! When will the bairn come?”

  Andie and Gavin exchanged a look of relief. He had been quick to move onto the subject of the bairn, which was a good sign.

  “In the middle of winter.”

  Riley bounced up and clapped. “What will ye name him?”

  Gavin smiled when Andie looked peeved. “Now what has ye believing ‘tis a boy?”

  Riley looked aghast as if the thought of the babe being a girl hadn’t occurred to him. “It has to be!”

  “What if ‘tis a girl?” she asked, finding humor in the situation.

  Riley made a face. “I want a brother.”

  Gavin laughed as Andie sighed. “Does that mean ye will not love yer sister if ‘tis a girl?”

  Riley looked horrified and shook his head quickly. “Nay! Nay! I will love her, Andie. I will protect her.”

  She smiled and ran her hand down over his hair. “Ye will make a great big brother and the bairn will look up to you. Ye’ll make a fine example for the bairn to follow.”

  Riley smiled and looked curiously at Andie when she quickly brought her hands to her bulging stomach. He grew worried when she didn’t say anything. “Papa, what’s wrong with Andie? Shall I get Greida?” Riley looked panicstricken.

  Andie reached out and grabbed Riley’s hand. “Come, give me yer hand. I’m fine, Riley, ‘tis just the bairn practicing warrior moves. Feel here,” she said, placing his hand on her stomach. Riley giggled when he felt the baby kicking.

  “That’s a lot of kicking,” Riley said.

  “It is, isn’t it?” Gavin asked and Andie heard the pride in his voice. Gavin also placed his hand on her stomach. He looked proud and his eyes were wide in amazement. Andie laughed, placing her hand over Gavin’s.

  “It has to be a boy! How else could he be practicing warrior moves?” Riley said, excitedly.

  Andie shook her head and pursed her lips. Gavin laughed, waiting to hear her retort.

  “I’ll remind ye that I, too, know how to wield a sword and aim arrows, Riley.”

  Riley’s laughter bubbled. “Aye, ye’re right, Andie.” Riley grabbed a piece of fruit from Andie’s breakfast. “When is the wedding?” Riley asked, sitting up on his knees.

  “Not for a while-”

  “Soon-”

  They spoke at the same time and looked at one another.

  “You want to marry soon?” she asked.

  “Yes. Why do you want to wait?”

  She shrugged. “I thought perhaps you would want to wait.”

  Gavin shook his head. “No. I want to wed soon. I want ye as my wife.”

  The way he said ‘wife’ was possessive and it sent shivers through her. He looked at her with such possessiveness, she was struck speechless and could only nod.

  “When?” Andie asked.

  “Next week,” he said, not batting an eyelash.

  Riley and Andie looked at him with surprise. He shrugged. “If I knew it could be done tomorrow, I would plan it for then. As it is, I’ll settle for next week.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “It was a great wedding!” Meghan chimed in, smiling. She looked over at Andie. “You look so beautiful.”

  Andie sighed happily, smoothing her wedding dress down over her swollen belly. They were in Andie and Gavin’s bedchamber. The dress was done in Maitland colors of blue and green. It had a scoop neckline, accentuating her full bossom, something she had noticed Gavin staring at more and more throughout the evening.

  “I canna believe that I am wed,” Andie said, looking wondrously at Meghan. They shared a tight hug and cry, laughing at how their emotions were crazy because of the bairns they carried.

  “Gavin should be up soon. I should leave ye now,” Meghan said, letting her hands slide down Andie’s arms, to grip her hands. “Before I go, though, I want to make certain ye know what transpires between a mon and woman on their wedding night.”

  Meghan couldn’t continue because Andie had burst out laughing. “‘Twas the same I said to ye when ye married Gabriel,” Andie said shaking her finger, laughing hysterically. Andie smoothed the gown over her belly. “I doona believe I have a problem understanding what happens between a mon and his wife.” Meghan joined in with Andie’s laughter.

  “I just canna believe that we are wed women now, expecting bairns. All of this within a measly six months’ time.”

  A look of sadness crossed over Andie’s face. “I wish my family would have been here. Six-months, Meghan. They’ve been gone for six-months. That’s half a year. And here I am, happy, when they’re dead.”

  “Oh, Andie, doona berate yerself. They are here with us now, smiling down at ye. They would have wanted ye to be happy, to look on and move forward.”

  Andie shook her head and sighed. She now had her hands over her belly protectively. “It’s just that it’s been six months, Meghan. Our people are suffering and here I am happily wed.”

  “You’ve nothing to feel guilty about,” Gavin said from the threshold. He saw Meghan and nodded to her. She gave him a sad look and grasped Andie’s hands tightly before taking her leave.

  Gavin walked over to Andie and opened his arms. She immediately stepped towards him and he hugged her to him tightly.

  “How can I nay? I’m happy while my people are suffering, and my family is dead.”

  He gave her a tight s
queeze, and rested his chin on her head. “They would nay want ye sad on yer wedding day. They would want ye happy.”

  She looked up at him. “I am happy. I’m sorry, now I’m ruining our day,” she said, crying.

  “Shhh, nay, ye doona ruin our day. I love ye, Andie. With all my heart. I will avenge the deaths of yer family. I promise ye.”

  He didn’t want to tell her that he was already planning to go to the McArylls. Six months was too long of a time to end that damned battle. He’d waited long enough and forced Andie and the McBrides to wait far too long. He would send one last missive to Liam and if the answer was unsatisfactory, he would take some of his men and see for himself what was transpiring between the McArylls and Kerrs.

  “I know ye will, but I doona want ye in harm’s way. I canna and doona want to raise this bairn and Riley by myself.” She looked up at him and the tears in her eyes made them appear yellow. “If I were to lose ye too, Gavin, I would surely die. I canna lose ye,” she said, hugging him fiercely. He felt her shuddering within his arms. She feared losing him, and while that warmed his heart, it made him hurt for her. He would not see her lose more.

  “Did the wedding and feast please ye?” she asked, still hugging him closely.

  “Aye, it did,” he said, and she felt his chest rumble when he spoke. “Did ye like it?”

  She gave a small laugh. “It was an enjoyable experience planning the wedding, much like it was enjoyable having planned Meghan’s. We didna have much time,” she said with a little censure in her voice, “but it was a beautiful day. Aye, the best day of my life.”

  “I was fair. I gave ye more time when ye asked.”

  “A week more?” she asked, pulling away from him. He forcefully brought her head back to his chest.

  “Aye. I’ve proven to be a fair mon.”

  She laughed. “Ye are incorrigible.” She rubbed her nose on his chest. They were silent for a long moment, when Gavin spoke.

  “They were here, Andie. Looking down at ye and I know that they are happy for ye- for us. They will always be in yer heart, as ye will always be in mine.”