Déjà Date

by Hatler, Susan

  “I’m not buying that excuse, but it’s your choice.” Avery took a sip of champagne, then eyed the dining room table strangely. “Uh, what happened there?”

  “Don’t ask, but also don’t eat any of it,” I said, then twisted around as my old co-worker Ellen Holbrook came into the room.

  Ellen was a pretty woman, who looked like the typical girl next door. She had dirty-blond hair, green eyes, and a majorly protruding baby belly that made me wonder how she managed to say upright. She’d always been polite to me at the office when we’d worked together, but I’d never been included in her in-group social outings no matter how much I’d wanted to be. Seeing her here actually made me feel like an intruder at my own party, and I once again felt the urge to go hide in my room.

  Her mouth turned upward in a polite smile. “Hi, Melinda. It’s nice to see you.”

  “You, too.” I forced an awkward smile, wondering if my nerves had ever been this frazzled before.

  “Hellooo!” A cheerful voice rang out then Mary Ann burst into the room. She threw her arms around Ellen. “I’m so glad you made it! Look at how adorable you are.” She patted Ellen’s belly, then turned to me. “Hey, you.” She hugged me next, wearing a big smile, then faced Avery. “You must be Avery. I’m Mary Ann. You probably don’t remember me, but we met at Bernie’s Bakery. I bought a chocolate croissant.”

  Avery nodded in approval. “You have good taste.”

  “Uh, oh. Do I want to ask what happened here?” Mary Ann gestured toward the dining table, then put her index finger to her chin. “Why do I have the feeling that cute little Fudge had something to do with this?”

  “I’m so sorry.” I raised both hands, feeling terrible that my guests didn’t have goodies to snack on. I had to be the worse first-time hostess ever. “More hors d’oeuvres are on their way, though. I promise.” I checked my watch as if to prove it, hoping Nate would arrive soon with replenishments.

  “May I get you something to drink?” I asked Ellen, then my gaze flicked to Avery who was showing Mary Ann the purple dye she’d brought for my hair. A small pang shot through me as I realized how tempted I was to dye a lock of my hair purple, which I never would’ve considered a week ago. What was happenening to me?

  “A glass of water would be great. Thanks.” Ellen set her handbag on the counter, then slid onto a barstool. She turned to watch the other gals walk into the living room, then focused back on me. “I heard that you’re still looking for permanent work.”

  “I am.” I pressed the glass against the ice dispenser on the fridge, thinking about how badly I wanted that permanent job to be owning and running Bernie’s Bakery.

  “I know of a position available if you’re interested.”

  “Oh?” I moved the glass to the water dispenser, then turned over my shoulder to look at Ellen. “Where?”

  “Woodward Systems Corporation, actually.” She nodded at my surprised expression, then she ran a hand over her belly. “Henry and I’ve talked. . . His business is doing well enough that we don’t need my income. So, I’ve decided I’m not going back to work after the baby’s born. I’m going to be a stay-at-home mommy.”

  My gaze immediately fell to Ellen’s super swollen belly. Out of nowhere, the image of me being pregnant popped into my brain. Then Nate’s jade-green eyes appeared in my mind. He was smiling down at me, rubbing his hand over my big belly, while feeding me a bite of chocolate marshmallow fudge bar. My heart swelled, and a flutter rippled through me.

  “I’ve already given Kaitlin my notice,” Ellen added.

  I blinked, jerking out of my absurd vision. I hadn’t had a serious relationship since college so I’d never pictured myself as a mom. But, surprisingly, I found myself wanting to replay the vision in my head again. Instead I handed Ellen her glass of water and smiled at her. “I’m really happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” She beamed, then took a sip of water. “I felt terrible when the company laid you and Ginger off. Apparently Rich has been cutting a lot of costs. Rumor has it he might be selling the company.”

  I leaned against the island countertop. “That’s what I suspected, too.”

  Ellen pressed her lips together. “Anyway, I mentioned to Kaitlin that I’d be seeing you tonight. She’s going to start advertising for the customer service position on Monday. If you’re interested in having your old job back, Kaitlin said to shoot her an email this weekend and the position’s yours.”

  “Wow.” I ran a hand through my hair, wondering what Rich Woodward would think if I dyed part of my hair purple. I mean, if I owned the bakery then I’d be my own boss and wouldn’t have to worry about what any superior would think. Not that I wanted to dye my hair purple. . . Or did I? “I’m stunned. I never thought I’d have the option to work there again.”

  Hair color aside, the thought of going back to my customer service position depressed me. I was so close to achieving my new dream I could taste it. I opened my mouth to tell her I wasn’t interested—

  “Well, Kaitlin said she’d love to have you,” Ellen said.

  Hearing those words tugged at my heart since I’d wanted to be part of their in-crowd for so long. Although, hello? Realization settled in. It’s not like Kaitlin wanted to hang out with me. She was probably hoping I’d return so they wouldn’t have to train someone new. Sigh.

  “Thanks for letting me know.” My answer was vague, but talking to Ellen like this made me feel part of their crowd. I wanted to enjoy the moment for a little while longer.

  My cell phone beeped. I picked it up off the counter, then glanced at the screen. A message from Nate, which read: Just picked up the order from Café Mattia. Be there in a few minutes. Don’t forget we need to talk.

  I frowned, wondering what he wanted to talk about. I quickly typed back: Thanks. See you soon.

  “Now that’s a serious look.” Avery reappeared in the kitchen, holding out her glass. “I’m ready for a refill.”

  “Already?” I chuckled, then reached for the champagne bottle. I poured the bubbly liquid into her flute.

  “What’s with the line between your brows?” she asked.

  “Oh, nothing.” I shook my head, knowing I was probably worried for no reason. “It’s just that Nate’s dropping off some appetizers for us, and he says he needs to talk to me. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  “So he hasn’t told you yet?” Avery grimaced.

  Chills trickled down my spine. I glanced at Ellen, who mumbled an excuse then left the room. “Nate hasn’t told me what?”

  Avery’s expression changed, making me wish I’d never asked the question. “He got a call today while he was in the bakery. Some magazine offered him a job in Peru for an article they’re doing on Machu Picchu. They need him to start right away and he’d be living there for six months.”

  My heart dropped to the floor. “A-Are you sure?”

  She raised her shoulders. “I honestly wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. But it was during that lull after lunch, and he was talking pretty loudly. Like he was excited.”

  My eyes burned. Of course Nate would be excited. The job sounded like an ideal opportunity for him. But where did that leave me? Us?

  Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell echoed across the condo. Nate.

  Momentarily frozen, Avery and I exchanged a look. I blinked to keep tears at bay, but a boulder had formed in my throat. This was exactly why I should not have listened to my dad and dated someone who left me breathless. Nate was leaving me. Again.

  Chapter Nine

  I walked out of the kitchen on numb legs, heading to answer the front door. Avery trailed behind me into the living room. She sat on the sofa next to Mary Ann, wearing a worried expression so I looked away. My gaze traveled to Ginger and Ellen, whose feet were immersed in two foot spas as they chatted. All of my guests looked happy.

  I, however, felt like the ground had crumbled beneath me.

  I reached for the door handle, knowing Nate was on the other side with his dreaded news, and my hand
froze. Then a hopeful thought flitted through my brain. Maybe when I opened the door this entire nightmare would go away. Maybe Nate would tell me that Avery had heard his phone conversation wrong. That there was no job offer in Peru, and he was not moving to South America.

  Sucking in a deep breath, I gathered my strength, then opened the door. My breath caught in my throat as I stared up at Nate—not because he looked hot, which he so did. He wore his black leather jacket over a white shirt, and the colors made his jade-green eyes stand out even more. But I’d lost my breath because of the way his jaw tightened when he saw me. He had bad news. I could feel it.

  “Hi.” Tearing my gaze away from his intense look, I glanced at the bag he was holding. “Thanks for bringing over the appetizers. How much do I owe you?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad to help.” He handed the bag to me, then gestured toward the front walkway. “Can we talk out here?”

  “Sure,” I said, even though no part of me wanted to have this talk. With a quick glance at Avery, I set the bag on the entry table, then pulled the door closed behind me. Nate had moved to the sidewalk by the street and my throat went dry as I dragged my feet over to him. “What’s going on?”

  I was beyond shocked that I’d been able to get out the question. I stopped just short of the sidewalk and braced myself for the answer that he was or wasn’t moving to Peru. I held my breath.

  His gaze pierced mine. “My dad got an offer on the building and bakery.”

  “Um, what?” I blinked, sure I’d heard wrong.

  “Wendy Watts called an hour ago.” He started pacing back and forth. “Apparently she told the buyer from this morning that she had a showing tomorrow with another interested buyer, which is a great sales maneuver on her part. The pressure tactic worked too, because this morning’s buyer submitted an all-cash offer for twenty percent over my dad’s asking price.”

  “Twenty percent more?” My stomach dropped, but for a whole different reason than Nate leaving the country. Even if I had a couple more days to get my inheritance funds, which I obviously didn’t, there was no possible way I could match that offer. I’d been close enough to my dream to taste the joy, but it had stayed just out of my reach. My shoulders slumped. “It’s over then,” I said, numbly.

  “No, it’s not.” He stopped pacing, and faced me with a set stance. “I’m telling my dad you’re buying the bakery and that you’ll have the funds next week.”

  My hands balled into fists. “Absolutely not. You promised you wouldn’t tell him.”

  His jaw muscles twitched and he threw his hand up in a frustrated gesture. “If one of us doesn’t say something to my dad, then he’ll accept the offer.”

  “Yes, but that price is way better than what I can pay. I’ve been offered my old job as a customer service rep, and I’m going to take it.” My heart cracked as I said it, but I knew it was the best thing for Bernie. “This is your dad’s retirement money. He’s worked hard his whole life and he deserves the best price for his building and his business. I’m not going to guilt him into selling everything to me for less money.”

  “I can’t just stand here and watch while you throw away—”

  “You’re not going to have to watch anything,” I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest as adrenaline coursed through my veins. “You’ll be in Peru. Won’t you?”

  His mouth opened slightly, then he tucked his chin. “How did you hear about that?”

  “What does it matter?” Shaking my head, I moved around him to go back to the condo.

  He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “I planned to discuss this with you, but I just received the offer this afternoon.”

  I tilted my head. “What’s there to talk about?”

  A hurt expression crossed his face. “Do you think I’m going to take a job in South America? I told you I’m here for good and I meant it.”

  My heart flipped in my chest. “So you turned down the offer then?” I watched the guilty look cross his face, and he avoided my gaze. I let out a slow breath. “If you’re so set on staying in Sac, then why wouldn’t you decline the job?”

  He thrust a hand through his hair. “Look, it’s not as easy as that. This is exactly the kind of opportunity I would’ve taken two weeks ago. And, yes, it was fun to think about for a day. But I’m not going.” He reached for me, but I took a step back. His brows furrowed, and he kept his gaze intent on mine. “When I saw you again that was it for me. I’m not leaving you.”

  My eyes burned suddenly, and I turned away. “I-I can’t think.”

  Hiking the Inca Trail in Peru. Visiting Machu Picchu. This was the Nate I knew, and also the man I loved. I would never want him to change. But I also didn’t want to be the woman waiting at home for the dreaded phone call, telling me that a fun adventure had ended in a body bag. I couldn’t bear that.

  “You should take the job in Peru. That’s who you are . . .” My mouth had moved, but I felt numb everywhere. Bile rose up my throat as I lifted my gaze to his. “I’m not cut out for this kind of life. I need someone who’s more stable, who I know will return home each night.”

  “There are no guarantees in life.” He bit the words out, the muscle in his jaw pulsing. “You have to seize each and every day, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Haven’t we both learned that by now?” He lifted my hands, squeezing them between his own. “All of my travels have led me back here. The only adventure I want to take is spending the rest of my life with you.”

  My heart flipped. I wanted to believe what Nate was telling me, but then my chest tightened with doubt. I didn’t know if someone like me belonged with someone as adventurous as him. He could get bored with me, and take off to live in another country just like his mom had done. Maybe Nate was right that his mom hadn’t truly loved his dad, though. It was hard to know what to believe.

  I wanted to be with Nate, but the likelihood of getting hurt seemed so incredibly huge it was beyond scary. So, just like when my dad had invited me up in the hot air balloon when I was young, I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.” I squeezed his hands one more time before releasing them. “You belong with someone who’ll rough it with you in Peru at a moment’s notice. Not someone who will keep you from your dreams.”

  “Melinda—”

  “No.” My voice was firm and final. “We don’t belong together.”

  “If you would just listen to me . . .”

  I held my palm up to stop him from saying anything more. “This is for the best.”

  His breath caught in his throat, then his eyes darkened. “You’re wrong about what you and I need. One day you might even realize that, but by then I’ll be gone.” He stared at me a moment, his cold look sending a chill down my spine. Then he stepped back. “Bye, princess.”

  “Good-bye, Nate.” I held my breath as he walked away so I wouldn’t fall apart. Closing my eyes, I heard his motorcycle rumble to life, then he sped off.

  A stabbing pain speared my heart as I turned and wobbled back to my condo. All of the sorrow from my youth came rushing back to me, but as I’d done for many years I tried to convince myself I was fine. At least Nate and I had said good-bye to each other this time. At least I’d had a choice. But no matter how many ways I tried to spin it, the pain kept increasing at lightening speed, threatening to knock me over.

  I made it to the front porch, but then a sharp pang struck my chest. I grabbed the doorjamb for support as the hurt and loss I’d ignored for the past fourteen years rushed at me. Bending over in physical pain, I clutched my hands to my chest as an animal-like sound escaped me.

  I’d lost the bakery, and I’d lost Nate. I missed my dad so much, but why had he giving me his horrible Carpe Diem list? For so many years, I’d kept a tight seal around my heart in order to avoid the exact kind of unstoppable pain shooting through my chest right now. Another sob escaped as my face crumpled in defeat, and I’d never felt so hopeless.

  So alone.

 
Then the front door opened, the squeaky hinges startling me. I glanced up to find Mary Ann and Avery staring down at me, their eyes large with concern. My immediate reaction was to hide or pretend everything was fine. But I didn’t have time. Within moments, Mary Ann’s arms came around me and she pulled me against her, murmuring all kinds of sweet things about how she was here for me.

  Her compassionate words didn’t change me losing my dad, or the bakery, or Nate, But as I cried into her shoulder the pain lifted just a little bit, knowing she cared about what I was going through and knowing I had friends to lean on.

  Maybe a girls’ night had been a good idea after all.

  ****

  Early the next morning, I arrived at Bernie’s Bakery feeling like a zombie, going through the motions on automatic baker-mode. After I’d cried for an embarrassing amount of time last night, I finally confided to the girls about what had happened. With Nate. The Bakery. The Carpe Diem list. Everything.

  They’d listened attentively, then plied me with lavender oil and facial masques, sharing their own tragic break-up stories. Mary Ann even told us about the guy who’d broken her heart in college, prompting her to create her two-strikes-and-you’re-out dating policy, which she felt I should implement immediately since she claimed life was too short to stick around for a third strike.

  Her rules wouldn’t have helped me with Nate, though. He and I were just too different.

  I’d given in last night and let Avery dye a lock of my hair purple. I’d chosen the chunk behind my ear so the color would display nicely when I pulled half—or all—of my hair up, but I could easily hide it when I wore my hair down if I wasn’t feeling so daring. The flash of color had almost made me smile when I’d put my hair up in a twist this morning, but I was still too depressed about losing the bakery.

  I was even more devastated about losing Nate.

  After I’d prepared all of the delicious delicacies at Bernie’s Bakery, Wendy brought the second buyer to the bakery hoping she could top the first offer. Man, that woman was driven. The sight of the second buyer pinched my heart and I was beyond exhausted when my day at the bakery was over.