Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel)

by Tina Wainscott

  The dreaded sign was there, planted in the dead grass of the front yard. When she took a deep breath to read it, she exhaled and smiled. It said ROOM FOR RENT. She walked up the familiar concrete pathway, past the spot where pink honeysuckles and Indian paintbrush grew in the summer, past Phoenix’s favorite shady spot.

  When the door opened, Hallie saw belly first. A slightly off-balanced Paula grinned as she leaned against the door frame. A very pregnant Paula with long, light brown fuzzy hair and blue eyes. Hallie’s heart swelled, and she leaned over and touched her niece or nephew before catching herself mid-way.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I just can’t resist.”

  Paula thrust her stomach out even more than Hallie thought possible. “Go ahead. Everybody does it. Are you here about the room?”

  “Yes. I just moved into town and I can already tell the Maven Inn isn’t going to cut it.”

  Paula wobbled backward and waved her in. “I can see why. I’ll show you the room, but you’re going to have to bear with me. I go very slowly up these stairs. My husband usually does this, but he’s out right now.”

  Kerry. What a goof, Hallie thought with a smile, remembering the 5’7 blond electrician.

  “I can find the way on my own, if that’s okay. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Which room is it?”

  “It’s the one in the back facing west. It’s got a nice view, with a bathroom of your own down the hall. I’ll warn you, though, it is kind of small. And you’re going to have to put up with…” She patted her belly. “The little one pretty soon.”

  “The end of December, right?”

  “Yeah, good guess. Most people think I’m due any hour now.”

  Hallie walked up alone, wondering if it was such a good idea to live in her own house with her sister. She was ever so grateful to her parents for giving her house to Paula and Kerry, the two who needed it most. The room would be fine, she decided, without even opening the white door. She already knew it—her someday future nursery.

  Hallie had lived more than two weeks in a pseudo life, dreaming about Jamie and tubfulsa tubful of M&M’s, having nightmares about bridges and death. Still, she was no closer to finding the answers about her death than when she’d first arrived in Maven. The thought of having these nightmares the rest of her life scared her almost as much as the possibility that she may have lost Jamie for nothing.

  Paula brought a steaming bowl of oatmeal to the table and snapped her fingers to draw Hallie out of her thoughts.

  “Did you have another one of those nightmares again?” Paula asked. “I didn’t hear you scream last night.”

  “I’m really sorry about waking you up.” She forced a laugh. “And you thought the baby was going to keep you up all night.”

  Paula sat down after scooping mushy brown stuff into the bowl in front of Hallie. “I don’t mind really. It just scares me out of my wits until I realize someone’s not murdering you. What are they about?”

  Hallie looked at Paula’s concerned face, and ventured, “I keep dreaming I’m driving off a bridge.”

  Paula’s face went white, and Hallie feared she would faint and fall to the floor. What a stupid thing to say.

  Paula was covered in goosebumps and shaking. “I don’t believe you said that.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—what did I do exactly?”

  The sadness that crept over Paula’s features made Hallie feel terribly guilty for bringing it up. But a trill of warmth shot through her, too. Her sister missed her, maybe as much as she missed Paula.

  “How long have you been having those dreams?” Paula’s eyes were wide and wild-looking.

  “For a few months. Why?”

  Paula put her hand to her heart, breathing deeply. “My—my sister died a few months ago. She drove off a bridge. I thought maybe her ghost was in the house and had possessed you. This is her house, you see. I didn’t want anyone to sell it, so Kerry and I took over the payments.”

  “No, I don’t think her ghost is around. I’m so sorry to hear about her death. Why did she drive off the bridge?”

  Paula pushed her bowl of oatmeal aside. “They said she lost control of the car.”

  “But you don’t believe that?” Hallie asked, trying to calm her excitement.

  “No. And I think that damn boyfriend of hers…” Paula’s eyes widened, and she slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, you work for him. I shouldn’t say anything.”

  “No, tell me. I owe him no loyalties. What about Alan?”

  “He knows something. I’m not sure what, but he does. He tried to make it sound like she’d lost control of the car by being careless while crossing the bridge. I know—knew my sister. She always had this thing about crossing high bridges. In fact, she refused to even walk across the Royal Gorge when we were kids. Anyway, she would’ve been real careful going over that bridge.”

  “Why do you suppose he made it sound like it was her fault?” Hallie was trying hard not to sound too interested. Desperately interested.

  “I don’t know. But he out and out lied when the police were investigating. She called me just a little while before the accident. She sounded weird. Angry, shocked. I don’t know. But she said she had to talk to me later that evening. When I ordered her to come right over, she said she had to meet Alan someplace in an hour. She…” Paula dabbed at her eyes with a wadded napkin. “She never made it to my house.

  “But Alan denied she was meeting him. He said that maybe she was meeting someone else, like maybe on the sly. If he’s good for anything, I think it’s for lying. I know what my sister said, and she wasn’t a cheat. Maybe he was just feeling guilty for sending her on the trip that ended her life, I don’t know. She shouldn’t have gone via Crystal Bridge anyway. There’s a much safer way to get to Amberville, but it takes about a half hour longer. I wonder why she didn’t go that way.”

  Because she had to meet Alan to see proof of his innocence, Hallie wanted to say so badly she had to keep her finger in her mouth to stop the words. Why had Alan denied asking her to go to Amberville? Of course, he couldn’t have told the authorities why she was going there.

  Paula sighed hard, then used the corner of the table to push herself to her feet. “I’d better get over to Ma’s. I told her I’d keep her company since she’s laid up.”

  Hallie’s heart quickened. “Laid up? Is she all right?”

  Paula’s mouth stretched into a frown. “She hasn’t been all right since Chris died. Instead of paying attention to where she was walking, she was daydreaming and twisted her ankle. It’s swollen up like a squash.”

  Hallie quickly wiped the forming tears from her eyes. She had glimpsed her dad in town once, and Charlene another time at the house. It was all she could do to keep herself from giving them a hug, telling them the truth about herself. She didn’t think she could handle seeing her mother. Not now, not ever.

  “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, Paullywog.”

  Paula stopped cold and stared with that wide-eyed expression again. “You called me Paullywog,” she said softly.

  “I did, I’m sorry. I had a friend in California named Paula and I used to call her that. You remind me of her.”

  A tear slipped down Paula’s cheek. “Chris used to call me Paullywog. She was the only one who did. Hallie, you remind me so much of her. Not the way you look, but the way you act and talk. Oh, I miss her. I miss her so much!”

  Hallie slipped her arms around Paula, savoring the sisterly affection she thought she would never feel again. Her large belly pressed up against Hallie, and she longed to be part of the birth and raising of the youngster inside. She wanted Jamie, and she wanted to be Chris again all at once.

  When they parted, Paula wiped her eyes and laughed. “I got you crying, too. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I lost my family, too. I know how you feel.”

  Paula leaned over the white porcelain sink and splashed water on her face. “I try to be the strong one in t
he family. Only Kerry knows what a wreck I really am. And now you do, too.”

  “I’ll keep it a secret.” Hallie was good at that now. She leaned down and rubbed the protruding belly. “Cheer your mom up, okay? She needs it.”

  When Paula left, Hallie sat in silence. Through the tangle of emotions that wrapped around her, two words penetrated the wall of tears: Goodbye, Chris. She lifted her head, thinking of Mick sitting in jail. Did he believe her? Pressure built up around her heart, squeezing it in a grip of fear. What if he returned to Caterina? What if he attacked Jamie again, before realizing she wasn’t there?

  She glanced at the phone on the wall. One call, just to make sure he’s all right. I won’t say anything, just listen to his voice and hang up. She already knew that if she said a word, she’d want to tell him where she was, and then she’d have to explain why she was there. He wouldn’t believe her. He’d hang up on her. Shaky fingers dialed the number, and she waited an eternity before the ringing started.

  “Good mornin’, Caterina,” a sing-song voice said.

  “J—” Hallie cleared her throat. “Jamie DiBarto’s office, please.”

  “Just a moment, and I’ll connect you up.”

  Her heart stampeded inside, her hands felt clammy. She squeezed her eyes shut when she heard him pick up.

  “This is Jamie, can I help you?” he asked in a voice that sounded so close.

  She couldn’t have said anything even if she wanted to. Her throat was constricted, mouth dry.

  “Hello, is anyone there? Hallie, is that…”

  She slammed the phone down and fell in a heap on the linoleum floor, trying desperately to catch her breath. To hear his voice again, to hear him say her name. It broke her heart and filled it at the same time. She leaned her head against the cabinet, pressing her cheek against the cool surface. Would it ever be the same between them when she returned?

  “You look depressed.” Alan leaned into the doorway as soon as Hallie had arrived at work. “You okay?”

  “Just a little homesick. I’ll get over it.”

  His tall legs carried him quickly to face her across the desk piled high with papers. “Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight? Maybe I can cheer you up. Hey, we could drive to Denver for the whole weekend, rent a limo, dance and party.”

  There was nothing blatantly lewd about his invitation, but for some reason it angered her. “I don’t think so.” When he stood back as if slapped, she added, “No one could cheer me up right now. I’d rather just be alone.”

  “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

  When he left, she realized why she was burning inside. To Hallie, it seemed like a year since she’d been killed in the accident. Chris had only been dead three and a half months, and Alan was drooling over another woman. Okay, it was her, but he didn’t know that. She sat back and took a deep breath. Maybe she was overreacting.

  It was noon, and all the bills and paperwork were caught up. She rubbed her head, willing away the fatigue that was trying to get a foothold. Sleep had eluded her for over two weeks. To make matters worse, Jamie never left her thoughts for more than ten minutes. The longer she stayed away, the more Caterina seemed like a dream, and Jamie some fantasy man. Was he lost to her now?

  When she dragged herself up from the desk, she knocked a stack of papers onto the floor. The article beneath it all looked familiar. She had read every line several times before in Caterina. It was the article about her accident. It had been ripped unceremoniously from the newspaper and left buried under three months’ worth of debris.

  Hallie dropped back down in the chair and started reading it again, hoping to find a clue now that she was closer to the story. From seemingly out of nowhere, a greasy hand snatched the article from her fingers.

  “This should be filed away,” Alan said tersely, stuffing it into the third file folder in the bottom drawer. He slammed the drawer shut and turned to face her. Instantly the tense expression transformed into pure charm.

  “I really should clean this place up. Look at the mess I’ve made you work in for two weeks. I promise it’ll all be put away by tomorrow.”

  She leaned back in the chair, almost dizzy from his quick change of demeanor. Putting on her own casual mask, she asked, “Did you know her? The woman in the article?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was she your girlfriend?”

  Alan walked around to stand behind her. “We dated sometimes. You remind me of her a little. Which is weird, because you don’t look anything like her. You’re much more beautiful.”

  She shivered and moved away. Dated sometimes? That’s what he considered their relationship, eight months of seeing each other almost every day? She tried to hide her anger as she turned to face him, though her voice came out high pitched and strained.

  “Were you close to her?”

  His voice was smooth, soft. “I don’t want to talk about her. She’s dead.”

  Her fury rose within her. “You son…”

  Beep! They both jerked from the surprise noise as a van careened into the parking lot, the driver leaning on the horn. Hallie let out a sigh of relief, glad she didn’t give herself away with what might seem to Alan as unaccountable hostility.

  “I’ll get back with you later. I’ve got to talk to Harry.” He touched her elbow, effectively leading her out of his office. “Take the rest of the day off until I can get that office cleaned up.”

  As soon as he opened the van’s tiny hood and stuck his head inside, she walked back to the filing cabinet. She opened the drawer and pulled out the third manila folder. The clipping about her accident had been crumpled where he had hastily jammed it in the file. There were other articles, but the sight of one made her heart stop beating for an instant. She didn’t take time to read more than the word Missing, but rather stuffed it into her pocket. It was the crumpled newspaper article she saw in her dreams. When she heard the door open, she knew it was too late to hide what she was doing.

  “What the hell are you doing in my files?” Before he even finished his sentence, he had ripped the file from her hand, shoved it back in the drawer and closed it, making a point of pressing in the locking button. Then he turned to her, his eyes blazing with demand for an answer.

  “I, um, wanted to know more about the girl you dated. I’m sorry for snooping, Alan. I was just curious.”

  His teeth clenched together. “Don’t be curious, Hallie. Remember what it did to the cat?”

  Her eyes widened and she backed up toward the door, quickly dashing out of his office. She escaped to the restroom before he had a chance to follow her. That was not the Alan she had known. That look in his eyes was not mere irritation at one who was being nosy. He had something to hide, and that file contained the clues. But what did the article about her death have to do with it? And what about the article that made a crinkling noise in her pocket? She had to get out of there and read it.

  She trembled as she leaned over the sink. Her face was pale, and she saw fear in the reflection looking back at her. What had he said about curiosity? And why did that statement ring an alarm bell inside her head? She composed herself and stepped outside to find Alan waiting for her.

  “More threats, Mr. Messino?” she asked, trying hard to keep her voice even.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that, well, I’m real funny about people going through my stuff. You understand that, don’t you?”

  Did your Chris understand that, too? she wanted to ask. She had to get out of there.

  He cocked his head. “Are you all right? You look strange.”

  She forced herself to breathe again. “I’m fine. Just a little dizzy. Alan, it was wrong of me to nose through your file. It won’t happen again.”

  He smiled, and she knew it was phony. His green eyes scrutinized her, trying to gauge her honesty. “No hard feelings, then?” She shook her head. “Me either. Let me take you to dinner tonight. You know, make peace.”

  “No, no. Thanks,
but I really have a lot of running to do.” Then, at his suspicious expression, she added, “How about lunch tomorrow?” She didn’t know why, but she felt that she should allay his doubts.

  His expression softened. “Good. Tomorrow, then.”

  She sucked in great gulps of cold air on the way to her car, worried that he had seen realization in her eyes. When she reached the road that led out to her parents’ house, she pulled off and sat in the quiet and pulled the newspaper clipping out of her pocket.

  CHAPTER 18

  He hated her, he loved her. Jamie couldn’t get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried. Phoenix nearly tripped over himself to follow Jamie around the house, feeling just as confused about his mistress’s absence as Jamie did. George chattered angrily in the tree, demanding Hallie’s playtime. Jamie did his best to accommodate the little monkey, but just being around George reminded him of her, of the day she’d discovered him.

  Her presence penetrated every corner and crevice of Caterina like never before. His special place on the rocks, the house, the office… the M&M’s that still lingered in bowls on the restaurant tables. And the phone call that afternoon. He knew it was her, could feel her presence over the silent phone line. Why hadn’t she said something, just to let him know she was all right? He had to talk to her.

  He walked down the beach where the rocks formed a barrier and stretched out into the sea. Phoenix’s tail brushed against his legs as he walked and sniffed, careful not to let Jamie get more than a couple of inches away. Jamie knelt down and scratched the pup’s head for a few minutes, his eyes staring at nothing.

  He stripped off his shirt and tucked it into the back of his jeans, letting the late afternoon sun warm his numb exterior. If he could walk away from her before, he couldn’t do it now. He stretched his arms up and behind him, closing his eyes and remembering.

  His eyes snapped open. Am I going to sit here and wade through a self-constructed maze of pity until she calls or returns? Hell, I told her if she left, I didn’t want her back. Pride be damned, I do want her back. I’ve got to let her know. She can finish whatever it is she feels she has to do, but I want her to know where her home is. Where she belongs.