Becoming Us

by Allie Everhart

  “Someday you’ll thank me. Goodbye, Garret.”

  He hangs up. I’m still sitting in the car in the grocery store parking lot. I set the phone down and take some deep breaths, my head hung over the steering wheel where my arms are resting.

  Someone taps on my window. I look over and see a woman with two kids and a grocery cart.

  “Are you okay?” she asks. “Do you need medical help?”

  I open the car door. “No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

  She nods, then walks to her car.

  I need to get home, but I don’t think I should drive right now. I’m boiling over with rage and my head is spinning, trying to figure out what the hell my grandfather meant.

  I call my dad. “I need to talk to you.”

  “What’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”

  “It’s Grandfather. He just called me and I think he threatened me. I’m not exactly sure but it sounded like a threat.”

  “What did he say?”

  I replay the conversation for my dad, word-for-word, because those words are now cemented in my brain. It’s a conversation I’ll never forget.

  My dad lets out a heavy sigh. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “No. Don’t. I don’t want him thinking I need you to fight my battles for me. I just need some advice on how to handle this.”

  “You have to cut him out of your life, Garret. I’m sorry to have to say that, but there’s no other solution. If you let him in your life, he takes over. After last spring, I thought he’d given up on you. I didn’t think he’d want you anywhere near the company given your negative public image. But I guess he figures in a few years all of that will be forgotten.”

  “So if I ignore him and don’t speak to him, he’ll let this go?”

  “My father doesn’t let anything go. If he wants something, he doesn’t give up. But what’s he going to do? He can’t force you to work at the company.”

  “Why did you listen to him? I mean, when you were younger, why did you let him control you?”

  I’ve never asked my dad that question. Our relationship in the past was so strained that we were never at a point where we could have an honest conversation. But now we are, and I’ve always wanted to ask him that.

  “My father and I have a long history. He knows how to get in my head. He knows the right words to use and he knows my weaknesses. And his best weapon is that he fights on a psychological level. He rarely raises his voice. Rarely shows emotion. Yet he gets in your head.”

  “So that’s what he meant when he said he’d break me?”

  “My father had horses when he was growing up. That’s why he uses that analogy. Once you break a horse he’ll follow commands. He’ll be loyal and won’t step out of bounds. My father broke me years ago. I fought against him, but after your mother died, I had nothing left. And now I’m at the point where I’ve accepted my life and I try to get along with my father the best I can for my mother’s sake.”

  I notice another call coming in. It’s probably Jade wondering why I’m taking so long.

  “Garret, I wish I could do something about my father, but he is who he is. He’s always been this way. I can’t change him. And after what happened today, I think it’s best if you don’t have a relationship with him.”

  “Then I guess I won’t be coming home for Christmas.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’re coming home.”

  “But what about Grandfather?”

  “He’s no longer invited. It will upset my mother, and Lilly will be disappointed, but you’re my son and I want you home for Christmas. I’m not letting my father interfere with that. You and Jade are coming here and you’re spending the week with us, just like you planned. Nothing’s changed.”

  “Have you told Katherine yet?”

  “Yes, she knows you’re coming. She keeps saying she’s going to spend Christmas with her parents and take Lilly with her, but that’s not going to happen. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Why does she keep trying to keep me away from Lilly? She never wants me to talk to Lilly on the phone. And now she doesn’t want me to see her?”

  He laughs a little. “Katherine has noticed that Lilly is becoming more and more like you every day. She swims constantly and the other day Katherine caught her in the game room playing that video game you used to play all the time. The race car one. And then she found Lilly in the gym trying to shoot baskets like you taught her. Katherine’s upset because she thinks her little princess is turning into a tomboy.”

  “That’s hilarious.”

  “I told her she’s overreacting. Lilly still has her tea parties and plays with her dolls and wears pink all the time. It’s just that now she prefers swimming to ballet. And she does those other things because they remind her of you. She still misses you a lot.”

  “Yeah, she tells me that all the time.” I start the car. “I need to go. I’m at the grocery store.”

  “Let me know if you have any more trouble with my father.”

  “I will. I’ll call you later this week.”

  When I get home, Jade’s on the couch folding laundry. “What took you so long? I was getting worried.”

  “I got an unexpected phone call.” I take the groceries to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. “When I was in the parking lot at the grocery store, my grandfather called.”

  She drops the shirt she was folding. “Seriously? What did he say?” She races over to where I’m standing.

  “He told me I had to work at the company this summer, like I had no choice in the matter.”

  “That’s it? He wasn’t calling to make up? Did he say he’s sorry for how he treated you?”

  “Yeah, like that would ever happen.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I told him I wouldn’t do it. Then he lectured me about how it’s my responsibility as a Kensington to take over the company, making sure to tell me what a disappointment I am to him.”

  Jade puts her arms around me. “I’m sorry, Garret.”

  I hug her back. “It’s okay. If he’s going to be that way, I don’t want him in my life.”

  “Really?” She pulls back. “So you’re not going to talk to him anymore?”

  “I have nothing to say to him. He doesn’t like my choices. He’ll never accept me unless I do what he says, and I’m not going to do that. I’m not taking orders from him.”

  “You should tell your dad about this.”

  “I already did. I called him and told him what happened and he said I need to cut my grandfather out of my life. Otherwise, he’ll keep trying to control me.”

  “What about your grandmother? Can you still talk to her?”

  “I could, but it’ll be awkward. She’s loyal to my grandfather even if she doesn’t agree with him.” I let Jade go and open the fridge. “I don’t want to talk about them. What do you want to eat?”

  “I thought we’d have cereal since you got the milk.”

  “I need more than cereal. I’ll make eggs. And I got us some fruit.” I take the carton of eggs from the fridge, then get the skillet from under the counter.

  “Garret.” Jade stands next to me at the stove. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine. I never expected him to come around.”

  She nods, but I know she doesn’t believe me.

  So maybe I did think he’d come around, but he didn’t, and I can’t change his mind. Now we’ll never speak again. He lost his only grandson. And the sad thing is, I don’t think he even cares.

  15

  JADE

  Garret doesn’t talk at all during breakfast. I feel so bad for him. His grandfather basically just gave him an ultimatum: Work for the company or I want nothing to do with you. Who does something like that? Is having Garret run the company more important than having him as a grandson? Like they can’t find someone else to take over the company in 20 years, or whenever Pearce steps down?

  My phone rings as we’re fin
ishing breakfast. Garret motions to it. “Go ahead and get it. I’ll clean up.”

  I pick it up and see it’s Grace calling. “Hi, Grace. I was just going to call you.”

  “Honey, you don’t have to call me every day.”

  “You don’t want to talk to me?” I ask, kiddingly.

  “I love talking to you. But I know you’re busy.”

  “I’m not that busy. When am I going to see you again? You need to come visit me.”

  “Actually, that’s why I’m calling. William will be in Los Angeles for work next week and Meredith is coming with him, so I wondered if this might be a good time for us to all get together.”

  “Like during the week?”

  “No, next weekend. I was thinking we could all meet at my house in Santa Barbara. Everyone could stay over Saturday night and leave on Sunday. Unless you have plans. Sunday is Halloween. I wasn’t sure if people your age celebrate Halloween.”

  “We don’t have plans, but let me check with Garret.” I run over and meet him at the sink. “Do you care if we go to Santa Barbara next weekend?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t care.”

  “Okay, we can go,” I say to Grace. “What time should we be there?”

  “Afternoon would be good. That will give me time to clean the house and air it out after being closed up for so long.”

  “I’ll get there in the morning so I can help.”

  “Jade, I don’t want to put you to work.”

  “Well, you’ll have to because I’m getting there early. I want to spend time with you. I never see you.”

  “Okay, honey. Then what time will you be there?”

  “We could be there around nine.” I look at Garret as I say it. He nods in agreement.

  “Wonderful. We’ll have breakfast together out on the patio.”

  “Sounds good. So what else is going on? Do you have any plans for today?”

  “I was just heading out to my bridge club, so I can’t talk. I just wanted to ask you about next weekend.”

  “See? You’re the one who’s too busy to talk to me.”

  She laughs. “No, not at all. But I do have bridge club every Saturday.”

  We say goodbye and I follow Garret into the bedroom.

  “So the plan is we’re going to Santa Barbara and staying at Grace’s house overnight. We’re meeting William and his wife there.”

  “He’s not bringing Walt with him, is he?”

  “I don’t think so. Why would he bring Walt?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Never mind.” Garret takes his swim trunks and a t-shirt from the drawer. “So what about Halloween?”

  “What about it?” I meet him at the dresser.

  He kisses me. “We have to celebrate every holiday. It’s tradition.”

  “We’ll be at Grace’s house in the morning but we could do something when we get back. What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to think about it. I’ll figure something out.” He goes in the closet to get his gym bag. “We need to get ready. They want us at the pool an hour before the kids arrive.”

  Today is the swim class we volunteered to work at. It’s all afternoon and since this is the first time we’ve done this, we have to get there early to go over how everything works.

  When we get to the pool, we join the other new volunteers who are standing around waiting for instruction. Keith is in charge of the program so he goes over all the details and answers any questions. Then he introduces his wife, Lisa, and their two teenage sons, who are also volunteering. Their sons are on the high school swim team.

  The people who have volunteered in the past show up a half hour later since they already know how this works. Most of the volunteers are from the men’s and women’s swim teams here at Camsburg. They arrive suited up and ready to go.

  The kids arrive at one and Keith does a short welcome speech, then each volunteer is paired up with a kid. I’m working the snack table with Lisa but I also have to supervise a six-year-old girl in the locker room.

  When they call off her name I go over and stand next to her. Her name is Emma. She has long red hair and her skin is covered with freckles. Her eyes haven’t left the pool since she arrived. She looks scared to death.

  “Emma, let’s go to the locker room and you can change into your suit.”

  Her head jerks when I say it, like she didn’t realize I was standing there. She grabs my hand, clutching it for dear life. The kid’s got some strength. She’s holding my hand so tight it hurts.

  “You don’t have to be scared.” I lean down so I’m more on her level. “It’s just water. It’s fun. You get to splash around.”

  She shakes her head, like there’s no way she’s getting in the water.

  “How about if you start by just putting on your swimsuit?”

  She lifts her shirt up a little and I see she already has a bright yellow swimsuit on.

  “Okay, well, we should probably put your hair up. Let’s go in the locker room. Come on.”

  She walks next to me, so close she almost trips on my legs. I spot Garret next to a boy around eight who’s kind of chubby with a buzz cut that makes his face look even rounder. He’s staring at the ground and walking really slow, like he doesn’t want to be here.

  “Mrs. Kensington?” Emma is tugging on my shirt. I’m surprised she remembered my name. It didn’t seem like she was paying attention when Keith was introducing the volunteers.

  “You can just call me Jade.” We’re in the locker room now and I take her to the mirror to put her hair up.

  “I need to go home.”

  “But you just got here. Don’t you want to go in the pool?”

  “I can’t swim.”

  “That’s why you’re here.” I point to some of the girls from the swim team. “Those girls are going to teach you how to swim. They’re really good swimmers.”

  Emma’s lip starts quivering and tears run down her cheeks. Crap! Now what do I do? All the other kids are running around the locker room, happy to be here, and I get the only one who isn’t.

  “Let’s go sit down, okay?”

  I lead her to one of the benches at the end of the locker room where it’s quiet. She’s still clutching my hand and crying.

  “What are you scared of?”

  “I’m gonna drown in the water and then it’ll be all black.”

  “What’s going to be black?”

  “My sister said when you die everything’s black. You can’t see. It’s like you’re in the dark. And I don’t like the dark. I’m scared of the dark.”

  “I don’t know where your sister heard that, but she’s wrong. When you die, there’s light everywhere. It’s so bright you have to wear sunglasses.”

  Her eyes get big and she puts all her attention on me. “Who told you that?”

  “My mom did.” It’s a lie, but it sounds better than telling her where I really heard it, which was on a TV show about death. “But Emma, you’re not going to die. You’ll have your swim teacher with you the whole time and you’ll wear these floaty things on your arms so your head stays above the water.”

  “Can you swim?”

  “Yeah. I learned when I was your age. But I had to teach myself.”

  Actually, I’m surprised I didn’t drown. A house down the street from mine had a small above-ground pool and one summer day I snuck into the back yard and jumped in the pool. It was only four feet deep but I was only six so not very tall. I couldn’t keep my head above the water, but I was close enough to the edge that I was able to get out. It was scary, but I went back later that week and did it again. The owners were always at work during the day so I just kept sneaking into their back yard and using their pool. By the end of the summer, I learned how to swim.

  “Can you get in with me?” Emma has stopped crying but she won’t let go of my hand.

  “I can’t. I’m in charge of snacks. And I don’t have my suit here.”

  “Please?”

  “What
if we just stick our feet in the water? Would you do that?”

  She nods.

  I put her hair up, then she takes her shorts and t-shirt off. Her swimsuit has a yellow ruffle at the bottom. It’s cute.

  We go back to the pool. All the other kids are in the water. A lot of them look scared, especially the younger ones.

  I take Emma to the edge of the pool and we sit down. I put my feet in, but she scoots away from the edge.

  “Try it, Emma. It feels good on your feet.”

  She inches toward the edge, grabbing the back of my shirt and holding on as she dips one foot in the water. Her lips turn up a tiny bit.

  “Now try the other one,” I tell her.

  She grabs my shirt even tighter as she puts her other foot in the water. Her eyes are on the pool and I turn and see her looking at Garret, who’s just a few feet away.

  He comes over to us, along with the chubby boy with the buzz cut. “How’s it going?”

  “We’re getting our feet wet. This is Emma. Emma this is Garret. He’s my husband.”

  “Hi, Emma,” he says to her.

  She glances at him, but is too scared to say hi.

  I peel her hand off my shirt. “Let’s put some floaties on you, like that boy has on.” I point to the kid next to Garret.

  “This is Seth,” Garret says.

  “Hi, Seth.” I smile at him, but he won’t look at me when he says hi back. He’s very shy.

  “Is everything okay over here?” I turn and see Lisa behind me, holding a clipboard.

  “Emma isn’t sure she wants to get in the water.”

  “It looks like you’re assigned to Haley.” Lisa waves at one of the girls from the swim team. “Haley, I found her. Emma’s over here.”

  Haley swims over. She’s wearing a bright pink, one-piece suit and has pink and green ribbons weaved into her long blond braid.

  Haley smiles really wide. “Hi, Emma. I couldn’t find you.”

  “We took a little longer in the locker room.” I turn to Emma. “I have to go now, okay?”

  She shakes her head, keeping hold of my hand.

  “Haley will take care of you. Look at her hair. It has ribbons in it.”

  Haley turns around to show her. “My friend did it for me. You like it?”