Silk

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I’d also had a few more problems at work. I’d been revising a document and hadn’t quite gotten it done before I needed to leave to meet Adam for dinner. I knew for a fact that I’d saved it to my computer. Later at home, I’d added a little bit to it, and everything had seemed okay when I’d saved it. However, the next day, it was as if six hours of work were gone. Everything I’d done that night and some of the stuff I’d done earlier during the day was missing. The next day, I’d had to make up for it on my own time.

  A few weeks later, I’d irresponsibly taken home a file that contained signed originals. I’d seen them spread out on my dining room table. They were there, and I knew it. But the next day when I opened up the file, it was if they’d vanished into thin air. They were irreplaceable, and I’d been made well aware of that fact.

  I felt like I was a little off my game. I knew Adam was the problem. I was spending a lot of time with him, and, if I was honest, I was thinking about him a lot more than I was with him. My head was in the clouds, thinking about what had never been and what could be. However, one can’t stay in the clouds forever. After the two incidents, I vowed to hunker down and get back in the game, but my heart just wasn’t in it like it used to be.

  Adam, Carly, and Lizzie had everything to do with my change of heart. I’d always known that my career would define me so I’d set out to be the best at what I did. But work wasn’t the only thing in my life now, and it suddenly wasn’t enough alone. So I didn’t sweat the deleted email, the lost revisions, or the misplaced file.

  All in all (and Lizzie aside), I was the most content that I’d ever been, and that was exactly what I was thinking as I cheerfully smiled at the Starbucks barista and ordered a skinny vanilla latte. Everything else might be complicated, but I’d shortened my usual Starbucks order to a mere three words.

  Ethan and I were on an out-of-office assignment. We’d spent the better part of the day at a client’s office going over some documents in preparation for a deposition the following day. It was late afternoon when we’d headed back to the office. Since it was going to be a late night, I’d talked him into stopping at the first coffee shop that we came to.

  We were seated at a corner table near a window. Ethan was telling me about a new show he had started watching on FX about a pair of Russian spies, and I was halfway through my low-fat zucchini bread when I felt an electric charge in the air that hadn’t been there before. I didn’t really need to look up to know what, or rather who, it was that had just caused every nerve ending in my body to come to attention. But I couldn’t stop myself from looking up either.

  The door was just closing behind Adam. My eyes raked over him, drinking him in. I never tired of looking at him, but rarely had the opportunity to do so when he wasn’t paying attention.

  His hair was hanging forward so that it partially obscured his eyes. His plain black t-shirt was just snug enough through the shoulders to showcase his broad chest and back ... the same back that I’d been digging my fingers into the night before. Jeans hung from his perfect hips, and their frayed ends skimmed the tops of his flip-flopped feet. He wouldn’t want to hear it, but there was something positively beautiful about him.

  As he ran his hand through his hair, my eyes were drawn to the friendship bracelet tattoo around his wrist and then to his face. A smile played across his lips, and his now clearly visible eyes didn’t reflect the heaviness that was usually there. He looked every bit the part of the carefree college student. My heart dropped into my stomach because the smile wasn’t for me, and he wasn’t alone.

  The girl beside him was what people commonly refer to as ‘exquisite’ or ‘lovely.’ Her dark, almost black, hair hung in waves down her back while well-placed long layers perfectly framed the delicate features of her face. Her olive skin gave her an exotic flavor. She was casually dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt that showed off every curve of her perfectly toned body. Her wide almond eyes were focused on Adam, and her full lips were turned up in a smile at something he’d just said. He had not looked past her to see me, and I could understand why.

  “What’s up with you?” Ethan asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  When I didn’t answer, he followed my gaze over to the front door. “Oh,” he said simply. “I see.” He leaned back in his chair.

  “Who is that with Tyler Durden?” Thankfully, his voice was low, and we hadn’t yet caught Adam’s attention.

  I forced my eyes away from Adam and Caribbean Barbie. “I don’t know,” I said, trying to show no emotion whatsoever. “He has an ex-girlfriend that we’ve never really talked about. Maybe that’s her.” I shrugged nonchalantly ... like my heart hadn’t stopped beating in my chest approximately thirty seconds ago.

  Ethan narrowed his eyes at me. “What’s going on with the two of you, Alexis?”

  “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know. We see each other. A lot. But we aren’t exclusive.” I looked down at my hands folded on the top of the table. “No strings and all,” I finished.

  I shot another glance at Adam, who was finishing paying. They moved further away from our table to wait while their drinks were being prepared. I strained to hear their conversation, but couldn’t make out more than a couple of words since Ethan was still talking. I heard something about a “late night,” and my stomach flipped inside out.

  The reaction I was having was irrational and unwarranted. Adam wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his. That was exactly how we’d designed our relationship. And yet, at the moment, my heart was telling me otherwise.

  I stole another look as Adam reached for their drinks and handed one to her. My vision was getting a little blurry, and I feared that it was tears that were causing my sudden vision impairment. I looked up at Ethan who was staring at me with his mouth agape.

  He clamped his mouth shut and threw on his sexiest smile. Reaching across the table he grabbed each one of my hands in his own. He leaned across the table so that his face was just inches from mine. “Trust me,” he said quietly. “Just play along.”

  Though words failed me, I looked up at him and managed the barest hint of a smile. I still felt the magnetic force on the other side of the room beckoning me, but I forced myself to keep my eyes on Ethan. It took every ounce of self control that I possessed not to look at Adam who was now heading for the front door.

  Ethan was still wearing his sexy face. His voice was low and smooth. “You know that this goes against everything I believe. Because, one, he’s not good enough for you ... and, two ... it should be me.” Ethan’s eyes bored into mine. Sincerity was etched in every line of his face.

  He really was a handsome guy. He was a different kind of handsome than Adam, but most women would find his all-American good looks and charm more appealing. Adding to his allure, he was a specimen of impeccable breeding. It was apparent from the short hair that always looked like it had just been trimmed to the ridiculously expensive shoes on his feet. He was the kind of guy that every parent wished their daughter would bring home. In fact, he would be my mother’s dream for me. He was the son my dad had always wanted. He was the kind of guy that would and could take care of you. But, to me, he was just Ethan, and, until recently, he’d been my only real friend.

  He was still talking. “Now, what I’m saying right now is hilarious so please give me the respect that I’m due and laugh your beautiful ass off.” He looked at me expectantly. “Right now would be good,” he finished.

  Even though my eyes were still focused on him, I could see Adam in my periphery. Just as he reached for the door, I forced a giggle. Miraculously, the sound that bubbled out of me sounded more genuine than I thought possible, considering how hollow and breakable I suddenly felt. Adam paused at the door and turned toward us. Again, I forced myself not to look in his direction, but I could feel his eyes on me. And then he pushed the door open, and the energy in the room was gone.

  “That was fantastic. If your day job doesn’t work out, maybe you should try acting,” Ethan said, squ
eezing my hands before he let them go.

  “What was that? What have I done?” I groaned at him. “Adam and I don’t play games with each other.”

  “If that’s the guy you want, I think you’d better start,” he said. He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head toward the window.

  Adam shut the passenger door for his stunning coffee date and walked around the front of what had to be one of the sexiest cars I’d ever seen. It was some sort of vintage muscle car that appeared to have been meticulously restored and maintained. It was sleek and black with two grey stripes down the hood. It was bold and eye-catching, and looked incredibly fast. It also had a toughness about it that said ‘don’t mess with me.’ It was just like Adam.

  As he opened the driver’s side door, he looked up over the roof of the car, and his eyes met mine through the window. The corners of his mouth turned up in the barest hint of a smile. He nodded once at me and then ducked inside the car. It started up with a roar, and he was gone.

  With the girl.

  In the car. That I had never even seen before, let alone been in.

  “No fucking way, Alexis.” Ethan said, groaning. “You’re dating Batman.”

  I finally turned away from the window, but couldn’t return his smile.

  The smile fell from his face, and he threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “I take that back. You’re in love with Batman.”

  Was I in love with Batman? Did it even matter?

  It appeared that Batman was also seeing Caribbean Barbie, and it’s not like I could even complain about it.

  CHAPTER 11

  Adam

  I pulled up against the curb in front of the Tisch Building and looked over to Carissa. “Thanks for everything today,” she gushed. “I really couldn’t have gotten it done without you. I would have been up all night for sure.”

  “It’s no problem,” I said. The words hung in the air between us. I knew that she wanted me to say more. She wanted me to tell her that she could call me any time. She wanted me to tell her that she could always count on me and that she was forgiven. But none of that was true.

  “Listen, Carissa, this was a one-time thing,” I finally finished.

  She let out an exasperated sigh, blowing her hair out of her eyes. She looked at her hands folded in her lap. “We can get back to where we were. What can I do to make this right again?”

  “Nothing. It’s over. This was your doing, and you need to accept that.” My voice matched my blunt words. I just wanted her to get out of my car so that I could finally explode. Since pulling away from the coffee shop, I’d been on the verge of boiling over.

  “Is it the blonde in the coffee shop? Is she the reason that you won’t forgive me?”

  “What are you talking about, Carissa?” I said hotly. I was running low on restraint.

  “I’m not stupid, Adam. You’ve been pissed off ever since we left Starbucks. I saw you watching her, and she stared at you the whole time we were waiting for our drinks. At first, I thought she was staring because ... well, everyone stares at us. We are beautiful together. God, Adam, when we are together, every woman wants to be me. Every man wants to be you. We are a perfectly matched set.”

  “She was watching us?” I asked, ignoring almost everything she had said and focusing on the one thing that meant something to me. The fury from before had completely drained out of my voice.

  She rolled her eyes at me. Jealousy was an ugly emotion on her pretty face. “No, she was watching you,” she spat out. “So who is she?”

  “She’s no one.” I said as I leaned across the car and opened the door for her to get out.

  Carissa gave me a last, long, hard look. “Keep in mind ... in case she turns out to be someone instead of no one ... that what went wrong with us wasn’t all my fault. You played your part.” She pulled herself out of the car and slammed the door behind her.

  As I rammed my fist into the steering wheel, it wasn’t Carissa that I was thinking about. It was Allie and that pretty boy holding her hand.

  Alexis

  By the time we made it back to the office, I was a complete mess. Ethan’s words were echoing around in head and threatening to give me either a migraine or a nervous breakdown.

  I’m not in love with Adam Michael Hill. I’m not in love with Adam Michael Hill. I’m not in love with Adam Michael Hill. I repeated it to myself until I believed it.

  Thankfully, the office was a frenzy of activity preparing for the depositions that were taking place the next day. My personal to-do list was long and made for an excellent distraction. It wasn’t until the dust settled the next afternoon that I finally had the time and brain capacity to give Adam and Caribbean Barbie the attention they deserved.

  I hadn’t heard boo from Adam since the coffee shop scene. Normally, I wouldn’t think anything of a day passing without a text from him, but I was a little worried that my little PDA-fest with Ethan might have spooked him. I wasn’t used to playing games, and my conscience was giving me some trouble.

  I was thinking about whether Adam would show up at the gym later that night for our usual workout when Ethan breezed into my office.

  “Hey, Vickie Vale,” he said as he slid into the chair opposite my desk. “Have you heard from the caped crusader?”

  “No,” I answered, a little too glumly.

  “No worries. He’s just as worried about me as you are about ... what did you call her?” he asked.

  “Caribbean Barbie. And I doubt that. You were with me the night we met, remember? If recollection serves me right, you had some tramp sitting in your lap all night so I doubt he thinks that you are real competition.”

  “Whatever, Alexis. I am a man. He’s banging you. Whatever this thing is that the two of you have going on, he’s not going to want me putting my hands on you.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “He’s not banging me.”

  “Yes, he is. He shouldn’t be, but he is ... the fucker.” Ethan gave me a wink. “Speaking of banging, I’ve got a date tonight so I’ve got to get going.”

  “You are a menace. An affront to all women,” I said, shaking my head.

  “I’m just biding my time, waiting for you,” he said, standing back up and heading for the door.

  When it came to this subject, I could never tell when Ethan was joking. “By the time I get all my issues worked out, you are going to be filthy with disease and nobody, let alone me, is going to want you,” I joked.

  Ethan paused and gave me a long look. The twinkle was gone from his eyes. “Who are we kidding? We both know that you ... and your issues ... are off the market.” And with that he was gone. He always got in the last word.

  I looked at the empty doorway. Was I off the market? Did I want to be? I shook my head to clear it of errant thoughts and picked up my phone to check, again, for a text from Adam. This time I wasn’t disappointed. Until I read it.

  ADAM: Not going to make it tonight. I think I’m coming down with something.

  ALEXIS: I’m sorry. Maybe you just need a little TLC?

  ADAM: I wouldn’t want you to catch it. I’m going to go to bed early.

  ALEXIS: Feel better.

  I just hoped he was going to bed alone.

  ***

  Since I had no idea what was going on with Adam, I decided to focus on the other areas of my life that could benefit from some personal growth. First up was a call to Lizzie.

  By some act of God, her phone was working, and she was actually at home. I kept our conversation short and sweet. She would meet me on Sunday. I made it clear that if she didn’t show, I was going to sit in her apartment until she came home ... even if it took days. It was time for her to make good on her promise to talk to me.

  After that was settled, I called Carly to see if she had plans the following night. One thing was for sure. If I was having boy trouble, I didn’t want to sit home alone on a Friday night.

  Carly proved to be a good source of information. I learned that the band would be playing at
a bar in Brooklyn the next night and that all the boys, including Adam, would be there. Carly, on the other hand, was scheduled to work late and had no intention of crossing the river. She was all in for a girl’s night. Since I was really shaking things up these days and my apartment was no longer a dead zone, I invited her over for a girl’s night in. It would be a first for me.

  I picked up dinner from Michelangelo’s on my way home from work. Even though I was sort of ecstatic to be hosting a girlie dinner party, my domesticity only went so far. Carly showed up just as I was pulling the cardboard lids off of the foil containers.

  We settled onto the couch with our plates and a bottle of wine. “So what’s up with you and Adam?” she asked just as I was stuffing a big bite of artery-clogging manicotti into my pie hole. I chewed slowly, trying to decide whether she was working for the other side.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “Nothing that you say will be used against you in a court of Burke.”

  I didn’t really think that she would tell Burke what I said about Adam. Even if she did, it seemed unlikely that Burke would care enough to listen. And I could really use a female perspective on the situation.

  “I dunno,” I finally answered. “We’re keeping it casual, you know. But something happened this week.”

  Her eyes got big as saucers. “You had the talk?”

  “If running into each other at Starbucks and pretending like we didn’t know each other is ‘the talk,’ then yeah, we had the talk.”

  She leaned back on the couch and crossed her arms across her chest. “That’s maybe the ‘anti-talk.’ What happened?”

  I started describing the coffee shop fiasco. When I got to the part where Adam walked in with a girl, she interrupted me.

  “Oh, shit,” she said. “What did she look like?”

  I groaned. “She was all kinds of gorgeous. Tall, skinny, olive skin with long, wavy, dark hair. “